WEIRD, isn't it? Normally the FA Cup Final throws up a clash that whets the appetite, offers a touch of unpredictability and gives the neutrals a least one team to get behind. Not this year. Although nothing short of an outbreak of Indonesia-style mayhem would prevent any red-blooded football fan from watching the historic game, let's be honest, this is one strictly for the committed. Why? Well, we've already been warned, by no less an authority than Alan Shearer (who must still be laughing or whatever his equivalent of laughing is - about the outcome of his, erm, not proven assault on Neil Lennon), that the game is likely to be lousy. Because of nerves? Because of the state of the pitch? Because of the stress of the occasion? No, the game will probably be a wash-out, though you'd hardly expect Kenny Dalglish's voice on earth and apprentice master of misery to say it, because Newcastle will spoil the game. Just as they've done ever since they realised, about halfway through this season, that the departures of David Ginola, Les Ferdinand, Faustino Asprilla and Kevin Keegan had robbed the club of more than just a load of bucaneering glamour. Let's get this straight. Dalglish can organise a team to play beautiful, attacking football. The Liverpool side that won the championship in 1988 was positively phosphorescent with flair. But that was when Kenny was young, before the awful events of Hillsborough and Heysel (understandably) broke his human heart and the realisation that, away from the privileged halls of Anfield in the Seventies and Eighties, football is a hard, relentless struggle, dimmed his idealism. A personality flaw shared by many soccer folk which causes the suspicion that anyone who hasn't won 100 caps is a fool not entitled to an opinion about the game has further narrowed the Dalglish mind and harmed his public image. The 1990s model Kenny is a determined member of the if they-don't-score-they-can't-beat-us-so-we-have-what-we-hold school of coaching. Since the introduction of three points for a win, that's an increasingly outmoded and dangerous view. As Newcastle very nearly found out to their cost this season, 38 draws will get you 38 points and a one-way ticket to fixtures with Bury. In cup football, though, it's different. As Italy proved in the last World Cup, it's perfectly possible for a limited team to play for the one-nil and the penalty shoot-out and to make significant headway. That Newcastle should be reduced to such things (and that England's best forward should therefore have to shoulder an almost intolerable burden of maintaining his reputation while leading an otherwise impotent team) is genuinely sad. But it doesn't make you want them to win the Cup. No sir. Which leaves us with Arsenal. Worthy champions… Wenger some kind of mad scientist genius… remarkable turnaround… Dutch masters and French polish… etc, etc, etc… Of course. But do we really want them to win The Double? For all those not wearing a cannon over their heart, the answer is probably no. So there we have it. A showpiece occasion where the uncommitted fan has to either follow the most narky, dislikeable team of the season (they certainly put the insufferably arrogant Stevenage in their place, didn't they?) or cheer on an Arsenal team whose supporters, if they win, will drive us all potty. It is not a pleasant prospect. And what kind a game will it actually be? Well, in getting his excuses in early, Shearer (Grand Ruler Of English Football) was probably giving away more than he intended or his manager would like. Newcastle must hold tight, defend like those Welsh blokes in Zulu, hope that Arsenal have an off day and that they can take advantage. The loss of Dennis Bergkamp is a blow, but if the Londoners play to anything like their full potential they should win at a canter; they are simply much better than their opponents. And even if Arsenal should struggle going forward, in order to envisage a Newcastle victory, you have to believe that the latter's attack is going to get change from Petit, Vieira, Dixon, Adams, Keown and Winterburn. And Seaman. Even as a hypothetical exercise, it's a tall order, but Andersen's great pace (so far unaccompanied by any other visible talent) and, of course Shearer's incredible willpower and instinct for predation do offer the northerners some hope. More likely, though, is an Arsenal victory. If Newcastle can do their Rourke's Drift act until half time, things will at least get tense, but if Arsenal score early, expect an embarrassingly one-sided cruise. And a long, lazy snooze in the predicted heatwave…

WALKER AND FUTCHER SHOW BALD AMBITION Fortysomethings Going Head To Head   FA Trophy Final - Cheltenham v Southport SATURDAY'S showpiece between Arsenal and Newcastle isn't the only football taking place at Wembley Stadium this weekend, you know. ON Sunday, two of the game's lesser lights get their day in the sun when Cheltenham and Southport lock horns in the FA Trophy Final. And for two men, it's another chance to prove that there's still life at 40 in footie. Former Chelsea and Sunderland striker Clive Walker will line up for Cheltenham, while Southport's player-manager is Paul Futcher, the ex-Luton and Manchester City defender. And the battle between the two golden oldies could well be the decisive factor in the clash between the two Vauxhall Conference clubs. Walker, now 40, has notched 99 goals in the Conference and is determined to bring up the century at Wembley. But Futcher, 41, is determined to stop him. Cheltenham manager Steve Cotterill, who is seven years younger than his veteran forward, believes Walker will be crucial on Sunday: "I knew Clive from my days at Brighton and he was always a model professional. To still be playing at this level at his age is incredible, but he's kept himself in very good shape. He has played at Wembley four times in the last five years and his experience will be a big help to the younger lads in the team. Futcher, though, has his own ideas as he looks to continue his remarkable record as a manager. After a false start with Darlington (he left after two and a half months when he discovered the club was under a transfer embargo) he won two League and Cup doubles at Gresley Rovers before taking charge at Southport last July and steering them to Lancashire Cup triumph this season. He insisted: "The reason a lot of old pros have failed in non-league management is because they've given up playing themselves. At this level, you can improve a team by 75% if you have someone out there with a bit of experience to do the shouting and the organising. That's me. Futcher would love to emulate to emulate Macclesfield, who have celebrated back-to-back promotions that will see them facing Manchester City in Division Two next season. We haven't got a big enough squad to challenge, really, but the rest is in place, he said. We've got a grade A football league ground and a smashing set-up. We're having a great time and Wembley is a magnificent reward for that."

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