SLURP… slurp… slurp… slurp… Is that the splash of the first warm Spring waves falling gently on Britain's coastline? No, it's the sound of the football establishment's tongues lapping submissively at the nether regions of Alan Shearer… The reaction to the FA's quite proper charging of Alan Shearer for his kung fu attack on Neil Lennon is astonishing and grotesque. It has brought on the usual swathes of disingenuous sycophancy. Only more so. Let's get this straight; Alan Shearer has every right to defend himself, and could, if the world orbited around a piece of Edam, even turn out to be innocent. But that's not the reason they're all queuing up to defend the England captain. That's down to self-interest, and the closing of the ranks of football's hideous freemasonry... Lennon, having made a big fuss in the first place, now says that it's ridiculous that Shearer's been called before the beak. That's because he doesn't want to fall out with a bigwig footballer with whom he probably dreams of playing, even if that exemplary professional has booted him in the face. Kenny Dalglish defended Alan Shearer because he needed to make sure that his Newcastle team's only decent striker was free to play in the FA Cup Final. Understandable enough, and, by Kenny's robotic, scowlier-than-thou standards, almost human. But Dalglish needs to ask himself a question; if he hadn't been so keen to defend Shearer on every occasion, so embarrassingly over-protective of a player who can clearly look after himself, thank you, would Wor Al have embarked on his current campaign of terror? The FA, after immense public pressure, finally put their chicken necks above the parapet, but they say that the accused can pick the date of his hearing. This is, of course, because they daren't upset the great man before the World Cup. It would serve the old ninnies right if Shearer lived up to his new bad boy image and said Pick my own date? Fair enough… 2005! Paul Gascoigne reckons that folk should lay off his pal Alan. Of course he does. Every time another footballer goes over the edge, he immediately becomes Gazza's mate (hell, he's currently living with Paul Merson!); each new miscreant makes the Geordie's own aberrations seem less bizarre, more forgivable. It should be noted that when Gascoigne got married after Euro 96, only one member of the England squad failed to attend the festivities… guess who? The Sun, naturally, yesterday ran a double page piece raging at the idea that our national hero should be put through the inconvenience of a trial, just because a piece of video suggests that he kicked a prone youngster in a way that if he did it outside a pub on a Saturday night, he'd get two years. They even have the temerity to suggest that Shearer is being pilloried because of who he is. What unmitigated twaddle! It's because Shearer is who he is that he wasn't sent off, isn't missing the FA Cup Final and isn't going to the World Cup under the cloud of a lengthy club suspension. Imagine if the boot, and head, had been on the other foot; do you imagine Neil Lennon would have survived GBH on Alan Shearer? And let's not forget that Shearer committed his mad act with his back to referee Martin Bodenham. How big do you think those letters S-H-E-A-R-E-R and that Number 9 looked to the ref, his prospects of ever officiating anywhere other than Hackney Marshes flashing before his eyes? No, The Sun defended Shearer because they need to keep him sweet for his If selected I'll do me best, but I think you have to respect Tunisia -style quotes. And most bizarrely of all, Glenn Hoddle has come out, ahead of the hearing, and stated that he doesn't think Alan is guilty. Hoddle is entitled to his opinion, like anyone else, but what kind of position does that put the FA, Shearer's accusers, in? And don't forget, the FA are Hoddle's employers. What will he do if the FA, as they surely must, find Shearer guilty; will he resign as England manager in protest at this terrible injustice? Hoddle's is a good and honest man, but his is a bizarre case. Quite apart from the fact that he should have kept his highly influential nose out of this particular can of worms, isn't his much-vaunted sense of justice and forgiveness just a little selective? Tony Adams, Paul Gascoigne, Paul Merson, now Shearer… the list of troubled souls to whom he offered support (and the services of a faith healer!) is long and impressive. But where was the mercy for Rio Ferdinand, and, to a lesser extent, Michael Owen? Oh, they're only young, and rely on Hoddle for the furtherance of their careers and reputations; they couldn't answer back, cause trouble or strop out. That's not the case with Alan Shearer, and Hoddle runs the risk of being accused of weakness and favouritism. Alan Shearer is a great player and a big boy. He should have been sent off against Leicester but he wasn't. Now he'll play in the World Cup (brilliantly, it's to be hoped) and come back to his hearing. He'll surely be found guilty and serve his suspension like the grown up that he is. But the sight of the grovellers lining up to kiss his ring is pathetic. If Alan himself isn't embarrassed by his apologists, then he bloody well should be.

WINTERBURN FOR ENGLAND!   MARC OVERMARS believes England manager Glenn Hoddle has overlooked one of the best defenders in the country in the search for his final World Cup 22 - his 34-year-old Arsenal team-mate Nigel Winterburn. Overmars, who contributed his best total of 15 goals in a season to the Gunners' triumphant Premiership title march, gives much of the credit to his ageing yet, ever-reliable team-mate who has had one of his best seasons for the club. The Dutchman believes Winterburn is the best left-back in the league and would be an invaluable member of the England squad in France next month. ''I am amazed that Nigel has only two international caps and surprised that he is not in the England team now,'' said Overmars. ''He has had the best season of his career and normally when that happens you get a call-up. ''Nigel's age doesn't matter as he has shown he can do a fine job and I think England could need him because, as far as I can see, Graeme Le Saux is the only other recognised left-back in Glenn Hoddle's squad. For me, Andy Hinchcliffe is a midfield player.'' Overmars, who was mainly a right-winger with Dutch champions Ajax before his £5m move to Highbury last summer, insists he is now much happier on the left in front of Winterburn. He said: ''With the quality I have behind me there with Nigel I am able to move into midfield where I can find more shooting positions and it has meant that I have scored more goals than ever before this season. My best total in Holland was 14.'' Overmars beat that record by scoring twice in the 4-0 title-clincher against Everton at Highbury last weekend and returns to the side for the last league match of the season at Aston Villa on Sunday. He rested a damaged ankle when a 'shadow' Arsenal side went down 4-0 at Liverpool on Wednesday night - their first League defeat since mid-December. Winterburn was also rested at Anfield and despite confirming he believes it has been his best season he waits with no great optimism for Hoddle to name his latest England squad on Tuesday for the next World Cup warm-up against Saudi Arabia. ''The days are gone when I rushed home from training to turn on Teletext to see if I was in the England squad,'' said Winterburn, whose only caps came as a substitute for Bobby Robson's team against Italy before the World Cup finals in 1990 and against Germany in Graham Taylor's line-up three years later. Rejected by Birmingham and Oxford as a youngster, former Wimbledon star Winterburn, who racked up his 500th Arsenal appearance last Sunday, is used to being written off and says it inspires him. ''Year after year people say, 'he's too old and will be replaced by Arsenal', but it hasn't happened,'' he said. ''It is a gee-up to me and I like to think I can keep proving people wrong for a good while yet. ''Our defence has been as good if not better than ever this season as everybody would acknowledge and I'm still proud to be part of it. When it comes down to it, all you have to know is that you are a good defender in a good defence.''

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