THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TRUTH ABOUT FOOTBALLERS
It's the programme they're all talking about. And they're probably all saying the same thing: 'Wasn't it crap?!'
ITV's The Truth About Footballers show revealed absolutely nothing that people didn't know already, and we had to put up with such micro-celebrities as Patrick Kielty, Katy Hill and Mandy Smith telling us what we already knew. No, apart from Smith we hadn't heard of them, either. And she did at least have the excuse of having been married to Pat Van Den Hauwe.
And some of the questions they were being asked were just total tosh. Example: Do footballers have too much spare time? Oh, no, working from 10.30am to 12.30pm every day with a couple of matches thrown in leaves ‘em no time for anything else! Example: Should footballers have sex before a game? Who cares as long as it's not on the pitch! The programme also ‘revealed' stunning insights such as David Beckham drives a flash car. Well what did you expect - a Morris Minor? And we learned that many footballers play golf in the afternoons. Even your mum knows that!
Most of it was just senseless rubbish. Like the bit where the cameras followed two Essex slappers down to Charlie Chan's in Walthamstow. We know footballers go clubbing, we know they pull blonde bimbos, and we know those two girls looked completely ridiculous. But what was ‘the truth' in that. About the only part that offered any real insight was the small piece on former Coventry defender David Busst and how he is coping with life after the horror injury that ended his career. That would have been an interesting documentary on its own.
Still, at least the show will have helped someone out. Let's hope West Ham's Frank Lampard Jr was watching because then he'd know that the rough piece who had the pink rubber dress on has got the hots for him. A perfect excuse to avoid Charlie Chan's for a while!

BAGGIO SET TO GIVE ARSENAL THE ELBOW
Italian World Cup star Roberto Baggio looks likely to snub Arsenal and join Inter Milan. It looks certain that he will leave Bologna after the finals, and it looks equally certain that he will be staying in the Serie A.
Bologna president Giuseppe Frascara Gazzoni claimed yesterday that Baggio was "99.9% certain to leave", but the former Italian golden boy denies that he has made any decision on his future just yet. "I haven't even spoken to Gazzoni yet about my future," Baggio said. "I want to decide all this calmly. This is the last big decision of my career and I don't want to get it wrong because I rushed into it."
But the chances of him lining up at Highbury look remote. When asked what he would do were he given the choice of moving abroad or staying in Italy, he said: I'd stay in Italy, seeing as I'm here.

GORE BLIMEY
West Brom goalkeeper Alan Miller has spoken of his "horror after a hernia operation turned into a "nightmare" and left him "frightened to death". In a series of events that sound terrifying enough to make it into the script for Scream 3 (if there's room on the back of Kevin Williamson's fag packet), Miller had to be rushed back into hospital when doctors found a blood clot had caused an infection. And he was even facing a third encounter with the surgeon's scalpel before medics discovered an abscess was at the root of the problems.
"There were times when I was frightened to death," said Miller, now recovering at home. "I couldn't eat, I was linked up to drips and I was delirious. No-one seemed to know what the problem was and all the time I was getting more and more ill."

GELLER'S GROUNDS FOR CONCERN
If Uri Geller can influence football matches from 300 feet up in the air, perhaps he can do something about a bunch of bone-idle builders. Reading fan Geller - who claimed that he made the ball move, from within a helicopter high above Wembley, when Scotland's Gary McAllister missed his penalty against England during Euro 96 - needs to use his psychic genius on the slackers constructing Reading's new ground.
The club may be forced to play their pre-season friendlies at their old Elm Park ground, which they left in a state of high emotion at the start of the month, because their £37m Madejski 'As in frankly loaded owner John' Stadium won't be finished by then. Their problem is that they won't be able to use Elm Park for league games because it needs extra work done before it'll pass a safety inspection.

REDKNAPP CAN'T GET A DATE
If Jamie Redknapp and his fiancee Louise are wondering what to get his dad for Christmas this year, The Knowledge suggests a nice diary. Bristol City were expecting Harry to bring that nice John Hartson and the rest of the boys to Ashton Gate for a friendly on August 3, but they've now pulled out claiming they are ‘double booked'. What are they, a Premiership club with a turnover counted in millions or a mobile disco?
The knock-back has left City boss John Ward fuming. ''The fault is definitely at their end," he said. "We have letters from them confirming the match. We have been let down." Adding to the mystery, when The Knowledge rang West Ham yesterday, they told us they didn't have any games down for that day.

WHAT'S IN THE PAPERS?…
Arsenal are tracking £3m rated Norwegian midfielder Bjarte Aarsheim. The 21-year-old almost joined Southampton from Viking Stavanger last year and the Saints, Coventry and Bolton are also interested (Daily Mail) … Derby have offered to double midfielder Lee Carsley's wages to £5000 a week to stop him joining Everton for £2.7m (The Sun) … Middlesbrough, employers of one Paul Gascoigne, have banned smoking at the Riverside from the start of the new season (Guardian) … Christian Gross has ordered all Spurs players not still in World Cup in for fitness training on June 29 (The Mirror) … The FA has a week to find a team for the InterToto Cup or be fined £130,000 by UEFA (The Express) … Charlton goalkeeper Sasa Ilic has landed a four-year deal worth £4000 a week (The Mirror) … Tunisia coach Henry Kasperczak is being linked with French side Bastia (The Times) … Fenerbache of Turkey are interested in hiring Ron Atkinson after sacking their Croatian coach, Otto Baric (Daily Mail) … Norwich want Northampton manager Ian Atkins as their new boss (The Express) … Southampton expect to sign Spurs' David Howells on a Bosman free by the end of the week (Daily Mail) … QPR midfielder Simon Barker, available on a free, is considering an offer from newly-relegated Barnsley. (Daily Mail, The Sun)