NO MORE MR NICE GUY FROM EVANS
IT'S TAKEN a while for the penny to drop, but suddenly Liverpool don't seem to be satisfied with the Fair Play Trophy any more. Chairman David Moores and his pal Roy ‘Third In The Table' Evans are now convinced that the gulf between the Anfield side and the country's top sides, Arsenal and Manchester United, will widen further if there isn't significant transfer action this summer.
Hence Nice Guy Evans' attempt to hijack Chelsea's £5 million move for AC Milan's French international defender Marcel Desailly, which would have the added advantage of hampering the club who are now Liverpool's biggest rivals for the third place that Evans seems to covet so much. That one looks to have only slightly more chance of succeeding than the doomed bid to snatch Man United-loving Jaap Stam from under the noses of, er, Man United. However, Evans will have more luck if he goes for Karlsruhe's South African striker Sean Dundee, who actually wants to play for the club. Not a bad start in this day and age.
Meanwhile, those wondering just what is delaying the club's much-rumoured but much-prolonged move for Oldham's Carl Serrant should consider Steve Staunton's position at Aston Villa. When it comes to deciding which left back to buy, Evans can wait (sorry) for a little while longer.
Should any of this work out and Evans eventually leave the club after some success, then we may well now know his successor. Nigel Spackman, who played for the club in the mid-80s, is set to move into a coaching role at the club if he does not find a manager's job elsewhere. Not the most obvious of appointments, but he did well under trying circumstances at Sheffield United until his resignation, and is bound to me more popular than Graeme 'Sixth in the table' Souness.

ROYLE PAIN
THE absurd war of words between Manchester City's manager Joe Royle and his departing midfielder Georgi Kinkladze is just the latest in the absorbingly stupid battles which seem to bedevil the Maine Road club. We told you yesterday how Kinkladze had claimed to have been dropped from seven games, which City all lost, and pointed out that he actually missed six games, of which City lost only three. Today's offering is Royle's assertion that, His parting shots were like all his others - delivered from a long way out and hopelessly wide of the target. I selected Kinkladze for three matches. In two he was totally anonymous. In the other one he was abysmal.
Er, did those ‘hopelessly wide' shots and ‘anonymous performances' include the events of City's vital match against QPR, where the restored Kinkladze scored from a free kick inside 60 seconds while Royle's appointed representative on Earth, Jamie ‘Dog Of War' Pollock, scored the own goal which virtually put City down?
Meanwhile, the writing is already on the Stadium of Light wall for Kinkladze's mate Nicky Summerbee. The winger, who was involved in the high-speed crash for which Kinkladze was fined this week, has struggled to make a consistent impact with Sunderland and will be replaced by Burnley's highly-rated youngster Glenn Little after Monday's play-off final, probably for around £750,000.

BROUGHT TO BOOK
WHEN England hosted Euro 96, a wave of patriotism swept the country. Much the same is happening to World Cup hosts France only the national feeling they are experiencing is more an existential angst about the very nature of life and sport itself.
Latest to be caught up in the absurd navel-gazing is Parisian sports bookshop Le Sportsman, which is turning its soccer department into a poetry section during the World Cup finals as a protest against the big spending and media extravaganza surrounding the tournament.
Said owner Michel Merejkowski: I bear no grudge against soccer but all that revolves around it needs criticising. The media should concentrate on other worrying issues, like human rights and AIDS. At the risk of sounding like the second most unpleasant football host on Radio 5, you couldn't make it up.

HALL TOLD: GET RID OF KENNY
WELL, he did ask. No sooner had Newcastle United chairman Sir John Hall invited fanzine editors to tell him where the club was going wrong, than one of them, Kevin Fletcher, of Talk of the Tyne magazine, had given him a two-word reply: Kenny Dalglish.
Says Fletcher: "I believe he has put the club back five years. He nearly took us down and the football at places like Bolton, Derby and Wimbledon was atrocious. I almost lost the will to live at those games. I think Wembley was the last straw for many fans. You'll notice they don't chant Dalglish's name at all. It's getting worse, and his selection of Pistone instead of Watson must have been the biggest mistake a manager has ever made at a Cup Final."

BULGARIAN DON'S JINX STRIKES AGAIN
MARCO NEGRI'S brilliant quote yesterday I'll never go back to Scotland, even when I'm dead must be just how Aberdeen's former Bulgarian midfielder Ilian Kiriakov feels too. The midfielder has had a dreadful two years with the struggling Dons, including ten months sidelined with hepatitis, a public scrap with manager Roy Aitken and an £8000 fine for spitting on an opponent. He's also awaiting a decision on whether his work permit will be renewed next season as he failed to play in 75 per cent of the club's games.
Kiriakov returned home last week, probably a relieved man. Yesterday, he woke up in a Sofia hospital bed after writing off his sports car. As that unlucky bloke from The Fast Show might say, Bugger.