LITTLE MAN, WHAT NOW?
REMEMBER how we told you a couple of weeks back that Brian Little would be the new manager of Wolves just as soon as Jack Hayward got around to firing Mark McGhee? Well, Sir Jack better get his skates on…
We understand that Little, who's been in the wilderness well, Majorca since walking out on an Aston Villa contract worth £2m is fed up waiting for the Molineux axe to fall and will become Stoke City's new manager this week, unless there are developments in the Black Country tomorrow.
There's a fair old distance between sending a Villa team out to face Manchester United in the Premiership and firing up Stoke for a mid-week trip to Manchester City in Division Two, but Little is rationalising it like this: he built his reputation with small clubs, taking Darlington from the Conference to Division Two and laying the foundations for Leicester's success. He can do it again with Stoke… and then maybe Hayward will get round to offering him the Wolves job.

SMOKERS' CORNER
THERE'S been a lot of fuss about the revelation that Paul Gascoigne likes the odd fag or two. But in fact, football has a history of star smokers - and Gazza wouldn't even get in our Football365 Behind-The-Bike-Sheds World XI:
Felix (Brazil), Socrates (Brazil), Gerson (Brazil), Jack Charlton (England), Jimmy Greaves (England), Gianluca Vialli (Italy), David Ginola (France), Osvaldo Ardiles (Argentina), Joe Mercer (England), Malcolm Macdonald (England), Bobby Charlton (England).
The coach, of course, would be Argentina's legendary chain-smoker Cesar Luis Menotti, whose habit of making cigarettes disappear was replicated by the country's rulers of the time. Only they substituted dissidents for the fags.

ONSIDE FINALLY HITS ITS STRIDE
JURGEN KLINSMANN, for so long portrayed as the ultimate footballing diplomat, has finally drawn back the curtain just a tad to reveal a little of why he's managed to fall out with a variety of different managers in numerous countries. And choosing John Inverdale's patchy OnSide programme on which to make his, frankly blunt, accusations against Spurs boss Christian Gross belatedly addressed most of the issues that had made BBC 1's flagship sporting chat show nothing more than a hit-and-miss affair.
Inverdale's a genius on radio calm, assured and quietly funny but at times he's looked a bit lost on the big screen. His unwitting desire to emulate Alan Partridge was still there on Monday ( It's the hand of Hod! GLENN HODDLE! ) but for the main part Invers got to the meat of matters and asked pertinent, though never impertinent questions of his guests. And what a good combination they were on this all-football special, the last OnSide before a summer recess. Hoddle proved he's more spiky and truculent than ever, dismissing some good-natured guffaws from the audience with an unnecessary ‘Well, it's easy for you to laugh'. The England boss must have been seething, though, when Jack Charlton (‘He's big and he's called Jack. It's Big Jack Charlton') gave as candid an interview about England's World Cup chances as you can get. His biggest problem, he said, thumbing in Hoddle's direction. Is that his best player Gascoigne probably isn't fit enough to go to the World Cup, so he's got to sort his midfield out. Hoddle squirmed on the designer sofa, Invers smiled with delight.
The man who was dessert, Arsenal's Martin Keown, probably won't be joining the lucrative after dinner speaking circuit when he retires, but with the main course having been so tasty, it would have been churlish to complain. With so much fun going on, Invers will probably be wishing he hadn't been forced to blow all his trump cards in one session. More shows like this one, please!

ODD SQUADS
THANKS to our worldwide web of spies, we can reveal the final World Cup squads for the following countries:
BRAZIL: Pinnochio, Libero, Vimto, Memento, Borneo, Tango, Cheerio, Subbuteo, Scenario, Fellatio, Portfolio. Subs: Placebo, Porno, Polio, Banjo, Brasso, Stereo (L), Stereo (R), Hydrochlorofluoro, Aristotle.
YUGOSLAVIA: Itch, Annoyingitch, Hardtoreachitch, Scratchanitch, Hic, Sic, Spic, Pric, Digaditch, Fallinaditch, Horseraditch. Subs: Mowapitch, Letsgetrich.
RUSSIA: Whodyanicabolicov, Ticlycov, Chesticov , Nasticov, Slalomsky, Downhillsky, Risky, Swedishshev, Mastershev, Fuckov, Taykitov. Subs: Rubitov, Gechakitov, Sodov, Pastryshev, Najinsky, Desert Orchid.
ROMANIA: Chatanoogaciouciou, Atishiou, Blessiou, Thankyiou, Busqueue, Snookercu, Pennyciou, Twoapennyciou, Fourapennyciou, Eyalgetciou, Youandwhosarmi. Subs: U, NonU, ManU, Stuffyiou, Lee Kwan Yu.
DENMARK: Toomanigoalssen, Tryandstopussen, Crapdefenssen, Haveagossen, Firstsson, Seccondsson, Thirdsson, Legshurtssen, Notroubleseeingussen, Wherestheballssen, Getthebeerssen. Subs: Howmanygoalsisthatssen, Finallygaveupcountinssen, Hurryupandblowthewhistlessen, Yourelatedtoalexfergusonssen.
ITALY: Baloni, Potbelli, Beerbelli, Giveitsumwelli, Wotsontelli, Toonsgotkenni, Onetoomani, Legslikejelli, Havabenni, Wobblijelli, Spendapenni. Subs: Cantthinkofani!!!, Buggermi.
MEXICO: San Francisco, Costa Brava, Hopelez, Juan Andonly, Manuel Gearbox, Don Criformi-Argentina, Bodegas, Luis Canon, Sombrero, Chihuahua, Jose. Subs: Jesus Maria, Don Key, Burrito, Speedy Gonzalez, Tequila, Caramba.
HOLLAND: Kenning van Hire, Van Diemansland , Van der Valk , Van Gard , Van Erealdizeez, Ad van Tagus, Hertz van Rental, Transit van Dors, Van Coova, Van Sprokendown, Aye van Hoe. Subs: Van Iller, Van Ishincreme, Van Morrison.