RANGERS TAKING A FLYER ON THE TITLE
SPRAYING champagne, wearing polyester wigs in team colours and balancing the lid of the trophy on top of your head are all time-honoured methods by which players celebrate winning the title. But such behaviour isn't good enough for what could be Rangers' 10th Scottish championship in a row. Oh, no.
The club will have a helicopter on stand-by to fly the players and management back to Ibrox - where the game will be shown live on the big screens - straight after Saturday's game at Dundee United. It was originally intended to load the trophy onto a chopper that would wait somewhere between Dundee and Glasgow, where Celtic are playing St Johnstone, ready to shoot off in either direction depending on Saturday's events. But Rangers have insisted that, if they do make it 10-in-a-row, they want the presentation to take place at Ibrox.
Even though their dreams looked crushed after losing to Kilmarnock last Saturday, Rangers could win the title yet again with three points at Tannadice, provided St Johnstone do them a favour. As many as 30,000 fans, paying £3 each, are expected at Ibrox to watch the game against United.

THE WINDMILLS OF GARY NEVILLE'S MIND
THE arrival of Holland defender Jaap Stam at Old Trafford is already putting mental strain on United's players. Someone is going to have to be dropped to make room for the £10m PSV Eindhoven star, and the pressure seems to have unhinged Gary Neville's mind. The England full-back is so flipped-out by the idea of losing his place that he can't even talk about the prospect in the first person.
Neville has only recently signed a new seven-year contract at United, but he admitted: ''I have seen better players than Gary Neville being sold. I have seen better players than Gary Neville being dropped. I can't afford to think that the manager is not going to drop or sell me.

THE EGO IS LANDED WITH A BLACK EYE
CHRIS EVANS left Fratton Park with a shiner on Monday after losing an argument with Manchester City striker Lee Bradbury's elbow during Paul Walsh's testimonial. Our spies tell us that the ginger one's big footie mate Gazza had been winding up Bradbury, who Boro's Steve Vickers was sent off for butting last month. Gascoigne then started encouraging his DJ pal to take the piss too but, as Evans tried to get past the former Pompey star, there was a ‘collision'.
And, fresh out of the bursting-at-the-seams filing cabinet marked ‘Daft Manchester City Tales' - 23-year-old Jim Whitley has been named as the club's Young Player of the Year, even though he is two years older than Michael Brown, their Player of the Year.

‘JUST THE TWO EUROPEAN CUPS WAS IT, ARRIGO?'
SPURS are so confident that the Christian Gross-David Pleat double act that has piloted the team to a lofty 17th in the Premiership is the way forward that they have snubbed an application for the coach's job from Arrigo Sacchi.
That's the Arrigo Sacchi who masterminded two European Cup and two World Club Cup wins with Milan and took Italy to the Final of the last World Cup. Obviously, he's an inferior candidate compared to Gross, who helped Grasshoppers of Zurich dominate the cut-throat world of football in the land of cuckoo clocks and Toblerones.
Tottenham have also turned down a reported £4.5m bid from PSV Eindhoven for Norwegian striker Steffen Iversen, even though it would be a profit of £1.8m on the fee Gerry Francis paid for the 21-year-old in 1996. Because of the six goals he has scored since, Tottenham want PSV - awash with cash after selling Jaap Stam to Manchester United to cough up £6.25m.
Two words, Spurs fans - Manchester City.

FRENCH GET THE HUMP
IN ONE of the more bizarre events to take place during the World Cup, the Saudi Arabian FA have asked to hire the Champs-Elysees in Paris for two hours to present a display of their culture... that will include parading camels down the world-famous avenue.
The Paris authorities, not slow to spot an opportunity to make a fast franc, are set to agree to the request (in exchange for a £400,000 fee). The Saudis, who are in the same first round group as Denmark, South Africa and the host nation, also want to show off aspects of their country in a wide-ranging presentation of Saudi life.
Quite how wide-ranging it can get in two hours we don't know. The Saudis obviously don't feel they have too much to brag about.

DON HUTCHISON ASHAMED OF HIS TACKLE
EVERTON midfielder Don Hutchison has predictably apologised to Arsenal's Emmanuel Petit for the two-footed lunge that came close to breaking the Frenchman's leg during Sunday's match. "I've seen it on TV and it looks quite bad but I didn't mean it, insisted Hutchison. Well, that's OK then.