@ DEVIL IN THE TREE

# By Andrew Campbell 1994.


 God damn you, God.
 I almost found your secret, so I did. Well at least now I know you 
really do watch over this brutal, dying planet with cold unemotional
eyes. You were scared of me before the Devil in the Tree. Yes you were
and don't you ever try to deny it!
 To the people of this world I'm just a filthy, worthless old man who 
endlessly mutters nonesense to himself. I used to find people like 
that fascinating when I was a child, you know. Strange how the wheel 
of time turns.
 A genious of eighty tampering with technology - that's what I was
before you pulled the plug. I remember what this tiny house looked
like from outside when viewed from the bottom of the hill... such a
peaceful, lonely place, isolated from all life apart from that cursed,
leafless tree. I hope the bastard that planted it was banished to the 
place I'm going.
 I've spent years of solitude in here, tapping keyboards and twisting
wires. I used to have school kids peeping in through my murky windows,
pointing and whispering to one another. A quick glimpse of my face and
they'd scatter like tadpoles, mischievous little shits.
 The day I almost cracked you isn't very long since, you know that 
don't you? I entered the final piece of data into my machine and
waited... waited for it to give me the answer to the ultimate 
question.
 I'd given it all the information it could ever need; Bibles of every 
language and religion, maps of the Holy Land, even a list of chemical 
components supposedly found in Christ's robe. Took the heap of rubbish
about three and a half hours to come to a conclusion. 
 But when it did... well, you didn't like that did you God?
 `ENTER CURRENT TIME IN HOLY LAND>' is what the stupid machine wanted 
when the screen finally popped up. Of all the things in the world! I
searched the house for a decent watch that might do the trick but of
course - Sod's Law - I couldn't find one, so I grabbed my coat, my
scarf, ran to the front door, opened it there he was sitting in my 
tree - the Devil.
 The ugly little bugger saw me instantly, shifted on his arse and gave
me a dog-like growl. Crystal-green eyes the son of a bitch had, like 
emeralds glinting in the sun, and a black, dagger-shaped tongue that 
split into three parts at the end. The bugger's skin was light brown 
and spotted and he had this weird, spiky tail with what looked like a 
thick ball of skin on the end.
 "Uuuh!" I gasped and slammed the front door closed again. The Devil 
gave me another muffled bark, this time I heard branches snapping too.
I secured my lock without hesitation.
 You managed to scare the willies out of me God, I don't mind 
admitting that, but at least I knew I was on the brink of discovering
who or what you are. I dashed back into the livingroom, collapsed in
front of my monitor screen and stared at those words: `ENTER CURRENT
TIME IN THE HOLY LAND>'.
 What did the current time have to do with anything? I pondered for a
few moments before keying in a question mark. The machine didn't like
that; it spewed out all these weird numbers and symbols... even the 
back of the monitor started to smoke! I thought I'd gone and knackered
everything up when all of a sudden, out it came- the answer to God and
His meaning.
 `THE HUMAN MIND CANNOT ACCEPT MEANINGLESSNESS OF EXISTENCE-' was all 
I managed to read before the livingroom window exploded and in leapt 
the Devil; radiating eyes now red, skin now shining with diamond-like
fragments of glass.
 Demonic bastard didn't come for me - he went straight for my machine.
I tried my best to defend it but my bones just weren't strong enough;
the horrible creature punched it's fist through my monitor screen,
ripped out a handful of wires and slashed me across the face with 
them. I keeled over, shrieking with pain and anger.
 The next thing I saw was the shape of the Devil carrying the remains
of my demolished invention - piece by piece - out of the broken 
window. He ran in and out of the house time and time again, grunting
with effort and hissing my name under his breath.
 When he'd taken all the bits outside I heard a scuttling noise and
some more tree-branches snapping. Using what little energy I had left,
I crawled along the carpet, staggered upto the window and poked my 
bleeding head out.
 "Ahaaah!" the Devil shrieked from up in the tree and threw a huge, 
sharp circuit board in my direction. I ducked my head away just in
time - the lethal piece of debre bounced off the windowsil.
 And that's what's been happening ever since Monday, God old chum. I 
try to leave the house but the Devil always stops me. Each time I make
an attempt to escape - day or night - he plucks off a fragment of my
own invention and sends it spinning towards me. 
 If I can survive the next three days without food, I think I'll have 
enough parts to make the machine again. This next one's going to be 
the up-market model, you know. A portable laptop.
 But somehow I don't think any machine could tell me more than I've 
learnt from your Devil, oh Lord. You're afraid of me escaping this 
dark prison that was once my home aren't you? I hold the sanity of the
world in my hands. If they all knew what you were really like what
would happen to the human race? Huh?
 Well don't worry, God - your secret is safe with me. I guess I'd
better get used to that ugly little bugger outside in the tree because
where I'm going there'll be a whole lot more just like 
him right?
 Yeah, I guessed as much.
 God damn you God.