ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Ú¿ Ú¿Ú¿ Ú¿ ÚÄÙÀÄ¿ ³³³³ Ú¿ÚÄÄÄÄ¿³³ ÀÄ¿ÚÄÙ ³³³³ÚÅÙ³ÚÄÄÄÙ³³ NO ³³ ÚÄÄÄÙ³³ÀÅÙ ³ÀÄ¿ ³ÀÄÄÄ¿ ³³ ³ Ú¿ ³³ÚÅ¿ ³ÚÄÙ ³ Ú¿ ³ ³³ ³ ÀÙ ³³³ÀÅ¿³ÀÄÄÄ¿³ ÀÙ ³ I Don't Need To! ÀÙ ÀÄÄÄÄÙÀÙ ÀÙÀÄÄÄÄÙÀÄÄÄÄÙ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ VOL. WUN, ISSUE TUE April 1995 ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ don't need to what it doesn't matter no i don't need to no i don' ÖÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º***************************************************************³ º* MEMBERS AND CONTRIBUTORS: *³ º* *³ º* DeRaNgEd: Suck me, I'm Deranged! *³ º* Black Sunshine: Lick me, I'm Blonde! *³ º* Anacodia: Buy me a beer, I'm Irish! *³ º* Raven: Fuck me, I'm Indian! *³ º* Violetta Kitten: French me, I'm Portuguese! *³ º* *³ º***************************************************************³ ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ; ******************************* ³ It's like KeTCHuP with a kick ³ ******************************* ÖÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ· º DISCLAIMER º º º º Here's your warning. Your sense of humor must be at º or beyond a certain level before you read this. You º º must not be offended easily. You must want to have º º fun. You must have an open mind. You must be º º willing and prepared for us to make fun of your º º handle, and make up stupid rhymes about it. This is º º not going to be like anything else you've ever seen º º before-- and we like it that way. We distribute this º º on the basis of the freedom of press and the freedom º º of speech, blah blah blah. Oh yeah, and those under º º 17 are not admitted without an adult.. SIKE! º ÓÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄĽ All material @ 1995 ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Ingredients i. THE VOICE OF REASON ...editorial comments ii. HELLO I LOVE YOU ...greetings and salutations / news / rumors / announcements iii. TRUTH OR DARE ...we respond to your questions and comments iv. "WHEN THE FUN IN MODEMING GOES, SO DO I" ...so you think you know YAUN-Ti, huh v. WHAT DO YOU KNOW? ...quiz yourself-this issue: modem lies uncovered vi. SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED ...top ten list-this issue: the Pyroman ensemble vii. ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND ROCK ...life and love according to popular musicians viii. WORD PLAY ...we desecrate song lyrics, your names, your handles and anything else we can think of ix. TRUTH ...part one of the columns- this issue headed by Raven x. DESIRE ...part two of the columns-this issue headed by Violetta Kitten xi. KARMA ...part three of the columns-this issue headed by DeRaNgEd xii. EXPERIENCE ...part four of the columns- this issue headed by Black Sunshine xiii. BRAWN ...part five of the columns- this issue headed by Anacodia xiv. SWEET LITTLE SECRETS ...last month's poll results/ new questions xv. I WANT TO F#?! YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL ...what REALLY goes on in on-line hot chat..LIVE! xvi. THE RANDOMNESS OF THOUGHT ...poetry / moods / ramblings / creativity xvii. DEAR RAVEN ...Raven answers your personal letters xviii. AND THAT'S FINAL ...month in review /coming attractions /good-byes ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Salt N Pepa said 'shoop,' now my girl done cut loose. One down, too many more to go..." --Sir Mix-A-Lot, SLEEPIN' WIT MY FONK ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ The Voice of Reason (life is hard so strike a pose on a cadillac) Guess what... Issue Tue is out! What?? You already knew that? Damn, so much for the element of surprise. Well, Issue Wun hit harder than I thought it would. With one issue, we acquired a bigger fan club that I ever thought possible. People I never heard of previously were coming up to me to say, "Hey, that was fucking awesome.. when is the next one coming out?" Of course our dear brothers felt they had to pick on the little sisters a little bit but nothing is worth doing if you can't take the criticism. Hell, I think that is the only way to go; you learn by what others say is right or wrong with you.. whether they are right or wrong, there is still something to be ganied by it, In the past month, we have also put up our own board (yes, women can be SysOps, too). My personal thanks to False God, Buster Friendly and Orion Pax and everyone else along the way. [Of course there are more formal thank-yous in the appropriate section. So anyway, I just want to say thanks for the inspiration, thanks for the criticism, thanks for reading this. Without you, we are nothing. --DeRaNgEd!! I am still recovering from the overwhelmingly positive response to ISSUE WUN. Our mission was to make you feel and think and laugh, and it has been successful a hundred times over than what we expected. I cannot adequately describe my pleasure at having reached so many of you. I think that I can speak for more than myself here when I say that... it is much more than having people compliment you on what you have accomplished so far; it's also the satisfaction of having expressed yourself in a way that has affected someone else. I understand there are still a few people who have not figured out yet what this e-mag is all about. No it's not just something we do because we are bored. :) We all have jobs or college or both. Our aims are both to be creative and to write what we feel strongly about. We want to celebrate and curse the lives we live by turning everything into a satire. All the members of TDKEB write. Some have been published in local, college, state and even national publications, as well as other electronic mags. Does this make us more qualified than anyone else to sit around and talk about life? Nope. Anyone with the drive and the desire to expand on ideas can do it. We have! The fact that we already write just makes it a little easier and possibly more promising. Go into this with an open mind. Don't let blind prejudice or ignorance keep you from understanding! I want to thank every single person who took the time to read, comment and spread ISSUE WUN. Within one issue along, we reached over a hundred and twenty-five people. That is amazing. Those who support us are the ones who caught our true selves and let us spread our reflections to you, and therefore, become part of you in a way. As this grows, we only hope to get better. If you have ideas, send them to one of us. Everything we do is both for you and for us. Notice this issue is bigger and has more columns. The ideas never stop coming. Read "Hello I Love You" for the updates on everything with TDKEB and to see us go down on our knees and express gratitude to certain someones. Have fun. I hope you like this issue as much as you did the first one. --Black Sunshine P.S. Yes, I skipped several opportunities here to make innuendoes. I wanted to get my POINT across. And, resisting was HARD to do but boy, don't I feel better now! ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Twenty-three positions in a one-night stand." --Prince, GETT OFF ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Hello I Love You (and you didn't even kiss me good-bye) WE WANT TO SAY HIGH TO: and not necessarily in this order.. Tortuga: Wine me, Dine me, 69 me! Rivas J'Kara: If you've got the candle wax...? Nimrod: Please sign us up for the Erotica free clinic. Hcp: You put your weed in it! Mishia: We think you and your "friend" Mud Horney are *REALLY* stupid. Gatoperro: What's up with that mess? Kangaroo: Starbucks.. NOW! Pyroman: Arizona.. Anyone? YAUN-Ti: Do you like naked babies? Maelstrom: Freaking hello you Daddy Mac & Cheese Big-D Bongwater: Pee Pee Pacman: Please don't fuck up this edition so I have to send it to you twice. Timeshadow: um..ok. Thanks for the ITN accounts. Now shut up and get to work! :) LDS: Where's my slurpie? Srbin: Get out of Tele-arena for once. Zandramas: We should go into the ribbon business. We'd make a fortune! False Muppet: You are really cool. We are very impressed with you. Marlo: Hey get a life, quit cheating in trivia! :) Fugazi: Swing it to the left and swing it to the right, think about baseball, swing it all night, YEAH! Oh yeah, do you want to touch me? Ilsa: Stacey says you are SOOOOOOO k rad Shadowolfe: Could you PLEASE do that in the privacy of your bedroom.. ohhh that is your bedroom.. Dave: Lick me! Jack Flack: Those who are talking about Brent getting a job and not playing trivia need to go to [T]eleconference. :) Blackcloud: Now go trash your Tel-Co trucks, smoke your pot and get grounded!! And what's this obsession with giving head to Joe? Prong: Are you off the rag yet? :) U: Quack, quack. You're right, we wouldn't date ex-married chicks if we were you either. Prince Kheldar: We'll have to I.D. you before you can come to our next party. Gorgas: Marshmallow bars-- would you make up your mind already? The Stranger: Happy late birthday!! :) **GROUP GREETS GO OUT TO: TBH: Just 'five drunk beetches' greetin' a few pretentious little boys.. but you are still brothers in our books.. YES YES YES!! :) P0i: The phabulous phive wants to ask you phools if this phondness phor spelling everything like 'phallic' is going to be a phucking phavorite phad phorever? :) SAZ: Your new viewer is the bong! And don't worry you're not losing two of your writers. **SPECIAL GREETS TO: LA Guns: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR NOT BREAKING UP!!! Mr. Spirit at Raven's house(RG): STOP PULLING HER FREAKING HAIR!! :) La Baguette: For providing the atmosphere for the first official TDKEB meeting [even though we had a substitute B :) And a busy one at that]. Willie: He's the San Francisco treat AND the other white meat, plus he's got the right one baby and he's on sale, sale, sale NOW at Oklahoma Discount Furniture. Eat all you want-- he'll make more. **And to all the people that bitched about not getting greeted last time: A big FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! Next time don't be so fucking eager!!! :) **AND EXTRA, EXTRA, EXTRA SPECIAL TDKEB THANKS TO: Mr. Spock: Working so hard on a viewer for us!! WOW WOW! And for the nifty program you wrote for us for this issue! Orion Pax: For Renegade, in all its BBS glory :) Wolvie: The link to OP, and the help with setting up the board. Mirth: For offering to make ANSIs (even though we're still waiting for them). YAUN-Ti: The coll VGA you made. Peace offering? :) Also for the interview, support and the offers to help out. Can we have some ANSIs please please please please??? heheh Buster Friendly: For all the help and advice with the BBS and linking us with Mr. Spock. Dave: Awesome bitmaps. You have talent. Social Parasite: For being so polite. :) You seem really coll. And for offering to be a distro site. The Stranger: For your encouragement, support and feedback even in the wake of potential disaster, for brainstorming BBS names for us, and for being our first distro site. False God: For the BBS name suggestions and helping us set up the BBS. Ozzy and Fruit-loop: The coll computer deal. Come back!!! Hope we didn't forget anyone... if we did, just cry and moan a lot and we will remember next time. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND HELP! WE ARE FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT! Also, to many countless others, thanks for calling to test out the board, and for giving advice, suggestions, help, offers, encouragement and support of what we are doing. None of this would be possible without you. You have replenished our faith in the idea that people are willing to help out others. May you all live long, happy, prosperous, sexually fulfilling lives. ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ What's Up In April... *** We're back. We're bigger. We're better. We're new and improved. We're the choice of a new masturbation. It's ISSUE TUE!! YES ANASTASIA! SCHWING! Ok.. settling back down once again as you can see, there is still no viewer. There will be by issue Thur-ey. Mr. Spock is spending a few hours daily putting it together for us cause he's such a swell guy! We don't even know how to thank him. Any ideas? Um.. oh ok. Anyway, if you haven't already, read that file you unzipped called !READ1ST.NOW (Head now!). It gives more explanations of the files and format, etc. Text is not as fun as a viewer, we know but get ready for all that to change. Soon. *** Most of you probably know this already, but TDKEB's BBS went up officially on March 28 and is going strong. We voted democratically on the name, narrowing down a list of nearly a hundred names, and finally agreed upon "Twisted Phallicy." (Sorry, False God, no "The Happy Penis" or "Vagina Valley.") This is where you'll get all your TDKEB news, issues, and info from now on. Plus you get to chat with us. Well, maybe. It's a highly social board, with an average of 25 callers and 150 messages posted daily. It's still in the productive and experimental stages right now as well.. so be patient. Oh.. you want the number? Go look at the bitmap. And pay attention to every word in it. Now go play. *** TDKEB also got its local distro sites down: Where Shadows Wait, which is also the Soulz at Zero world headquarters, and The Far Shores. TDKEB has its own little file base on these boards there and everything... it's so cute hehe. The Stranger and Social Parasite offered the use of their boards for this such purpose. So if you can't get on Twisted Phallicy to get the new issues, check there next, cause that's these two boards will be the the first places it'll be uploaded every time. We're not giving out the numbers or NUPs either. We're not allowed. Talk to the SysOps. :) *** Finally, TDKEB is having their second party!!! (Hopefully all TDKEB members will be there this time.. on hand and autographing floppy disks). The party will be mid-April, just a few days after this issue is released. It's invitation only, sorry!!! But if you didn't get one, talk to Black Sunshine or DeRaNgEd and they'll see what they can do. If you can't come, we'll still give you all the gory details, maybe even pictures. Who knows? We can get really creative. What's the occasion??? Why, it's Anacodia's, DeRaNgEd's and the substitute B's half-birthdays. Plenty of reason to celebrate. *** The Brotherhood of 4o5 is taking a break from distributing newsletters this month??? For more information, be sure and check out the interview with TBH President, YAUN-Ti. *** Gatoperro, is it true there's going to be no more TTG??? *** Soulz at Zero is getting bigger than ever. It's spreading through the Internet now and has readers as far away as Canada and Australia. AUSTRALIA!!! There were four new writers added in April, and their new viewer is awesome. Check it out if you haven't already. *** Ok, so there was no Gathering that allianced P0i and TBH. P0i's making changes? Rumor has it that Fugazi left the group due to irreconcilable differences with President, U, who claims Fugazi was kicked out of the group. U then asked Fugazi to rejoin, who declined. Is it true that there is no more Phaith and Social Parasite replaced him? And that Mr. Spock and YAUN- Ti are merging with the group? Oh man, can't these people make up their minds already? :) TDKEB missed the hell out of you, Joe. *** Special announcement expressly from Violetta Kitten: Black Sunshine and Fugazi sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G... HAHAHA. *** Time to hibernate. Everyone's getting bitten by the marriage bug. Just because we're so up on the news, we thought we'd share with you that twenty million modem couples are planning to take walks to the altar together. Okay.. not really twenty million. Let's see.. there's Doctor Rotcod, whose wife-to-be isn't in the modem world. (Is it true you haven't even kissed her yet???) Then there's the too-good-to-be-true couples Eagle and Girasol, Jimbo and Pebbles, and Tivia and Samurai. WOW. There's also one secret one that we can't talk about yet. (Oooh, bet that aroused your... uh.. curiousity). Someone's feeling left out. Won't say any names but it starts with TDKEB. No seriously, congrats to all all of you. May your marriages not be tempered with the modern divorce solution. And may you forever feel the way you feel about each other now. Was that sappy or what? *** Everything in this entry is completely truthful and attempts to present information in an unbiased manner. The last week in March and the first week in April was Major BBS hell. Vinculum Data Systems went down for a week and a half (during which time most of this e-mag was put together, what with all that free time.. haha). Why? Seems Peter Dimas and staff had a falling out with business partner, Gaddiel, and they had to move all of the equipment out of Gaddiel's office, or something like that, and back to the original location. Gaddiel had locked the office doors and changed the locks, so they couldn't get in and get the equipment out. When VDS finally reclaimed it, there was still a huge time wait due to getting it all set back up and waiting to for the telephone company to transfer all the phone lines. On the initial day back up, VDS was credit exempt and offered customers the chance to stock-pile credits at 50 hours for ten bucks. Even at the normal rates of thirty-three cents an hour, it's still the cheapest local multi-line board. Gaddiel has now joined with Mirth and put up a twenty-line Major BBS, Dark Creations, Inc., at rates of forty cents an hour. Viking has also set up his own family-oriented Major BBS, InTheNet, at fifty cents an hour. Boy, is competition fierce right now. Paying customers should end up with the best of all worlds with this one. The feud between Gaddiel and VDS is getting a little old on both sides. VDS claims that Gaddiel was embezzling money from them, as well as using customer credit-card numbers for um.. illegal things. VDS also claims that Dark Creations will be running the popular Tele-arena door game illegally, however, Dark Creations was able to purchase the 4o5 area code lock for the game. It DOES mean, however, that both systems will be able to run the game. There is no real way to know for sure what went on between Gaddiel and VDS. "I recall in the first days of VDS when it had moderators, and I was one," said Black Sunshine. "I was 'discharged' totally rudely and unfairly because I was friends with Blackcloud who was friends with Ugly Kid Joe (Digital Anarchist) who had been causing problems for Peter Dimas and Vds. Then to justify it, staff members of VDS made up numerous stories about how I had been leaking information to Blackcloud about 'sysop activities and information' and giving him impartial treatment while I was moderating." While this is old news, and has been long since buried, it makes it difficult to know for sure if the stories they tell about Gaddiel are or even could be accurate! However, one thing that is for sure is that when members of TDKEB went to the VDS office before Gaddiel left to pay him money for credits, he would show them how he was reading the private conversations of the people online. He also showed them and laughed about how funny it was to purposely lock up the board for about ten or fifteen seconds and then watch the dialogue scroll and everyone in teleconference get pissed. He also read email and replied to people, interjecting his comments, in an email conversation. Regardless of whether he actually did anything illegal or anything to wrong Peter Dimas, all of these other things ARE fact and cannot be denied and are not appreciated. Mirth, however, is an awesome guy, and so DCI is going to be given a chance for his sake. ALSO (AND YOU ALL MUST CHECK THIS OUT) ON DCI, WHEN YOU GO INTO THE ON-LINE GAMES MENU THE HOT-KEYS FOR ALL OF THE GAMES, READING DOWN ARE T, D, K, E AND B. YES YES! IS THAT AWESOME OR WHAT?? WE ARE IMMORTALIZED. THAT'S REASON ENOUGH TO CALL.. haha j/k. The other new multi- line board, InTheNet, promises a less-free open speech policy, however, the sysop is extremely nice and is willing to work with customers. He's also not completely nuts like Gaddiel or the way a lot of the VDS staff used to be (still is??) and he has a lot of people backing him. Who will win the Major-BBS wars??? Only time will tell... ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hang onto." --Delores, DELORES CLAIBORNE ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Truth Or Dare (only one way around an indisputable fact) This month we had so many questions and comments, it may take several pages to get through them all. However, we feel it is important to include them all-- or as many as we can-- to show everyone our appreciation for the interest and reaction that has been generated. The response was overwhelmingly positive. In less than a month, we received over fifty comments and/or questions with ONE ISSUE ALONE! The two negative responses were voiced in the Brotherhood's most recent newsletter, number ten. We don't want to leave any of you in the dark! Here's what these two writers had to say word for word and our views on the subject: ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Well I have to say that I expected a little more of the TBH ho's. Between this and the Brotherhood of Boards I don't know what to think. Some of the poetry was ok but just a little advice, why don't you ALL write the next issue instead of just Kristen (psycho) and Dee. Good luck on your TDKEB BBS... you're gonna need it. I guess this would fit into the cateogory of ripping you to shreds but either get a LOT better or QUIT! OH and Brit, your husband is a far cry from Sebastian Bach and watch who you whisper to when you're talking about me. GASH.. " --Prong ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I laughed. That's about it, so if that's their goal, success. Other than that I do know that girls just want to have fun, but give me a break. The jokes were "sorta," the articles were "kinda," but I could of [have?] done without the poems of kookiness. I want all of you to find a copy of this classic and read it. It is different as promised and not computer/scene related. It reminded me of 5 drunk beetches talking shit just for kicks. The highlight they admitted I am god (kinda) heh, oh chicks, last time I checked, it was up to 5 seconds. *smirk* Smiles and "why mes" go out to the TBH ho's. This was no surprise, it is a semi- entertaining letter, but I guess I read it sober by mistake (Hi T, D, K, E and B you psycho-sluts, you are all still Sisters in my book) =)" --YAUN-Ti --WHOA... you expected more from us??? Well maybe if we really were your ho's. I noticed something strange here. You two didn't agree with each other about what you liked. One liked the poetry, the other didn't? One thought it was "semi-entertaining" and the other thought we should "get A LOT better or QUIT?" That speaks to us in the way of something called.. um.. a difference of opinion. We don't expect everyone to like everything in this e-mag. It's so diverse however, there's bound to be something entertaining for just about everyone who checks this out. That doesn't mean we aren't any good. We think, in fact, it testifies to the opposite. Or at least says that we have recognized the fact and are attempting to cover everything. Your comments were very interesting to us, and especially intriguing and enlightening. However, are personal slams truly necessary??? It should be obvious the area(s) here that we are really talking about. We think it only the right thing to do, if only for the sake of standard journalistic etiquette and practice, to refrain from name-calling. And we're not talking about "Hi my name is Prong and I can't admit when I am wrong" when there are a dozen places surrounding it asking that one not take those as slams, but as inside jokes and an indication that we feel comfortable enough with you and like you enough to play our game with your name. Even now we have no need to throw real insults your way, so we will not. There has been some apologizing taking place for the supposed "harshness" with which we and our work were addressed. Apologies are accepted, although quite unnecessary. :) If this is truly your opinions, then we welcome and accept them, by all means. Opinions are great things, even when in the minority. They are still just as important, as long as the person stating the opinion is educated on the subject he is commenting on. We hope that after reading this, it relieves some of your frustrations and confusion, and that, as time passes, and there are more issues, that the essence of what this is all about will become even more clear to you. That is, after all, our goal. Making you laugh is good. Making you think about why you are laughing is even better-- not an easy task for people who have been drinking to do. :) It takes a lot of effort and calculation to turn something serious into something funny, therefore slanting a different note of seriousness on it. We are sorry that it was lost on you, but over time, there will be more chances to reach you. We'd be hypocrites if we didn't care about how we affect our readers. We hope that over time you will even want to change your opinion, if just a little, to say something to the effect of, "This isn't so bad after all." But, if that never happens, we must still allow ourselves the luxury of failure on this level. Trying will be our own reward. There are others to be touched; it is hard to cater to the needs of only two. It is hard to reach everyone... and we believe we are mature enough to realize that it will probably not happen and to take whatever insults you feel are essential to proving that our mission might be lost on you. Meanwhile, I suggest you sit back and get settled in. We won't be going away for quite some time. :) Thank you for listening. --TDKEB March 27,1995 This letter was composed and modified as a reponse which honestly and adequately reflects the views and opinions of all members. ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ The remainder of the comments concerning ISSUE WUN were encouraging, flattering and optimistic. We are still in shock at how many people went out of their way to tell us what they thought: ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I love it. I was only mentioned twice tho." --Pyroman ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I was insulted repeatedly.. but oh I feel loved. It makde me laugh. Hard thing to do, 8 o clock. I've seen more talent in you than anyone in the Brotherhood..." --Fugazi ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "That newsletter is fucking hilarious. Especially the names. I was practically crying, me and Barry laughed so hard." --Stick Boy ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Nice newsletter... just needs a viewer... and a MOD..." --Maelstrom ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "heheheh I read your mag! heheheh It was cool! I liked it!" --Tortuga ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "God I am so paranoid right now to write anything to you feeling that I'll get ridiculed by a group of women-- didn't I already go through that in high school? I thought it was great, I liked the quotes, I liked the long fiction/non-fiction type pieces about each letter of TDKEB, I liked the different departments, I liked all the mention of SAZ. :) So I thought overall it was really nicely done and I can't wait to see next month's. I even enjoyed the few filthy comments made towards me. :) You ladies worked very hard it seems and it shows." --The Stranger ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "It was... interesting. Really the only way to describe it... I laughed all the way through it." --Prince Kheldar ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "...Realllly enjoyed the newsletter... and I was more than mildly impressed..speaking as an ex-English Lit major soooo many years ago ... Anyhow, I especially enjoyed the gossip parts... Just feeding my purient interests, ya know...but on occasion I did choke up on the poetry part.. and no..ain't gonna tell you whose... but I did like the Truth or Dare section..." --Sunkist ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I liked the newsletter. I can't believe I was mentioned. I feel really special right now." --Kangaroo ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "You guys did pretty good..I've already got it spreading around... :>" --Timeshadow ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I think it's cool..wish we had more and on a more frequent basis than once a month." --Mithrandir Slayer ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Thank you for the magazine. I found it both amusing and informing." --Espruar ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I just read and enjoyed the first issue of TDKEB... One of you Heathers insisted I get it." --Stuckee ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I enjoyed the first effort fo TDKEB... An interesting 'underground' lit thing." --Rainking ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "The mag is pretty rad... I like it. All you guys need is a personalized reader :0 Maybe put you're movie quotes up at random. The text was cool as hell though. Keep it up." --Deega ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "[I wish} to let it be known to the writers of TDKEB that [I have] just now recovered [my] breath after reading the newsletter. Good points were.... TBH Slams ....rofl...You never appreciate those words until you've heard them used by working with one of them...The fact I was graced to be mentioned, slammed, but mentioned. :> I think I need to watch what I say nowadays. hehehehe... Hell, there was another comment ...oh well, I'm going to go look at the Trafficlits outside.... You guys did good, I'll be sending a copy to the Underdark and it should get fair distribution from there.... ... now get to work, there's another issue to write.... --Wolvie ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I liked the issue and look forward to the next." --Dave --Thanks, guys.. Your input means alot.. Really pleased with the outcome of the mag.. All I can think to say right now is thanks and I love you all.. well most of you.. and you know who you are.. :) -Violetta Kitten --Whoa... where am I? You would think I just walked into a door or something. I've never heard so many positive comments about one thing. I am pleased to know that *we* pleased you! (Oh baby, please please me!) I think the only negative thing we've heard is "Get a viewer".. or "You need a MOD" . . what will be left to bitch about when we get those? -DeRaNgEd --Thank you. Thank you very much. {tap, tap, tap} Ladies and gentlemen, TDKEB has left the building. -Black Sunshine --You guys, thank you soooo sooo much for the incredible amount of feedback from the first issue. You guys seriously don't know how much the e-mail about the issue meant to me. Please, keep telling what you like and dislike about the e-mag. Thank you very very much! :) :) -Anacodia --Well, I'm just happy everyone liked it. Even tho we didn't really care if anyone liked it or not, we did it for ourselves mostly, but now I think we are going to focus more on a real magazine type public service thing. More mature, well not TOO mature.. and informative. Thanks everybody. --Raven ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "LDS was insulted that he wasn't insulted in the e-mag." --Nimrod --That doesn't mean we don't think he is insulting. -VK --Oh, now I am so perturbed I think I might go blow peppermint patties. -D --And I'm insulted that you're insulted that he was insulted because he wasn't insulted.. or something. Sorry, we'll try to do a more well-rounded slam fest from now on. -BS --He is new. Give it time. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I am rather offended at the greet you gave me last time. I have an axe [in tele-arena] now!" --Mirth --I'm Henry the Eighth I am... -VK --Well bear that axe as well as you can baby, because we are out to get ya. -D --And a fine axe it is, too, I'm sure. Is it as quick as your sword? -BS --Well wield your axe well young man, it's a virtual one so you can't hurt us. Nyah nyah. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I didn't get greeted. I might not be into modeming much anymore, but I still expect to get greeted!" --Big-D Bongwater --Greet this, mother fucker. -VK --Um, well be more annoying on-line and we might greet ya. -D --And I expect that I would gladly pay you on Tuesday for a blow job today. -BS --Okay, this is where I just beg for forgiveness for not answering many pages due to school and emotional baggage that i was dealing with. And HI ZANE!! Is that better? -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ [Concerning the quiz question about the skittles in Issue Wun] "You ho's put them on a string and use them as ass beads!" --Prong --Hi, PronG.. you sure are swell. -VK --Wrong! Thank you for playing. Oh yeah, would you like thighs with that? -D --Is this part of that one fantasy with a cock ring that you kept trying to tell me about over the phone last October??? -BS --I don't even know what an ass bead is. You must have experience in that area. -R ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ **TRUTH OR DARE would not be complete without the bombardment of the truly inane subjects that we love to talk about anyway. Read on... ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Naked TDKEB yeeeee-ha!!!" --Fugazi --See, I can be nice.. but we only do it because we love you babe =) -VK --Where? Dammit, I missed it again, didn't I? I always miss all the good stuff *pout* -D --I'm naked? And nobody told me??? Well hell, ride 'em cowboy! -BS --Uh, Kristen... we never discussed this... -A --In some opinions, naked TDKEB would be a very frightening experience. But now that I think about it, I supposed Kristen, D, Tina, Erika and I are all naked under our clothes. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I have a question for you girls.. How many fingers do you prefer? And do you prefer manual or automatic sticks?" --False God --I think I would be inclined to answer that if I actually gave a damn. -VK --If you know me so well, then tell me which hand I use! 8) -D --Actually, I prefer tongues to fingers.. and as far as sticks go [I refuse to make a Stick Boy joke :)], it's a tough decision... manual gives me far more control, but an automatic is SUCH low maintenance. Oh well, as long as there is plenty of gas and I'm driving with insurance, I'm going to put some mileage on that speedometer! Yes, yes! Go Speedracer! -BS --Collectively or single? -A --I prefer as many fingers as the guy wants to use. As long as they are not my own finger. Mine our boring. Why would I want to use my own fingers??? And as far as sticks go, automatic all the way. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "How can Sunshine be Black????" --Timeshadow --It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it.. And I feel fine. -VK --Well, if your mind is that limited, then maybe you should be sitting at home watching Sesame Street and learning your ABC's. -D --Gee, I haven't been asked THAT a million times. :) Oh, and how do shadows tell time? -BS --When it's Kristen. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ To Black Sunshine: "That's what your TDKEB board should be about-- call your favorite TDKEB girl and they'll talk dirty to you or in your case they'll tell you embarrassing stories about penis fantasies as young children and how well the men of TBH have sex." --The Stranger --Hi, My name's Bambi, and I have a penis. -VK --Damn! Why the hell didn't I think of that? -D --What? Moi?? I'm not a 'kiss and tell' kind of girl, now we all know that..... oh, and before I forget, call Twisted Phallicy soon. Boy do I have to tell you about that one sysop... -BS --That would cost the users SO much money they would all have to go to the poor house. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "So who are the original people in the group? And how did TDKEB form? And how did you get the idea to make this newsletter?" --Prince Kheldar --One time Dianeme and I made a trip out to Kristen's fluffy pad.. Oh, I won't go into details about what we were doing.. but at the end of the night we were all assembled in front of her book shelf, bidding farewell, and I noticed that Deranged had a TDK tape in her pocket... Something clicked in my mind and I spoke my insanities. "Tina, Dianeme, Kristen --- TDK." And the idea just stuck. Then we decided later to add Raven and Anacodia because we were all really close friends. -VK --1) The originals are TDKEB! No exceptions to this rule! 2) That's privileged information, mister. 3) We were bored and needed yet another thing to clutter up our busy work schedule. -D --Well, after Zakk Wylde went back to Ozzy and Kirk Hammett took off to do a solo project, you're looking at only five of the original members. We formed when.. oh dear, I didn't think I'd be explaining the birds and the bees for quite a few more years... and we're just too brilliant to keep all this wit bottled up inside of us, not sharing with you.. how greedy. -BS --Um...from the nature of the letters in TDKEB it would be safe to assume that Tina, D, Kristen, Erika and Brittany were the original members. Duh. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "How many calories/nutrients/fat grams are in the average male ejaculate?....I hear a lot of protein.. but I need to know the calories/fat grams...." --Sunkist --I read an article in one of those funky women magazines that it was definitely fat free. Hhaha...... I remember my English Composition teacher told me she once saw a talk show with this famous supermodel that was on this "special" diet.. And that was the only thing she ate. Gross. I am not real worried about all that shit.. go figure. -VK --Um, they forgot to teach us that in science class. I feel like an important part of my education has been forfeited because of the biased education system. -D --I don't know, but I read, "How to Make Him Think You Swallowed When You Really Didn't" and I it may be just the breakthrough we've been waiting for-- no pun intended. -BS --I understand that if you are worried about the fat/calorie content in semen, you should just avoid a piece or two of candy you were thinking about eating... -A --Gross. I don't want to know. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I thought I knew all the names, but I was wrong. I still don't know T =violetta = ????" --Cruiser --You forgot to capitalize the "V" in Violetta.. Next time it will be your head. -VK --Where have you been hiding? In a broom closet spanking your naughty monkey? -D --What in the HELL makes you think Violetta is a part of all this??? DAMN we can't keep anything a secret. -BS --Well, if you didn't introduce yourself to each one of us three times you wouldn't get so confused. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Damn [the issue]is getting long (put your favorite TDKEB joke here)." --TBH Issue 10 --"Once the beaver, always the beaver." -- Jello Biafra -VK --Um, ok.. what's the best way to get the attention of a member of the TDKEB? Yell "Head Now" in a crowded room and watch. -D --Yes, well you know, the LONGER you can drag it out, the better the, uh... payoff.. :) -BS --Ha Ha. I guess you guys have run out of originality and are looking to us for it now. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I hand over to you, all my sexual frustrations from the redwood forest to the virgin islands, this land was made for you and me." --Nice Guy --From California to the New York Islands, this hand was made for only me. -VK --I don't need your sexual frustrations! I have my own, thank you very much. -D --Oh goodie.. Santa came early this year. -BS --Thank you, Jazzy Jeff, for that. -A --Oh good God, on top of my own? We may have to expand to Europe. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Why are the girls of TDK90210 so clickish [sic]?" --Nimrod --You do what you need to -- survival of the fittest. -VK --Clickish? Dammit, you're making Willie mad. Watch out or he might give you a REAL San Fransisco treat! -D --TDK90210? We're doing numbers now? Is that like 3l173 or 33117733 or 696969 or whatever the fuck it is today? -BS --Oh shut up, you are just jealous because you aren't in any cool cliquey groups. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ To Violetta Kitten: "Are you the coolest chick on VDS? You and Stick Boy should get married then you could have the coolest children around." --Nimrod --Yes, I am.. Don't listen to Black Sunshine.. chances are.. she missed her medication. -VK --I thought you said *I* was the coolest!?! Oh well, you're right. Vio is WAY cooler than I am! And twice as nice. -D --Vio is definitely in the top rankings of coolest chick on VDS.. you are lucky you even get to talk to her. She barely even speaks to me!! But I already beat her on one point.. er..that would be having the coolest child around.. heh. -BS --Ice ice baby. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I think all you TDKEB people want Joe [Fugazi] to go down on you." --Blackcloud --Yeah, you're just suffering from clit envy. I bet you secretly want Joe to go down on you, too... I've heard you chanting late at night in your blissful slumber, "DOWN ON JOE! DOWN ON JOE! DOWN ON JOE!" Well I hate to burst your bubble, skippy, but fat chance! This Joe's no ho! -VK --No but I am sure you wanted to watch. Sorry to disappoint you -D --Ahhh what do you expect? "I'm at my sexual peak, young lady!" -BS --Not all of us. Some of us would rather have Kelley Nickels go down on us. -R ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "What would you do if I were lying naked before you?" --Stuckee --I would probably throw up then run screaming.. thanks for asking. -VK --Um.. laugh my ass off! -D --Why, I believe the correct response would be, 'Oh I would just burst with fruit flavor...' um, yeah. -BS --I would prolly just shut my eyes. I am a good girl! -A --Run and scream. I'm afraid of naked men. -R ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "A fast moving car is the only place where you're legally allowed to not deal with your problems. --Douglas Coupland, LIFE AFTER GOD ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ "When the Fun in Modeming Goes, So Do I" Who around here hasn't heard of or seen the name "YAUN-ti?" As founder of The Brotherhood of 4o5, YAUN-Ti never imagined that his idea of consolidating the local boards into an underground coalition would explode into a massive movement which would both divide modemers in the 405 area code, and set up a system of operation similar to real-life political hierarchy. Now, YAUN-Ti is putting his enterprise on hold to pursue his computer artwork? Sit back and peek in on a conversation I had with YAUN-Ti, as we talked about The Brotherhood, his artwork, modeming in general, and the "YAUN-Ti" away from the computer. This conversation is published here in its entirety with nothing omitted. So you think you know YAUN-Ti, huh? Read on... 6:53 pm Sun Apr 2, 1995 Recorded with user: YAUN-Ti Chat reason: Hey Dammit ------------------------------------ Black Sunshine: Ok.. well.. I guess before I start asking stuff I want to give you a chance to tell me exactly why you kind of approached me for this interview? I mean, why did you think it would be a good idea? YAUN-Ti: Well, everything I say in 4o5 is just taken wrong and people don't get a clue unless I name names, and, well, that's kind of jerky to just flame people unless they ask for it. I want a place that many read to see just what is on my mind as Brian not as YAUN-Ti the elite fuck in 4o5 (a dude in Las Vegas called me that on I-net) hahahaha. BS: Ok.. so basically you just want to, like, get stuff out that's on your mind that you feel you either can't say in TBH newsletters or you think isn't reaching the right people? YT: Kinda and I just like to laugh at times, and well TDKEB is something I want to do but never will with TBH. It's funny, and well I am funny (you know that) and so I guess I want people to just be entertained. And to see that I am not just some bastard. BS: Ok, I see.. kind of like throwing a different slant on yourself then. Well, you have mentioned TBH. What is going on there? You have broughtup before to me that you.. hmm.. I can't remember exactly how you phrased it... but you said something about how you possibly are thinking of leaving it for your artwork or putting it on the back burner...something like that? YT: Yeah.. I have just lost some interest in the whole scene here. The scene used to be a few changes and the flow kept rolling.. now it seems that it changes every day, and I don't want it to be something that cries for respect, because in the scene today, nothing is sacred, and it's abused. I mean when I began TBH4o5 as a newsletter about a year ago it was something small, just a text file really, and it's grown into this big thing. I like that part of it, I hate the part that everyone just takes advantage of the whole underground idea. It used to be like a secret thing, and now it's just up for grabs. It has lost its fun for me. I am not calling it quits yet. I mean, I took a break and won't be back with issue eleven until late May or even June. I just need to get away, and I plan to spend time in the art scene. UNION, the group I am in now, is just a whole different world than anything local. I mean, you start running around with one of the best three art groups in the nation and you have to be serious about it.. and I am. BS: Yeah, it would seem like it, since you are taking a break from TBH. But you mentioned that the whole "underground" was being taken advantage of? How do you mean? YT: Gawd. I could explain it best like this. When I started finding out that there were darker sides to the modem (like pirate files and p/h/a and all that) about six years ago it was hard to find. Boards would look normal on the front end and you had to have high access to find back doors with the "elite" stuff. Now, it's like "Hey, I have a board and it's run with OBV/2 software and I am going to advertise it as 0-day, no lamers" type. It's not special and it's grown into something that is sad and sick. Ya know, maybe it could just be I have access anywhere and it's not so hard to find? I dunno.. BS: No, I don't think it's just you. It seems like every time I log on a board I see all these advertisements with little descriptions under them that say things like:"P/H/A only" etc. And it's just like.. so blatant. I think, though, that part of the reason why it's like this now is because of TBH and the newsletters. It's like everyone wants to be a part of this big "project" or something. Why do you think there is so much interest in TBH and the newsletters and activities and such? YT: Man. Good one. Yes, I can say that the overflooding of shit can be pointed to the newsletters and the interest, and that bothers me. I can't keep them hidden, because everyone wants to read them. I find it almost funny when it gets around on Internet and people all over the nation want to read about Oklahoma's underground. Why people have this interest...that's a "tuff" question. I could say that there is a whole society on the modem world, or as some call it, "cyber-space," that is just a mask for people. You see, on the modem one may be able to succeed at things, whereas in real life certain goals are not there to gain. It's like something I always want to study as a sociologist some day. So they want to be part of this power; it's really strange if ya ask me. I started TBH as something for me and a group of a few underground boards I called, and now it's just something that people look forward to. I hope they don't read it just to look for their name. BS: It seems as if a lot of people DO do that.. I was on VDS [Vinculum Data Systems-- duh!] right after the 10th issue came out, like the very day and I saw an argument between two users (that I won't mention) about whose name was mentioned more often. No kidding.. and they were counting up like "I've been mentioned twelve times since the first issue" and stuff like that.It's become very overblown and like you said, almost sad because as I understand it, it was just some kind of thing to present news in the scene to local boards and now people read it for entertainment, which I'm sure is not what you wanted at all. But do you think your goal of uniting local boards in this way was accomplished? YT: Yes, it was. I brought it all together with TBH4o5. And I am grateful. There are a lot of boards out there from the underground side that are great because of the support I gave them and the support the members of that board gave me. It was a circle of things at first. Then I started calling TBH the "newsletter to inform and entertain" and now it's mostly entertainment that is given, because there is not much news to give every month or so, but I think that was part of TBH and its growing. I don't have a problem with people being entertained by TBH. I have a problem with people not understanding who it is written for. BS: So after all that, you are going to concentrate more on your artwork for the time being. I want to ask you some things about that. Okay.. speaking to someone who is unfamiliar with the differences between art groups across the country, what is the difference between saying, "I am in ACID" and "I am in UNION" or whatever? YT: Well I never did any studies on the history of art groups out there, I know that ICE and ACID were some of the first out there, I mean, years ago. And there really is no difference to me other than I have artists in one group that I love to see what they have drawn and faves in other groups that I look at. To be honest (and this is a bad part of the art scene) people like it sometimes just for the name. People will spend up to two hundred bucks on a two hundred line ANSI from people in ICE or ACID or even UNION for that matter. So its like a big market now. I have met artists who live off of art work now. And as for differences in the groups, it's the artist.I really hope that many users who have access to these art packs take a look at them. They are great. BS: All right. So you are saying that pretty much the differences lie in the quality of the artwork that members in the groups put out? YT: Yes and no. Sometimes a member from ACID will go to UNION or some other group for a month, so its not the groups themselves. The big three have a tradition of great work overall so to compare the groups would be unfair (though many do). It's just part of this hobby I enjoy. It's just based on taste of the person viewing it, and the group's talent itself. Some groups out there really suck, but they are just trying to make it in the scene as a big power art group (like I said before the real life/modem life). BS: Who are "The Big Three?" YT: Hahah.. I could answer 2 ways. The big three on the art scene are ACID,ICE and UNION. The big three local are TTP,EX, and SD (boards--I call them the big three because they are the biggest underground boards) heh. BS: It seems almost similar to the TBH thing we just talked about, where there's, like, a hierarchy of what is "cool" and what isn't (or "elite" haha). It's like politics or something. I liked what you said about modeming vs. real life though.. when did you get this sudden interest in art (or is it not so sudden?) YT: Well I have been in many smaller groups: RANCID and EDEN, to name a few. These were used by me to just sharpen my skills and now that I made UNION I feel that I need to be more serious. I mean, my first pack with the group is to be released soon, and I already have people I don't know on I-Net asking me do do them pics for cash or trade (like accounts on other boards and such) and they have never seen my work, they just want the UNION name. BS: Wow.. so is that your goal? To make money at this? YT: NO. I hope it is no one's. My goal in the art scene is to let people around the world see my stuff. That's it. I am not saying I'll turn down cash..hehehe..but it was never a plan of mine and when I was offered [money] the first time, I nearly laughed thinking it was a joke. And I dunno, I'd love to do graphics for a living. BS: How do you think this is going to affect TBH, and the scene locally now that you are spending more time working with UNION and your artwork? YT: Well that's why I found me a staff (even though even they at times seem to be too busy even for something they love). I mean, Flack is forgiven, he is hard at work with the SAZ crew. But the others just don't understand deadlines and such. I have many out there local that would love to be on the staff, and I may have a staff change when I come back. I have not decided yet. BS: But you are seen as kind of the "leader" since you are the founder. You don't think this will affect the scene (more than the newsletter itself)? I am basically talking about all those people who oh.. like read the newsletter to be "elite" and stuff like that... YT: Heh, it takes more than a copy of TBH to make one elite. Well, yes it may do something.. good or bad I can't tell. It's hard to say because the scene is moving so slow now, and with I-Net growing so fast its like the need for Bulletin Board Systems is going downhill fast. I can get anything--ANYTHING-- off the Internet that I can get here on local boards, and many times faster. BS: So you think that with time, all of the "BBS world" will become obsolete? YT: Well, I have two ways I think about the future of the modem world. 1) The BBS will become an I-Net thing (like MUDS, but more of the BBS style) where you can set up a board on your I-net account and people call it with their I-net account; or 2) The government and its pressure for control of I-net will kill the Internet craze (underground-wise anyway) and the BBS will become higher than it has ever been. BS: That is interesting... Do you see yourself as a kind of "role model" for people locally or even nationally? YT: Well local... I hope so, in ways. See, this may sound crazy to some, but this is a hobby I live for, and anything or anyone that makes it local brings in the national. Like a board getting a site for a group that none local have seen before, or a local making it national. National.. oh man, I have been asked by many across the nation to make TBH a nationwide thing. It won't happen, and if it does I won't be running it. It would take all my time. I have a bad enough time trying to get the local mag together; I don't want to hunt down Joe Blow from Kansas for his article over the I-net. BS: So what have you contributed to the scene other than the formation of TBH4o5? YT: Heh.. I dunno really. I try and help out anyone that is into the BBS thing. I hate those who put up a board for the sake of saying I am a SysOp instead of putting up a board for the love of the modem (if there is a love hehehe). I guess you could say I try and support all the groups local that are worth the eyes of others. I know many think that my opinion is, like, the one to get, but it's just my taste and if others follow it, then it's sad they went with it without looking for themselves. BS: Yes.. I have noticed you seem to be a pretty helpful person. You've helped out TDKEB a lot. How long have you been modeming? YT: Oh, long one here..heh..[deep breath].. Okay, I would say probably about eight years overall. It started when a friend of mine had his 1200 baud modem with his PC Junior (Lefty) and we called some boards and got GIFs (and with CGA oh man was it sad). We would spend hours just downloading two GIFs. And from there we found boards with message bases. The scene was rather small. The second time was a friend down the street sold me his C64 with a VIC20 300 baud modem.. haha. That's when I started doing it daily. BS: Wow, that is hard to believe you have been doing it so long. I mean, I think the first time I saw a modem was when I was about fifteen. I remember my ex-boyfriend bought a 1200 baud from someone for, like, fifty dollars and he was acting like it was the greatest thing on the planet. I watched him spend hours getting pictures (of naked women.. haha) and chatting with SysOps and NO ONE really knew what modems were except just these few people, it seems like, you know.. and I know there were like probably two women in the whole state that modemed.. ahaha. Well.. ok I would like to ask your opinion about something: the "standard of speaking" in the modem world (especially the 'underground') seems to portray a kind of racist and sexist attitude. Where the hell did this come from??? YT: Well I really don't know. The racist views are not as big as you think locally. I have heard of and seen boards nation-wide that devote the entire BBS to racism. It's sad in my opinion and some things some people may take for just jokes may hurt others, or may just piss 'em off big time. The 'ho' talk is not meant to be taken seriously. It started as just a way to speak of "chicks" (heh) on the modem. And when I first started, I knew none, maybe that's why it's not very fair to some, but now with "home computers" and the big sales of computers, the scene is balancing out. I can't really understand the negative feelings some hold. They are probably that way in real life as well, and it gets passed into their "modem personality." As for the underground there are some (politically speaking) women in the national scene (none really local) that move 0-day or such, but they have my support if it's for them. I remember when I first met a chick on the modem (I know chick sounds bad, but hell I like the word.. heh) she was cool as shit, and I know that the typical thought of a modem girl is not a good picture in many heads out there, but there are many I have met that are fine. Hell, the chick I live with now I met over the modem. BS: Yes, it's just coming back, I think, to what you said about more computer sales... more people are getting exposed. Computer "chicks" (like me and the rest of TDKEB) are just normal people.. not great, not repulsive.. haha. Just like the rest of the world I guess. Speaking of GOGIRL (whom you have lived with since that fateful night in my kitchen), some of TDKEB wants me to ask you like how that situation is going (or you can tell me to mind my own fucking business..hahaha)? YT: Your kitchen! Big memory.. hahaha. Well, it's been almost six months (I can't believe that one myself) but it's great. Hehehe.. I won't get into like hot and horny details. She is a person who just doesn't get this "elite" thing and I'll never be able to explain how I feel about the "scene" to her. She has quit modeming, and I never found out really why. She jokes about some of the others she dated on the modem, and I think its funny that she was, like, so shocked to find out YAUN-ti was not some evil god.. haha. We used to joke that she was sleeping with the enemy. BS: Hahaha. No actually, I think most of us (TDKEB) were pretty surprised to find out that you and most of the rest of TBH4o5 are really nice guys. But you are kind of like a um.. oh.. a "housedaddy" now. So how has fatherhood changed you? YT: Oh man, I don't know, I know I just can't go out and grab a sixer every other day. And her kids are like two of my closest friends now..its great. Like just the other day I had the great chance to explain things to the five-year old (she asked me what lungs were and how they worked). YAUN-Ti, Mr. Science hahaha.. And it's just cool, but it has changed a lot of my old habits. I don't drink much anymore, and I have to watch my language because every word I speak gets repeated. BS: Wow. It sounds like you are enjoying being around them a lot! That is great. You describe them and being with them with such enthusiasm. That is something like, if I didn't know you, I would NOT expect of the "YAUN-ti Modem Persona." :) YT: Hahaha yeah I guess I have this strange picture that gets into people's heads when they hear the name or think of some of the things I support or do on the modem, but I am, or I try to be, the same. One thing I did not mention before that I should have is that with TBH I have met some really cool people and some really good friends. Brent (False God) and Rob (Jack Flack) are two right off the top of my head that are more than modem pals. I talk to those guys on the phone and hang out when I can. That's one great thing that TBH4o5 has given ME. BS: Yes it has introduced a lot of people it seems. And even like the Gatherings and such brought people together that weren't even in TBH4o5, like, for example, US [TDKEB and TBH4o5]. Are there going to be any more Gatherings? YT: Well, if people would quit having them out in the middle of nowhere and bring them closer to Norman.. haha. I hope so, I enjoy those things, more than the party itself. There is a lot of fun at those. I remember the first Gathering was not even with TBH4o5. It was there I announced that I would bring the scene together, and well I did that. BS: Yeah! This is true, you sure did. I have seen so many changes just over the last six or seven months and I'm just barely into the surface of a lot of it. You know that we (TDKEB) are having a party in Norman on ------- right?? YT: Cool, I'll have to try and get me and Gogirl to make it. Yeah I kinda like to be the funny man at those parties. BS: At ANYWHERE!! I remember that one time after that meeting at Capitol Hill about the modem pornography bill when we all went to Denny's and you were talking to that waitress about having a tattoo on your butt or something.. so..um.. DO YOU? YT: Hahhaha I won't tell... haha..Yeah, it's a big rose with a banner that says 'The Love Butt.' Hahaha No, I don't. I just like to turn heads and step out of the norms. It's okay to walk against the flow every now and then, so I just do it the loudest. BS: Yeah.. that is for sure.. hehe. I think that about touches on everything we wanted to ask.. but do you have anything you wanted to ask or add here before we end this damn thing already? YT: Well, I guess that for this moment that I still want everyone to support the locals, get some affils and bring 4o5 to the national level. I want this scene to be big like New York's or Chicago's. I mean, we have changed for the better since the support of TBH started, and I want it to continue. And that I will be back for issue eleven. Don't know when, but I will. And I want those who hate the art scene to give it a look. Many boards out there have the latest packs. It's some good stuff. And thanks for this.. another reason I wanted it is because I'd look funny asking myself questions in TBH4o5. BS: True..:) You actually have kind of made me curious about the art packs. I'd like to look at some. I guess now I will. Well, thank you for this interview and all the help you've given TDKEB and also before I let you go (hehe) I just want to say that all of the ragging we do on you and TBH, etc. is meant in fun. There's nothing malicious and personal about it. We'll try to keep this interview intact however, just for the sake of clarity. YT: Hehehe I know, I liked TDKEB, just go t lost in the goofiness of it all. It was really good, and a nice change from the normal stuff I see and do on the scene. ;) BS: Yeah that's what we were shooting for (no pun intended.. I'm sorry, I've been good this whole interview). Okay, I am glad you liked it. Hopefully, with time they will get better and better. Thanks again for the interview. YT: Hey, no problem. I'm glad you agreed to it. And I hope you have much fun and success doing [the TDKEB e-mag], cause when the fun in modeming goes, so do I. BS: Yeah.. exactly. Same here. YT: You are going to fix the grammar and spelling a bit, right? BS: Yes.. hah..I'll run spellcheck and stuff. I know I made hella typing errors back there. But this is the quickest and best way I've ever done an interview because you have verbatim what was said RIGHT THERE! YT: Yeah, I do it every month.. hehehehe. I am surprised there were no goofy questions. BS: Nah.. not really. We have some serious stuff too.. :) Actually, I was really curious as to what you had to say so I wanted to try and keep it serious. YT: Cool! Well, K, I am outty, I need to pee bad. Good luck on your news thingie... :) BS: Thank you. I hope things work out for you, too. Bye bye. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited, and just sorta hang out.. like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind." --Happy Harry Hard-On, PUMP UP THE VOLUME ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ What Do You Know? (there's a question of relevancy at stake here) The modem world is filled with them: half-truths, fallacies, lies. People say things casually over the modem that may or may not be true. Do you have what it takes to filter through the bullshit and get down to the real facts? Check yourself by taking this quiz of the most common modem lies. When people say the following sentences and questions to you, how should they REALLY be interpreted? Can you read between the lines? Pick the one answer in the set of five that DOES NOT belong. "I'm a model." a. "I was Baywatch's casting director's first choice for Pamela Anderson's character." b. "Once I was at the mall and this foreign custodian there asked me for my phone number." c. "I don't break mirrors." d. "I can spell the word 'model.'" e. "I have REALLY green eyes." Odd man out: A "My wife is mean to me." a. "The last time I cheated on her, she threatened to leave me." b. "She refused to do the dishes last night." c. "She doesn't like it when I spend time on my modem because I flirt with other women." d. "She claims I'm a victim of premature ejaculation." e. "She purposely tries to keep my self-esteem low so I won't leave her." Odd man out: E "I am the human vibrator." a. "I need my batteries replaced every other day." b. "Once I made this woman have an orgasm back when I was in the prime of my youth." c. "Sex with me is the perfect opportunity to practice your 'faking' skills. d. "One night with me will leave you begging for more." e. "You might have good sex with me after you put me through basic training." Odd man out: D "I'd like to meet you sometime." a. "Are you busy in, oh, say about... five minutes?" b. "Are you as bored and lifeless as I am?" c. "I'm horny as hell." d. "Yes! I found the cyberspace singles bar!" e. "I'd like to take you to Sunday morning church service with me to meet my parents." Odd man out: E "Do you have a gif of yourself?" a. "Are you sexy?" b. "I'm horny as hell and I want something to masturbate to." c. "If you're ugly, I'm wasting my time talking to you." d. "Is it true you turned down Playboy?" e. "I can't wait until I meet you. I have to know what you look like now Now NOW!" Odd man out: D "Do you switch hit?" a. "Just out of curiosity... have you ever participated in a menage a' trois?" b. "Can I take pictures?" c. "Does your boyfriend switch hit?" d. "Are you kinky?" e. "Can I ask nosy questions about your personal life?" Odd man out: A "I've been modeming since before you were born." a. "You are a child." b. "I am a god, and I know way more than you'll EVER know." c. "I remember when I had to walk barefoot two miles in the snow to school-- both ways!" d. "I was country, when country wasn't cool." e. "Everybody's doing it, so why can't I?" Odd man out: B "Can I be in your gang?" a. "Are you a crip or a blood?" b. "Do you switch hit?" c. "I'm not really this desperate, really, I'm not." d. "Please I need to belong. Please, PLEASE!" e. "Where can I get an application? I've read every issue of your newsletter and I mix letters and numbers when I spell words." Odd man out: C We suggest you use this guide and add to it each and every time you modem from now on. It's getting thicker and deeper by the minute... everyone should also enroll in Intro to Modem Bullshit 101 before the next issue of TDKEB. Thank you. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I'm a lumberjack now, baby, but I ain't jacked my lumber baby, since my chain saw you." --Jackyl, THE LUMBERJACK ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Some Assembly Required (you never know who that might be at the door) This month, we'd like to dedicate our top-ten list to PYROMAN. Greg, go get the tissue, get a bucket, put a towel down, whatever you have to do. Here is our list of the top ten things we never want to see Pyroman type again... there are even a few bonus entires! 14 "SUP" 13 "When is your party?" 12 "Is anything going on tonight?" 11 "Why didn't anyone tell me?" 10 "Kangaroo is a lamah." 9 "Why aren't you talking to me?" 8 "I got this awesome woman. She's a model." 7 "Why is Tina calling me that?" 6 "Is Kristen and [insert any male on VDS] going out/getting back together?" 5 "Someone call Barry for me." 4 "Get [insert anyone in a teleconference channel other than the one he is in] to invite me." 3 "You've changed." 2 "Why is [insert any TBH member] mad at me? 1 "Where did [insert any TBH member] go?" ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "You rich bitch with your socially acceptable rebellion." --Ivy, POISON IVY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ All's Fair in Love and Rock (that night the earth stopped turning) SOMEBODY SAVE ME! I think I'm FALLING TO PIECES. Sometimes when I glance in the mirror, I'll think I've got the LOOKS THAT KILL. Other times, I feel pretty OUTSHINED. I know that beauty is in the EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, but I'm looking for the LOVE OF A LIFETIME. I don't want the SAME OL' SITUATION, and I'm tired of going ROUND AND ROUND. No more EASY COME, EASY GO. I can HANG TOUGH, but I'm still CRYIN' over the last FABULOUS DISASTER. But NO MORE TEARS. LIFE GOES ON, right? I'm ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY, and I NEVER want to be ALONE AGAIN with MY FRIEND OF MISERY. During THE SMALL HOURS in the STILL OF THE NIGHT, I CALL YOUR NAME. I don't know HOW MUCH LOVE it will take to find you, but you'll know when YOU'RE IN LOVE. I CAN'T EXPLAIN, but it's MORE THAN A FEELING. I JUST WANNA know WHEN IT'S LOVE. It's AMAZING what some guys will do to get CLOSER to you. If you are ALL FIRED UP, SCARED, HELPLESS, OUT TA GET ME, A LITTLE BITTER, if you are just looking for a SEX TYPE THING or NOTHIN' BUT A GOOD TIME on the WILD SIDE and you CAN'T GET ENUFF, If you won't LOOSEN UP, or RISE to the occasion, if you're a KID EGO or a WANTED MAN, enjoy BREAKING ALL THE RULES, are full of BIG TALK or are a big, fat LIAR, have DIRTY SECRETS, if you've BEEN CAUGHT STEALING, if you're a LIVE WIRE who's too HARD TO HANDLE, if YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME, if you have low SELF-ESTEEM, or if you are one of those guys who DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT (TIL IT'S GONE), then DREAM ON, because YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMIN'. You'll get NOTHIN' FOR NOTHIN' from me. I'll surely tell you you can LOOK BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH. Yet, paradoxically, NICE BOYS will probably be told to take a WALK. This may make you FUCKING HOSTILE, but DON'T CRY. AM I EVIL? Nah, it's ONLY MY HEART TALKING. Yes, I know LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD and we're all LIVING ON THE EDGE, but I CAN'T STAND THE HEARTACHE of a BAD OBSESSION. It's SAD BUT TRUE. That's THE WAY IT IS. I mean, EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN and we all know LOVE IS A KILLER, but if you're a HEARTBREAKER, you'd better stay MILES AWAY before I get ANGRY AGAIN. If you're going to drive me CRAZY, then I DO NOT WANT THIS. I'm NOBODY'S FOOL, so don't leave me feeling HOLLOW. But I guarantee that if you've got WHAT IT TAKES to KICKSTART MY HEART, you'll be BACK FOR MORE. If you were BORN TO BE MY BABY, then I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU with MORE THAN WORDS. It wouldn't be LIVING IN SIN, because WE BELONG together and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. ANYTHING GOES! We can take THIS LOVE to A NEW LEVEL. If you DON'T TREAT ME BAD, DON'T DAMN ME, and DON'T WALK AWAY, then YOU COULD BE MINE. I'll worship EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. IT'S SO EASY, really. If you're ready to GIVE IT AWAY, then HERE I AM! I WANT ACTION! If you make me HOT AND BOTHERED, then REACH FOR ME because I want to SPEND MY LIFE with you. If you are the ONE IN A MILLION, if there's NO ONE LIKE YOU, and you give me SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN, I'll be the one who wants TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. It would be HEAVEN! It would be PARADISE! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR LOVE (AND AFFECTION). I'll be SWEATING BULLETS until you COME AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. I've got a little PATIENCE. If you can't be the one to WIND ME UP, then WHAT THE HELL HAVE I? WITHOUT YOU, I might as well say GOOD-BYE TO ROMANCE. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "Don't remember where I was, I realized life was a game, The more seriously I took things, the harder the rules became." --Megadeth, A TOUT LE MONDE ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Word Play (hey little girl want some candy) You let me desecrate you... --Hi my name is Joe and I like it nice and slow so will you please suck my big toe? --Hi my name is flower and I like to pee in the shower. --Hi my name is Stacey and my underwear is lacy and I like to pretend I'm Dick Tracy. --Hi my name is Lucy and my thighs are real juicy. --Hi my name is Pete, dany I am so k-rad elite. --Hi my name is Pam and I like to body slam then eat a can of Spam. --Hi my name is Turtle and I wear a chocolate-covered girdle. --Hi my name is Chastain and I forgot my last name. --Hi my name is Dave and I live in a cave. --Hi my name is Jello and they call me Mellow Yellow. --Hi my name is Daisy and I am a little bit crazy. --Hi my name is Mr. Spock and I'm the biggest cock on the block. --Hi my name is Daniel and I'd like to fuck a cocker spaniel. --Hi my name is Deega and I'm just too fucking eaga'. --Hi my name is Colby and I'm a stud but nobody's told me. --Hi my name is Kevin and beating off is heaven times seven. --Hi my name is Prong and I wanted you to talk about my long schlong. --Hi my name is Todd and I live inside a pod because I think that I am a god. --Hi my name is Erotica and I act like a slut allotica. --Hi my name is Rivas and I look a lot like Beavis. --Hi my name is Erika and me and Brent make a good pairika. --Hi my name is Gus and I ride the short, yellow bus (thank you Brent.. hehe). - Hi my name is Barry and now I'm no longer hairy, but my friends still think I'm a fairy so I guess I'm pretty scary. --Hi my name is John and my dong reaches San Juan. --Hi my name is Paramour of Pain and I can't spell my name. I NEVER CAME (as put to the lyrics and music of "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles) Close your thighs Give me your man, darlin Do you feel yourself beating? Do you use your hand? Do you feel ashamed? Am I only creaming Or is this burning why I never came? I believe you'll taste like spree, darlin I catch you when you rae peeping You belong in me, Did you know I came? Do you want me screaming, Or is this yearning why I feel ashamed? Scream my name Sometimes you must aim Though your wife is lonely, Still you cum and leave a stain. I don't want to use your ceiling, Ohhhhhhhh. Close your thighs, Give me your hand, Do you feel my part needing? Do you have a man? Did you kneel in shame? Will I soon be creaming Or is this burning Why I must abstain? ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I'm such a liar. I lie to myself constantly. The truth is that I didn't know what I wanted back then. But when I saw her, I began to get an inkling." --Mark, SEE YOU LATER ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ TRUTH ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³Indisputable Fact Corresponding To Real Events; The³ ³Absence of Fallacy or Falsehood; Sincerity or Honesty³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ by Raven Is it okay to bend the truth? You have to admit, a lot of people on the modem do it. Actually it's pretty safe to say that at one time or another we have ALL bent the truth on the modem. Does this sound familiar? "I'm beautiful, slender, sexy and have golden hair and eyes." That's bullshit. Or this famous one. "I'm every man's fantasy." That one is from Precious. Please... Do you know how you would have to be to become EVERY man's fantasy. What if one man's fantasy is to make love to a goat!? Anyway... Is it okay to bend the truth? That was my original question. I don't believe there is anything wrong with it in certain situations, however what comes around goes around. In other words, whatever you do, it comes back to you. So if you lie lie to someone and they lie back, don't expect to have the right to be angry. The truth is a powerful weapon. Everyone fucks up once in a while and if you keep score of things, it's pretty safe to say that if you criticize someone there is probably something that you have done that this person can bust you for. Verbal insults are slung about as if they were nothing, but the truth is, the more a person is insulting, the worse they feel about themselves. It has been proven so many times. The truth will set you free. Don't you hate having something on your mind that you just cannot tell to anyone? Something maybe that you are ashamed of or that you know about someone else that you just can't tell? We all do at some level. Just maybe, if we all face that fact that we have things like that in common we can tell the truth about each other without our egos getting blown away. And we all know what deadly things egos are. Let's tell the truth, who needs egos. Stop hiding, come into the light. You might be sexy to yourself and to those that love you. But you will never be all that you say you are if you have an ego problem. Just tell the truth. You won't look like such an ass when people get to know the real you. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "They have all murdered your heart. They thought you were a whore. That is a terrible word to use on someone who is really just a sad little girl looking for love, isn't it." --The Salesman, DEMON KNIGHT ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ DESIRE ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The State Of Wishing, Longing or Yearning; The Object³ ³Of A Lust; Sexual Appetite Or Passion; An Aspiration³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ by Violetta Kitten Desire is such a powerful word.. When I think about it my mind goes into overload; the strongest emotion I know. A burning sensation inside of me... I want something. I see it. I taste it. I feel it. I hear it. But it is not mine. I can not have it. Something to be dangled in front of me, behind me... suspended all around me. I try to grasp it, but it slips slowly through my fingers. Slow enough to let me know what I am missing. It's this unimaginable hell that surrounds me, teasing me like the sweet, poisonous smell of fresh, virgin blood through a vampire's decaying nostrils. And I'm seeing something I want right now. I have this picture in my mind.. Can you sense the intensity? Can you feel what I am feeling? The desire is so strong, it lurks inside of me and all around me. It consumes my every thought, my every action. I live for you, I breathe for you, I move for you, I die for you. I have these desires, but I can not describe them. These sensations are so intense that I simply can't deny them either. If I tried to sit here and illustrate them to you, it would take an eternity. There is too much activity in my head surrounding them and too much denial in society. Can you sincerely tell yourself that all of your desires are fulfilled? Or more logically, that all of your desires will fade into some kind of reality at any time in your life? Maybe it is just me and my negative thinking...... I would love to accept it as the truth, but I have experienced too many "bad" things in my life to follow that line. Life is entirely too painful for me to sit around and let my dreams live my life.. More reasonably, I want to let my life live my dreams. But what if I were to ignore the activity? Sometimes I wish that I could shut off my emotions to the world. I think about this constantly. I need some protection, but is this the answer? I contemplate all of the things I have ever wanted. Are they justifiable? Do they still exist inside of me? Questions to be answered only by myself (that is, unless you know something I don't.. ???) . Ever since I was in elementary school I have wanted to play the drums. They have always fascinated me. I can just relax, listen to a drum solo, and get lost inside myself... So peaceful. The dream still remains.. And sometimes I wonder... Once that desire dissolves into truth, what's next? It is not like I never achieve the things I want to. There are times when my desires turn to reality, but that just leaves more room for more desire. There is never enough room. Desire is a big part of life and I think that if I never dreamed, if I never wanted, if I never wished, if I never desired... I would shrivel up and die emotionally. That is something I am not ready to handle. It's not like I am high on life (I will be the first to admit that I am far from pleased with my life status right now), but every once in awhile someone or even something new develops in my life, things happen as a result - no matter what, good or bad... mostly bad - and I learn something new. Observe, Establish, Evolve, Move. It is a constant chain, but who wants life to stay the same? "My heart is aching.. My body is burning.. My hands are shaking.. My head is turning.. You understand .. It's so easy to choose.. We've go time to kill .. We've got nothing to lose.. I want you now." ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I was young when I died. I didn't have the chance to make my mark on the world. I didn't do anything unique, nothing that will change the course of history. But I wasn't a bad girl. I don't want to be forgotten. I want people to remember me." --Shari, REMEMBER ME ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ KARMA ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³Determination of a Future or Destiny Established By³ ³Behavior In The Present; Aura Or Atmosphere of Fate³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ by DeRaNgEd Drifting aimlessly somewhere between past, present, future what has been, what is, what will be, and what is reality. But is it really? Who are we? What where we yesterday? Who will we be tommorow? I close my eyes and imagine yesterday years ago in a different life. Sitting silently in a small spice shop waiting for someone, anyone to stop in for a visit. It is a cold lonely life sometimes. Venice is a beautiful place though and the waters keep my mind occupied; the thought of soaking my sore feet in them, quiet rides over the smoothly flowing surface. I hear my name then "Victoria" coming from near by. Cold hands touch my skin and wake me from the past I no longer know. That is a different body; the same soul but definitly a different body. We all change. I look down at my growing stomach. The unborn one I hold within I knew in her previous life. She was a he. His life a hard one. Drugs and luck played the biggest part of her life. In this life I will have to change that for her or him. It's hard to keep this keep this all straight. Should I refer to him/her as in the now or as in the past. I close my eyes and try to focus on tommorow. I am walking through a dark forest the scent of a fresh kill is all over me. There is a creeping sense of tiredness trying to consume my body. I will soon get back to my den and watch as the wolf children consume themselves in endless games until they too tire themselves out. The crashing of something in the distance brings me back again. Even the form in which we take changes. Human.. wolf.. what difference does it make to a wandering spirit. The only thing it it really needs is a shelter or home to rest and persist rather than wander in the dark realms of the unknown. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "There is no new experience in life. Something may happen to you that you think has never happened before, that you think is brand new, but you are mistaken. You only have to see or smell or hear or feel a certain something and you will discover that this experience you thought was new has happened before." --Robert, THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY? ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ EXPERIENCE ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³Active Participation In Some Event Leading To The³ ³Acquisition Of Skill Or Knowledge Through The Senses³ ³Or Mind; Living Or Encountering; A Loss of Innocence³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ by Black Sunshine Downfall Let me tell you a story. This will not be like most stories: it's not happy and it's not easy to grasp, even though it occurs with an almost frightening consistency. And it never ends. Not now. Not ever. It's a portrait of the journey into discontent, as shown through ardent self-destruction. Let's talk about the whole drug experience. Let's talk about what separates the drug abusers from the clean freaks. Let's talk about what separates us all. Drugs are both a passive and active element in the descent to the bottom. They are a cause and an effect of mental entrapment. Why do people stick needles into breathing rivers of blood and inject toxic waste directly into the flow? Why do they pull the thick, sweet smoke of brain poisoning into their lungs and trap it there until they choke for air? Why do they swallow tiny, white packets of paranoia-- ten, twenty, fifty at a time-- until they gag and convulse in a heart-wrenching backlash? We all have our little vices. What is real without them? There is no mastery of self today without these tiny trips to nowhere. Nowhere is, after all, right in front of you. It's all around you. It's inside of you. Even without drugs. Especially without drugs. Sometimes the only way to get inside yourself is to get away from yourself. As you attempt to leave, you may notice you are doing strange things to keep yourself, things you never thought you'd do. You thought you were strong until you tried to divide yourself this way. A drug-induced dream will both lock you away and set you free in one shot. Then you really see what's going on: There is so much self-hatred. I see it everywhere I look-- in the people I love, in the people I hate. It's not prejudiced. I see it right outside my apartment, and I see it two thousand miles away. I see it in the middle of the day, and at four a.m. I see it in my past. I see it in the mirror. The struggle begins. And how should I torment myself today? The control I surrender makes way for a new kind. The chemical entity that chips away at my integrity, pilfers tiny bits of my memory and my morality, and erodes the dull pain behind my blank stare, also conversely transforms me into a goddess, seething with enthusiasm, self-confidence and vitality. I know she's not real. But she feels more authentic than what is real. This thing that is killing me has brought me back from the dead. I indulge heartily. I feed off of the pain that always comes later, because it is the only thing I am not distant from. Yet, eventually, it only reminds me of the shadow I will be when I am myself again. When there is only me. I can't live without this thing that is destoying me, because then I would be alone with myself. I have to tear myself apart to keep myself intact. When there are no distractions, it is the hardest to live. When there is no pain, it is the hardest to remember. When there is no memory, it is the hardest to feel. We yearn desperately for sweet, cold sips of liquid life, saturated with the knowledge of memory and the celebration of the ability to feel deeply. Then we thrust it away the moment it begins to overpower us. Without an identity, we would be assimilated. We don't know ourselves. Something essential is missing from the fabric of intrapersonal communication. There's a well- worn circle that our generation has been placed on and ordered to race around at a speed that is ungodly. We are fed the delusions that belonged in our parents' world, shoved into a frenzy of media hype and stripped of direction-- a circle has no direction, it is always turning. Without a destination, there is no motivation. Desire becomes empty and futile. We misplace our purpose, our humanness. We lose ourselves in bottomless isolation. I want to reach out and touch things, but they aren't there The things I yearn for today are already regressing so far backwards in time that they will soon be in the past. But not my past. You can't touch me. Nothing can. You can't even see me anymore and I forgot how to get out. Getting out! There's an ambition, something real. I long to get out of this place... this situation, this state, this country, this planet, this galaxy-- my head. There is always a cell when you can't get out of your head. It closes in; the thoughts are torturous. Why are they even there? There is no peace inside our heads anymore. There is only an incompleteness that burns and clutches with the desperate fingers of hope, and of need. What would happen if I didn't need anymore? It's clinging. Please don't let go. But no one showed us how to hold on once the delusion inevitably crumbled. When will I be alive? When can I finally experience reality? I fear that if I was able to ultimately get out of here-- the only thing I pray for, the only thing that can save me-- that there would be nothing left. This is a story about how to keep yourself when you don't even know who that is. Why wouldn't we want to hurt ourselves when everything else is so numb? Pain is the only true link to actuality. The drug experience is one of the only way out of your isolation. There is nothing to separate drug users from the clean... sooner or later, we all try to get out of ourselves, or else we block the exits to ensure that we will never have to leave. A double-edged sword. Lack of contact is going to kill you; you have no spirit. None of us do. Not now. Not ever. How much will I ingest today? How much? Three-hundred thirteen hours, forty minutes, twelve seconds. I have been clean for three-hundred thirteen hours. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "If I commit suicide, it will not be to destroy myself, but to put myself back together again. Suicide will be for me only one means of violently reconquering myself." --Antonin Artaud, AN ANTHOLOGY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ BRAWN ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³Well-developed Muscles; Strength; A Quality Of Being³ ³Able Due To Potency or Durability; Resiliance; Power³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ by Anacodia People need a certain amount of strength to be able to survive. I am not talking about physical strength, but strength in other forms. Strength is all in your head. You make yourself as strong or as weak as you imagine yourself to be. If you make yourself out to be physically strong, and carry yourself as such, you will begin to believe that you are physically strong. If you make yourself out to be mentally strong and carry yourself as such, people will believe that you are mentally strong. Of course, people that go to either extreme tend to be rather annoying; you become either a bully or a geek. While it would be nice to know everything, and nice to be able to defend yourself against that everything that came your way, if you possess a little of both, and continue working for both, you pretty much have it made. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "My fear grips the will of stone, My grip fears I'll die alone." --Pantera, LIVE IN A HOLE ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Sweet Little Secrets (all alone on the edge of the world) You answered our questions... Is the proverb "honesty is the best policy" a fact or a myth? Dave: Honesty implies that a truth is being told. Truth is not self-evident. Truth to one may be a lie to another. Only God knows the truth. Sometimes people aren't strong enough or emotionally stable enough to tell the truth. In cases such as these it is best to either plea the fifth or simply give your opinion and state it as such - only an opinion. But under no circumstances should you lie. What is the one thing you feel you can never have? Espruar: Freedom from our idiotic government. If you could know one thing about your future, what would you want to know? Violetta Kitten: I think that's crossing boundaries there skippy! I really want to know nothing about my future, but if I have to pick, then I'll take... how does Violetta die for two hundred? Death and all its surroundings are extremely fascinating to me. It's kind of like the children's song, "The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see..." Talk about an experience that makes you laugh. DeRaNgEd: Once I went to a rave and there were so many people tripping on acid there. I walked in and yelled, "BEES!" and waved my arms like there were bees flying around me and all the tripped-out people started ducking and waving their arms around too and freaking out. It was hilarious. Is it more important to have body brawn or mental brawn? Black Sunshine: I thought I already mentioned that my goal in life is to have the perfect mind. Of course, I would love to be perfect in every way. Who doesn't want a perfect body? But bodies die. I guess I would actually love to have the perfect soul, and mental brawn is a key to that. TRUTH/Raven: What is the worst lie you have ever told? DESIRE/Violetta Kitten: Tell about a desire you have had in the past that has come true. How do you feel about it? KARMA/DeRaNgEd: Do you believe that you have had a past-life experience? If so, describe it. EXPERIENCE/Black Sunshine: Are you more into the idea that we as people are products or experience and environment or of biology and genetics? Why? BRAWN/Anacodia: What situation would justify making yourself out to be physically or mentally stronger than you are? Please send your responses to any of the five of us. We are anxiously awaiting your answers!!! Thank you. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "So he reaches down and begins to play with his dick. When it gets hard, he takes it fully in his hand and begins to massage it. But then, without warning, on the up-stroke it pops up out of his crotch and sits there by itself in his hand... Oh shit, he thinks, I'll have to be more careful in the future." --Stephen Paul-Martin, FEAR AND PHILOSOPHY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ "I Want To F#?! You Like An Animal" What REALLY Goes on in an On-line Hot Chat What you are about to read is real. This is a complete, unedited hot chat conversation that occurred on Vinculum Data Systems on November 25, 1994 at around 3:09 A.M. Before you begin reading it, let me first give you some background on it. Kid Dynamite, the victim in this capture, was a VDS frequenter who harassed all of the TDKEB repeatedly for several weeks, asking questions such as, "What is your favorite position?", "Are you horny?" and the ever-popular "What are you wearing?" On this particular night, when he was simultaneously harassing Black Sunshine, Violetta Kitten and Anacodia, and they all realized it, they decided to play along for the time being and give him what he wanted: a hot chat. The end result was going to be something they could pass around to a few friends, as a sort of vengeance. So the capture logs were turned on. At the point where the captures start, the hot chat has barely started. He believes that Raven and Black Sunshine are both together and are bi-sexual roommates. Keep in mind that this guy is getting bombarded by three women at the same time. Here is the outcome, followed by commentary from us on so-called "hot chats." Nothing has been omitted here. Warning: Some of this probably borders on what is considered pornography in this state. Like we care. Reading Assistance... This is for those of you who have never been on VDS before or have forgotten the format of how conversation is presented. All of the conversation that occurs in the ==> <== 's is in a "chatter channel" and only the people listed inside the arrows are inside the channel and can the conversation in these arrows. Black Sunshine, Violetta Kitten and Anacodia were in this chatter channel comparing notes about what Kid Dynamite was saying to them at the time and vise versa, while the others that were in there, were in there just to laugh. All of the dialogue that occurs with "(whispered)" after it denotes a message that only the person it was sent to at the time could read. We have conveniently combined the three captures here for easy reading. Hope you can follow along.. here we go... You're in False God's private channel. Channel Topic: "Sex, great? Or Overrated?" Kangaroo, Kid Dynamite, Anacodia, False God, YAUN-Ti, Violetta Kitten and Black Sunshine are here with you. Just enter "?" if you need any assistance. :*** ==> (CH #------) [Kangaroo] [Anacodia] [Violetta Kitten] [Black Sunshine] <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: Capture on. <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: Mine too. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: My capture is on too. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: We can compare logs. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Now we can all savor this funny jive. <== :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you really want to see what he is hiding under his manly covers. <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): What are you doing? :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I want to see how you look completely undressed...every crevice. :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): What would we do though? :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Hmmmmm :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Tell Raven she should lick you. And slide a finger in your ass too... :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Oh baby yes... can I suck you at the same time? :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: Hahahahahahhaahhahaha He just told me to get Raven to lick me and uh do some other stuff. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAHAAHAHAH <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Does it feel good?? What now?? :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Yeah.. feels nice... what would you like me to do to you? :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Suck me of course. :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Okay I think I can chill with that... :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Come on give me an update <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: Ok then I asked him if I can suck him off. <== :*** From Anacodia (to Black Sunshine): Hey K....can I come over to you and Raven's house tomorrow night? I had such an experience last time. :*** :From Black Sunshine (to Anacodia): Oh E.. yes please do.. we missed you.. we are thinking about you right now... :*** :From Anacodia (to Black Sunshine): Oh K... stop... you don't have to say that.. but I learned a lot about myself last time I was there... :*** :From YAUN-Ti: Cool. Me 2 :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAHAH GO! <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell us what he said. <== :*** :From Kangaroo (to Anacodia): Say, can you tell me what your body looks like naked. :*** :From Kangaroo (to Anacodia): Or something to that effect :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: He wants me to give him head. <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Is that all? :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): I want to know more of what I should do to you!! :*** :From Black Sunshine (to Anacodia): You have to join us again.. it has been too long. :*** :From Anacodia (to Black Sunshine): Yes... I have waited for 3 days... :*** From YAUN-Ti: Sweet! :*** From YAUN-Ti to Anacodia (whispered): hehehehehehehe :*** :From Anacodia to YAUN-Ti (whispered): HA HA HAHA THIS GUY IS A FLAKE. :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: He wants to know more of what he should do to me. <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Do you like pleasing women? :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Of course... what do you want me to do? :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I am wet. I want you to suck my love juices dry. :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Are you still there? :*** ==> From Anacodia: I think he passed out. <== :*** From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): Yes... you never told me what we will do. :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I want you to fuck me like I have never been fucked before. :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you want him to pound his meat into your cleaver. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: I go I am wet. I want you to suck my love juices dry haha. <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: I just said something similar to that, Vio. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: I said-- I want you to fuck me like I have never been fucked before. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: YES! <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Ok....but what next? :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I want you to slide your tongue in and out of my wet cunt. :*** From YAUN-Ti to Anacodia (whispered): Join me in on it hahahahaha :*** :From Anacodia (to YAUN-Ti): You can come over to if you want... you give great head. :*** :From YAUN-Ti (to Anacodia): Only if I can lick everyone's breasts slowly like last time. :*** :From Anacodia (to YAUN-Ti): GOD i loved that... :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Is she licking you out? :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I am so wet.. I wish you were here to fuck me with your big cock. :*** Black Sunshine is moaning softly! :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: I just said.. Raven has me so wet.. I wish you were here to fuck me with your big cock. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: I go I want you to slide your tongue in and out my wet cunt haha. <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): I've been doing that... :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): deeper deeper faster faster :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you want him to slowly lick your slit until you slime all over. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: I am going to get Yaun and False God in this chat chan, ok. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Bust it. <== :*** :From Anacodia to YAUN-Ti (whispered): Come to chat chan ------ :*** :From Anacodia to False God (whispered): Come to chat chan ------ :*** :From Anacodia (to Black Sunshine): We can have Yaun over to...we can have a huge orgy. :*** :From Black Sunshine (to Anacodia): Oh yes.. yes. :*** From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): How big are your tits? How hairy is your pussy? :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): My tits are average but it is what I can do with them that makes me exceptional. And I will give you a full on beard. :*** ==> From Anacodia: Ok.. from Kid Dynamite: How big are your tits? How hairy is your pussy? <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: hah hHAHAHAH HA HAA HA <== :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): What is Raven doing now?? :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): She is still licking me and I am touching her big smooth tits. :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Ever go without underwear with a skirt? :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I never wear underwear. :*** :From YAUN-Ti (to Anacodia): I'll do that tongue trick with you all... remember that? :*** :From Anacodia (to YAUN-Ti): You are making me HOT.. oh my god oh my god. :*** Anacodia starts to shake... then SHUDDERS!!!! :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I am sliding my hand down to your hard cock and rubbing gently. :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: He just asked if I ever go without underwear with a skirt? <== :*** :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH <== :*** ==> False God just entered this chatter channel.<== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: OH MY <== :*** ==> (CH #------) [Kangaroo] [Anacodia] [False God] [Violetta Kitten] [Black Sunshine] <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Tell Raven to lick your ass now..... :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Oh yes.. I love it when she does that... She is doing it right now. :*** ==> From False God: Ahh, yello. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: YES! FG! <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: He just told me to tell Raven to lick my ass now.. eww. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: hahahahhaha HAHAHAHhahahaha <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: Back door.. Back door. <== :*** :From Anacodia to YAUN-Ti (whispered): GET IN OUR CHAT CHAN :*** :From YAUN-Ti to Anacodia (whispered): What number? :*** :From Anacodia to YAUN-Ti (whispered): It's number ------ *** :From YAUN-Ti (whispered): how? :*** :From Anacodia to YAUN-Ti (whispered): Type ;; on. Then type ;; ------ :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): What about your tits? :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): What about them? :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: "What about your tits?" <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: He asked me the same thing. <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): What do you want me to do to them?? :*** ==> From Anacodia: ha hah aHA HHAA A <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I want you to cum all over them. :*** ==> From False God: Losers! <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: I told him she has me so wet and I am fingering myself now.. hahahhaa. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: Gross!! hah hH h H <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you are ready to climax. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you can feel it coming. <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: hahahahahaahaha <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Like a gush of juice. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaha <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I am rubbing my clit right now just thinking about your cock between my breasts. :*** From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): What can you do exceptionally well with your tits?? :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I can shove them in lots of different places...believe me you will probably pass out...most others have...ask Yaun-ti. *** ==> YAUN-Ti just entered this chatter channel.<== :*** ==> From False God: About time you dork! <== :*** ==> (CH #------) [Kangaroo] [Anacodia] [False God] [Violetta Kitten] [Black Sunshine] [YAUN-Ti] <== :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I am going to come soon.. can I suck you? :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Yes.....suck it while i put it between your tits!! :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: This is hilarious. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: hah ah <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: Now from Kid Dynamite: Suck it while I put it between your tits. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: hahah he is doing the same! <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: Ok yaun, I told him I made you pass out because I was so good with my tits. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: hahahahahahahahahahahha <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you need his meat in your oven. <== :*** ==> From False God: hahah <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: rofl <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: I have never laughed so hard in my fucking life. <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: hahahahahhahaha <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: THIS IS TOO FUCKING HILARIOUS <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: No doubt... this is the shit.. <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Want me to lick you ass, grab your tits and finger you at the same time while you grab my cock? :*** ==> From Kangaroo: hahahahahahahah <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: He wants to lick my ass, grab my tits and finger me while I grab his cock. <== :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: Neato. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAHAHHAHAHA This is the fucking bomb. <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: hahahahahahaah <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: roflroflroflroflrofl <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: hahahahahah <== :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: Tell him that you tie me up and you four whip me. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: hahahha <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: YES! <== :*** From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): Where can you shove your tits?? :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Places you never even thought of... I like to whip Yaun... ask him about it. :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Is she done yet??? :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I am about to come.. she is licking my clit now.. :*** Black Sunshine is moaning softly! :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): All that could work.. would you like to try 69? :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Yes....lets do it now!! Is your pussy shaved? :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: He asked me if I am coming yet. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: haha He goes is your pussy shaved? <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHHHA <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I would shave it for you. :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: Hhahahahahhah <== :*** :From Anacodia (to Black Sunshine): I am getting extremely hot thinking about you and Raven and I the other night. :*** :From Black Sunshine (to Anacodia): Ohh.. I am doing her right now.. she can't wait until you come and join us again. :*** :From Anacodia (to Black Sunshine): Tell me... Oh my god.... :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you shave it raw every night. <== :*** ==> From False God: Tell him you have it shaved like a heart. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: Nasty. <== *** ==> From Anacodia: ahaha hHAHHA HAHHA HA <== *** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAH YEAH <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: Raw? <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you want him to be the key to your heart or something to that shitty effect. <== :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: Tell him you let Raven shave it. <== :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): When I was over at Raven's and Black Sunshine's the other night, we shaved each other....that really got me off. :*** From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): Did you lick each other 3 ways?? :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): In the beginning yes.. I was so sweaty when we finally passed out. :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Sometimes me and bunch of my girlfriends shower together and we shave each other. :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you want to suck his testicles. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: I told him sometimes a bunch of my girlfriends shower together and take turns <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: HA aha haah Now from Kid Dynamite: did you lick each other three ways?? <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): Meet me right now.. your house. Give me your address and be ready to be fucked. :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): So soon? :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: OH MY.. he goes meet me right now your house give me your address and be ready to be fucked. <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Did you come all over Raven? :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): Yes.. all over her face.. she is sticking her pussy in my face now.. I'm licking her. :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Raven needs to type now... :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): This is Raven... :*** ==> From Kangaroo: ahhahahaahahahaaahahh <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: I told him I am Raven now.. haha <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: He is beating off profusely, I am sure <== :*** ==> From False God: Tell him your tongue wants to dance on his dancefloor of love. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: HAHAHHAHAAAHAHAHAHAH <== :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: rofl rofl hahahaahahahaha <== :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine [thinking it's Raven typing] (whispered): What is Black Sunshine doing to you now? :*** :From Black Sunshine to Kid Dynamite (whispered): She is rubbing herself all over me. I want to be fucked. *** ==> From Kangaroo: That was classic. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: This is sick. <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: Very. That's why it is so fun <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: What did he say? <== :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: He shoots.. he scores. <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: hahahahahahah <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: rofl rofl <== :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): RIGHT NOW!!!!!! :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: He is getting violent. He goes RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! He is "vio" lating me. <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: hahahhaa <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you already have six people working on you and to wait his turn. <== :*** :From Anacodia (to YAUN-Ti): HEAD NOW NOW NOW :*** :From False God (to Anacodia): No.......HEAD NOW! :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: Tell him when you go out and don't have a friend or a dildo that you use your high heel shoe. <== :*** ==> From Anacodia: ahha h ha <== :*** ==> From Violetta Kitten: OUCH <== :*** ==> From Kangaroo: That would itch. <== :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): What if I declined? :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Violetta Kitten (whispered): I'd fuck you up the ass. :*** :From Violetta Kitten to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I have never done that before. :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Black Sunshine (whispered): Tell her to lick your ass. What is your address?? I'll fuck you both... :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: He just asked for our address, too.. <== *** ==> From Kangaroo: Tell him you need his bun in your oven. <== :*** ==> From False God: Kang, you dork, that's pregnancy. <== :*** :From Anacodia to Kid Dynamite (whispered): I hope you like girls in dresses... I wear dresses often...people can't see me fingering myself if I wear dresses :) :*** :From Kid Dynamite to Anacodia (whispered): Ever put a guy under it and let him lick your wet pussy and feel your tits? :*** ==> From Anacodia: Now he said "Ever put a guy under it and let him lick your wet pussy and feel your tits?" <== :*** ==> From Black Sunshine: rofl <== :*** ==> From YAUN-Ti: Tell him you taste yourself and love the smell of sex. <== :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** Kid Dynamite just vanished from the Teleconference! :*** *** Kid Dynamite LOGOFF, 17 channels in use... :*** :From Violetta Kitten: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA :*** :From Kangaroo: SHIT! :*** :From Black Sunshine: hahahahhhahaaha :*** :From Anacodia: Couldn't take it anymore! :*** :From Kangaroo: ahahahhahahahaha :*** :From Anacodia: FUCK :*** :From False God: He got too horny and fried his computer. :*** :From Violetta Kitten: Holy fucking shit. :*** :From YAUN-Ti: hahahahahahaha :*** :From Kangaroo: He probably couldn't stand it. :*** :From Black Sunshine: He just exploded. :*** :From Anacodia: THAT WAS AWESOME. :*** :From False God: hahahhah :*** :Black Sunshine is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** :From Kangaroo: And he just came all over his computer and blew the bitch up. :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** :From YAUN-Ti: hahahahahaha :*** :From Black Sunshine: hahahahahahahahha :*** :From Kangaroo: hahhahaha :*** :From Kangaroo: WE KICK!!!! :*** :From Anacodia: hahahah That was hilar! :*** :From Violetta Kitten: That was the shit. :*** :From Black Sunshine: That RULED!!!!!!!! :*** :From Kangaroo: That was the most fun I have had ever since I masturbated last night. :*** :From Black Sunshine: You know he was stroking it. :*** :From False God: Man, oh man. :*** Anacodia is grinning at YAUN-Ti rather slyly. :*** Black Sunshine is Rolling on the Floor laughing at Kangaroo!! :*** :From False God: He had to log off to go clean up. :*** Anacodia is Rolling on the Floor laughing at Black Sunshine!! :*** Violetta Kitten is Rolling on the Floor laughing at False God!! :*** :From Kangaroo: hahahahah :*** :From Kangaroo: I am sure he will be back for another round. :*** Black Sunshine is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** :From Kangaroo: hahahhaahhaahahhahah :*** :From YAUN-Ti: hahahahahaha :*** Kangaroo is Rolling on the Floor laughing! :*** :From False God: hahahahaha :*** :From Anacodia: haha He asked me if we licked each other three ways. :*** :From Kangaroo: ahahahahaahah :*** Black Sunshine is Rolling on the Floor laughing at Anacodia!! :*** :From Kangaroo: That was the bomb. ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ---It's all getting so sad. We dial up a number to talk to our friends.. and what's this "hotchat" shit anyways? Do people actually get off on this stuff?? If you would like the answer, I am sure either Kid Dynamite or VDS's own Erotica (or if you prefer Metro, EROTICA ONE) could direct you to the answer you're searching for. Sure it's fun if you want to laugh your ass off. And we do. But, it's so demeaning, and further more, what enjoyment can one person possibly get from this? Might as well just lie in bed, masturbate, and talk dirty to yourself. It would help save some pennies for a rainy day. Survey says - masturbation in.. hotchats out. --Violetta Kitten ---Oh boy am I burning up now!! Thank god he wasn't being Hot Chatted by all five of us or that would only have been two sentences long and not really worth putting in here. Why do men like to HOT CHAT so damn much? I mean hell if you want to get all excited read Playboy or something. I think it is really annoying everytime I log on somewhere and I get 5 messages from guys saying stuff like, "Hey Why don't you and I get all nice in cozy in a quiet chat and I can do tell you things that will make you scream with pleasure." There may be females out there who like those kinds of things but they are pretty hard to find.. most are the 13 year old children who think it is funny to see how hard they can make a man. --DeRaNgEd ---Some men, it seems, don't see the CLEARLY VISIBLE line between flirting and harrassing. I'm not talking about, like, sexual harrassment here. I'm just talking about being paged repeatedly by some lonely, horny nobody on a multi-line board with things such as "Do you like oral sex?" Excuse me, but when did that become his business? When a guy does this to me, especially a guy I don't even know, I feel as if he's trying to invade my 'personal cyber-space.' I mean-- okay, he's not even trying to talk to me like a human being, he just wants me to talk dirty to him. That is such a turn-off!!! He doesn't even know me. For all he knows, I could be the most disgusting thing on the planet. I could be a guy!! (Well, some might even be into this, which is fine, that's their business, but I'M NOT A GUY!!). I'm anything I want to be over the modem, though. Aren't we all? This brings me to my point though: most people who are into this don't even care. They just want the fantasy. Blah. --Black Sunshine --Personally I feel hot chats are pretty stupid, but if they are original enough, two can play at that game, but there's just no telling where we'll end up. --Anacodia Raven was unavailable for comment. Perhaps she is recovering from a hot chat??? :) ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "The only activities I could think of that humans do that have no other animal equivalent were smoking, body- building and writing. That's not much considering how special we seem to think we are." --Douglas Coupland, LIFE AFTER GOD ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ The Randomness of Thought (there is no tommorow in my heart) Towering Senseless With the Gun in My Hand by Violetta Kitten Rush into me i want to be inside of you Take all of me I have a whole new world for you Take me, Break me Fuck me up Challenge me, Defend me Tie me up It's all I ask of you To be my lord, my king I want to show this to you My only precious thing. Love and devotion Fantasy and emotion Heart and soul - you dissolve my commotion i just have this one dream i only have this one desire this is my only need you are all i require you make me want nothing else you make me yearn for only you you make me live for your every breath Right now it is all I want to do Caress my pain with your soft, gentle kisses i need you let your heart bleed into me so i can feel your pain i want to Make me feel something i need to rape my dying passion with your venomous claws i want you Make me a woman Something I feel I am not Treat me like a goddess His demons corrode my thought i want the chance to be able to love you will i ever get to hold you? i want the chance to be able to hate you will i ever get to see you? Down, I am falling down I know you could save me Down, I am on my knees What's wrong with me? Dear Mother by Violetta Kitten Struggling, i try to push him away he suffers a look strong and fierce As if he were the victim He pulls his lips closer to mine, Forcing his demons into my body They run all up and down me, Injecting me with their pure, sweet poisons I try to scream, but no one comes I try to cry, but no one hears me And the gun scrapes the sides of my throat My tongue traces the ghostly outline As i faintly remember him saying - i only do this because i love you And, at long last, the trigger is released All of my emotions scream out to them, like a blazing fire... And no one hears me. Capture My Control by Violetta Kitten What would you do if I shot you right now? What would you say if I told you I loved you? Last night... I saw the coffin break. I felt the darkness tremble. My whole world caved in. And you didn't even care. Untitled by Raven For: you know who you are and don't worry about it interfering with your girl macking because they will never see this and won't know who you are anyway. My love was like a black and endless mine dark and empty a worthless hole in the earth and then a precious jewel was found it burned so brightly the darkness was gone. And the mine became rich and full. A pricelell wealth of joy. A diamond with twin sparkling saphires for eyes, rubies for lips and pearls for a smile. But no matter how valuable other jewels may be, There will never be one as precious to me. Boredom in Greek Tragedy Class by Raven Prancing horses in rows of three Fiery beasts dance like angels bound on earth. Flash of steel on hoves that slice the air They move over ground lightly and free. Fluid motions, liquid grace Smoke personified in lines of three. Boredon and Horniness by Raven Turn around and see Someone who cares deply for thee Whispers of love in the air Fingers intwined in your hair. Burnihsed Bronze Glow by Raven The glow of burnished bronze tarnishes in the shadow The gleam of polished silver rusts at the presence Emotions too strong for a mere earth bound being. I can sing songs of tender feelings gut why waste the time, When the mouth should be busy sharing kisses sublime. Fruit Loops and Ice Cream by Raven Where in heaven is there a soul like you? Where can one find a heart so pure? Darkness dwells in light that we cannot see. Revealed to me, your light burns like the sun. Flames of sadness, now charred embers Ice of pain, now smooth waters. Where in heaven is there a soul like you? I will relinquish a heart so pure. Your comfort, I will be. Your love, I will keep. Thinking of Something by Black Sunshine Why is there a pair Of women's underwear Lying on the ground? Discarded with an empty bottle Of Mountain Dew, A box of Cheeze Nips, An empty, crumpled Marlboro Package Shining in the sun. Ducks walk by. Don't see the pale blue Frilly cotton Half-covered with the kicked-up dirt And yellowed pine needles. The trees guard it Like a dirty secret, The sun bleaches away The stains of knowledge That I'm not sure If I'd want. How could you forget Your underwear? Or is she able to forget Life on my Plane by Black Sunshine Green and gold. Light dying summer And ripening autumn. Razor blades and shining Silver Crosses. Screeching tires. Close the door. There is nothing right Anymore Kiss me good-night And leave me. There are too many People in here. Shut up. I fee; claustrophobic. Rose petals burn Quickly And smell nice With drops of White wine. Thorns hurt Especially when you Don't see them. To Make You a Man by Black Sunshine For: who the fuck do you think Did it make you a man To clasp my heart in your hand And hold it out for your friends to watch the pulse, The strong, steady beat that was there just for you; Then, once bored, toss it away and laugh? "You think this doesn't hurt me, too." you told me; And I died thinking my life brought you an ounce of pain. How did you justify expressing your grief At the thought of me sleeping with another you knew, To make me cry in guilt, in shame, in love Over what never even came to be true; Then tell your friends about your big 'act?' "He should have known I still love you," you said; And I rejoiced thinking your heart was still bound to mine. How does it feel to sit back with a joint And use my body to bond with your friends? To describe with such crude, vivid clarity The curves, the acts, the words spoken in passion, And how it felt to be inside of me? "I didn't tell anyone," you once said to me; Oh, how I wanted to believe. I swing, bi-polar, between the hate of disbelief And the sweet irrepressible forgiveness of love-- Both irrationally and equilly blinding, Both begging the truth out of nothing. Did it make you a man To hurt To betray To deceive To seize To reject my offering to you, My pleading for understanding and acceptance, And to flick your new eyes of indifference over me? Even now, the tears of shock and disgrace burn my cheeks; I must wipe them away before you see. Because that's how the game is played now isn't it? Free-flowing Poetry Written in Succession By Black Sunshine and Fugazi Ever drifting tides bring you back to me again, Make me think of long lost memories, Pictures and visions, all of you. My evil brought your good so close, Now I cry the tears of so many Screaming tortured souls. We are bound together, helpless Against the omnipresent powers. My hate is you again. My hate turns to fire, a blazing hot entity That once needed me to breathe, Now only needs one breath exhaled from you To stay alive to view the changing seasons, To burn away the ages Of bitterness that love built And time will not forget. I feel the embers cool to ashes; There's nothing left to burn And I am empty A void. My cold and empty eyes tell the story Of betrayal so dark and unfathomable I dare not think of it again. Free me from these chains that are my heart. Cut the bonds, sever yourself from me, Give me back the emptiness, I have it With you or without you. I stumble and then I fall Into this last and final ascent. My destiny, I was meant to go alone, Alone on a silver platter coated with the rust Of too many washings in lonely oceans, LIke salt water dripped on a concrete pavement, Or into an open wound. My tears sting and drip LIke honey, thick, sugar sweet syrup trickling Onto my tongue, tasting like golden poison. I wish I could take you away I wish I could be real without you I wish I had something true again. i am the hourglass by DeRaNgEd i sit back and watch as time passes me by leaving me in the background. the lights flash by like a high speed car chase on the interstate of life. i am the hourglass cracked. i feel the sand drifting slowly through my fingers to form a puddle of solid lifeless waste waiting for that one curious soul to come along and turn me over to watch the sands fall through the crack leaving me empty and alone. ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "We set up barriers to protect who we think we are. Then one day, we get stuck behind the barriers and can't get out." --King Arthur, THE KNIGHT IN RUSTY ARMOR ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Dear Raven (i am finding it increasingly harder to go on this way) Dear everybody: I will entertain completely serious letters with serious answers if anyone wants to ask me anything. I'm no expert, but sometimes someone else's opinion helps. Just send it to me or Black Sunshine and I'll do my best. Of course, silly ones are welcome, too. All letters will remain anonymous unless otherwise asked to be exposed (and no that doesn't mean I'll take your pants off). --Raven Dear Raven: I am self-conscious about my twelve-inch penis. I think I have a complex. Plus, I'm not sure what kind of support I need. What do you recommend? --Anonymous A crane maybe? And a reality check? -R --------- Dear Raven: There is an adult action on VDS called "rimmer." No one will tell me what it means. Could you explain it to me please? --Anonymous Well let me try. People that know me, know that I'm a little bit naive. I had to ask a lot of people and subject myself to much ridicule to find out for myself. It seems that the popular answer is when you lick someone's *ahem* butthole. I don't know WHY anyone would ever want to do that but I guess Pete or whoever created that action likes it. -R --------- Dear Raven: I have been talking to a certain guy that I met over the modem the other day. He seems very sincere and everything but I'm afraid that he is just being nice to me so he can meet me and have a chance to try to sleep with me. I like to have fun over the modem like any other girl, but I'm just not like that in person. You know, I'm respectable. Should I meet him? What should I do if he tries to make a move on me? --Anonymous Well, first of all, it might not hurt to ask him his intentions, if he gets real offensive he either has bad ones or he gets offended easily. If the answer's suitable then I would STRONGLY suggest to meet him in a very public place preferably crowded and well lit. If things progress well from there and later you are alone and he still makes a move that is too fast for you, insist that you are not ready for that. If he doesn't like it and acts like you are a bitch and leaves,then in turn spreads nasty rumors, screw him. You know the truth and that's what will prevail. Don't let anyone push you into anything you don't want to do. He's not worth it if he doesn't respect you and foremost it is important to be friends and know each other. Things tend to move a little faster on the modem but that doesn't mean you have to get swept up in the current. -R --------- Dear Raven: My wiener itches and I think it's going to fall off. What do I do? --Anonymous Ask Deranged, she has expertise in that area. -R --------- Dear Raven: What are ass beads? I have heard this used before a couple of times, but I am unclear about what they are. (Also, I have been informed that I may have misdirected my letter and that it might be better sent to Prong at TBH. Is this true?) --Anonymous Yes, that's true. You should direct it to Prong because I have NO idea what ass beads are. My ass is a one way exit only. I think I speak for the majority of TDKEB when I say that. Of course some of us might entertain some weird fantasies, so I can't say for sure. We don't know each THAT well. But if Prong won't tell you, then look it up in the HUGE dictionary at the OU library. I swear, everything is in there. Even Dickhead. If dickhead and cunt are in there, I'm sure assbead will be in there, too. -R ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "I'm sober now." --Chainsaw, SUMMER SCHOOL ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ And That's Final (we ain't going out like that) THE PAST MONTH IN REVIEW Best Farwest Trivia Question Seen: "Ding Dong Bell. Where is pussy?" * * * * * Best Time Spent Wasting Time: The Medieval fair on April 8, at a booth where there were candles for sale, and reading aloud very dramatically, the tag attached to one candle: "Please keep my wick trimmed to 1/2 an inch for best results. When I get really hot, I also have a tendency to drip so please place something under me just in case." Oh, that was too perfect to have been written just for a candle. * * * * * Worst Day of the Month: St. Patrick's Day. It's a very stupid holiday. As Rivas J'Kara said, "Why do Americans get drunk on a holiday that celebrates the saint who brought Christianity to Ireland?" Wear green? Um.. I don't think so. As Fugazi said, "Green: the national horny color." [No wonder it's his favorite!] Get pinched? Um.. no. We don't like the little "Kiss me, I'm Irish" thingie either, but you probably saw our variations on that one already. * * * * * Collest Post: (as seen on The Institution) Date: 6:08 pm Sat Mar 18, 1995 From: Kangaroo To : All Subj: Andre Stat: Normal Origin : Local I just saw this show called Andre Its about this seal who almost dies and this little girl with a huge head adopts it. And it runs away like 5 times but it keeps coming back. It was the vomb. The gomb. bomb * * * * * Best Pick-Up Line: "What school do you go to?" was said by a fine young male specimen (coughh) to Violetta Kitten, DeRaNgEd, and Black Sunshine as they wandered around Crossroads Mall during spring break. He backed up his question with the ever-ready "I'm mom" and finally, looking up with the light of realization in his eyes, said, "I'm making a big fool out of myself." And his excuse? "I get really nervous around girls." * * * * * Biggest Loser: GADDIEL. GADDIEL. GADDIEL. GADDIEL. GADDIEL. Oh yeah, and Gaddiel was a loser, too. Even if he didn't do all those awful things VDS accuses him of doing, he still did some pretty dumbass stuff that isn't up for debate. If you don't know what we're talking about then you didn't read the news and rumors in "Hello I Love You." We don't want to repeat ourselves. * * * * * Stupidest Thing Said: Okay, who can point out what's wrong with these sentences? Raise your hand. "Women spent more time trying to make themselves better looking in the 80s instead of the opposite today... I can sum up the 80s with one word baby, and that's "skin" and if you forgot like I had let me remind you that we got to see a lot more of it back then that the flannel-wearing chicks of today. Society put a lot more weight into beauty back then, which was a-ok with me." We love you, JF. ;) * * * * * Most Overrated Activity: It's still sex. * * * * * Most Underrated Activity: SEX!! SEX!! SEX!! But then it depends on who you're under. * * * * * Best Graphitti Wall Conversation: (As seen on Terminal State) One group can not effectively flame everyone in one sitting..remember that. One dick cannot effectively flame every ball in one sitting..remember that. One idiot cannot effectively smoke every joint in one sitting..remember that. One guy cannot fuck every chick in one sitting.. remember that. One fat mexican cannot draw a good ansi in one sitting.. remember that. One local cannot steal every ware out there.. remember that. But one local can sure as fuck try... * * * * * Most Overused Statement: "Whahaha..." (what the fuck??) * * * * * Best Online Conversation: It began with Ma'omfelemars (or Gorgas) saying, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to fuck we go," and we won't print the rest. It's personal. ****CUMMING ATTRACTIONS**** ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ...A VIEWER!! YES, YES, YES!!! SCHWING!!!... ...GIF photographs of TDKEB... ...more pics..ANSI..VGA..GIF..BMP... ...TDKEB party number two..bigger and better than ever... ...so what DO women really want already? we're gonna tell you... ...the spirit world can tell us the last time you masturbated... ...modern culture and the search for a new vocabulary... ...at least three new columns including reviews, profiles/ interviews with people in the modeming world and horoscopes... ...pass a story-- twist it, corrupt it... AND MORE!! Parting Comments... "Joe bootie naked--film NOW!" -Violetta Kitten "My wiener itches. I think it's going to fall off." -DeRaNgEd "We bring good schwings to life." -Black Sunshine "I have the busiest B in town." -Anacodia "I wanna dip my balls in it!" -Raven NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM ALREADY IN PROGRESS. TDKEB Issue Thur-ey available on May 10th. **Taste the rainbow of fruit flavors** ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ "How sexy am I now, fucker?" --Mallory, NATURAL BORN KILLERS ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ