ÜÝ ÜÜÜ ÛÛ ÞÛÝ ßÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÛ ÜÛÜ Ü ÛÛ ÛÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÝ ÞÛÛ ÞÛÝ ÞÛÛÝ ÛÝ ÞÛÛ ßÛÜÛÛÛÝ ÛÝ ÛÛÛ Ý Û ÜÛÛÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ ÛÝ ÛÛÝ ÞÛß ÛÛ ÜÛÛÛÜ ÛÛ ÞÛÛÛ Û ÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛßßßÛÛ ÛÛ Ü ÛÛÝ Ý ÞÛÝ ÛÛßÛÛ ÛÛ Ü ÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛ ÞÛÝÞÛÛ ßÛÛ ÞÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÛ ÞÛÛ ÛÛÝ ÛÛ ÞÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÛÜÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÛ ÞÛÛÜ ÜÛÛ ÛÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÛ Û ÛÛÜÛÛÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÛ ÞÛ ÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÜ ßßÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛÛß ÛÛ ÞÛ ÞÛÝ ÛÜ ÜÛ ÛÛÛß ÛÛ ßÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÜÜÜÜÜ ÛÛÛ ÛÛ ÞÛÝÛÛÝ Û ÛÛÝ ÞÛÝ Ý ß ßÛÛÛß ÛÛÝ ÞÛÛ ßßßÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛß ÞÛÝ ÞÛÝ ÛÝÞÛÝ ÛÝ ÛÛ ÛÛ ß ÞÛÛ ÛÛÝ ÜÜ ÜÛÛ Û ÛÝ ÛÛÜÜÜÛÛ ÞÛÛ ÛÛ ÞÛÛÜÞÛÛ ßßßßßßÛÛÛÛÛÛÛß Þ Þ ßÛÛÛß ÞÛÛ ÞÛÝ ßßÛÛßSS ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ú L Y N C H M O B ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ Title: Shit and the Wonders of it Ø Date: 08/06/94 ³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³ Issue Number: 014 Ø Theme: General Bitching Ø Author: Sparkplug ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ This is my first issue of Lynch Mob so I hope you like it. Shit is a very weird thing. Everyday you have to stop what you are doing and go and sit on a toilet moaning and groaning as a long piece of brown shit comes out of your butthole. Its a wierd thing, but everyone has to do it. Whenever you take a shit you should always bring something to read, whether a newspaper, a good book, or a magazine you always need to have something to do while you are sitting there. (Dont bring a Playboy or Penthouse with you cause you dont want to be hard and be sitting down while trying to shit, cause every once in a while a stream of piss runs out and you dont want to be wiping the walls afterwards.) A word of caution though, dont just go to the bathroom cause you want to read and you need an excuse to. You feel really stupid when you stand up and look and see nothing in the toilet and you dont even have to wipe. But of course you flush and pretend to wash your hands just so people don't get suspicious. Most of the time when you shit you arent really shitting, you are just waiting there reading, or staring at the walls trying real hard to make it come out, but trying not to grunt so that people wont hear you. If you really dont like this then try this method, if you feel like you have to shit dont go to the bathroom yet, but continue what youre doing and start to try to push it out. As soon as you think it is almost there run to the bathroom and let it all out. Be careful cause if you misjudge slightly you end up with brown stains in your boxers and that isnt very cool. This method does help prevent the ring around your but from the toilet seat known as buttring. One thing I hate most is when someone says I0 got to go to the bathroom and you goto go too and you say what are you gonna do? and they say something like 1 or 2??? Either say 'Im gonna shit' or 'Im gonna piss' cause I mean you dont piss or shit numbers!! You know when you can be proud of your shit when you drop it and you here a big and you feel the water splash up your butthole. It doesnt feel to great, and the toilet paper doesnt work right, but it means that you dropped a 'plopper' and you can go tell your friends, family and relatives. Another thing wierd about taking a shit is what they call it, "Taking a shit." You arent taking a shit you are leaving a shit.. (got that from Beavis and Butthead, but I thought Id include it.) Next time you see one of your friends or anyone go up to them and ask them if they look at the toilet after they take a shit. A lot of the time they say no, but then you know they are lying, but too embarassed to say it. It is natural instinct to look and admire the length and width of the shit you laid, and sometimes you even brag about it. You can also ask people if they look at the toilet paper after they wipe, and if they say no, they are freaks, cause you have to look at your toilet paper wipes to know when youre done! You can cut down the 'Taking a shit' catagory into a lot of smaller ones.. Popping a vein in your forehead shit, or Elvis Shit- this is when the major groaning takes place, you feel like its coming out sideways. Iceberg Shit- when the shit is so long it sticks out of the water (not very common so if you get one congragulate yourself.) Ghost Shit- you feel it come out, it makes sound as it goes in the water, and its on the toilet paper, but not in the toilet. (Ive been getting a couple of these lately.) Clean shit- its in the toilet, but its now on the toilet paper. Nut Shit- self explanatory Not really taking a shit, but wanting to read real bad shit- described in paragraph 2. Wet shit- when you cant shit for a second, but then it all comes rushing out wet and you feel as if you are peeing out your butthole. (this one takes a while to wipe) Streaky shit- when you shit and when your flushing you watch as your shit makes streaks on your toilet. (I cant take credit for all these, some I saw in a poster at Spencers.) Fun Facts about shit and toilets.. when you live in places south of the equator your shit goes around counter clockwise instead of clockwise. The guy who invented the toilet had a last name of Krapper (or crapper, cant remember.) The point Im trying to make here is not to be embarrased to talk about your shit, or brag about it. Have a contest with your friends see who can get the longest shit, or count how many different shits you get. Make a point table (ex. ghost shit 3 points, iceberg shit 5 points, etc.) Shitting doesnt have to be a bad thing, make it fun and you can have hours of enjoyment. Written by ùùù®Sparkplug¯ùùù