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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ú  L Y N C H  M O B  ú-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ Title: How to de-rail a train                             Date:  07/13/94  ³      
ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´
³ Issue Number: 004             Theme: Anarchy              Author: Leonardo ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ

        Ok, so you're tired of making fake puke and bashing faggots and 
you're ready to do some real damage to something that people give a damn
about.  Welp, if you're lucky and have train tracks within a few miles of 
house you can do some real damage (and if you're afraid you'll feel guilty,
remember, faggots are everywhere, there had to be at least -one- on that 
train, you just did the world a favor).  Here are some good ways to take a
train off it's tracks and screw some other shit up on the side.  These ways 
will consider some planning however, sorry but a penny just won't do it.

        1)  Find a sleeping cow, don't wake it, load it into a truck and then
        offload it on to the tracks, if it doesn't de-rail the train, at 
        least it made a cool noise and the mexicans under the train (If your
        tracks happen to cross the border) got a nice shower of cow guts
        and whatever the hell was on the cow.
        
        2) Melt the tracks until they are separated.

        3) Go to Laguna Beach, bash 10 people (at random of course) into a 
        state of unconscienceness, hog tie them side by side, set them on the 
        tracks.  Hide in some bushes and wait to hear "HONK, HOOOOOOONNNNKKK,
        THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP" then count to ten 
        and if you haven't heard an explosion by then, try again.  (Don't
        worry at least 6 of them were gay, remember where you got them).

        4) Make two pipe bombs (refer to Jolly Roger's Cookbook vol ]I[) and 
        set them on the rails.  

        5) Steal an Army tank and play chicken.

        6) If the train is going up a hill, find a boulder and play
        "landslide".

        7) Get a screwdriver, jump on the side of the train and take it apart 
        a piece at a time, have contests to see who can dismantle it in the
        quickest time (or see who can get home from where ever you are 
        depending on how long you took)

        8) Play Sniper and hit the engineer

        9) Take some acid and kick the train off the tracks

        10) If all else fails just throw faggots at the train until you get 
        bored then go home

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Disclaimer:  I have personally only tried methods 1, 3, 5, 9, and 10, but I 
  am a professional so I am not responsible if you are a fucking moron and 
  were stupid enough to try anything I just mentioned and got your self killed 
  or arrested.  Besides I don't think you could if you wanted to anyways.