Why YOU should kill yourself. -written by cherub ---INTRODUCTION--- Look, it's little Johnny K-RaD!! He's home as usual on friday night, just finishing up downloading that new 0-DaY game for which he's been waiting for a week! Watch Johnny tremble with anticipation!! He has spent his day getting the first 20 disks from his favorite 3L337 BBS, and is mentally preparing himself to battle the goblins and shoot monsters all night long. As the transfer blocks whizz by his screen, he whips out his handy tube of vaseline and pops up his favorite nudey gif on the screen, of Coco (the mistress of masturbation) getting fucked up the ass with a plow. Careful, Johnny, don't get vaseline on your keyboard! Uh oh, looks like Mommy just opened the door with a fresh plate of Milk and Cookies, and caught Johnny pumping his tiny dick while staring intently at Coco's Thingies. Johnny, red-faced and ashamed, quickly pulls up his pants as Mommy gives him a knowing look. Johnny, faced by how pathetic his life is, cannot take anymore modem doom or elite k-rad fast warez. He takes his computer (still plugged in) with him into the bathtub and electrocutes himself. *** Johnny is just one of the thousands of modem geeks who spend their lives playing video games and BBSing. Unlike most modem geeks, however, Johnny made the right decision, and killed himself. Unfortuneately, most modem fags aren't intelligent enough to realize how pathetic they are, and lack the inspiration to take their own life. However, I am your friend and I want to help. The purpose of this article is to explain to you why you should kill yourself, and provide you with the ideas and the inspiration to do it. ---WHY SUICIDE?--- In your deluded state, you may actually be satisfied with your pathetic life. You may be happy that the only excitement you get is in playing modem doom, and the closest you come to socializing is talking to other losers on chat boards. But let me try to help you to see the light. No one likes you. You make people sick when they are forced to look at your deformed figure walking through the halls at school. Your contributions to your high school Band are unimportant, and someone else could always take over as president of your school Computer Club. Even your own mother secretly hates you. As an infant she bathed you in the toilet, and fed you dog food (which perhaps explains your innate sexual attraction to your own pet dog). For years now she has been putting a slow-acting poison in your milk and cookies, and is planning some day soon to take you out with a baseball bat and anally rape you with a kitchen knife. Your father hates you, as well. Even when you two have your special "father and son" moments in the middle of the night (when you promise him not to tell), he doesnt love you, which is why he is going to sell you to gay gypsies in exchangefor a large box of gerbils. In fact, you probably don't know this, but your father injected you with HIV contaminated blood when you were 2 years old. Indeed, im sure you have full blown AIDS by now and are going to die a slow painful gay death. Even your own dog hates you, which is why he pisses on your face every night while you are dreaming of dancing modems with breasts. All the sysops of your favorite 0-DaY elite BBSs hate you as well. They have been giving you viruses instead of fast wares, and in 7 days all your 900 megabytes of nudey gifs (and your 25 megabytes of Fabio gifs) will all be deleted. Even the modem chicks you flirt with on chat boards hate you, and they are really all gay, 50 year old men. I'm sorry to say it, but I am the only person in this entire world who cares about you. That's right, I care, and I know what's best for you. You aren't really a modem geek, you're just misunderstood. You shouldn't have to put up with getting beaten up at least once a week since the 2nd grade. All those girls who have turned you down over the years weren't good enough for you. Considering how elite and 0-DaY you are, you should have chicks standing in line for a piece of you. This whole world just is wrong, and they are too stupid to appreciate your rare qualities. This is why you have to kill yourself. It is the only thing to do. You must do it!!! all your elite modem friends are counting on you. If you kill yourself, then you will start a whole wave of modem geeks killing themselves. Think of it! you will make the world sorry for treating you like shit while you were here. Come on now!! Jump out of your window! Take a bath with a hair dryer! Suck on a shotgun or play with knives. I am counting on you. Don't disappoint me. Please. For every modem geek who has ever had to spend there saturday night jerking off on there keyboard, take a stand and kill yourself. Thank you, and Fuck you.