пллплм пллпплл лл пллплм лл лл лл м п оллн лл лл лл лл ллпл лмлл лл лл лл лл лл м он олн лл лл мллмлп мллммлл млм мллм мллмлп млп пллм мллп млплм плл мм пллп пллм лп млпмл ппллм лпллмп лл олн олн лл млп лл лллм л олн л плл л п лл лл лл ллллм лл л ллмл лл ммм лл л лл олн олн ллпллм лл л ллл олн лл пммлп млм мллм плмлп млл ллм мллм мл лл плмлпм пллплм пллп плп пллм лп плл лп ллмлп лл л лллм л оллн лл лл л л ллмл лл лл лл л л ллл оллн млл пллмлпм мл лл мл ллм :PRESENTS: 'What to do for X-Mas' By: Johnny Rotten Its a Jolly time, a Happy time, and hey, i felt i should do my part, and throw in my piece on holiday cheer. So here I bring you, a lovely list, of things that either you, or small hapless children that you persuade can perform. 1. Give angel hair (Tinsel) to your baby brothers and sisters, It is made out of spun glass and fiberglass. If they suck on it or put it in thier mouths it will cut em up. 2. Unscrew all the little pieces from your artificial christmas tree, and leave them lying all over the floor when your little cousins come over, and crawl all over your carpet. 3. Holly Berries, Jerusalem Berries, and misletoe are all very poisonous and would make a great ingrediant for a loaf of bread, or for berries on top of that christmas cheesecake. 4. Put poinsetta leaves in your parents, or roomates beds, it is extremely irritating to the skin. 5. Go through your relatives bags when they come over and take all the good shit. (all of Grannies medication, etc) 6. Purchase a bunch of cheap candles before xmas, remove the last 1" of wick, and bore out like 1" of 1cm wide wax from the bottom of each candle. Cut Away Punk-O-Gram __|__ <-- Wick / | \ | | | | | | <-- Candle | | | | | | | <-- drill hole in bottom of candle |_| |_| Okay, you get the idea, take a firecracker, you are going to insert the firecracker in the hole, wick up, so that when the candle finally gets down low, it explodes, giving all of the relatives that you send them to as a gift quite a little bang somewhere down the line. Remember to melt wax over the firerackers bottom, as not to spoil the gift. 6. Put frosting all over glass ornaments and leave them in the fridge. 7. 'Bubble Lights' which can be added to tree light strings, contain methylene chloride, which if swallowed is irritating and metabolized into toxic carbon manoxide. 8. Spike all the drinks at your family christmas get together, then talk all your drunk relatives into giving you cash. 9. Snow spheres, those little water filled things with stupid santas and snow, contain a liquid containing major amounts of bacteria. Be creative. 10. Feed ribbons to little kids, and babys.. tell them its candy. The ribbons let off a dye that will stain thier faces. 11. Candy and Chocolates can KILL your pets, and other pets as well im sure. It contains a chemical known as Theobromine, which animals have a low tolerance to, and die from in large doses. 12. Break into your own house, smash out a window while your parents arent home, and take all the gifts. Hide it somewhere away from home, make up an alibi, and when your parents get home, let them belive you were the victims of a 'holiday robbery' that you always get warned about when your tree is in plain view of the window, and street. Besides, if your parents have half a brain they have insurance and the shit will be replaced. 13. Roll Santa, you know, the dude with the pot of money, on a lonely street corner late at night, Gank him, whats he gonna do, sick his reindeer on you. NOTE: Hitting in the stomach may be futile. 14. Go around your neigborhood and steal all the mail around christmas, probobly some cash in christmas cards... 15. Build a thermonuclear warhead. To do this, you will need plutonium, or uranium, to obtain this, you will have to conduct an elite raid on one of the govornments weapon plants, or just some corp that would happen to have some nuclear substance handy. Anyway, raid them... kill as few people as possible, and take the stuff, now build the bomb, to do this you will have to raid the pentagon.. see raiding instructions above. Now with the plans and the plutonium, your ready, build the bomb, and set like, a timer, with enuf time on it to be shipped, 1 day mail to Washington DC (maybe put a 24 hour timer) .. as long as it gets close to clinton, it will kill him. It would be nice for him to be able to open the gift himself... anyway.. back to reality 16. Hand out 'SANTA IS DEAD; CHRISTMAS CANCELED' fliers at all of the elementry schools you can find. Anyway, I was bored so i thought id whip this up, any komments or such can be left for me at sin city. Until Later.