Dead Smoking Punx Presents
                       How to Piss and Pass
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                            By GridLok

* Washing your system - How much water and for how long?
In an emergency you can start drinking water as soon as one hour before
the test, 4-6 hours is recommended. There is no known universal dosage,
but you should be urinating so often it is ridiculous. One drawback
is that watery urine is produced. Sometimes urine is rejected on the
basis of its color alone. Taking B-complex vitamins will help keep
the urine yellow.

* Drinking vinegar does not work.

* Urinaid is one additive that works every time.  Pour the contents of
the vail into your sample during the collection procedure.  Don't
drink it!  This method will not work on RIA - it won't pass military
tests.

* Visine does not work.

* Powdered urine from Byrd Labs works  fine for those not sure about
the integrity of a friends sample. Prepare ahead of time, directions
are included.

* Niacin and Golden Seal have shown encouragement, but they are
inconsistant. This urinator would not chance it.

* Don't rely on the ibuprofen alibi. Anyone who has taken enough
ibuprofen to cause a false positive above the 100ng cut-off (impossible)
can rest assured: The GC/MS confirmation tests will confirm that it is
indeed ibuprofen.

* The length of time or a THC positive varies. The average time for the
regular user is less than two weeks. Water is a good method for these
people, as insurance. An infrequent user should not have to worry
after a couple of days.

* Substitution is the most interesting and challenging approach. IF you
really hate the Bladder Cops, this can be quite gratifying. If you are
using a friend's urine, be sure you know what drugs they have taken over
the last month. There is no definitive test for amphetamines, OTC
remidies such as Contac and Alka-Seltzer are notorious. If you don't
list it, most any drug can get you into just as much trouble. For any
substitution be prepared to give 60cc. Also be sure it falls within the
91-97 degree temperature range. Most often the test containers have a
tape on the side indicating the samples temp. Whatever the container,
it must open quietly. Toilet paper is a convienient, provided,
insulator. Many collections require that you change into a `gown.'
By using a vial or condom taped to the inner thigh, you can get around
the gown as well as the temperature requirement. Most importantly -
practice! Practice until you have made it a fine art. a woman with a
shirt can fake urination even with an observer in the room. A man with
his back to an observer can do just as well. Abbie Hoffman suggested a
few drops of urine on the seat or on ones shoe as an added measure of
authenticity.

* If you can't pass the test - screw over the chain of custody. This
involves safety seals, signatures and treating your urine like serious
stuff. Act nervous. Sign the papers differently in different places.
Initial the wrong place and then scribble it out. If the official is
not paying attention, mark in the `do not mark' areas. These papers are
reviewed before analysis, if they are inconsistant, your sample will be
voided.

* If you fail the test, Raise hell. A urine test gone wrong can make a
passive person rabid. Don't take it to court. It is virtually impossible
to win a case, especially in pre-employment. All positive samples are
kept in the labs for two years.

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Urinaid and Powered Urine are both available through Butterfield-Jay
Foundation, P.O. Box 57214, Oklahoma City, OK 73157. For more
information call (405) 521-URINE. A machine will answer. Calls will
be returned collect. Two samples for $25 or ten for $100, for both
products.

NORML operates a Drug Testing & Information Hotline. The charge is
$2.95 per minute.  900-97-NORML

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"Penalties against possession of a drug should be no more damaging to
an individual than the use of the drug itself."  - Jimmy Carter

Today repressive pot laws are still disrupting th elives and careers
of responsible, productive people - and wasting millions of tax dollars
on fruitless police and court action. Don't feel bad about trying to
beat the system. These are personal freedoms we are talking about. You
have hurt no one. Piss in a cup if you must, but don't lie down and be
whipped.




post this information anywhere you feel it will be useful.


thanks


       Johnny Rotten & DSP