				Apples Suck
		 ----------------------------------------
			       By The Pirate
									       Well, due to popular request, I wrote this file for enjoyment purposes only!
So don't get on to me the next time I'm online.

     So, you just got home with your new Apple //e computer, yes, you heard a
lot about this machine, fine piece of equipment.  So you open the box up and
pull out all these cables and manuals, so many pages you have to read that
it's pitiful.  Well, this is what you just paid over a thousand dollars for?

     NO!, look closely at your computer, yes, right above the keyboard it says
in bright colors 'Apple //e.'  Yes, that is where about 600 of your hard
earned dollars went, on that little tag.  Don't you feel stupid?

     Now, let's move on to the big stuff, you finally get your machine set up.
Monitor, disk drives, software, ain't it a beauty, naw.  You start it up and
it displays on the screen 'Apple //e' and then you are left with a blinking
cursor, you press the enter key, you hear a tone.  Sounds terrible, cheap
monitor?  No, not a cheap monitor, you just paid 500 dollars for a good green
monitor, the sound is coming from the computer.  Now lets load something?

     You read for an hour or more and you find the proper load command, you
put the disk in the drive and you type it in, nothing happens?  Oh yes, it
ain't hooked up!  Well, you fiddle with the cable for awile and find there is
no port to put it in.So you read you must have a drive controler card!  So you
get in your car and drive back to the computer store,and the salesman greets
you with the biggest grin you ever saw.  You buy your drive controller card
but your wallet wishes you hadn't and you go on back home.  Now, where does
this card go??

     You read some more and it tells you to open up your machine, you do that
and you see this HUGE power supply in the back corner, wow!  Internal power
supply, it will cause probs later on.  Well then you see all these slots in
the back, you will fill all these up before your done.  You carefully insert
you controller cards and hook your drive up.  Now, you have your drive hooked
up, you boot up the game you bought with your machine 'Raid of the space rats'
Sounds good enough.  It's now loading, you wait, gosh that was fast (it's the
only thing good about your apple)  So, you see the screen, looks just great in
green!  And the little speaker starts up with it's tin can sound, horrible
noise!  Turn it off!!!!!but you can't.  You play your new game for awile, the
green starts to hurt your eyes and you finally turn your machine off.

     You get out your budget program, you work for awile and you think, well it's finally going to help out!  But at the end of the month your at the
bank getting a loan because your broke.  Now, it's time for word processing,
you go to the store and spend 50 bucks on a good one, at least you hope it's a
good one.  You write your important document for work on it and then you
notice, I have no printer, so back to the store to buy a $500 Imagewriter II.

Those things look like tanks.  A big, ugly, yellow thing.  So, here's a few
ideas about what to do with your broken apple, you take the lid off and remove
the mother board.once you clean the inside out, you have a great box to store
stuff in, You could use it as a school box, it can hold you paper, pencils,
classmates.  Or it can make an awesome door stop.  Well, my favorite use is a
monitor stand.  Yes, they hold up your monitors pretty good!  The apple can
also drain your bank acount, yes, you find out that you have to really PAY for
those name plates, and you end up with enough cards to play poker with.  The
Apple, as far as I know, has no info networks for it, you have to use ones
like Compuserve.  Less people have apples (that shows you that some people in
this world really do have brains)  [Editors note:  It also shows you how many
people aren't willing to spend shit for a good machine.]

     Well, now it's time for telecommunications, the thing that links you up
with stock markets, info networks, home banking, and all the other things you
didn't buy your modem for.  So you take a trip to your neighborhood computer
store, he smiles at you and almost holds a gun up to your back until you buy
not the 300, but the 1200 baud modem.

     You find your first BBS, not many are Apples, mostly Commodores, and you
find no programs for your Apple.  You are greeted by many Commodorians that
hate Apples for various reasons.

     You begin to hate computers, you are thinking about selling your apple
and the very next day the company decides to introduce the newest model!  The
Apple III!!  Well, now you learned that the Apple can't do many things a
Commodore can.  And Apples don't have things like:

1. Good sound
2. Good graphics
3. Good software
4. Good salesmen

     So make the right choice!  Chunk your Apple and buy a Commodore and if
your smart, you will buy a jigsaw puzzle and not mess with computers!
 
      Brought to you by:

		  The Pirate
