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  .-.                -----------------------------------                  .-.
  .-.                "The Freshman" and the Modem Looser                  .-.
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  .-.    This is a On-Line Enterprises (TM)  production & presentation    .-.
  .-.                -----------------------------------                  .-.
  .-.                       Written By: The Hitcher                       .-.
  .-.                -----------------------------------                  .-.
  .-.              Call The Hitcher's Galaxy (213) 393-0781               .-.
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Preface:
-------

     I have read the many respectable files dealing with loosers and leeches
alike.  These include (Computers Geeks, Loozers, Leeches, And Rodents, Maggot
Weeding, What Loozers Do,  How to Be a Leech, How to Be a Loozer Vol I, II, and III).  And it is not bullshit, it is true, we are plauged daily by these fuckin
scum suckers.  The objectives of this file are strictly for humor and humiliat- ion.  This file is meant to rag on 13 yr olds and younger, and to point out
14yr olds (Freshman).

Onto it!:
--------

     Ok, lets first describe a typical freshman.

1.  Is a short little sawed off whimp (There are exceptions).
2.  He is driven to school in a carpool with 9 other persons by his mother.
3.  Is dressed by his mother.
4.  BeddyBye time is 10:00 if not sooner.
5.  Favorite food is spigetios with warmed milk.
6.  Wears black leather shoes, nice bow tie, and dress slacks to school.
    (There are exceptions)
7.  Has a voice that amazes the imfamous Black Venom. (There are exceptions)
8.  Are driven and go everywhere with mommy and daddy.
9.  Are not trusted to be left at home for a half hour. (they might get mugged      according to their parents despite the fact they have an alarm system, and      household that can be compared with Fort Knox)
10. And finally, are generally stereotyped as whimpy assholes that are nothing
    than a common paracite. 

     Ok, and now lets look at the Modem Looser.  (Computer Geek)

1.  Has glasses that are extremely over taped with *white* tape.
2.  Have the dress shirt with the glow-in-the-dark *bow* tie.
3.  Carry 50 boxes of disks along with their books evrywhere.
4.  Spend all the extra time as possible in the computer lab. 
5.  Bother sysops and respectable pirates with their trivial wants.
6.  Leech wares off you without giving you anything in return.
7.  Use fake names, fone #s', and aliases to leech wares off you.
8.  EXTREMELY misuse the English language. (ie. z, ph, 0, l8r, u, r, etc.)
9.  Just got their modem for their birthday and think they are hot shit.
10. And finally, are afraid to swear and use language like, so it must be           respelled (i.e.  $hit, f-ck, a--).
    (Because mommy is right over the shoulder)

NOTE: Some of the freshman characteristics can be aplied to the modem looser
      characteristics and visa-versa.  

     Now, lets look at what these modem geeks do when "On-Line"

     Starting from the end of the file he just read.......
     (s=Sysop    l=Looser)

..............
..............
blah blah blah

written by: The Fag

End of File...

File Limit Expired...

[The Awesome BBS!]
Command:?=Help:]> 

[Hold, Sysop At Work]

[Sysop Present]

s: You fuckin leech!  That was the 50th file you leeched from me today.

l: F-ck u, eye will kick yor a-- iph u dont shut up.  Look, u r going to giv
me evry phile u hav on the 10 meg.  Unless u want all my phriends to cum over
and kick yor but!

s: (I don't have time for this wannabe) Look Mr. Buff Looser Wannabe, don't be
threatening me, unless you want me to come over to your "place" and whale on
your little ass.  [He rattles off the kids name, address, voice fone #, zip,
social security number, and his mother's credit card, not to forget the charge
card at pic n' save]

l: (Oh sh-t, the guy may cum over and kill me, eye know he drives, sh-t eye'm
screwd!) Oh u think yor pretty buff dont u, u think u can kick my a--?  Well
eye'm not scared, me and my phriends will cum over to yor house and beat u up.
Eye know whare u live.

s: (Oh shit, this is getting pathetic) Ok Mr. Buff Looser Wannabe, you win, I'm scared, I will let you take all my files and even download my whole BBS at 110
baud since that it all you have.

l: (My god, it really worked!) Well eye guess eye scared u, ok, when can eye
get everything? 

s: (Damn, is this guy on some fuckin ego trip or what?) I bet you want it,
Psyche!

[Hold Sysop At Work]

five secs later...

You are a fucking loozer, later daze, and don't call back!
click.

Five mins later...

Account]>: 

[Hold, Sysop At Work]

[Sysop Present]

s: (Him again!?!) Hey butlick, don't call me anymore!

l: (Oh know, he is getting mad, eye'm getting even mor scared) Well thare must
hav been sum interfearence on the line, that must b why eye got cut off.

s: (Chick, Chick, bang!) Look asswipe, you call me again and ill put your mom's pic n save charge card $10 in debt.

l: (Oh sh-t!) Ok, u win, eye'm scared now, eye wont bother u anymore.  CUL80R!

s: (It's about time) Later Looser!

click!

five mins later

Account]>:

[Hold, sysop at work]

s: Ok asshole, I'm comming over and kicking your ass!

l: (What did eye do?) Eye'm sorry, eye thought there waz some mor line inter-
ference.  That waz why eye got a click off.    

s: No stupid lame shit, I hung up!

l: Oh, sorry, CUL80R 

well there you have it, a simple conversation between a sysop and a modem geek.  Of course this file may help you to develop stereotypes and hopefully
predjudices.  But this can actally happen to you, be prepared, have a looser
disconnection speech waiting to be put into effect at any moment.

What Now?:
---------

     Well beats me, I'm just making this up as I go along.  Hmm......Ah yes, we forgot an important characteristic.  The modem geek gets straight A+ 4.0 grades and take honor classes that he would normally take 3 years from now.

Ages:
----

     The very minimum age to even consider being a computer-modem geek is *at
least* 13.  13 is bad, real bad, but it's better than 12.

NOTE:  There are a few uncommon exceptions we must consider.  There were a few
       8yr olds who got busted for hacking some mainfraime a while back.
       (They obviously knew what they were doing)

     So looser age begins at 13.  Mostly the 2600 years.

     14 isn't bad, it's a step up, and there is more maturity involved.  About
	35% of all of the 'pirate' population are 14.

     15 and 16 are better, and mostly mature people.  More trust can be given.

     17 throught 22 is ok, but you must remember, the older the more likely
	chance of being a narc.

     Older than 22 is mainly a person living alone who does bbsing as a hobby,
and is either a cool, mature person, or a narc. 

Well:
----

     Since I can't think of anything else tonite, I might as well say goodbye
and look for the second volume.  This may involve another, but equal topic,
then again, it may not.

     So I'll be talking to you later.  Stay Free.  Reach out and fuck some one
over!.

 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

    This has been a presentation and production of On-Line Enterprises(TM) 
      The Hitcher's Galaxy [213] 393-0781 \/ FACEmaster's [619] 948-4002 
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