The Story of the Young Squire

Squire : Sir, sir!  I have terrible news!

King : Whence commeth thou, thou wretched squire?  How dare thee interrupt
        this royal dinner?

Squire : But sir, this is of utmost importance!

King : Goeth on, so that I can getteth riddeth of thee!

Squire : Well, I am the squire of Sir Gefehlen, a knight of the round table?

King : what did you say?  I am King Arthur!  Say your table.  This is my
        table that we are sitting at, this is my table that we are eating at,
        say you!!

Squire : Well, I am the squire of Sir Gefehlen, a knight of YOUR round table.

King : better.

Squire : We were journeying many a moon and sun, when we cameth upon a 
        purple knight...

King : With polka dots in a shade of magenta?

Squire : Yes! How did you know?

King : I hath fought many a battle with him, and many we have drawn....

Chorus : Shut up! You old nag!

Squire : As I was saying, the purple knight was...

King : With polka dots..

Chorus : Shut up!

King : allright!

Chorus : Shut up!

King : all...

Chorus : Shut up!!!!!!!!!

Squire : As I was saying, the purple knight with the magenta polka dots was
coming forth.  I spotted him many a mile away, for the day was filled with
the golden rays of the sun and we were in Kansas.  I warned my knight of the
imminent danger, when he told me to... I kept my mouth shutteth until the
knight commeth o' so very close.  I once again warned him, whence he gave
me a backhand to the face.  The knight commeth o' so slowly, then bellowed,
'Thou weakest knight of King Arthur's court.  You hath escapeth me once,
but never again.  I shall thrash thee to a pulp, and leave your squire for
none.  Naturally, I was shakingeth, when my knight told me to be brave in 
the face of danger, as he was.  He readied his lance, got closer to his steed,
and charged!  The impact was so great that both lances were shattered.  They
both turned around and pulled out their swords.  Both knights fought like
lions, ferociously attacking each other without heed to safety.  Finally, 
my knight's shield was stripped and he was knocked down.  

Chorus :  Oh no!!

Squire : I bid him to run for his life, but he wouldn't.  His courage was 
too great.

Maidens : sigh...

Squire : The knight charged forth, and attacked on mount.  Being such a 
clever knight, my knight chopped the legs off the bloody steed. Ha Ha Ha!

Arthur : Booo! Boo!  That is against the code of chivalry.  Booo!

Chorus : Shut Up!!!!!!!!!

Squire : The purple knight was on the floor, with his shield knocked away. 
Once more, the fighting was resumed.  Many a blow were taken and stricken,
until both, out of exaustion, could fight no more.  They agreed to take a 
break until both were refreshed.  The fighting was resumed.  My knight took
a fatal wound to the chest.  Yet he kept on fighting.  'Run!' he yelled to
me.  'Save your life!  I shall stall him as long as I can!'

Maidens : Sigh.... (two of them faint)

Squire : I could not leave.  I had to help him.  

Maidens : Ooooh!

Squire : I fought him off as well as I could.  I slashed and hacked away with
my sword fighting him off as best I could.

Chorus : Then what happened?

Squire : We fought a fair fight, for I had no training and no armour and he
was weary from fight, and life.

Chorus : Oh.

Squire : Many a time, I was near death from the sharp point of his sword.
Finally, he chopped off my leg.

King : Liar! Liar!  You still have a leg.  Look! Look!  There it is!

Chorus : Shut up!!

Squire : You fool!  This is a fake leg I made out wood that the guards gave
to me.

Narrator : Squire takes off his wooden leg, then falls over.

Chorus : Ohhhh!

King : So how did you get here?

Squire : Naturally, I hopped.

Chorus : Make him the new king! He is more courageous than our weak king!

King : No! No!  I am the allmighty!  I am your omnipotent leader!  

Chorus : Shut up!

Narrator : The squire, now a king and knight.  Because of the courage and 
valor that he showed against the purple knight with polka dots, he was given 
a medal of honour and made a knight of the table.  As for the king, ahhh!  
That is for you good reader, to decide.  Shall he be executed at the gallows?  Or
should he be made into a lowly squire cleaning horse dung out of the stalls
and giving them water and food, occasionally an apple, mmmmmm! apple.


                                The DogCatcher