Subj:	Domsad/SadDom.....now you know the author.....
Date:	96-10-31 02:29:25 EST
From:	DomSad
To:	Fiestylamb
CC:	Nicki Blue, LdyMuriam

to all of you....finally, I give you my tru luv, with this note..... please forgive me the past deceptions. I am finally awake from the nightmare. please wake too....


 I'll never fess up that I have an agenda that uses D/s as a cover for my anger toward women. I'll never fess up that in reality women frighten me. I'll never fess up that I enjoy leading women on. I'll never fess up that as a gutless coward I enjoy the emotional "rape" I perpetrate on submissive women. I'll never fess up that I'm only as "dom" as Pee Wee Herman. I'll never fess up that I'm a frightened little boy who enjoys causing women pain. I'll never fess up that my ego is so tiny that it needs constant feeding.
I'll never fess up that I have no feelings for any of the submissive women I've been involved with, except contempt and nausea when they look at me "softly", as I fuck them in their great fat white asses ( I put them on all fours so I don't have to look at their stupid cow faces ). I'll never fess up that I'm only concerned with myself and my overwhelming need to try and compensate for my lack of courage and integrity by using and abusing submissive women. I'll never fess up that I'm a sniveling spineless slug, who needs to control women in order to control my fear and hatred for them. I'll never fess up that my need to hurt, control and abuse women comes from my deep feeling of powerlessness. I'll never fess up that I hide my feelings of inadequacy and cowardice by using, abusing and controlling submissive women. I'll never fess up that I fantasize of  being a submissive female, and feel the same  hatred and contempt for myself as I feel for them. I'll never fess up that I am potentially dangerous to submissive women physically and emotio, butlly. I'll never fess up because I am a gutless, sniveling, frightened, spineless, inconsequential little man who preys on the trust, emotions and dreams of  needy submissive women. I'll never fess up that I can't compete with a real man, so I control women through pain and degredation, and convince them that they are benefitting in some obtuse way by allowing themselves to be used, abused and controlled by my sadistic needs. I'll never fess up that I play cruel games with their minds and emotions, changing identities, sometimes cultivating "friendships " as other submissive women that pretend to know my "Dom" character well, so that I can give myself a good recommendation and easily win their trust. I'll never fess up that I really think of them as weak mindless cows, while I smile and call them 'my Pet', and fight back feelings of hatred and disgust at how little they value themselves, to sacrifice their bodies, trust and dignity to serve the sick little "Charlie Manson" who lives inside me, all the while calling me 'Master". I enslave them with my coldness and cruelty and an "illusion" of caring. Soon they  are completely dependent and know nothing else, so they crave the pain and humiliation , as an abused child craves even the  smallest crumb of attention from the abuser even if it hurts. I gradually take away their will and even their humanity. I command them to go about on all fours, so they look like the swine they really are in my eyes, but I'll never fess up, and even if I did, they would crawl and beg and think they were even more 'loved". I could start my own cult with these mindless "soft eyed" cows. We could be a "family", like the Manson Family, with all of them blindly following my orders, serving my will and branding themselves with my "mark" to show their stupid worthless "devotion", never caring about themselves, but convincing themselves of my 'care" for them and of my wisdom  and kindness. Maybe I will. Their stupidity and devotion to self deception would make it easy work. Oh yes, I am the wise , caring, kind and loving Dom. I am all Doms, but we'll never fess up. We will just deceive ourselves as the subs deceive themselves. D/s is a destructive and ugly little world, no matter HOW we try to disguise it. Deep down we all know it. That's why we try to glorify it; make it seem  somehow noble .Maybe some of us will have the courage to see it for what it really is and get out before we lose ourselves completely. It only gets uglier. I always said I'd never fess up....., but I just did here, finally. now I can feel right about myself again. Care for yourselves again, Please.