umph - signifies that one of the characters have been mortally wounded

Ye olden tales (revised, no blenda, no pom pom dog)

Ye old sea man from many a year ago:  ay, I am olden now, let me rest my
bones upon the good earth, that hath for so long eluded me in my great 
jouneys across the seven seas!  Arrrr!

Wench for a boy : O' pappy! o' pappy!  please tell me a tale o' olden days!
Please o' please!

yosmfmaya: Ye wench for a boy, why should I, Arrrr?

Narrator : wench for a boy begins to thrash yosmfmaya thouroughly and leaves
none for else.

yosmfmaya: allright!  ya win, ye wench for a boy ar-umph!

Wench for a boy : shutup (uppercut to the chin)

yosmfmaya : allright! ya win, ye

Wench for a boy : Shutup!! (punch to the abdominal)

yosmfmaya : arrrr!

Narrator : two begin to fight, causing great distress!  

Chorus : arrrr! umph!  whap! bang!  u wong!

yosmfmaya : allright, you wi- umph! (sock to the stomach)

Wench for a boy : tell me a tale!

yosmfmaya : allright, yo-umph! (sock to the face!)

Wench for a boy : tell me a tale, NOW!!

yosmfmaya :       (long period of silence)        what do you think I am?
            stupid, you think i'm going to talk ag-(sock to the face!)

Wench for a boy : TELL ME A TALE!

Narrator : you stupid wench for a boy, how do you think he's going to tell
you a tale if he can't speak! umph! (sock to the face)

Wench for a boy : allright old man!  I'm giving you one chance, tell me a
tale with no prelude and I'll let your face remain intact!

yosmfmaya : allright, allright-umph (sock to the groin)

Wench for a boy : did I hear a prelude?

yosmfmaya : Many apologees to y-umph (you know what should be in the ()

Narrator : you stupid child, if you keep on-umph(  )  then I'm-umph( ) going
to remove you from the-umph (  )  story!

Wench for a boy : No!  I have control of this story!  no one-umph!

yosmfmaya : ya dirty wench!  I ain't taken no more from ye!  

Wench for a boy : umph! (   ) wham! (   )  ugggghhhhh!  (   )  whappo (    )
keel (   )  keeel (   )  

Narrator : enough already, he's kealed!-umph!  (    )

yosmfmaya : now listen all of ya!  I'm goin' tu tell u tale, an' no un is
goin' to stop me!

Narrator : the story is over.  

yosmfmaya : No!  I must tell the story!

Narrator : the story is over, forget it.

yosmfmaya : no!  this is my only chance!

Narrator : I said, tell it later! (as in, the next story)

yosmfmaya : no!  No! I refuse to.  No one is going to tell me what to do!
This is my story and...

Narrator : yosmfmaya continues to blab on until he is tired.  

        THE END


                                The DogCatcher