"There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven."
	-Stairway to Heaven-Lead Zeppelin, IV

					The Underage Liquor Buying Guide
    	        	  				or
    	       					ulbg.zip
    	     				  by Delictum
    	     			an417211@anon.penet.fi  
    	     				 
    	     				
    	     				  
Getting the Liquor
 
Buying liquor underage, should be a right! I feel this way regardless
of what anyone thinks, so I don't want email telling me your feelings
on the subject(unless of course it is positive), because I just don't
care.

If you would like some underage drinking information. Such as
laws, information and history see The Young Drinkers Home page at:
http://www.cemr.wvu.edu/~jgain . I was very impressed with the information
there, plus they have links to some interesting sites(try out the one on 
drinking games, they have a bunch! I never knew drinking could be so much fun,
well yeah I did).

Anyways, as of 1988 49 of the 50 states, had passed a drinking law that required
you to be 21 to purchase any form of alchoholic beverage. By 1995 every state now
has a 21 year old drinking law. The only exception to this(and trust me, this is 
a really small exception), would be communion(they can't forbid this, since it
would violate the freedom of religion)[communion is that cracker and wine thing
they do in Catholic churches]. 

So now the only way to get liquor, is obviously to do it in a stealthy manner.
Most people can get liquor, but for those who are new at it, or just really bad
here are some the ideas that have worked the best for me, and others I know. I am
only 16 and can get just about anything I need, although I still find it easier to
get illegal drugs than alchohol.

I. Good old fashioned, social engineering.

   Probably the most obvious way to get liquor is to walk in there, put it on the
counter and buy it. I have found that most liquor store owners, will not card you
if you just act natural. Even if they do ID you and you are a smoothe talker you
can get away with it, by using some lame ass excuse(trust me I have used some
REALLY lame ones). I like to add-lib the entire thing, since it sounds a little
better, if it read off of a script, you may act like it. Although you should
ALWAYS memorize your birthdate to be 21! I use 8/16/74. The most common way to get
shutdown, is when they ask you this, you stall. This will usually work with
foreign liquor store owners, and will NEVER work at a Grocery store, unless you
really look old. It helps to have some facial hair going if you are going to try
this method. Here is a sample dialog:

<ME>: Hey can I get a bottle of that Goldschlagger up there?
<LSO>: Sure. May I see some id please.
<ME>: Oh sorry man, I left my wallet at home, my girlfriend drove me here.
<LSO>: When were you born?
<ME>: August sixteenth, 1974.
<LSO>: You sure your 21?[Yes they actually ask that! I still don't know what idiot 
						would say no, but I guess some people do.]
<ME>: Yeah.
<LSO>: Ok, that will be $7.50

II. Pimping

	Most people look at me like I some type of pervert when I say I am going to
pimp beer. It has nothing to do with sex. What you do is walk up to a person
standing in front of the liquor store and ask him to buy you beer/liquor. Out here
in Southern  California there are a lot of illegals that you can just walk up to
and use your limited spanish on. Give em a buck or two for themselves, and they
will be happy to help you out. One time we got a Bus Boy at dennies to do it for
us on his break. Some usefull spanish terms are(these are phonetically spelled,
since I no longer take spanish I have no idea how to spell them):

Servessa por favor  - It means "drinks please", but they usually get the idea. 
Gracias - Thankyou!

Usually you should tip the nice mexican guys. They aren't out there so your party
life can kick ass, they're out there because they need some dinero! So give em a
couple of bucks and don't be a cheap ass. They deserve it, if they get caught,
they will get fined around $500.00.

Or if you can ask a person who looks cool that walks out, they will usually do it
for no extra charge. One time, this guy actually paid for our stuff! But here in
SoCal just about everybody is cool. Some how I don't see Utah as being a big party
state,so your results may differ.

Try to also keep in mind, that if the person gets caught helping you(cops will
hang out by liquor stores to try and catch people), they are going to be fined
heavy, and may even be thrown in jail! Also if you are caught, you will also be in
deep shit. If you have a drivers license, they will probably revoke it!

III. The precious fake id!

	Fake id's are the easiest(and most expensive) ways to get liquor. The problem
is they carry a somewhat hefty price tag(well for a teenager), and if you get
caught with a fake id, don't plan on driving until you are 21! Fake id's around my
city are about 60 bucks. You have to know the right people to get them(just ask
the local drug dealer, he will probably know someone). Even if it looks bad, you
will usually be able to get liquor from most liquor stores. Since, even if they
liquor store owner knows it is fake, he will not get busted, your ass will! 

IV. Fake ID's, that are actually Real, yet fake(huh?)

	If you can get a fake birth certificate, a way to get an id that you can even
be caught with, is a real one! Just take the birth certificate(it better look damn
real, cuz if you get caught, kiss your driving privelege(<-its suppost to be a
right, so if you are willing to go to court fight it, good luck) goodbye!) and
take your driving test, pass and you get a state issued id! You can use this one
to get into night clubs and other cool shit. So it has its advantages, but an
obvious risk to. This one will only cost you 20 dollars though. If you can't drive
a car very well, just get an ID card, it is the same thing only you can't use it
as a drivers license if a cop pulls you over(why would want to? They are usually
more lenient with minors anyway). You can also use these at grocery stores and 
anywhere else they sell liquor, since they are completely real!

V. Steal it from stores(Beer run).

	This method I don't condone, since it is blatantly illegal, and god knows I 
would never do anything illegal(cough, ahem). This method is the most dangerous.
Since you would be breaking 2 laws, you might as well steal a lot. You should
usually do this at grocery stores, since they have the most lax security. Here are
some of the basic methods:

The-walk-out-method: At some stores(especially the one by Tustin Marketplace in
SoCal), you can actually sit there and look at all the liquor, put it down your
pants and walk out without anyone knowing you were even there! They put there
liquor sections in a secluded area, with no video cameras, and no one around. If
you do this, and feel like being a real smart ass, buy some tic-tacs at one of the
registers while all the liquor is in your clothes. Do this method at late night or
early morning hourse. Most stores stay open to 12, and some stores stay open 24
hours.

The-Beer-Run: This is the most famous method of stealing. It goes like this, walk
in(it doesn't really matter at what time, although if you don't run fast do it at
night or early morning), grab a case of beer(or whiskey, or whatever) and run out
to a car waiting outside! They will figure out what you are doing as you are about
halfway out the door, but there isn't much they can do about it then. Just
remember, that shouldn't do this if the liquor section is far away from the door,
I know most of the grocery stores will have it close by, and some even have cases
of beer sitting there right when you walk in!

The-Switcharoo: Although this method isn't exactly stealing, it sort of is, so it
goes in this category. Simply walk up to the liquor section, grab a bottle of 
anything that looks like coke or ice tea(whiskey, dark rum, amaretto etc.) or 
something clear or yellow(gin, vodka, saki(yellowish), peppermit shnapps, white
wine, etc.). Take a big one of those liter coke(if it is brownish) or 7-up
bottles(if it is clear) and empty it, then fill it with the liquor. Kind of a pain
in the ass, but it is a cheap way to do it, and the risk is small. If you are
worried about being caught it is usually best to use clear liquids in 7-up
bottles, since that looks the most natural. The ultimate, is to take a bottle of
saki(rice wine, if they even have it), and just poor it in a squirt bottle, since
they look EXACTLY the same! This is the best idea overall. It is the cheapest,
safest(if you can do it in an isle where no one is in, do this one at night for
best results), and you can get whatever you want. Even though this is the case, I
have NEVER done this! So be warry, since I may have missed something.


The stealing ideas are often times succesfull if you just follow some simple
rules. If the store has video cameras on their liquor sections, just DON'T do it!
It isn't worth it. If there are a lot of people in the store, use caution,
although most of these can still be done. If you are going to do a beer run, make
sure there is an easy way out, of the store and have a good driving plan. A store
with a large street, without a light nearby is perfect, one with a freeway on ramp
is ideal. Getting caught stealing it, is by far the worst way to get caught! So it
is a do or die situation, if it is between possibly getting caught, but getting
the liquor, or not getting it at all, DON'T DO IT! If you can get it for sure, go
for it!

VI. Stealing from a factory truck

	Although this should be in the section called stealing, it deserves to be in a
league of its own. If anybody actually has the balls to do this, I commend you!
The method is quite simple actually. Liquor stores always have to be restocked
with liquor, so a beer truck or liquor retailer(hard liquor is always sold to a
liquor retailer, who then sells it to liquor stores second hand, while beer is
usually sold directly from the manufacturer to the liquor store). What you do is
find out when a store is being restocked, or drive around and find one that is
being restocked(they will have one of those huge big-rigs in front, and it will
have a liquor label, or retailer label on the side). Then wait for the guy to get
out of the truck, open the side hatch and cart in a load of beer or whatever. Now
there is nobody in the truck, or even near it, yet the side hatch should be open,
or at least unlocked. Simply run up to the hatch, grab some beer or liquor put it
in your trunk and take off! Sometimes the beer trucks will even have kegs, so that
is the best one to go for. 

	The thing is, you have to be fast when doing this, if you were to get caught,
not only would be talking to the cops, but truck drivers who drive liquor trucks,
aren't exactly the most friendly people in the world.

VII. Stealing the kegs from the back of bars.

	This method is simple enough. Simply find a bar that keeps the kegs in the
back, go back there with a pickup and steal the keg. It is rare that you will find
a bar that actually has full kegs in the back, but some do. Obviously if you do it
once, you cannot do it to that bar again(since the owner would know, and not leave
the kegs there again).

VIII. Mail Order
	
	This method is quite simple. Just find an add for a mail order liquor supply
company and order. When it asks if you are 21, just sign the fucking thing and
mail it in. You can find one mail order company on AOL(look under liquor), most
mail order places offer wine at good prices if you buy them in huge numbers.
Although hard liquor is COMPLTETELY OVER PRICED in mail order catalogs I have
seen. By the way, this is also a good way to get fine cigars and other tobacco
products.


-The above are most of the ideas I use to get liquor. If you have a friend or
relative who is over 21 and sympathetic to your cause, you should always use them
first. I of course do not condone the stealing, or even purchasing of liquor if
you are under 21 since there are consequences. I leave it up to your own
judgement. Also, I feel this is a good place to put my feelings down, that YOU DO
NOT DRINK AND DRIVE! That is why they made the drinking age what it is now in the
first place. So go to a house and get drunk and have fun. Be carefull if there are
girls there to use a condom. Sorry to act like a sex-ed teacher but I lost my
virginity drunk, and was worried shitless for a week, wondering whether she was
pregnant or not, it isn't worth the hassle not to have one. And again I am going
to emphasize that I leave it up to you whether you do the things mentioned in this
article. You cannot blame me if you get caught, I am a 16 year old high-school
student, and not exactly someone to look up to.

The other articles are as follows: misclq.txt : This is miscellanous information
that you might want to know. choic.txt : This is the various kinds of liquor and
my suggestions for what to get, for what occasion.