Q: Why do you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain? A: Gifted. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "I hope it's mine." Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower? A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped to shreds. Q: What did the blondes mom tell her before she left on her date? A: "If your not in bed by 10, come home." Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: What can strike a blonde without her knowing it? A: A thought. Q: How does a blonde know when sex is over? A: The domelight comes on. Q: What do you call 2 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted flakes. Q: How do blondes commit suicide? A: Put spikes on their shoulder pads. Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: Both empty from the neck up. Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory? A: She was eating all the W&W's. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: Why do blondes not like pickles? A: They keep getting their head stuck in the jar. Q: What's a blondes mating call? A: "Oh, I'm soooooo drunk!" Q: What's a brunettes mating call? A: "Have all the blonde's gone home?" Q: What do you call a brunette standing between 2 blondes? A: An interpreter. Q: What does a blonde say after an orgasm? A: "Are all you guys on the same team?" Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? A: 100 -- 1 to stir and 99 to peel the M&Ms. Q: What does Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Smart Blondes have in common? A: They're all make-believe. Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes? A: To remind them that Toes Go In First Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their bras? A: To remind them that Tits Go In First Q: Why do blondes like the GST? A: It's the only thing they can spell. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels? A: More head room. Q: Why do blondes where shoulder pads? A: So they don't hurt themselves when they say, "I don't know." Q: How do you change a blondes mind? A: Blow in her ear. Q: Where do blondes like to go in the morning? A: Home. Q: What do blondes and computers have in common. A: No one appreciates them until they go done on you. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane? A: The Black Box on an airplane always tells the truth. Q: How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning? A: Opens the car door. Q: How does a blonde differ from the Titanic? A: You know how many men went down on the Titanic. Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie? A: Because they heard that under 17 was not admitted. Q: Why did the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: She kept trying to put them in alphabetical order. Q: What do four blondes have in common? A: Nothing they can think of. Q: What does a blond say after making love? A: "Thanks guys." Q: What's the best protection against rape? A: Dye your hair blond - no one rapes a blond! Q: What do blonds usually have against condoms? A: Their cheeks. Q: How can you tell a real blond from a fake blonde? A: Fuck her. Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first? A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that had a bruised naval? A: Her boyfriend was blond too. Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory? A: She was eating all the W&W's. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You have to take off your shoes when you get on a trampoline. Q: What's the worst blonde joke of all time? A: Dan Quayle. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? A: Tell her a joke on Thursday. Q: What's the difference between an intelligent blonde and a U.F.O.? A: There have been U.F.O. sightings. Q: Why don't blondes like vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama canal? A: One is a busy ditch. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Take a piece of paper, write "OVER" on both sides and tell her to read the piece of paper. Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet? A: The winner of the Hide and Seek game. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has used a computer? A: There's whiteout on the screen. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? A: 3 -- 2 to make the batter, and 3 to peel the M&Ms, sorry 3 to make the batter and 2 to peel the M&Ms, Awe shit, I don't know, I am a blonde. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a counterfeit dollar bill? A: One is a phoney buck. Q: What do you call a circle of blondes? A: A dope ring. Q: What goes "VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH!" A: A blonde at a flashing red light. Q: Why did the blonde stop using her birth control pills? A: They kept falling out when she stood up. Q: If you have 3 blondes sitting on a couch, how do you know which one is the cock sucker? A: The one spitting feathers, sitting next to the smiling rooster. Q: What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe. Q: How does a blond hemophiliac cure herself? A: With acupuncture! Q: Why did the blond eat beans on Saturday? A: So she could take a bubble bath on Sunday. Q: How can you tell when you're in bed with an blonde guy? A: It's not hard. Q: What do you call a blonde virgin? A: Dead, or newborn. Q: What do you call three blondes standing in a circle? A: An air pocket. Q: What do you call an old blond? A: An air bag. Q. How does a blond screw in a light bulb? A: With lubricant. Q: What does a blond put behind her ears to attract men? A: Her legs. Q: Why couldn't the blond make koolaid? A: She couldn't fit all the water into the little packet! Q: Did you hear about the blonde girl who thought her typewriter was pregnant? A: Seems it was skipping periods. Q: What do four blondes have in common? A: Nothing they can think of. Q: What does a blond say after making love? A: "Next!" Q: How does a blond screw in a lightbulb? A: She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. Q: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer asked her to spell her name? A: "H-E-R-N-A-M-E." Q. Why do you take a blonde shopping with you? A. So you can park in the Handicapped zone. Q: How do you give a blonde more head room? A: Adjust the steering wheel. Q. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb A. 100 -- 1 to screw it in and 99 to say "you can do it." Q: What do blondes and cowpies have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up. Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common? A: Once they're on their backs, their both screwed. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? A: A brain tumor. Q: What does a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common? A: They both have little Black Boxes. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everyone's been in a limousine. Q: What's the other difference between a blonde and a 747? A: 747's only go down once in a while. Q: What do you call a blonde in leather jacket? A: A rebel without a clue. Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look, doughnut seeds." Q: How do you know when a blonde is having her period? A: When she can't find her pencil and her tampon's behind her ear. Q: Why did the blonde have square breasts? A: She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box. Q: Why can't blondes fart? A: They don't shut up long enough to build up the pressure. Q: What does a blonde say in the morning? A: "Who are all you guys?" Q: How do you put sparkle in a blondes eyes? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head? A: All you can eat for under a buck. Q: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave. Q: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves? A: She fell out of a tree. Q: What do you call 20 blondes standing in a row? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What's similar about a UFO and a smart blonde? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see one. Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick? A: When you drop a brick, it doesn't follow you around for a week. Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on her right side? A: She didn't know where to buy left guard. Q: Why did the blond prostitute quit her day job? A: She realized after 6 years that the other girls were getting paid. Q: Why didn't the blond prostitute vote? A: She hadn't slept with the candidates yet. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains when her husband died. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that thinks Manual Labor is a guy she hasn't fucked yet. Q: Did you hear that the only job for blondes at the candy factory is proofreading the M&M's? Q: Did you hear about the blond who had a hysterectomy so she'd stop having grandchildren? Q: Did you hear about the blond who was two hours late getting home because the escalator got stuck? Q: Did you hear about the blond who stayed up all night studying for her urine test? Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean glass? Q: Did you hear about the blonde housewife who was mad at her husband because he was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them. Q: Did you hear about the pregnant blonde who went to the grocery store because she heard they had free delivery. STORY: A blonde gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop says "May I see your license please?" She says "What's that ?" He says "The little card with you picture on it that allows you to drive?" She says "Oh, I have one of those... here you go" The cop takes the license, goes back to his car and checks her out for any warrants. After checking he walks back up to her car window, unzips his pants, and pulls out his cock. The blonde looks up and says... "Oh no, not another breathalizer test!"