MISSION EARTH 6
                               DEATH QUEST
                                    
                            BY L. RON HUBARD

     Want a book that pushes the limits of satire, then do I
have a book or series for you! The series is called Mission
Earth and the book is called Death Quest. It was written by
L. Ron Hubard, Author of science fiction great's like Battle
Field Earth, and Lunacy. He has been writting science fiction
since the late 30's and has amassed quite a following over the
years. Though unfortunately he has the greatest notoriety for
his book  DYNATICS, which I found to be no different from
any other self help book.                     Imagine earth
containing nothing but lunatics (Not far in the future if you
take into account what has been going on recently). And two
men from another galaxy come for two completely different
reasons. Jetro Heller, interstellar hero , soldier , and all
around good guy is trying to save the planet so that it will
still be around when the Votarian government is ready to
invade.  While Soltan Gris is what I would call a Homicidal
Schizophrenic working for an equally insane organization
called Central Information Apparatus or CIA, Notice the
similarity of name to another Earth based organization. Well
this is no coincidence, Because Apparatus is modeled after
Earths CIA and is just as bent upon domination of all. Which
comes to Soltans mission, which is to make sure that Jetro
Heller fails his mission so that Apparatus can continue to
import drugs from earth to Voltar For the sole purpose of
addicting and enslaving the leaders of that world. 
      Besides the two central characters there is a lot  of sickos
to play with your head. First there is J. F. Rockecenter A
multi-billionaire with some pretty big mental problems he
has a hand in everything from energy, drugs, real estate,
banking, mining And every thing else that is associated with
big business, which is bad news for the rest of the world
because he has the power to anything he wants including
starting world war III. While there is his favorite PR. man
William JR. Slander who means well, but everyone he ever
promotes ends up  killing them selves or being killed by an
angry mob, that's why Rockecenter has him promote his
enemies. Next there is DR. Phallus who is Rockecenter's
Psychiatrist, Chief promoter of Psychiatric birth control, A
method that involves turning the populace homosexual to
keep the population down. With Rockecenters help Dr.
Phallus's dream is becoming a reality. Another two
character's are two X-lesbians Candy and Miss Pinch, Who
have discovered that psychiatric birth control is a crock and
are determined to convert others like them to heterosexuality
by way of Black Mailing Soltan Gris into showing them the
pleasures of the opposite sex. But Soltans true Nemesis is
Teeny a 14 year old nymphomaniac that just can't get
enough of him in the worst kind of way, which causes her to
blackmail him by taking pictures of them in the act, doctored
to look like he is raping her. Last there is my personal
favorite Torpedo, who is a hit man that has a thing for his
victims. Let me explain in his own words "It began about six
years ago when I was in prison undergoing behavior
modification therapy. Great stuff. The prison psychologist in
organizing the gang rapes was a great guy. I was in
consolation with him one day and he said he'd noticed I
never joined the rape lines in the showers and he was
worried about me. He said how could he modify my behavior
to greater criminality if I wouldn't participate in group
therapy. He worked and worked on me-the usual treatments:
Having me (bleep) him and him (bleeping) him in the (bleep).
And that's when he discovered what was really wrong with
me. I had never been able to get an erection and even
couldn't with him. well he thought and thought and finally
he asked me if I had ever (bleeped) a dead person.? Well I
had to confess that I never had. So he told me that I had
better get a dead one and make sure that the body was fresh
and warm. He said that it was just basic psychology, a
perfectly normal thing. And he told me how to do it in detail.
But there was a hitch, we were in a all male prison and there
were no dead women so he stamped my parole card and sent
me on my way. What a great guy.".
      L. Ron Hubard may not write very good self help books.
But as far as satire goes he is an absolute genius with one of
the sickest minds in history. I urge you if you have a couple
extra bucks to spend and the time, pick up this book and be
ready to have your mind bombarded with all sorts of sick
demented fun for the whole family.



                                                              Written By 
                                                             JOhn METAXAS