
                         CHEAP THRILLS!!!

-WAYS TO HAVE A CHEAP THRILL... AT THE EXPENSE OF LAW-ABIDING AMERICAN 
CITIZENS: 1) ORDER A BB MACHINE GUN.  THEY GO FOR ABOUT $10 IF YOU SHOP 
AROUND, AND ARE CAPABLE OF WREAKING TOTAL HAVOC.  THEY CAN HOLD AROUND 
1000 BB'S, ARE LIGHT-WEIGHT (PLASTIC, PVC) COME WITH SHOULDER STOCK, 
AND CAN BE POWERED WITH A STANDARD FREPON CAN, OR COMPRESSOR. 2) ASSEMBLE 
SOME HOME-BREW MX MISSILES.  GO OUT AND BUY A DOZEN SMALL ESTESROCKETS - 
ONE STAGE, NO CHUTE NECESSARY (NOSE CONE SHOULD BE REMOVABLE) AND PREFERABLY 
ONE WITH A HOLLOW, PLASTIC NOSE PIECE.  THEY COST AROUND 3 DOLLARS A THROW.  
ARM THESE WITH M-80'S (OR ANY OTHER DEATH DEVICE) TIGHTLY PACKED IN THE NOSE 
CONE.  USE A C-ENGINE WITH A FUSE OR ELECTRIC LAUNCHER.  THE KICK-BACK FROM 
THE ENGINE SHOULD, IF THE BODY IS SHORT AND YOU DON'T USE WADDING, IGNITE THE 
FUSE.  I'VE FOUND BEST SPORT IS TO FIRE THESE BUGGERS AT PASSING BOATS AND 
SHIPS FROM THE WEST SIDE (DESERTED) ELEVATED HIGHWAY AT NIGHT. USE ABOUT A 45 
DEGREE ANGLE FOR OPTIMUM BANG-FOR-THE-BUCK 3) ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TO DO TO 
A PHONE BOOTH WITH A WHITE PAGES BOOK ATTACHED TO IT, IS TO USE A TORCH TO 
MELT THE BACK OF THE HANDSET AND WELD INTO THE PLASTIC COVER OF THE BOOK  
4) PHONE PHUN - IF YOU ARE BORED OF CHEATING GM EXECS OUT OF DOUGH BY USING 
THEIR ACCOUNTS ON TRAVEL NET AND CALLING OUTER MONGOLIA, TRY SOME >REAL< 
PHONE PHUN.  BE IMAGINATIVE.  ASK KEDORG ABOUT THE TIME HE GOT A WOMAN TO CUT 
OFF HER PHONE'S GREEN (RECEIVING) WIRE... HE EVEN HAS A TAPE OF THE SESSION 
THE NICE THING ABOUT PHONE PHUN IS THAT IT IS ABSOLUTELY ALMOST FREE.  YOU 
CAN ALSO DO SOME AWESOME STUFF IF YOU HAVE MULTIPLE LINES.  TRY CALLING DIAL 
A PRAYER AND CONNECTING IT WITH SOME POOR SLOB.  HE'LL THINK DIAL A PRAYER 
MADE THE CALL.... OR IF YOU WANNA SEE FEATHERS FLY, AND CHICKENS SQUABBLE,
CALL TWO OPERATORS AND PATCH 'EM IN TOGETHER. 5) BB GUN FUN - IF YOU HAVE A 
GOOD BB GUN WITH A SCOPE, YOU CAN DO SOME AMAZING DAMAGE.  I HAVE A CROSSMAN 
766 WITH A BUSHNELL 4X SCOPE WHICH ALLOWS ME TO USE .177 CAL. PELLETS, OR 5 
BB ROUNDS SHOT-GUN STYLE.  KILLING PIGEONS IS FUN, WHAT WAS I UP TO? 6? 
ANYWAY, A GOOD BB GUN WITH PELLETS AT 650-700 FPS CAN KNOCK OUT A GOOD PLATE 
WINDOW FROM 100 YARDS OR SO.  DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF POINT THE PELLET HAS, 
YOU CAN MAKE PUNCTURE HOLES, OR SMASH THE ENTIRE WINDOW 8) WRIST ROCKETS - 
OK, SO YOU'RE TOO CHEAP TO BUY A RIFLE... THEN GO OUT AND GET A WRIST ROCKET.  
ALTHOUGH THEY ARE SUBSTANTIALLY LESS POWERFUL, THEY CAN BE EFFECTIVELY 
EMPLOYED AS TERROR INSTRUMENTS.  IF YOU'RE STRONG, YOU CAN KNOCK OUT MOST 
NORMAL WINDOWS AT 100 YARDS.  SEE IF YOU CAN KNOCK OUT A BUS WINDOW... I 
SWEAR TO GOD, THOSE NEW GM BUSES HAVE WINDOWS MADE OF TITANIUM OR SOMETHING.
8) YOU CAN WREAK MUCH HAVOC OFF A GOOD ROOF AS WELL.  ASK MR. DEATH ABOUT 
THAT! IN GENERAL, YOU WANT TO BE ON AS HIGH A ROOF AS POSSIBLE WHICH WILL 
ALLOW ACCURATE BOMBARDMENT.  THIS WAY, ESPECIALLY IF THE BUILDING HAS SEVERAL 
APTS. AND TERRACES, YOUR TARGET WILL BE UNABLE TO LOCATE YOU.  FIREWORKS 
DROPPED FROM ROOVES IS ALWAYS ENTERTAINING.  EGGING IS AN EXCELLENT WAY TO 
PASS SOMETIME TOO.  DURING PARADES AND SHIT YOU CAN REALLY WREAK TREMENDOUS 
DISRUPTION BY THROWING EGGS BY THE DOZEN INTO THE CROWD.  THE FUNNIEST THING 
I'VE EVERSEEN WAS MR. DEATH EGGING A WOMAN IN THE WEST VILLAGE HALLOWEEN 
PARADE WHO DRESSED AS A CLOWN... THE EGG JUST LANDED OIN HER TECHNICOLOR AFRO-
WIG AND SHOWERED HER. 9) PIGEON FUN - THIS IS REALLY A SEPARATE CATAGORY FOR 
YOU PIGEON DIE-HARDS OUT THERE.  I MENTIONED PLUGGING THEM WITH BB'S... YOU 
CAN ALSO TRY: TYING THEIR LEGS TOGETHER... JUST WATCH THEM TRY TO LAND ON A 
LEDGE; TYING M-80STO THEIR FEET... WHAT A TRIP!  TYING STRING AROUND THEIR 
BODY SO THEY CAN'TUSE THEIR WINGS AND DROPPING THEM OFF A BUILDING, AND MY 
ALL TIME FAVORITE, STRAPPING THEM TO AN ESTES HOME-BREW MX MISSILE, AND 
WATCHING THE FEATHERS FLY. 10) FLY FUN - THIS IS MY LATEST HOBBY.  MY HOUSE 
WAS RECENTLY INVADED BY A SWORM OF SICKLY HUGE (I MEAN >HUGE<) FLIES, AND I 
HAVE BEEN DEVISING CONSTRUCT-IVE WAYS OF TERMINATING THEM...10)   AND I HAVE 
COME UP WITH SEVERAL EFFECTIVE AND ENTERTAINING MEANS. MY FAVORITE WAY IS TO 
SHOOT THEM WITH RUBBER BANDS (THICK, STRONG).  REMEMBER TO HAVE A VACUUM 
HANDY THOUGH, SINCE THEY USUALLY BREAK UP INTO ITY-BITY PIECES.  TRY SWATTING 
THEM IN MID-AIR.  IF YOU HIT THEM HARD ENOUGH, YOU CAN HEAR THEM GO "CLICK" 
AND SAIL ACROSS THE ROOM... THEM FIND THEM AND DISPOSE OF THEM.  ALTERNATIVELY, 
IF YOU FIND THEM AND THEY ARE ONLY STUNNED, TAKE A SPOOL OF THREAD AND TIE 
THE END AROUND ITS NECK.  LEAVE THE SPOOL WITH SOME SLACK IN A VISIBLE PLACE, 
AND YOU HAVE AN INSTANT CONVERSATION PIECE!  JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOUR FRIENDS 
WILL THINK!  THIS IS NOT ADVISABLE WITH NYC FLIES...YOU WILL PROBABLY 
CONTRACT A TERRIBLE DISEASE AND DIE A FIERY DEATH.  FLY'S REVENGE. WELL, 
THAT'S IT FOR NOW.  GO OUT AND HAVE SOME REAL FUN.  WHO NEEDS TO PLAY SPY 
HUNTER OR GALAXIAN WHEN YOU CAN WREAK >TRUE< HAVOC AROUND YOUR BLOCK? I'LL BE 
BACK WITH THE LATEST IN FALL FUN NEXT TIME, ON EVERYONE'S FAVORITE SHOW ---- 
CAPTAIN CRASH AND THE DEATH SQUADS OF THE COMMUNIST MUTANT WORLD! 

MISTER YANSU!!!

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