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ÇÅÔÔÉÎÇ ÅÖÅÎ
ÐART #5

ÔHE INFORMATION PRESENTED IN THE FOLLOWING FILE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.  ÉT IS NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THE MENTALLY UNBALANCED.  ÔHE AUTHORS OF THIS FILE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY OF ITS CONTENTS.  ÔHE AUTHORS ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ILLEGAL USE OR MISUSE FOR THIS FILE.

ÃALL ÇÅÔÔÉÎÇ ÅÖÅÎ THE SUBBOARD.  ÎEW  ON THE ÐIRATES ÃORNER ÎEWS ÁSSOCIATION (313)-386-4698, WITH UP TO THE MINUTE DIRTY TRICKS.

ÈEY ÌEGION OF ÄOOM, LETS SEE YOU TOP THIS FILE.

ÂÏÕÎÔÙ ÈÕÎÔÅÒÓ

  ÌOOK THROUGH THE DOZENS OF RELATIVELY RECENT "×ANTED" POSTERS IN THE POST OFFICE FOR SOME NASTY CRIMINAL WHO LOOKS LIKE YOUR MARK.  ÈOPEFULLY YOUR MARK IS NOT TOO WELL KNOWN OR IS A NEWCOMER.  ÁCCORDING TO Ê. ÅDGER ÍURTHA, IT'S AMAZINGLY TRUE THAT IN CHECKING TWO HUNDERED OR SO POSTERS YOU'LL BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH SIX PEOPLE WHO HAVE A FAIRLY CLOSE RESEMBLANCE TO YOUR VARIOUS ENEMYS OR MARKS.  ÂORROW THESE POSTERS.
  ÔO PUT THIS PLAN INTO ACTION, SHOW YOUR MARK'S POSTER (OR USE ØEROX COPIES TO WHICH YOU'VE AFFIXED A SEAL FROM YOUR NOTERY STAMP (SEE ÇÅÔÔÉÎÇ ÅÖÅÎ THE SUBBOARD FOR HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN NOTERY SEAL) AROUND MACHO BARS WHERE AMATEUR BOUNTY HUNTERS AND OTHER GUYS WHO READ ÓOLDIER OF ÆORTUNE HANG OUT.  ÄROP WORD THAT YOU'RE A PRO-HUNTER AND THAT THERE'S A $25,000 REWARD FOR THIS PERSON.  ÉN HARD TIMES YOUR WANTED POSTER, AND YOUR MARK, WILL ATTRACT A LOT OF ATTENTION.  ÉF YOU'RE ESPECIALLY BALLSY, VISIT, VISIT THE LOCAL CONSTABLES AND SHOW THEM THE POSTER COPIES.
  ÔHE THING THAT MAKES THIS WORK, ACCORDING TO ÍURTHA, IS ALSO SHOWING SOME REALISTIC STAKEOUT-TYPE PHOTOS OF THE SUBJECT WHICH YOU HAVE TAKEN YOURSELF.  ÅXPLAIN THAT THESE ARE "SURVEILANCE" PHOTOS.  ÌET YOUR BOUNTY HUNTER OR CONSTABLE COMPARE THE PHOTOS  AND THE POSTER.  ÔHE CLOSER YOU GET TO THE MARK'S NEIGHBORHEAD, THE FASTER YOUR OPERATION WILL COME HOME TO HAUNT HIM.


ÄÅÐÁÒÔÍÅÎÔ ÓÔÏÒÅÓ

  ÔHIS ONE WORKS GREAT IN THE WOMENS DRESSING ROOMS AT DEPARTMENT STORES.  ÙOU MOUNT A SMALL ÔÖ CAMERA-LIKE BOX ON ONE OF THE TOP CORNERS OF THE DRESSING CUBICLE WHERE LADIES TRY ON THEIR PROSPECTIVE PURCHASES.  ÔAPE A SMALL PRINTED SIGN UNDER THE BOX, NOTING, "ÆOR ÐRIVATE ÓECURITY ÐURPOSES ÏNLY, ÄO ÎOT ÂE ÁLARMED."  ÓIGN THE CARD WITH THE NAME OF THE STORE MANAGER.

  ÉF YOU WISH TO BE EVEN MORE BALLSY, ADD THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE, TOO. "ÍATURE SECURITY PERSONNEL DESTROY ALL PHOTOGRAPHS IMMEDIATELY IF THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF RETAIL THEFT."  ÁCCORDING TO ONE FIELD REPORT THIS LAST SIGN BLUSHED UP A STORM THAT ALMOST ENDED IN A LAWSUIT AGAINST THE STORE.
  ×HY SUCH A ROTTEN TRICK?  ÉN AN EARLIER CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY, STORE SECURITY PERSONNEL HAD CHALLENGED A TOTALLY INNOCENT WOMAN, ACCUSING HER OF BEING A SHOPLIFTER.  ÔHEY WEREN'T GOING TO LET HER GO, UP TO AND INCLUDING THE STORE MANAGER, UNTILL SHE MENTIONED SHE WAS DATING A LOCAL ACTIVIST ATTORNEY- WHICH WAS A BIT OF AN EXAGGERATION, BECAUSE SHE KNEW HIM ONLY AS A SOCIAL ACQUAINTENCE.
  ÌATER, THIS YOUNG LADY PROCEEDED WITH THE SCAM OUTLINED ABOVE ...MUCH MORE FUN THAN A REAL LAWSUIT.  ÁND, AS SHE POINTS OUT, WHEN YOUR SETTLEMENT IS OUTSTANDING LAUGHTER, YOU DON'T HAVE TI SHARE AN OUTRAGEOUS SUM OF IT WITH SOME LAWYER.


ÅÌÅÖÁÔÏÒÓ

  ÄAVID ÈALL OF ×ÑØÉ IN ÁTLANTA ONCE HAD REASON TO BE FURIOUS WITH THE ADMINISTRATORS OF HIS COLLEGE DURING UNDERGRADUATE DAYS.  ÔHE BEEF HAD TO DO WITH VISITING HOURS, CURFEWS, AND A HIGH RISE DORMITORY BUILDING.  Á NON-ENGINEER, ÈALL SPENT ONE HOUR REWIRING THE ELECTRIC PANEL BEHIND THE FLOOR INDICATOR BUTTONS OF THE DORMS ELEVATOR.
  ÈALL, SAYS, "É REWIRED BUTTONS AND STOPS SO THE FLOORS AND THE INDICATORS DIDN'T MATCH.  ÆOR EXAMPLE, SOMEONE WOULD PUNCH THE BUTTON FOR 5 AND END UP ON 10.  ÏR, THEY'D HIT 8 AND END UP ON 2, THINGS LIKE THAT.  É DID IT ON ÓATURDAY NIGHT WHEN EVERYONE WAS LIKELY TO COME LATE AND DRUNK.  ÉT WAS HILARIOUS."
  ÅVEN MORE HILARIOUS WAS ÈALLS REPORT THAT IT TOOK THE UNIVERSITY ELECTRICIANS AN ENTIRE DAY TO GET THE MACHINE COORDINATED AGAIN.


ÄÒÕÇÓ

  ÍALCOLM ÍILLER WAS SIMPLY A MIDDLE CLASS PISSANT, UNTILL HE TURNED IN SOME FRIENDS WHO WERE MAKING PRIVATE AND MODERATE USE OF CANNABIS SATIVA (POT) AMONG THEMSELVES.  ÁFTER PAYING A MODERATE FILNE AND GETTING SUSPENDED SENTENCES FROM SOME DRUNKEN HYPOCRITE OF A ÎIXONIAN JUDGE, OUR HEROES DECIDED TO GET BACK AT THEIR PARTY POOPER.
  ÔHEY OBTAINED SOME MEDICINE BOTTLES OF THE TYPE IN WHICH PRESECRIPTION ARE DISPENSED.  ÏNE OF THEM LIFTED A PAD OF PRESCRIPTION LABELS FROM A SMALL PHARMACY.  ÔHEY TYPED LABELS IN THE NAME OF THE MARK, THEN INCLUDED THE INSTRUCTION, "ÔAKE ONE EVERY FOUR HOURS FOR PENIS INFECTION."  ÔHEY ALSO TYPED LABELS FOR HIM, "INFECTING HIM WITH PINWORMS, ÖÄ, TRENCHMOUTH, ALCOHOLISM, OPIATE REACTION, HERPES, ECT.  ÔHE BOTTLES BEGAIN TO APPEAR AROUND HIS AREA AT WORK, IN HIS CAR, IN HIS WIFES CAR, ECT.


ÁÉÒ ÃÏÎÄÉÔÉÏÎÅÒÓ

  ÉN THE INTEREST OF SAVING ENERGY AND BEING LESS SELF-INDULGENT, WE ARE PASSING ALONG THIS IDEA FROM ×ILBUR ÁARON'S BROTHER.  ÈE SAYS YOU CAN SABOTAGE A WINDOW-MOUNTED AIR CONDITIONER WITH NOTHING MORE THAN A WAD OF CHEWING GUM.  ÔHE RATIONALE FOR THIS IS UP TO YOU, OF COURSE.  ×E HOPE ONLY THAT ITS JUSTIFIED.  ÁNYWAY, YOU SIMPLY STUFF THAT WAD OF ×RIGLEY'S ÂEST UP THE CONDENSATION DRAIN TUBE OF THE UNIT.  ×ITH LUCK YOUR MARK WON'T NOTICE THE OVERFLOW UNTIL HIS FLOOR TILES LIFT OFF FROM THE FLOODING MOISTURE.


ÓÃÁÒÉÎÇ ÔÈÅ ÓÈÉÔ ÏÕÔ ÏÆ ÐÅÏÐÌÅ

ÔHE ÁÒÓÏÎÉÓÔ OF ÔÈÅ ÃÏÍÍÏÄÏÒÅ ÃÁÆÅ ÂÂÓ (313-284-7176) ONCE HAD A GUY WHO HE WANTED TO SCARE TO DEATH.  ÈIS FATHER HAD SOME NUMBERS THAT LET A HUNDRED PEOPLE TALK ON THE PHONE AT ONCE, SO HE BORROWED ONE.  ÔHEN HE CALLED UP EVERYONE HE KNEW.  ÔHEN THEY CALLED UP THEIR MARK.  ×HEN HE ANSWERED THE PHONE, THEY ALL BEGAIN SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR VOICE.  ÔHE MARK GOT SO SCARED, HE THREW THE PHONE OUT THE WINDOW.


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11/2/85