мад! пресентс... геттинг ежен пART #3 "мORE DIRTY TRICKS" дON'T JUST GET EVEN, GET мад! тHE INFORMATION PRESENTED IN THE FOLLOWING FILE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. иT IS NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THE MENTALLY UNBALANCED. тHE AUTHORS OF THIS FILE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY OF ITS CONTENTS. тHE AUTHORS ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ILLEGAL USE OR MISUSE FOR THIS FILE. иNTRODUCTION BY тHE цOMMODORE кID. цONTINUING FROM PART 1, HERE ARE MORE PERSON TO PERSON DIRTY TRICKS. нEXT ISSUE WE WILL PRESENT дEVILS нIGHT 1985. а SERIES OF дирты, дирты TRICKS FOR THIS YEAR. иN PART 5 WE WILL PICK UP OUR еVIL цORPORATIONS THEME AGAIN (AS SEEN IN PART 2) THEN WITH 6 WE GO BACK TO DIRTY TRICKS. тRICKS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED, SO IF YOU HAVE ONE, GET IT TO A мад! MEMBER. ыOU WILL GET FULL CREDIT FOR IT, AND WE WILL PUT IN YOUR ббс IF YOU HAVE ONE. цREDIT CARDS REVISITED иN PART 1 мад! PRESENTED A TRICK ABOUT ORDERING STUFF FOR A MARK WITH THEIR CREDIT CARD. вELL IF YOU'RE TOO HONEST TO STEAL WITH IT, WHY NOT REPORT IT STOLEN? йUST CALL UP THE COMPANY AND TELL THEM IT WAS. йUST IMAGINE WHAT WILL H HAPPEN TO THE MARK THE NEXT TIME HE TRIES TO USE IT. вHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF DISCOMFORT, JUST IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN ALL YOUR MAIL WAS DIVERTED TO ANOTHER HOUSE. хAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THOSE CHANGE OF ADDRESS CARDS THE POST OFFICE IS ALWAYS SENDING YOU? вELL, WHY NOT FILL ONE OF THOSE OUT FOR YOUR MARK? иMAGINE THE TROUBLE YOU WILL CAUSE HIM. хE WILL HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HIS MAIL IS GOING, OR TO GET IT BACK. цONDOM FUN йULIE аNDREWS ONCE FOUND A HEFTY SUPPLY OF тROJANS IN HER SUPPOSEDLY FAITHFUL LOVERS THINGS. сHE THOUGHT THIS PRETTY ODD SINCE SHE WAS ON THE PILL. тHEN SHE RECALLED THE LATE NIGHTS, THE EARLY MORNINGS, THE EXCUSES, THE ODD ODORS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT ADDED UP SUDDENLY. йULIE PUT PIN PRICKS IN THE RUBBER GOODS SO THAT мR. вRONG (и AM TEMPTED TO POST HIS PHONE NUMBER) WOULD CONTINUE TO RELY ON THEIR EFFECTIVENESS. тHEN SHE ADDED A LITTLE SUPRISE. сHE CAREFULLY SKEWERED A LARGE PIN IN THE LAST CONDOM, AS A SIGNAL THAT ITS OWNER HAD MISPLACED HIS TRUST IN HIS ORGAN AS MUCH AS йULIE HAD IN HIM. цOLLEGE LIFE а уNIVERSITY OF иLLINOIS STUDENT WHO HAD HIS DATE STOLEN, MOLESTED, AND TERRORIZED, AND THEN HAD HIS CAR TRASHED BY A FRATERNITY CAME UP WITH THIS WINNER. тHERE WAS AN OUTDOOR BEER PARTY AT THE FRATERNITY THAT AFTERNOON. оUR MAN HAD A FRIEND WALK OVER AND TELL THE FRAT GUYS THAT SOME STUDENTS FROM ANOTHER CAMPUS WERE GOING TO TRY TO CRASH THE PARTY THAT AFTERNOON, ONLY THEY'D BE DRESSED AS LOCAL COPS. тHEN LATER OUR HERO CALLED THE LOCAL COPS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE LAWN PARTY. лATER THIS SAME STUDENT WAS AWAKENED BY A CREW OF SURLY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS FROM ANOTHER TOWN. тHEY WERE BUSILY AND NOISILY DIGGING UP THE SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF HIS ROOM. иT WAS 6:08. хE DRESSED AND WENT TO HIS EIGHT O'CLOCK CLASS EARLY. оN HIS WAY OUT HE STOPPED AND TALKED WITH THEM. хE TOLD THEM THAT THE LAST TIME A CREW WORKED NEAR CAMPUS, A BUNCH OF FRAT GUYS DRESSED AS COPS TRIED TO HASSLE THE WORKS AS A JOKE. тHE WORKERS DIDN'T LIKE THIS IDEA ONE BIT. лATER, JUST BEFORE GOING TO CLASS, OUR AGITATOR CALLED THE CAMPUS POLICE OFFICE AND TOLD THEM A BUNCH OF FRAT GUYS WERE DRESSED AS A CONSTRUCTION CREW AT SUCH AND SUCH AN ADDRESS. вHEN THEY ASKED WHO IT WAS HE GAVE THEM THE NAME OF THE FRAT PRESIDENT. йOE FROM нEW оRLEANS ONCE EPOXY'D SHUT A DESERVING MARK'S DORM ROOM DOOR THE NIGHT OF HIS MOST IMPORTANT FINAL EXAM. кEVIN FROM THE SAME TRICKY CITY ONCE WAITED TILL HIS MARK ANNOUNCED HE WAS GOING TO CUT A FEW DAYS CLASSES TO GO SHACK UP WITH SOME TOOTSIE. кEVIN CALLED THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION AND EACH OF THE MARKS TEACHERS AND TOLD THEM THAT HE WAS AN UNDERTAKER FROM THE MARK'S HOME TOWN AND THAT THE KID HAD DIED SUDDENLY AND TO PLEASE TAKE HIM OFF THE CLASS LISTS, ENROLLMENT FILES, AND THE MASTER COMPUTER LIST. хE SAID A LETTER AND DEATH CERTIFICATE WOULD SOON FOLLOW. тHE кEVIN CALLED THE MARK'S PARENTS AND POSED AS A SCHOOL OFFICIAL, AND CALLED THE MARK'S PARENTS AND TOLD THEM THEIR SON WAS DEAD AS A RESULT OF A PARTY PRANK. вHY NOT GET SOME "COURSE WITHDRAW" FORMS FROM THE CAMPUS OFFICE AND FILL THEM OUT IN THE MARK'S NAME, THEN HAVE THE APPROPRIATE CLERK FEED THEM INTO THE COMPUTER. тHE MARK WILL CONTINUE TO GO TO CLASS, DO ASSIGNMENTS, TAKE TESTS, ECT. оNLY AT THE END OF THE TERM WILL HE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED (дO IT AT THE BEGINNING OF A TERM!) дRUGS AND мOOCHERS еVERYONE WHO SMOKES A LITTLE DOPE GETS HIT ON BY MOOCHERS. аFTER ALOT OF THIS, вAYNE вEED FROM нEW оRLEANS (AGAIN!) HAS A GOOD WAY OF DEALING WITH THIS. хE ROLLS SOME JOINTS USING PARSLEY AND MAYBE A FEW DEAD SEEDS SCATTERED IN FOR REALISM. сERIOUS DOPERS GET THE MESSAGE SOON ENOUGH, BUT THE AMATUERS WHO THINK THEY'RE HIGH...ON PARSLEY...ARE HILARIOUS! лARRY FROM лINCOLN пARK, ми LIKES TO GRIND UP A нO-дOZ PILL OR TWO AND PUT IT IN WHAT IS KNOWN IN DRUG CIRCLES AS "A BINDLE" (иT'S A LITTLE ENVELOPE.) уSE THIS AS A PLANT, THEN AS A GOOD CITIZEN SHOULD, REPORT THIS MARK FOR POSSESSION. сTUCK UP WOMEN тHE аRSONIST (ака ратт) OF THE цOMMODORE цAFE ббс (313)-284-7176 HAS A GOOD TRICK FOR STUCK-UP GIRLS. хE CALLS UP THESE WITCHES WHEN THEY'RE NOT HOME, AND TALKS TO THEIR MOTHER. вHEN THE MOTHER ANSWERS HE SAYS "и GOT THE MONEY FOR THE ABORTION" OR "ыOU LEFT YOUR PANTIES OVER AT MY HOUSE." вHEN THEIR MOM SAYS SOMETHING HE SAYS "иSN'T THIS (GIRLS NAME)??" тHEN HE STAMMERS, AND HANGS UP. тHE REST IS UP TO THEIR IMAGINATION. тHE цOMMODORE кID (THATS ME!) ONCE HAD TROUBLE WITH A GIRL LIKE THAT. и JUST CALLED HER UP MUCH LIKE тHE аRSONIST DID. хER MOM ANSWERED AND INFORMED ME SHE WASN'T HOME WHEN и INQUIRED. и THEN ASKED "иS SHE SPENDING THE NIGHT OVER AT HER BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE?" хER MOM JUST SCREAMED "хер боыфриенд'с!" AND и HUNG UP. еRIC п. HAD AN ERRANT YOUNG WOMEN DO HIM A NASTY TRICK. сO HE HIT HER BACK WHERE HER EGO (ALONE?) SHOWED. "и GOT HER WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAL ODOR. сHE WAS VAIN AS HELL, INSECURE ABOUT HER BODY, AND VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT 'PERSONAL THINGS' INCLUDING BODY ODORS. и STARTED BY HAVING A DELIVERY SERVICE BRING HER A PRESENT OF A GIFT-WRAPPED PACKAGE OF LIQUID DOUCHE, SCENTED, OF COURSE. а FEW DAYS LATER и PUT TOGETHER TOGETHER AN 'еMERGENCY-пROTECT THE еNVIRONMENT' PACKAGE CONTAINING MORE PRODUCTS OF A PERSONAL NATURE. и HAD THAT DELIVERED. и SENT A FEW CARDS FROM BOYS SHE KNEW AND OTHER FRIENDS, HINTING AT THIS PROBLEM IN BROAD TERMS, BUT NEVER REALLY MENTIONING VAGINAL ODOR, PER SE." "и THEN HAD SOME MEMO PADS AND LETTERHEADS PRINTED, USING THE NAME тHE фUNKY жAGINAL оDOR цONTROL бOARD WITH A FAKE RETURN ADDRESS. и STARTED SENDING THESE TO HER AND GETTING FRIENDS FROM OTHER CITIES TO REMAIL THEM FOR ME. и POSTED HER APARTMENT DOOR WITH AN OFFICIAL LOOKING STATEMENT FROM THE BOARD, USING MY LETTERHEAD." "нEXT, и SENT A COUPLE OF HER BOYFRIENDS CLOTHESPINS WITH INSTRUCTIONS TO CLIP THEIR NOSES WHEN DATING THIS GIRL BECAUSE OF HER RUNAWAY VAGINAL ODOR." хE DID A FEW MORE THINGS, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA. тHIS FILE WAS WRITTEN ENTIRELY BY... тHE цOMMODORE кID. цHIEF еDITOR OF мад! уNDERGROUND пUBLICATIONS тHE SOURCE FOR г-FILES! тRICKS APPEAR THIS ISSUE FROM... гEORGE хAYDUKE, мR. ц0смос, тHE аRSONIST, йULIE аNDREWS (BABY), A уNIVERSITY OF иLLINOIS STUDENT, йOE, кEVIN, лARRY FROM лINCOLN пARK, тHE цOMMODORE кID, вAYNE вEED, AND еRIC п. тхе мад! буллпен тхе цоммодоре кид мр. ц0смос тхе гремлин пхоне бандит тхе еьорцист мR. ь дуркхеим яжи деатх-сталкер тхе дефендер мад! IS A GROUP DEVOTED TO г-FILES. иF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS CONTACT US AT тхе цоммодоре цафе (313)-284-7176 OR THE дугоут (313)-676-6781. 10/2/85