Archive-name: the-bob/alt-fan-the-bob-faq
Posting-Frequency: weekly
Version: 2.0b


        _, _,  ___      __,  _, _, _      ___ _,_ __,    __,  _, __,
       / \ |    |       |_  / \ |\ |       |  |_| |_     |_) / \ |_)
       |~| | ,  |   ,   |   |~| | \|  ,    |  | | |   ~~ |_) \ / |_)
       ~ ~ ~~~  ~   ~   ~   ~ ~ ~  ~  ~    ~  ~ ~ ~~~    ~    ~  ~



                        FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS 
 
                                  v2.0b



"Who wrote this FAQ?"

AFTB did.  We all did.  You may have already won $10,000,000.  Actually,
Gurk wrote a lot of it, but he stole stuff from other people. 



"Is AFTB about The BOB(c)?"

Once, yes.  Now, not really, not any more.  You see, it was created by Dan
Rothschild to honor Andrew S. Damick, who was more often calling himself
"The BOB(c)" at the time, his title as the head of the organization "Club
BOB(c)."  Now, though, the group is more about the people that have showed
up there over the past year or so.  It's about poetry.  It's about humor.
It's about oddity.  It's about keeping old friends in touch with each other.
It's about being human, and about throwing FREE MUFFINS at each other.



"Why doesn't Andy Damick call himself 'The BOB(c)' any more?"

Well, he does, but just not generally on the Internet.  Club BOB(c) has
gone into cryogenic storage, and Andy decided that he needed to shift
things a bit for a number of reasons, so he decided to start referring to
himself as "Gurk" online.  Some of his RL friends have even picked this up
and started using it.  The WHOLE story is Andy's private business, and
you'll want to journey to his private mountain retreat and contact him
about it.  Pray that his security force isn't having a bad day. 



"Is this newsgroup about J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs?"

No.  You're looking for alt.slack.

The actual real fact is that the concept of The BOB(c) was invented long
before any of the inventors had even heard of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs or the
Church of the SubGenius.  Most of them find the CotSG to be pretty banal
and obvious, anyhow. 



"Is it OK to lurk on AFTB?"

No, it's not.  Plain.  Simple.  In order to not violate the laws of the
newsgroup, you must post at least once a week, unless you are barred from
doing so by serious illness, such as the Motaba virus, which isn't real,
and is only carried by a small monkey who looks like Dustin Hoffman.  We
also make exceptions for Weekends With the Love of Your Life, but we know
that none of you have those, anyhow. 



"How do I get on the List?"

Post.  You may want to say something witty or profound the first time you
post, since that will, in all likelihood, be used as fodder for your entry
on the List, which is maintained at the AFTB WWW site: 

http://www4.ncsu.edu/~asdamick/aftb/

The List is currently maintained by J. Ryan "Cheshire" Younce, and you'll
want to contact him at cheshire@catt.ncsu.edu about getting on it.  He
also maintains the Full AFTB Archive, which, as of June 1996, has archived
every single post (with a couple of small glitches) in AFTB to reach
taco.cc.ncsu.edu:

http://cheshire.catt.ncsu.edu/archives/aftb.html



"If I get on the List, what will happen to me?"

Nothing.  Go eat your soup before it clots.



"Is crossposting OK in AFTB?"

Well, generally, no.  This is essential to keeping the Community Spirit
alive.  I'm sure you understand, and, if you violate this basic tenet of
courtesy by crossposting massively in AFTB, you will be placed in the next
edition of the Global Killfile, and no one will read your USENET posts
ever again.  Jack Kennedy tried this, and look at what happened to him. 



"Who is Belt the Bunny?"

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!  EAT RABBIT!



"No, really.  Who -is- he?"

In the words of Steve Martin:

------
From: martin@rote.ahola.net (Steven Martin)
Subject: Re: Cabal is trying to control us all!
Date: Sun, 05 Nov 1995 03:58:49 GMT
Message-ID: <47hcov$h8l@news.mainelink.net>

I knew AOL had something to do with the Cabal but could never prove
it.  But you forgot the final step.  If you do word association with
America on Line you get the true leader of Cabal.

America = Belt

On = the

Line = Bunny

Belt the Bunny is the true leader.  He uses this other guy as the
frontman....along with BOB(c).
------

It would also be fruitful at this point to mention that, when dealing 
with Belt, it is necessary to avoid the *SCHLOMP*, and that "IF YOU'RE 
NOT YELLING, YOU'RE NOT COMMUNICATING."

Belt's not been seen for some time, but you may find the Belt the Bunny
Chronicles at the WWW site, and Gurk's been known to occasionally channel
him for the viewers at home.  It remains to be seen if he will rise again. 
Since he's Gurk's pet, he probably is the only one who can ever know. 



"Is Amber actually 'cute'?"

We may never really know.  It has no genuine bearing to the sexual health
of the newsgroup whether Amber is actually cute or even if she could be
considered attractive to even two or three of the male members of AFTB. 

In fact, most of us don't genuinely care if she's cute, but for one or two
plain exceptions.  The fact that you ask at all shows you to be the most
shallow person I've met on USENET. 

To tell you the truth, Gurk's met Amber personally, and, well, she was
cuter than Chelsea Clinton, but, then again, so is Gurk, which isn't
saying much. 



"Is Beckett dead?"

We're not sure.  Amber claims to have spoken with him, but we as yet have
no genuine reason to believe that he still exists in this material plane,
especially after carefully considering the fact that he doesn't post on
USENET as an egomaniac of his caliber really ought to do.  He was one of
the Founding Members of Club BOB(c), but contact with him has been scarce
over the last few years.  We currently have a SWAT team on the lookout for
him in Saratoga. 



"What is a MEEN COLLEJE STUDENT?"

Well, Amber is one, of course.  By extension, though, an MCS is one who
attempts to corrupt the mind of Gurk himself, and, by further extension,
the minds of AFTB.  Thus, those who attempt to subvert us with their vile
ways are MEEN COLLEJE STUDENTs. 

Usual MEEN methods include:

    Toothpicks hanging from mouths
    Decaffeinated coffee
    Trenchcoats which do not reach past the knees
    Making up stories about longtime friends going on rock-climbing
       excursions or being in Europe when the friend is, in fact, being 
       held in a small air-tight room with only a little light and an
       occasional story being read to him
    Attempting to convince us of the validity of the Glass Bead Game
    Theatre without actors  (HEY!  I saw you!)
    WWW pages with tropical plants in gaudy colors
    Two words:  Herman Hesse
    Thinking up painful new pretzel-related jokes
    Depriving Cheshire of his Rightful Coffee



"How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?"

We're not sure, but it is most certainly not 42.  Of this, we are
completely and irrevocably sure.  We're tired of your bizarre obsession
with Frank Herbert references. 



"What is the official breakfast cereal of AFTB?"

Horkin' Fiber Chunks



"How do I get Gurk to stop bothering me and treat me like a K3WL member of
AFTB, instead of some idiot who just tromped into the newsgroup?"

You may send all donations to:

Andrew S. Damick
102 Artesian Dr.
Garner, NC  27529-4655
USA



"What is this Smerpology thing that I keep hearing about?"

That, my friend, requires a rather complicated, complex, and lengthy
answer.  You may learn more, however, by delving into the newsgroups
ncsu.soc and triangle.bizarre.  If you don't get either of those groups,
you can request TriBizz (non-NCSU sites can NEVER get NickSuSock) from
your newsadmin.  More information can be found at the following WWW sites: 

The Academy of Smerpological Studies:
	http://www4.ncsu.edu/~asdamick/www/smerp.html

NickSuSock: The Cure for the Bathtime Blues:
	http://www4.ncsu.edu/~asdamick/ncsu.soc/

The Full NickSuSock Archive:
	http://www.catt.ncsu.edu/~cheshire/archive/aftb.html

The Full TriBizz Archive:
	http://litterbox.catt.ncsu.edu/news/triangle.bizarre/



"OK, now about this Dianne Stanley CHYK...is she really insane?"

Yes.

No.

Well, you get the idea.  (Unbeknownst to her, she's actually indirectly
partially responsible for Smerpology.)



"Are Jaffo and Ellen Holmes the same person?"

NICK BENSEMA, WE KNOW IT'S YOU.  STOP ASKING THE QUESTIONS.



"OK, sorry."

That's all right.  We forgive you.



"So, what am I supposed to do in AFTB now?"

Think.  Or don't.



"But--"

Don't make us get violent.  We CAN get violent, you know.



"OK, I believe you."

Good.
