Archive-name: judaism/FAQ/12-Kids
Soc-culture-jewish-archive-name: faq.12-Kids
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               Frequently Asked Questions on Soc.Culture.Jewish
		Part 12: Jewish Childrearing Related Questions
         [Last Change: $Date: 1996/04/10 18:08:37 $ $Revision: 1.7 $]
                    [Last Post: Sun May  7 11:07:07 1995]

   This posting is an attempt to answer questions that are continually
   asked on soc.culture.jewish. It was written by cooperating laypeople
   from the various Judaic movements. You _should not_ make any
   assumption as to accuracy and/or authoritativeness of the answers
   provided herein. In all cases, it is always best to consult a
   competent authority--your local rabbi is a good place to start.
   
   The deceased sages described within are of blessed memory, (assume a
   _Z"L_ or _ZT"L_ after their names) and the sages alive today should
   live to see long and good days (assume _SHLITA_). May Hashem grant
   complete recovery to the ill. Individual honorifics are omitted.
   
   The FAQ was produced by a committee and is a cooperative work. The
   contributors never standardized on transliteration scheme from Hebrew,
   Aramaic, Yiddish, or Ladino to English. As a result, the same original
   word might appear with a variety of spellings. This is complicated by
   the fact that there are regional variations in the pronunciation of
   Hebrew. In some places, the common spelling variations are mentioned;
   in others--not. We hope that this is not too confusing.
   
   In general, throughout this FAQ, North American (US/Canada) terms are
   used to refer to the movements of Judaism. Outside of North American,
   Reform is Progressive or Liberal Judaism; Conservative is Reform or
   Masorti, and Orthodoxy is often just "Judaism". Even with this, there
   are differences in practice, position, and ritual between US/Canada
   Reform and other progressive/liberal movements (such as UK
   Progressive/ Liberal), and between US/Canada Conservative and the
   conservative/Masorti movement elsewhere. Where appropriate, these
   differences will be highlighted.
   
   The goal of the FAQ is to present a balanced view of Judaism; where a
   response is applicable to a particular movement only, this will be
   noted. Unless otherwise noted or implied by the text, all responses
   reflect the traditional viewpoint.
   
   This list should be used in conjunction with the Soc.Culture.Jewish
   reading lists. Similar questions can be found in the books referenced
   in those lists.

Special Introduction to the Jewish Childrearing Portion of the FAQ

   This FAQ is intended to serve two newsgroups: soc.culture.jewish and
   soc.culture.jewish.parenting. The latter group will recieve only the
   Jewish Childrearing Portion of the FAQ. Readers with non-childrearing
   questions about Judaism should consult the first part of the
   soc.culture.jewish FAQ, available as:
   
   ftp://shamash.org/israel/lists/scj-faq/FAQ/01-FAQ-intro
   
   Answers to general childrearing questions may be found in the
   misc.kids.info FAQs, posted on a regular basis to misc.kids.info.

   Reproduction of this posting for commercial use is subject to
   restriction. See Part 1 for more details.

------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: ORGANIZATION

   This portion of the FAQ contains answers to the following questions:

   Section 21. Jewish Childrearing Related Questions

     * Introduction to the Jewish Childrearing FAQ
       
    1. Entering the Covenant
         1. What is circumcision? 
         2. Why are Jewish boys circumcised? 
         3. Who performs the circumcision? 
         4. When is the circumcision done? 
         5. But doesn't it hurt? 
         6. But shouldn't the child make its own decision? 
         7. But circumcision is only required for boys. What about girls?
            
         8. What are our options for welcoming our new baby girl?
         9. Can we hold a welcoming ceremony on the 8th day for a girl?
        10. What is a pidyon haben?
        11. When is a pidyon haben required?
        12. What about babies who are stillborn or die shortly after
            birth with respect to pidyon haben?
        13. What about an adopted child?
        14. Does Judaism have a tradition of Godparents?
    2. Naming
         1. What are the Ashkenazi customs regarding the naming of
            children?
         2. But my grandmother was named (insert old-fashioned out of use
            name here? No one uses that name today? How do I name after
            that relative?
         3. Is it appropriate to name a child after a relative of the
            opposite sex?
         4. Is it appropriate for multiple children (i.e. cousins) to be
            named after the same relative?
         5. My spouse has a living relative with the same name as my
            deceased relative. Can we name our children after my
            relative?
         6. What are the Sephardi customs regarding the naming of
            children?
         7. What about babies who are stillborn or die shortly after
            birth?
         8. Are there any distinctly non-Jewish names?
    3. Playtime
         1. Can I let my kid swim on Shabbat?
         2. Can I let my kid play in the sandbox on Shabbat?
         3. Can children play sports such as Soccer within an Eruv on
            Shabbat?
         4. What is appropriate dress for swimming?
         5. Can my kid play with Playdough during Pesach?
    4. Eating
         1. Where can I find kosher baby food?
         2. Where can I find kosher for passover baby food?
    5. Holidays
         1. What are good activities for children for the major Jewish
            holidays?
    6. Schooling
         1. How do I determine the right type of religious program: day
            school vs. afterschool?
    7. B'nai Mitzvah
         1. What is a bar/bat mitzvah?
         2. What's a good gift for a b'nai mitzvah?
         3. What is appropriate dress to wear to the b'nai mitzvah
            ceremony?
         4. What are the characteristics of a good b'nai mitzvah program?
         5. How do I select a good b'nai mitzvah tutor?
    8. Other childhood lifecycle rituals
         1. I've heard of a ceremony called "Consecration". What is it?
         2. I've heard of a ceremony called "Confirmation". What is it?
    9. Coping with other religions
         1. My child says all of his friends have Christmas Trees, and he
            wants one too. What do I say?
         2. My child's non-Jewish grandparents have asked her to help
            trim the tree. What do I do?
         3. My child has been invited to an Easter Egg roll? What do I
            do?
         4. My child has been invited to the Easter Egg roll on the White
            House lawn? What do I do?
   10. Growing Older
         1. My child wants to start dating? How do I ensure proper
            behavior?
         2. My child wants a tattoo. What forms of body modification are
            allowed? Tatoos? Earrings? 
   11. Resource References
         1. I need some information on Jewish Genetic Diseases. Where do
            I start? 
         2. Are there any recommended online resources on Jewish
            Childrearing or specifically for Jewish children?
   
     * Special Credits for the Jewish Childrearing FAQ
       


------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What is circumcision?

   Circumcision is the removal of the foreskin of the penis.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Why are Jewish boys circumcised?

   The rite of circumcision is one of the most ancient practices of
   Judaism. The commandment to circumcise male children was given to
   Abraham in the Torah (Genesis 17:7-14) [English translation from 1917
   JPS Tanach]:
   
     And God said unto Abraham: 'And as for thee, thou shalt keep My
     covenant, thou, and thy seed after thee throughout their
     generations. This is My covenant, which ye shall keep, between Me
     and you and thy seed after thee: every male among you shall be
     circumcised. And ye shall be circumcised in the flesh of your
     foreskin; and it shall be a token of a covenant betwixt Me and you.
     And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every
     male throughout your generations, he that is born in the house, or
     bought with money of any foreigner, that is not of thy seed. He that
     is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must
     needs be circumcised; and My covenant shall be in your flesh for an
     everlasting covenant. And the uncircumcised male who is not
     circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that should shall be cut
     off from his people; he hath broken My covenant.
     
   It is repeated in the Torah in Leviticus 12:3, and has remained
   throughout history as one of the most important commandments. It has
   already led to martyrdom in Maccabean times (I Macc. 1:48,60).
   
   Circumcision is (in general) a common denominator among movements:
   Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist, Orthodox--all circumcise
   their male children and require male converts to undergo some form of
   circumcision.
   
   Furthermore, faith is the _only_ reason that Jews should circumcise
   their male children. In _Moreh Nevuchim_ (Guide for the Pereplexed),
   chapter 49, the Rambam says: "No one, however, should circumcise
   himself or his son for any other reason than pure faith; for
   circumcision is not like an incision on the leg or a burn on the arm,
   but a very difficult operation."
   
   Current medical fashions play no role in circumcision, as it is a
   religous rite to Jews. Thus, it is pointless to attempt to argue for
   or against circumcision from a basis of medical need.
   
   As said in the Reform Responsa addressing circumcision: "Circumcision
   remains for us an essential sign of the covenant. We have affirmed it
   since the days of Abraham, our Father, and continue to affirm it".

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Who performs the circumcision?

   Although some modern Reform Jews use medical doctors to perform the
   circumcision, this is not the traditional method. Traditionally, the
   male infants are circumcised in the home or the shul on the eighth day
   after birth, surrounded by family and friends, and held by the sandek
   (an adult being honored by the parents, often a grandfather). The
   infant is given a little wine, and the ritual is performed by a
   specially trained _Mohel_, whose sole function is to perform
   circumcisions.
   
   Note that Mohelim are not unique to the more traditional Orthodox
   movement. The Reform and Conservative movements also train and
   accredit Mohelim; often, the Mohel is a practicing M.D. (For example,
   Dr. Samuel Kunin (a Reform Mohel in Los Angeles CA) and Dr. Robert
   Lewis (a Conservative Mohel in Columbus OH) are practicing
   urologists).

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: When is the circumcision done?

   The circumcision is done the eighth day after birth, unless ill health
   or serious medical problems prevent it. Even Shabbat does not stop a
   Bris. If such a child is not circumcised, he is nevertheless
   considered a Jew [San. 44a; Hoffmann, Melamed Leho-il, Yoreh De-a,
   #79]. However, if there are no medical contraindications (e.g.
   hemophilia), it is incumbent for the individual to arrange for their
   circumcision when medically safe to do so.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: But doesn't it hurt?

   The requirement is that it be done at the eighth day. The Rambam (just
   beyond the section previously quoted) says that earlier the baby is
   too tender and later the father might not be able to bring himself to
   do it. Some doctors have said that after, the baby develops too much
   and would actually be a more serious matter.
   
   With adults, the question is different. After the eighth day the
   nervous system becomes more developed (especially after puberty). For
   adults, a local anesthetic is used (often a mixture of lidocain and
   prilocaine). It is spread on the area, some time is allowed to pass,
   and the procedure is performed with no pain.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: But shouldn't the child make its own decision?

   Parents routinely make many decisions for their children; bringing a
   child up to practice a religion is only one of many such.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: But circumcision is only required for boys. What about girls?

   Judaism does not practice female circumcision. Traditionally, females
   are welcomed into the convanent through a naming ceremony. Other
   ceremonies have also been developed by the more liberal movements.
   There is an excellent book on the subject by Anita Diamant.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What are our options for welcoming our new baby girl?

   A number of options are available. Traditionally, a baby girl is named
   the first time the father attends synagogue after the birth. In
   liberal congregations, a number of new ceremonies have been developed
   to symbolically parallel the _brit_ ceremony; these new ceremonies
   serve to welcome the infant into the convenant of Judaism.
   
   There are a number of approaches to these _berit_ ceremonies. Some are
   based on the ceremonial washing of the infant's feet, based on Sarah
   washing the feet of Abraham. Others involve the use of seven
   blessings, paralleling the seven blessings of the wedding ceremony. A
   good source of ideas for such ceremonies is Anita Diamant's The New
   Jewish Baby Book: Names, Ceremonies & Customs, A Guide For Today's
   Families.
   
   These ceremonies usually take place in the home, anywhere between 7
   days and 30 days after the birth of the daughter. There is often a
   public naming at the synagogue approximately 30 days after the birth
   of the infant.
   
   In terms of other resources for such ceremonies, the following have
   been suggested. If you are aware of others to add to this list, please
   let the FAQ maintainer know.
   
     * The Women's League for Conservative Judaism puts out a whole
       package of information on the Simchat Bat ceremony. Contact them
       at: 48 E. 74th St., NY, NY 10021; 800/628-5083, 212/628-1600 or
       fax 212/772-3507. There is a charge for the package.
     * The ceremony the FAQ maintainer used for his daughter, Erin, is
       available through the autoretriever in PostScript format. To
       receive a uuencoded zip of the ceremony, send the command "send
       infofiles liturgy/britbat.uue" to faigin@shamash.org.
       

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Can we hold a welcoming ceremony on the 8th day for a girl?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What is a pidyon haben?

   Pidyon ha-ben is a ceremony that recognizes the first born male child
   (to be specific, the first born male child that was born naturally).
   The ceremony arose due to the special status of the firstborn in
   biblical society. The firstborn received a double portion of his
   father's estate; the last pague in Egypt killed the firstborn--except
   for the firstborn of Israel. Traditionally, the firstborn of Israel
   were consecrated to service to G-d. According to the biblical command,
   they could be redeemed with five shekels. This redemption is the
   purpose of pidyon haben.
   
   Pidyon haben is observed in traditional communities, and in the
   conservative community. It tends not to be observed in Reform.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: When is a pidyon haben required?

   A pidyon haben is required on the 30th day after the birth of a first
   born male child. This child must be an "opener of the womb". That is,
   a male child born naturally (not a caesarian) and not preceded in any
   way by another child. It is unclear how miscarried or aborted
   pregnancies are addressed. Until an answer is submitted, it is best to
   consult your local rabbi in your movement.
   
   Note that if the father is a Levite or a kohen, (making the child a
   Levi or a kohen) the pidyon haben does not apply (logically since the
   father could wind up paying himself). If the mother is the daughter of
   a Levi or a kohen the child is exempt.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What about babies who are stillborn or die shortly after birth with
         respect to pidyon haben?

   A child who dies before the month is up could not have become subject
   to pidyon haben. However, if it was a natural birth, it is an "opener
   of the womb", and any subsequent child would not be subject to pidyon
   haben.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What about an adopted child?

   An adopted child is treated according to the status of the natural
   parents (assuming that they are Jewish). If the adopted child has been
   converted, pidyon haben does not apply.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Does Judaism have a tradition of Godparents?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What are the Ashkenazi customs regarding the naming of children?

   In Judaism, one's name has always been considered to be extremely
   important. As names were bestowed, the meaning of the name was the
   prime consideration of its selection. The name often imbodied
   characteristics that the parents wished the infant to have, or
   experiences surrounding the birth, or the look of the infant.
   
   Many naming traditions in Judaism arose out of custom, and this custom
   often arose out of superstition. This was often based on a close
   association between the name and the person. From this arose a common
   belief that the changing of a name would prevent the evil spirit from
   harming the person. If the name were changed, the evil spirit would
   not recognize the person. This belief is embodied in the Talmud (Rosh
   Hashanah 16b): "Four things can abrogate the decreee of man and they
   are: charity, supplication, change of name, and change of action."
   
   These customs carried over in Eastern Europe to the naming of
   children. In Poland, when several people have died in a family, a
   new-born child is given a name that is never uttered, so as not to
   give the evil spirit any opportunity. Often, a nickname was given to
   the child, such as "Alte" (Old One), Chaim (Life), or Zaida
   (Grandfather). This was a way of deceiving the angel of death. A
   similar practice was done for the extremely ill, changing the
   individual's name to deceive the angel of death.
   
   In Ashkenazi Judaism, the custom arose to name a child after a
   deceased relative. Infants were not named after the living, because
   the angel of death might mistake the infant for the adult, and take
   the wrong one. Some felt that to name after a living relative might be
   to rob the adult of their soul, as the name was tied very closely to
   the soul.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: But my grandmother was named (insert old-fashioned out of use name
         here? No one uses that name today? How do I name after that
         relative?

   There are a number of different approachs. Some take the first letter
   of the relatives name, and choose a different name beginning with the
   same letter. Unfortunately, this loses the original meaning of the
   name. Others choose an arbitrary English name, but retain the
   relative's Hebrew name. Kolach recommends choosing an English name
   with the name meaning as the Hebrew name. Consider the English name of
   Mildred. Mildred is either from the Latin, meaning "Sweet Singer", or
   from the Teutonic, meaning "Strength". It has Hebrew equivalents of
   Amtzaw, Gavreelaw, N'eemaw, Neevaw, Reenaw, Sheeraw, and T'heelaw.
   Thus, less-dated English equivalents might be Shira (Song), Valerie
   (Strong), Gabrielle (God is my Strength), Renana (Joy or Song), or
   Carol (Melody or Song).

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Is it appropriate to name a child after a relative of the opposite
         sex?

   Response pending.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Is it appropriate for multiple children (i.e. cousins) to be named
         after the same relative?

   Response pending

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: My spouse has a living relative with the same name as my deceased
         relative. Can we name our children after my relative?

   Response pending.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What are the Sephardi customs regarding the naming of children?

   Sephardic Jews have the opposite custom from the Ashkenazi. In
   Sephardi tradition, one names an infant after a living relative,
   typically the grandparents.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What about babies who are stillborn or die shortly after birth?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Are there any distinctly non-Jewish names?

   Yes. There are a number:
   
   Natalie
          Christmas Child
          
   Dolores
          Sorrow of the mother of our lord
          
   Noel
          Christmas
          
   Christopher
          Christbearer
          

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Can I let my kid swim on Shabbat?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Can I let my kid play in the sandbox on Shabbat?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Can children play sports such as Soccer within an Eruv on Shabbat?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What is appropriate dress for swimming?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Can my kid play with Playdough during Pesach?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Where can I find kosher baby food?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Where can I find kosher for passover baby food?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What are good activities for children for the major Jewish holidays?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: How do I determine the right type of religious program: day school
         vs. afterschool?

   A day school education has the advantage of keeping the child's
   social, and secular training consistent. An after school program is
   often perceived by the child to show that the religious education is
   only an afterthought and is not as "important" as the "regular"
   classes. A day school education will also cover more ground, be
   integrated with the child's life, and teach the child throughout
   his/her entire school career.
   
   On the other hand, there are also advantages to public school plus
   afternoon Hebrew school. These include having school friends in the
   neighborhood, and the fact that non-Jews who go to school with Jewish
   kids are probably less likely to grow up to be antisemites than those
   who've never met a Jew before.
   
   The determination of the most appropriate choice depends on many
   factors: family finances, academic quality, child care options, the
   community, the religious schools available (there are fewer Reform day
   schools than Orthodox day schools, for example), transportation, the
   quality of the public school system, the attitude of the school if
   parents are not of the same movement, and other factors. Parents
   should also consider how close a match there is between the day
   school(s) available for their children and the family's own religious
   philosophy and level of observance.
   
   In any case, any form of Jewish education is important, and many a
   committed Jew is the product of afterschool education.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What is a bar/bat mitzvah?

   A bar/bat mitzvah s considered legally responsible to fulfill the
   mitzvos. A boy becomes bar mitzvah at the age of thirteen and one day.
   Girls become bat mitzvah at age 12. This is usually celebrated by the
   child being called to read from the torah at the shabbat closest to
   their bar/bat mitzvah. As is common in Judaism, there is often a party
   afterwards, which can vary from the simple home reception to an overly
   ornate "theme" celebration.
   
   Until the child reaches bar/bat mitzvah age, they are responsible only
   as part of chinuch (training). After the bar/bat mitzvah, the child is
   legally an adult in the eyes of Judaism. This means the following:
     * They are now counted for a minyon (prayer quorum of ten).
     * They are responsible for wearing tefillin.
     * They are eligible for aliyot (being called up to read the Torah).
     * They are responsible to fast on fast days.
     * They are responsible for observing the mitzvot.
       
   The first public bat mitzvah ceremony is believed to have been for
   Judith Kaplan Eisenstein z"l, the daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan,
   the founder of the Reconstructionist movement. The ceremony has since
   been adopted by almost all movements in Judaism.
   
   Note that the focus of the bar/bat mitzvah should be the actual
   ceremony, not the party afterwards.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What's a good gift for a b'nai mitzvah?

   The following are some of the ideas that have been suggested:
     * Jewish books involving torah study.
     * Ceremonial objects that allow observance at home: kiddish cups,
       seder plates, havdalah sets.
     * Ritual objects, such at tallitot.
     * Gift certificants for Jewish bookstores.
     * Fountain pens. :-)
       
   Remember that the gift is a celebration of coming of age. The present
   should be useful throughout the individual's Jewish life.
   
   It is a good idea to have the child register at a good Jewish book
   store so as not to be flooded with duplicate books or gifts. Gift
   certificates are nice in that they allow multivolume sets to be
   purchased without having to know the volumes that the child already
   owns.
   
   Lastly, you should not bring your gift with you to the ceremony (if it
   is held Friday evening or before sundown on Saturday), especially if
   you know the child is from a traditional Jewish household. For those
   that follow traditional halacha, carrying is forbidden on Shabbat
   [there are some exceptions, but as those vary from community to
   community, its just best not to carry at all].

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What is appropriate dress to wear to the b'nai mitzvah ceremony?

   Since the usual acknowledgment is by having a kiddush in the synagogue
   the Shabbat of the bar/bat mitzvah (when the child is called to the
   torah for the first time) appropriate dress is that to be worn to
   Synagogue. This means you should dress as if you were going to the
   house of someone you deeply respect. For men, suits or sportjackets
   (subdued) and slacks. Ladies should wear appropriate dresses. In
   traditional congregations, women should not wear pants, and the dress
   should be appropriately modest (covering the elbows, knees, and not
   low-cut in front).
   
   In most congregations, when you arrive, men will be provided with a
   kipah (yarmulke) to wear (of course, if you have one, you may bring
   their own). In some, women also cover their heads; such congregations
   often provide a covering.
   
   If you are unfamiliar with Jewish congregational services, follow the
   lead of others attending the services. Stand when they stand. You
   should have prayerbooks provided.
   
   You should plan to arrive on time, but no more than 1/2 hour late.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What are the characteristics of a good b'nai mitzvah program?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: How do I select a good b'nai mitzvah tutor?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: I've heard of a ceremony called "Consecration". What is it?

   It is a ceremony used in Reform congregations to mark the beginning of
   formal Jewish education, usually with K or 1st grade. It is a group
   ceremony often celebrated on Simchat Torah, and usually the young
   participants are given a small replica of a torah (can you read
   4-point type?) to symbolize the start of their study of torah.
   Consecration is not based on traditional rituals, and is not observed
   in Orthodox congregations. Some Conservative congregations do observe
   the ceremony. They either call it "consecration", or opt for the more
   Jewish-sounding names.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: I've heard of a ceremony called "Confirmation". What is it?

   It is a ceremony used in Reform and some other non-traditional
   congregations to mark the end of the tenth year of formal Jewish
   education, and usually corresponds to 10th grade graduation. It was
   originally introduced by Reform to replace Bar/Bat Mitzvah, but has
   evolved to parallel Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and provide a point of
   celebrating continuing Jewish education past Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
   Confirmation is a time for young adults to reconfirm the commitment to
   Judaism made at Bar/Bat Mitzvah, when they were legally adults but in
   this day and age not likely as mature as 12-13 years of centuries ago.
   
   Unlike bar/bat mitzvah, confirmation is a group ceremony often
   celebrated on Shavuot. It is not based on traditional rituals, and is
   not observed in Orthodox congregations. Some Conservative
   congregations observe the ceremony. It is either called
   "confirmation", "graduation", or the more Jewish-sounding "Bikkurim".
   Some refer to confirmands as "Sar Torah".

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: My child says all of his friends have Christmas Trees, and he wants
         one too. What do I say?

   That as Jews, we celebrate our own holidays and that a Christmas tree
   is a statement that one is celebrating a different religion.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: My child's non-Jewish grandparents have asked her to help trim the
         tree. What do I do?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: My child has been invited to an Easter Egg roll? What do I do?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: My child has been invited to the Easter Egg roll on the White House
         lawn? What do I do?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: My child wants to start dating? How do I ensure proper behavior?

   TBD

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: What other forms of body modification are allowed? Tatoos? Earrings?

   In general, Judaism does not approve of the purposeful damaging of the
   body or the making of permanent marks. Thus, tatoos, branding, and the
   punching of holes through the body are not generally accepted.
   
   Earrings are a special case. The Torah does record that wearing an
   earring in the upper cartilage of the ear is a mark of slavery, and
   thus is not allowed. Wearing an earring in the fleshy lobe of the ear
   has a long history and has been allowed, but only for women. There is
   also a history of Haredi Jews wearing earrings, and there are records
   of Chassidic Jews wearing earrings to prevent or cure poor eyesight.

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: I need some information on Jewish Genetic Diseases. Where do I
         start?

   There are a number of places that you can look:
   
    1. Consult the Jewish Genetic Diseases FAQ
       (<http://q.continuum.net/~wrosen/list.faq.html>)
    2. Consult the "Online Mendelian Inheritance in Man" database at John
       Hopkins University
       (<http://gdbwww.gdb.org/omim/docs/omimtop.html>), or the GDB
       Genome Data Base (<http://gdbwww.gdb.org/>).
       
    3. Consult the National Foundation for Jewish Genetic Diseases:
       
       National Foundation for Jewish Genetic Diseases, Inc.
       250 Park Avenue
       Suite 1000
       New York, New York 10177
       (212) 371-1031
       
    4. If you are dealing with a Tay Sachs related disease:
       
       National Tay Sachs and Allied Diseases Association
       2001 Beacon Street
       Brookline, MA 02146
       (617) 277-4463
       
    5. If you are dealing with Mucolipidosis Type IV (ML4), an inherited
       metabolic storage disease traced back to Lithuania and Poland:
       
       ML4 Foundation
       719 East 17th Street
       Brooklyn , NY 11230
       
    6. Check out some of the medical links at Hebrew University in
       Jerusalem (<http://www1.huji.ac.il/md/med_link.html>)
       

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Are there any recommended online resources on Jewish Childrearing or
         specifically for Jewish children?

   With respect to Jewish childrearing, the following resources are of
   interest:
   
    1. The newsgroup soc.culture.jewish.parenting, and its parallel
       listserv, scj-parenting. If you cannot get the newsgroup, you may
       subscribe to the listserv by sending the command:
       
       subscribe scj-parenting _your first and last names_
       
       to the Shamash List Processor <listproc@shamash.org>.
       
   With respect to resources specifically for Jewish children, the
   following are of interest:
   
    1. Virtual Community for Jewish Children
       (<http://www.cybergate.com/~printdr/vcomm.html>). This is an
       attempt to establish a multimovemental point of interaction
       between Jewish children.
       

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Archival and Credits

  Anonymous FTP:
  
   All portions of the FAQ and of the reading lists are archived on
   shamash.org [192.77.173.13] and on rtfm.mit.edu, and are available
   for anonymous FTP. On shamash.org, the parts of the FAQ are stored in
   the israel/lists/scj-faq/FAQ directory. On rtfm.mit.edu, these FAQs
   are stored in the pub/usenet/news.answers/judaism/FAQ directory. Note
   that the archived versions of the FAQ are the posted versions; that
   is, they are each one large ASCII file.
   
   The following is the mapping of sections to files:
   
   01-FAQ-intro
          Section 1: Network and Soc.Culture.Jewish Information
          
   02-Who-We-Are
          Section 2: Who We Are
          
   03-Torah-Halacha
          Section 3: Torah
          Section 4: Halachic Authority
          
   04-Observance
          Section 5: Jewish Holidays
          Section 6: Jewish Dietary Law and Kashrut
          Section 7: Sabbath and Holiday Observance
          Section 8: Woman and Marriage
          
   05-Worship
          Section 9: Jewish Worship
          Section 10: Conversion, Intermarriage, and "Who is a Jew?"
          Section 11: Miscellaneous Practice Questions
          
   06-Jewish-Thought
          Section 12: Jewish Thought
          
   07-Jews-As-Nation
          Section 13: Jews as a Nation
          
   08-Israel
          Section 14: Jews and Israel
          
   09-Antisemitism
          Section 15: Churban Europa (The Holocaust)
          Section 16: Antisemitism and Rumors about Jews
          Section 17: Countering Missionaries
          
   10-Reform
          Section 18: Reform/Progressive Judaism
          
   11-Miscellaneous
          Section 19: Miscellaneous
          Section 20: References and Getting Connected
          
   12-Kids
          Section 21: Jewish Childrearing Related Questions
          
   mail-order
          Mail Order Judaica
          
   On shamash.org, the parts of the reading lists are stored in the
   israel/lists/scj-faq/reading-lists directory. On rtfm.mit.edu, the
   reading lists are stored in the
   pub/usenet/news.answers/judaism/reading-lists directory. Note that the
   archived versions of the reading lists are the posted versions; that
   is, they are each one large ASCII file.
   
   The following is the mapping of reading lists to files:
   
   general
          Introduction and General. Includes book sources, starting
          points for beginners, starting points for non-Jewish readers,
          General Judaism, General Jewish Thought, General Jewish
          History, Noachide Laws, Torah and Talmud, Mishnah and Talmud,
          Torah and Talmudic Commentary, Midrash, Halachic Codes,
          Becoming An Observant Jew, Women and Judaism, and Science and
          Judaism.
          
   traditional
          Traditional Liturgy, Practice, Lifestyle, Holidays. Includes
          Traditional Liturgy; Traditional Philosophy and Ethics; Prayer;
          Traditional Practice; The Household; Life, Death, and
          In-Between; and The Cycle Of Holidays.
          
   mysticism
          Kabbalah, Mysticism, and Messianism. Includes Academic and
          Religious treatments of Kabbalah, Sprituality, and the Jewish
          notion of the Messiah.
          
   reform
          Reform/Progressive Judaism
          
   conservative
          Conservative Judaism
          
   reconstructionist
          Reconstructionist Judaism
          
   humanistic
          Humanistic Judaism (Society for Humanistic Judaism)
          
   chasidism
          Chassidism. Includes general information on historical
          chassidism, as well as specific information on Lubavitch
          (Chabad), Satmar, Breslaw (Breslov), and other approaches.
          
   zionism
          Zionism. Includes Zionism and The Development Of Israel, The
          Founders, Zionistic Movements, and Judaism in Israel.
          
   antisemitism
          Antisemitism. Includes sections on Antisemitism, What Led to
          The Holocaust, Medieval Oppression, Antisemitism Today
          (Including Dealing with Hate Groups), Judaism and Christianity,
          and Judaism, Freemasonry and other rumors.
          
   intermarriage
          Intermarriage. Includes sections on "So You're Considering
          Intermarriage?", The Traditional Viewpoint, Conversion, and
          Coping With Life As An Intermarried.
          
   periodicals
          Periodicals. Includes Topical General Interest Periodicals,
          General Interest Periodicals focused on Tradition and Home,
          General Interest Periodicals focused on Jewish Scholarship,
          Other General Interest Periodicals, Publications Targeted For
          Specific Movements, Rabbinic Journals, and Local Publications.
          
   childrens
          Books for Jewish Children. Includes.
          
  Mail:
  
   The files may also be obtained via Email by sending a message to
   faigin@shamash.org with any number of the following commands in the
   body of the mail message:
   
   send faq _portionnames_
   send rl _portionnames_
   
   The "send faq" version is used to obtain portions of the FAQ; the
   "send rl" version is used to obtain portions of the reading list.
   "_portionnames_" should be replaced by the names of the files to be
   retrieved, separated by spaces. The special file name "list" will
   retrieve a list of all files that make up the FAQ or reading list; the
   special file name "all" will retrieve all files on the appropriate
   list.
   
   Examples:
   send faq all
   send faq list
   send faq 01-FAQ-intro
   send rl all
   send rl general
   
   Alternatively, you may send a message to mail-server@rtfm.mit.edu with
   the following line in the body of the message:
   
   send usenet/news.answers/judaism/(portionname)
   
   Where (portionname) is replaced by the appropriate subdirectory and
   filenames; for example, to get the first part of the reading list, one
   would say:

        send usenet/news.answers/judaism/reading-lists/general

  WWW:
  
   The FAQ and reading lists are available as a full hypertext tree on
   shamash.org. The URL is:
   
   http://www.shamash.org/lists/scj-faq/HTML/index.html

------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Jewish Childrearing FAQ Credits

   The Jewish Childrearing portion of the s.c.j. FAQ was developed by the
   NNH (New Newsgroup Hopefully) committee, the advisors and moderators
   of the soc.culture.jewish.parenting newsgroup, and past contributors
   to the S.C.J FAQ. Specific contributors include: Hillel Markowitz and
   Linda Zell Randall. It is maintained by Daniel Faigin
   <faigin@pacificnet.net>
   
   Comments and corrections are welcome. Note that the goal is to present
   a balanced view of Judaism; where a response is applicable to a
   particular movement only, this will be noted. Unless otherwise noted
   or implied by the text, all responses reflect the traditional
   viewpoint.

------------------------------------------------------------
--
Please mail additions or corrections to me at faigin@pacificnet.net.


End of S.C.J FAQ Part 12 (Jewish Childrearing Related Questions) Digest
**************************
-------
-- 
faigin@pacificnet.net   Moderator, Mail.Liberal-Judaism (mlj@shamash.org)
   |  @shamash.org      Maintainer, S.C.J FAQ/Reading List * Advisor S.C.J.P
   |  @aero.org         Daddy, Erin Shoshana  misc.kids Albums 95pg48 96pg27
   v  @acm.org          Home Page: http://www.pacificnet.net/~faigin/
