
Holiday Gift Giving Ideas
by Muffy Mandel

The holiday gift buying and giving season is upon us again.
If you're reading this you have no taste whatsoever, so here
are a few turkeys that should appeal to you.

Blowing People's Heads Off in Slow Motion 
  (Mindless Violence Associates)
  Another hit title for personal computers by the new leader 
  in educational software.  Stunning graphics (or stunningly
  graphic, depending on which side of age 13 you are).

Dave Bealer - Unhinged, Seated, Holding a Live Grenade
  (Permanent Insanity Records, Tapes & CDs)
  The allegedly funny ravings of one of the few humans with
  less mental stability than Charles Manson.

Kevlar Pajamas (Bobbitt Protective Systems)
  Bottoms include a steel reinforced cup to protect against 
  knives and scissors.  The perfect gift for the violent, 
  abusive husband.

Micro-Books (various publishers)
  In keeping with the average American's shortened attention 
  span, publishers have been issuing shorter books.  A few
  of the more popular titles follow:
    . "Successful Applications of Artificial Intelligence" by HAL9000
    . "Great GUI Solitaire Games for Under $100" by Bill Gates
    . "Honest Politicians Through The Ages" by Richard Nixon
    . "How to Improve Your Memory" by Ronald Reagan
    . "Elections I Have Won" by H. R. Clinton
    . "Great Blonde Thinkers" by Madonna
    . "Winning Debate Tactics" by Ross Perot
    . "A Tree Grows in Washington" by Al Gore
    . "A Guide to User Friendly Software" by The RTFM Group
  These make great stocking stuffers.
