
Predictions for 1994
by The Great Koznac

Here we are again, rapidly approaching the end of another year just
as one famous coyote rushes headlong toward another cliff edge.  This
year proved to be another astounding year on all accounts, from
politics to computers, entertainment to ecology.  After reflecting on
the events of 1993, I make the following predictions for 1994:

  o In order to position themselves against the PowerPC, Intel will
    skip production of their next two generations of chips - the
    Quantum and the Millennium - to begin development and production
    on the Ultimatum.  This chip is said to be so powerful that it
    generates its own commands and decides which ones to process when
    it feels like it.

  o After having difficulties with "Chicago", Microsoft will move to
    "New York", "Atlanta", and finally "Albuquerque" which will turn
    out to be the right turn for the project.

  o Next year, three new politically-oriented viruses will make their
    appearance.  The first, Clinton, will use up all available cache.
    The next virus will be Limbaugh which will set the system date to
    the end of the Clinton Administration.  Finally there is Perot,
    which will cause the computer's speaker to make a large sucking
    sound.

  o The latest mergers between telephone and cable companies will
    continue into next year, setting foundation for the information
    highway.  The end result will increase the number of channels
    with useless, boring programming by a factor of ten.

  o The government will rule that Microsoft has broken federal
    anti-trust laws and should be broken up.  In answer to this,
    Gates will clone himself so that he may still own and operate
    the resulting smaller companies.

  o Vice-President Al Gore will trace back his lineage and find that
    he is a descendent of the giant redwood trees.

  o A scandal will rock Washington D.C. late in 1994 when space
    aliens land on the White House lawn.  When the aliens ask
    security to be taken to their leader, they will escort the aliens
    to Hillary Clinton.

  o System programmers and analysts will continue to scramble to
    modify code to accommodate the complexities of the year 2000 and
    beyond.  As of January 1, there will only be -94 years to resolve
    the problems resulting from abbreviating the years in the next
    century. 

  o A certain electronic publication which originates from the
    Chesapeake Bay area will experience continued success and growth,
    spreading humor wherever it is distributed and read.        {RAH}
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Ray Koziel is a systems programmer/analyst for a consulting firm in
Atlanta.  Since Ray has started contributing to RAH, his wife has
become more at ease now that he has a new target for his weird sense
of humor.
