THE COMPLEAT BLOND: A BUYER'S GUIDE
 
- -----
Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A:   Gifted!
- -----
Q:   What do you call it when a blonde dyes his/her hair
     brunette?
A:   Artificial intelligence.
- -----
Q:   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A:   You can park in the handicapped zone.
- -----
Q:   Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A:   They both get f*cked up when they're on their back.
- -----
Q:   How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A:   Shine a flashlight in his/her ear.
- -----
Q:   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A:   It takes too long to retrain them.
- -----
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
 
Cop:    Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all 
        the people were leaving.
- -----
Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side)
     I dunno!
- -----
Q:   How do you kill a blonde?
A:   Put spikes in his/her shoulder pads.
- -----
Q:   Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water
     into those little packages.
- -----
Q:   Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
- -----
Q:   Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A:   Because red means stop.
- -----
Q:   Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A:   Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
- -----
Q:   Why do blondes wear underwear?
A:   They make good ankle warmers.
- -----
Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde?
A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
 
Q:   What's the mating call of the brunette?
A:   "All the blondes have gone home!"
 
Q:   What's the mating call of the redhead?
A:   "Next!"
- -----
Q:   Why do Blondes like the GST? (Regional joke -- Goods
     and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A:   Because they can spell it.
- -----
Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A:   Toes go in first.
- -----
Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A:   Tits (teats for all the purists) go in first.
- -----
Q:   What does a blonde put behind his/her ears to make
     him/her more attractive?
A:   His/her ankles.
- -----
Q:   What do you say to a Blonde who won't give in?
A:   "Have another beer."
- -----
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
- -----
Q:   What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either 
     side?
A:   An interpreter.
- -----
Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1:  Introduces him/herself.
A2:  Walks home.
- -----
Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A:   Opens the car door.
- -----
Q:   What does a blonde say when you blow in his/her ear?
A:   "Thanks for the refill!"
- -----
Q:   Why do blondes have more fun?
A:   Because they don't know any better.
- -----
Q:   How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1:  "What's a light bulb?"
A2:  One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around 
     her.
A3:  Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, 
     "Daaaddy!"
- -----
Q:   What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A:   "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
- -----
Q:   What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of 
     his/her head?
A:   All you can eat, under a buck.
- -----
Q:   How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A:   There's white-out on the screen.
- -----
Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A:   You only have to punch information into a computer 
     once.
- -----
Q:   What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A:   You don't know how much either of them mean to you 
     until they go down on you.

