

ARRAY:                  What comes out of Buck Rogers' gun.

ASSUMED DECIMAL POINT:  Located two positions to the right of a programmer's 
                          current salary in estimating his own worth.

BIOS:                   Greek god of devices.

BIT:                    The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.

BUG:                    What managers do to programmers.

BUS:                    As in Greyhound, or PDP, upon which all data commute
                        to work.

CARD READER:            Woman who tells fortunes.

CHAINING:               A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed
                        up output.

CHECKPOINT:             The location from which a programmer draws his sala-
                        ry.




COMMENTS:               See fixed word length.

COMMON LANGUAGE:        The first thing a programmer must forget in order to
                        be successful.

COMPILER:               Program that continually finds fault with your work. 
                        See also: wife.

COMPLEX:                Adjective used to describe problems to be avoided.

CONCATENATION:          Catholic ritual performed once a year to bless pro-
                        grammers.

CORE STORAGE:           A receptical for the center section of apples.

COUNTER:                A device over which martinis are served.

DATA STRUCTURE:         Pile of tapes or floppy disks.

DEBUGGING AIDS:         Insecticides.




DUMMY ARGUMENTS:        Discussions between operators.

DUMP:                   Slang term for the computer building. (i.e. Why do I
                        spend so much time in this dump??)

ERROR:                  What someone else has made when he disagrees with
                        your computer output.

EXTERNAL STORAGE:       Wastebasket.

FIXED WORD LENGTH:      Four-letter words used by programmers in a state of  
                         confusion.

FLOATING CONTROL:       A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to
                        the    bathroom but can't leave the computer.

FLOATING POINT:         The absolute limit before floating control is lost.

FLOW CHART:             A graphic representation of the fastest route to the
                        restroom.




FORMAT:                 What you wipe your feet on before entering the com-
                        puter building.

FREE:                   Obsolete expression.

FUNCTION:               What a program never does on the first run.

GOTO:                   Often used in conjunction with Biblical locations.
                        See also: Fixed word length.

HEAD CRASH:             Last step before computer goto, usually executed by
                        programmer crashing his head against the nearest
                        wall.

INFINITE LOOP:          See: loop. <PCT 5 16>

INPUT:                  Food, whiskey, beer, aspirin, etc.

INTERRUPT:              Usually the result of a key punch. See also: Head
                        crash.




KEY PUNCH:              Error solving procedure used by many programmers
                        consisting of applying his fist to the teletype
                        terminal.

KEYWORD:                Statement uttered during a key punch. See also Fixed
                        Word Length.

LINE PRINTER:           Machine that prints lines on blank paper, also known
                        as paper shredder.

LOGICAL OPERATOR:       Extinct species.

LOOP:                   See: Infinite loop. <PCT 4 18>

LOOPING:                Feeling experienced by drunk programmers.

MACHINE LANGUAGE:       Grunts, groans, sqeaks, shudders, etc.

MACRO:                  The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy
                        Macro".



MANUAL:                 A large, thick book used to support the display
                        screen.


MASS BUS:               A very large bus, sometimes a GMC motor coach. See
                        also: Bus.

MEMORY DUMP:            Amnesia.

OPERATING SYSTEM:       A rarity.

OPERATOR:               The person who always rips your class project in
                        half when removing it from the line printer.

OUTPUT:                 See Floating control.

OVERFLOW:               Condition resulting from exceeding floating point.

POST MORTEM DUMP:       Place for dead programmers.

PROGRAMMER:             Red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with
                        inanimate objects.




Recursion:              See: Recursion. 

Reserved word:          See Fixed word length.

Significant digit:      Middle finger of either hand, commonly used by pro-
                        grammers  while talking to operators. (I.E. He gave
                        the operator two significant   digits.)

Stack:                  Very large data structure.

String:                 Device which holds a programmer's shoes on.

Tape drive:             Best known for its ability to have lunch in the
                        middle of reading the only copy of a source tape.

Variable:               Bisexual programmer.

Write statement:        Opposite of wrong statement.















If you shudder at having to step back through all those loops, infinite 
loops, and recursions, take the easy way out...                      <TOC>
