ͻ
We proudly(?) present:͹
         Thawt provokin clawses two alow you're brian          
            to gro in interllectual stimuluseses.              
                  (or in layman's terms)                       
             Things to make you say,what???                 
/2M;(god
damn ascII)*~           Sponsored by:          
             @WRGB    Spanky's House Of Cheese!
                ~~--__D the MG__--~~   
               H.O.R.S.E (what the hell that   
               means, I don't kknnooww?), the  
                   lying Chiken Massare     
             -ͼ
                             [---]
               *~if you are a Mac or Windows user, forget this joke.

1    Why does a Mobil station stay still?
2    If when someone comes up with an idea, and a lightbulb were
     to appear over their head; then if a florescent light were
     to appear, would the idea be more productive with less
     thought?
3    What the hell is a grape nut?
4    Attention creationists:  If god is so smart, why did he make
     us?
5    In a population of a billion people, if 999,999,999 wear 20
     foot metal poles on their backs, who would be hit with
     lightning first, the guy without a pole?
6    If we all slept more, street sweepers wouldn't have much of
     a job in New York City, because there would be no more dead
     business men to wipe off the street.
7    The only thing dogs need to take over the world are
     opposable toes and lips.  And the inability to lick
     themselves.
8    Ross Perot needs more fiber in his diet.
9    "No officer, I wasn't drinking and driving, you spill too
     much. ""
10   If pigs could fly, we'd all need stronger umbrellas.
11   How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a
     lightbulb?  Three, one to screw it in, another to keep his
     hair from catching on fire, and a third to stop the other
     two from molesting the nearest twelve year old.
12   How many chickens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  Who
     gives a flying fuck?
13   How come all marriage counselors are single?
14   What is the sound of one lamb crapping?
15   Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening
     at once.
16   What's another word for thesaurus?
17   Is relief really spelled R - O - L - A - I - D - S?
18   Why is you can always go east or west but if you go way
     north you go south?
19   How old is Old Milwaukee?
20   Bill's not only the president, he's also a member.
21   New sport! Coed naked, mudwrestling, full contact
     volleyball, on ice with baseball bats and trap shooting.
22   FAMOUS LAST WORDS:"Ah, what the hell, I mean, I've got two
     lungs anyway."
23   Hello madam! Would you care to buy some hash brownies to
     support Boy Scout den 55+1/2?"
24   Sticks and stones may break my bones but a 9mm TEC9 assault
     pistol, complete with silencer, barrel shroud, and 36-round
     magazine to the head will kill me.
25   The meaning of life is to question the meaning of life!
     Duh!
26   Why is there air?  To breathe, goddamit!
27   Have you ever stared down a fish?
28   If every student in the US skipped school at approximately
     the same time, since this country is majority rule, school
     would be abolished.  I hope, i hope, i hope.
29   If a Xerox were to copy itself, would the Xerox copy of the
     copier copy?
30   Welcome to McDonalds, over 400 billion flops of shit served.
31   If a tree falls in the woods, and no one's around to hear
     it, what's the sound of one hand clapping?
32   Famous last words:  "I drank what?!", Socrates
33   "      "    "    :  "Betcha 50 bucks I could hit Mach 1!"
34   "      "    "    :  "Don't worry, it's not loaded."
35   "      "    "    :  "Huh huh, that would be cool, huh huh!"
36   "      "    "    :  "Don't worry, the bridge is safe."
37   "      "    "    :  "What's 'Nitrogylcerine' mean?"
38   "      "    "    :  "Oy Vey!  Lets fly with the PLO!"
 ͻ
   Hey!  I think you dropped your wallet!  Quit reading this & pick it up!
 ͼ
39   If the odds of a bomb being on a plane are a million to one,
     and the odds of having two on the same plane are a
     million times a million to one, if you want to be safe, carry
     a bomb.                                                   ɻ
40   It would be great if Michelle on Full House went crazy and̹
     killed everyone, except Uncle Joey, cause he was on Out of̹
     Control.  Cut-it-out!                                ʹ
41   Stimulate the economy!  Nuke Japan!           ˹
42   Famous last words:  "Oopps, wrong turn."          ʹ
43   "      "    "    :  "What the hell are all these blue  ͹
                         things?"                           ͹
44   When a fish commits suicide, does it attach a helium   ͹
     balloon to itself?                                     ͹
45   If two ostriches fell down a never ending pit and have kids
     after a million years would the ostrich be able to fly out?
46   Watch for pits                                            ɹ
47   Jury member Bob Roberts of 228 Fifth street, believes that̹
     John Gotti IS guilty.                                   ʹ
48   If you travelled faster than the speed of light and     ͹
     screamed, would your head  a)blow-up b)rip-off c)implode͹
     or d)give you Perry Como hallucinations. `              ͹
49   Would there be an investigation on the use of SPAM as a ͹
     chemical weapon during WWI?                             ͹
50   Not-so-Famous last words:"The sky is falling {squish}." ͹
51   "   "  "      "    "    :"Pass me the salt."      ͹
52   Was VanGogh insane, or did he just lose a bet?    ͹
53   My goldfish told me that Elvis is the antichrist. ͹
54   The famous lost words to "Louie, Louie"           ͹
          Louie, Louie, Oh no                          ͹
          I know where you live now, hehehehe, i say   ͹
          Louie, Louie, Oh no                          ͹
          Worship me, hehehehe                               ͹
          For I am Satan, your bestest friend.               ͹
          Take some yak's blood; put it in your hand, i say  ͹
          (and so on)                                        ͹
55   Oodles of green noodles make blue poodles jump der      ͹
     shtruedles.                                             ˹
56   Notsofamouslastwords:"You, sir, are an ambisexual walnut."̹
57             "         :"No, i called dibs on the last piece ̹
                           of pizza."                        ʹ
58             "         :"You mean you aren't supposed to   ͹
                           drink pickle juice?/"             ͹
59   9 out of 10 serial killers prefer Zip-lock brand to     ͹
     regular freezer bag brand X.                            ͹
60   THe US government should use live chickens as a defense.͹
61   Time is an estimate.                                    ͹
62   Would a vaccuum cleaner work in space?                  ͹
63   Allegheny salamanders tip cows.                         ˹
64   notsofamouslastwords:"I am the allmighty Cow Slayer.  You ̹
     must bow before me and kiss my butt."                     ̹
65   famouslastwords:"Since when do we drink Kool-Aid at these ̹
     religious retreats?"                                    ʹ
66   In an alternate universe, much like our own, humans are ͹
     prey for giant earth worms.                         ͹
67   The more PC we get, the more segregated we actually ͹
     become...So support the PI union (local 107).       ͹
68   Are there Heavenocoptors?                           ͹
69   It would be cool if people had no bones and we just ͹
     sloshed around.                                     ͹
70   If cockroaches were bright, we'd be dead.               ͹
71   How come they call a women's prison a penal colony?     ͹
72   If you had a million monkeys jumping on a million       ͹
     typewriters, you'd have way too much time on your hands.˹
73   The Holy Roman Empire-wasn't holy, wasn't roman, wasn't an̹
     empire.                                                 ʹ
74   Just what exactly is "mung", anyway?                    ͹
75   I've noticed something; everyone in the NHL either has a͹
     beard or he doesn't.                                    ˹
76   The Mets would win more games if they didn't suck so much.̹
77   Queen Elizibeth I never wore any underwear.  Ever.      ʹ
78   Neither does Prince (oh, sorry, i mean ///).          ͹
79   There---is no 79.  Sorry.                               ͹
80   Stop the insanity!  Kill Susan Powter!                  ͹
81   Don't people with guitars just suck, anyway?            ͹
82   Ambigulous podiatrists give apple sauce a bad name.     ͹
83   Cream cheese makes a wonderful tooth-paste.͹
84   Do they sell snowblowers in Arizona?       ͼ
85   YES! We have no bananas!
86   Famous last words of General Custer "Ow, UGGGGGGggggghhh!"
87   Look mom, no brain!
88   Has anyone ever found a mind?
89   Could a moon land on a man?
90   Can a cow milk itself?
91   If a tree fell on a man in the woods and killed him, would
     he scream if no one can hear him?
902  State law requires the numbers: 92-901 to be omitted from
     lists that have no meaning.
903  Famous last words(of a mime):"       !"
904  Have you ever found a peanut in plain M&M?
905  Why does Yoo-Hoo have kelp in it?
906  The meaning of this list.
907  New endangered animals: Female body-builders with breasts.
908  There's a new demand for a new line of religious porno-
     flics.  Yes, now you too can screw along with Christ.
909  Isn't it funny how all the greatest scientists of our time
     either couldn't walk or had funky hair or both?
910  Light travels one meter in .000000003335640952 seconds, and
     it takes Regis Philbin 25 minutes to run a mile.
911  Regicide is NOT the murder of Regis Philbin; it's killing a
     king.
912  Number of lawsuits inspired by this list so far: 248,601.723
913  The word ``the'' is mentioned 537 times in 12085's third
     magazine, but there were only three references to Lorena
     Bobbit. What 's the world coming to when proper english is
     more important than penis severing vixens?
914  Your nose keeps growing when you're dead.  I bet Elvis'
     nose is REALLY big now.
915  Oh wait!  He's not dead!  He's living in Argentina with
     Hitler's clones, the Bigfoot, and Roseanne Arnold's
     biological mother.
916  What's wrong with Paul Bearer's voice on Wrestlemania?
917  If King Missile ever has another album, they should have
     John Wayne Bobbit sing a rendition of "Detachable Penis".
918  I wanna see Anjulie's Calamity, Calamity Jane, Jane's
     Addiction, Addiction to Crack, Crack Hounds, Hound Heaven
     and Heaven Can Wait all get together for one big tour with
     Barry Manilow and Buster Poindexter.
919  sdrawkcab nettirw si sihT.
920  How come a happy hour can last all night?
921  Does a Canadian Marmoset have an accent, eh?
922  I am stuben, the undertaker of your local 7-11.
923  Lorena Bobbit threw her husbands penis into the parking lot
     of a 7-11.  They really DO have everything!
924  Would somebody tell me, cause I'd loike to know!
930  Bill Murray is writing a variation-on-a-theme type play
     called "Dust Busters".
931  "Keep your hands, arms and penis inside the car at all
     times "---Grayhound's new motto"
932  "No, officer, I'm not drunk; just a really bad driver."
932.5"No, ociffer, i'm nyet dlunk."  *chuck*
933  Go to hell!
     (in response)Go to hell!
934  Bet I'm not as think as you drunk i am!
935  Does the devil say, "Go to Heaven?"
936  Can you down-chuck?
937  What exactly IS a sampo?
938  "Let's go surfing now, even Sven's learning how.."
     "I wish they all could be nor-he-weigan girls..."
     "If everybody had a spruce-tree, across Finland-way..."
     -Lyrics from The Beach Boys Go Finnish, or Fjord Fairlane
939  How come the Swedish Chef on the Muppets wasn't neutral?
940  Spunky.
950  Chunky monkey.
960  Good for you, too!
961  Good for you, too?
962  Good, for you too?
963  Good 4 U2?  Yeah, I liked Zooropa.
964  I liked the guy who threw the fish on the muppet show.  They
     should've given him a name.  Like 'Bernard the fish throwing
     guy from the Muppet show' or just Raul.
965  I wanted to be a plate spinner, so I had to go to a special
     school for plate spinning.  Artie's School of Plate
     Spinners, est. 1768.
966  If you get bored, just get a newspaper and a phone book.
     Look in the obituaries and cross out the people who are
     dead.
967  Don't like my driving?  Tough Titties!
970  The red baron, at first, flew a green plane.
971  Eskimos have more than 60 words for snow, and no word for
     "Hello".  Also, they have 16 words meaning "Get the fuck
     outta here, bastard!"
972  The greek had 8 words for love.  One was "eros", or erotic,
     one sided love.  Another was "Phillipi", or Brotherly Love.
     Another was "Porsfsegeg", or the love of that little dimple
     underneath your nose.  It's true...............Nyet!
973  No gallinas gordas!-spanish for, No fat chicks!
974  If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
975  The punchlines to astronaut dirty jokes.
          "Sure, he was the first to WALK on it, but..."
          "Huh!  It tasted just like tang!"
          "Should we have done that in zero gravity?"
          "That was the best spacewalk ever!"
          "We had trouble getting the satellite out, but..."
          "Mission control?  We're not gonna last 9 months up
          here... ""
976  Can you call 900 numbers with your one phone call?  'Cause I
     think I need to talk to my psychic advisor more than my
     lawyer...
977  Who decided there should be 360 degrees in a circle?
     Probably the same guy who said there were 365 days in a
     year, just to piss us off.
978  qwertyuiop.  No really.
979  Asdfghjkl!  Zxcvbnm.
980  The above list was absolutely meaningless.  Now, more of the
     same.
981  I've always wanted to see one of those guys who wears their
     pants around their knees fall flat on his face, and have to
     make himself look cool.
982  We all have strange things, 10 years old, in the back of our
     refrigerator.  Usually, these things have sprouted into an
     intelligent form of life.  So be humane, and donate all of
     your items past their expiration date to the National
     Penicillin Association.
983  Does anyone wonder if Webster made words up as he went
     along?
984  GH'YI-UH:N.  Any one of a number of stupid lists written by
     Horse and Megabyte, gods of Hollis.
985  ex.  I was really, really high, and had a bad fever, so I
     read some stupid ghyiuh.
986  We need a real hobby.
987  I hate it when I see a dog in a little doggy sweater,
     because no matter how stupid the dog looks, the owner looks
     even dumber.
988  It's even worse with people who put their kids on a leash.
989  It's like people love their pets more than their kids!
990  Does anyone actually know their social security number?
991  What's the thrill in cow-tipping?
992  If things taste so good coming in, how come they taste so
     bad once they're out?
993  I hate the CapsLock.  It's only there for idiots who think
     CAPITAL LETTERS ARE COOL.     Horse sucks!
994  Never, ever, EVER, sneak up on a cow.
995  I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden
     Carl Sagan snuck up on me and said "Billions and Billions",
     scaring me and I fell off of Mars.
996  I'm gonna envite Salmon Rushdie to my next party, just for
     some chucks.
997  Who ever needs Quadratic Formulae?  Math teachers, that's
     who!
998  If an egg fell on another egg, which fell on a chicken,
     which would die first?
999  If you are reading this upside down, no, this is not a
     satanic message.
92   We got a pardon from the govenor!  We can use 91-901!  But,
     one of us has to marry Cuomo's ugly daughter.  I say it's
     Mirage.
93   It would be cool if everyone could speak in ANSI codes,
     because the deaf could only hear ASCII characters.  There
     would be no color or sparkle-fade.
94   Bungee-jumping cows who adopt chickens that stick
     cockroaches in pencil-sharpeners on the next Geraldo.
95   We could mess up all the old people just by altering the
     meaning of nouns and verbs.
96   Hello, juniper tree.  You're fondle very kindling today.
     Have you down's syndrome butthead hedgehog tossing?  It was
     godawful yakspenis.  Screaming Family Carport!
97   Ok, ok.  I admit it.  It's pretty stupid.  But at least it
     doesn't make SENSE!  My god!  That would make REALLY stupid!
98   Vomit.
99   I am now typing with glovces on.  I tghink it's going
     qprertty good, Don't you.  Anyrthing in the sciendcwe and
     comewdy...
100  I think I just got high on life.  Or was it the refried
     beans?
101  Wow, that curdled milk sure can fuck you up!  I saw it on
     Alien Nation but didn't believe it!  I'm having trouble
     remembering...
102  How come when you just hit random keys to pretend you're
     typing so someone thinks you're working instead of just
     playing Doom, you always hit h, j, k and;?
103
104
105       (103-107 DISAPPEARED MYSTERIOUSLY.  AN INVESTIGATION IS
106        UNDERWAY.  MARILYN MONROE A PRIME SUSPECT.)
107
108  Would a blender work in space?
109  What would a gyroscope do in space?
110  I want to get a tattoo of a butt, with a butt tattoo on it,
     on my butt.
111  Ancient chinese proverb:  "An eagle may soar, but a weasel
     may never get sucked up by a jet engine."
112  If a munitions train left New York at six o'clock going 200
     kph, and collided with a gasoline truck by an oil refinery in
     Cincinnatti, how many explosions would there be?
113  Disorder in the court!
114  Some day Gallegher will get attacked by crazed and
     frightened watermellons bearing large hammers, and all I'll
     be able to say is, "Told you so."
115  How does a chicken dust it's house?
116  Imagine if chickens were tickled by feathers...
117  It's a good thing there's gravity, or else when birds died
     they'd just stay up there...hunters would get pissed.
118  I am Ivan Von Shnoosehowser.  I stuff those turkeys before
     we cook them at Pineview Mortuary.
119  Finger lickin' good...That's what she said, anyway.
120  What the hell did the little boy blue blow?  And why???
121  Roseanne takes a bath and a worldwide drought, at eleven.
122  Duh duh duh, duh nuh duh, duh duh duh, duh nuh duh nuh nuh
     nuh nuh nuh...Lyrics from "Beavis and Butthead sing Helmet".
123  Why is it that most minorities now get special rights and
     privileges but us lefties face ignorant oppression by the
     pinko, fascist righties every day of our bloody lives?
124  And what about Bob?
125  And this leads us to today's debate on bellybuttons:  Innies
     or Outies:  Which gets you more chicks?
126  What about him?
127  If Einstein was considered stupid in school, then I guess
     There's hope for Mirage.
128  Computer dating's cool; I am now going steady with a hot
     little 486/50, with a set of 250 meg hard drives.  She sure
     beats the Macs I used to date.
129  Computer Dating is useful; I can now tell just how old a
     fossil is and what it's of just by punching in its stats.
130  It's a long balled fly in Deep Left Centre.
131  Anyone for some bundt cake and crinkle fries over at
     McShitwad?
132  What you want is what you get, if you work here.
133  DR DOS is MS DOS' gynecologist.
134  Hackers are only cool when they hack other hackers.
     Therefore, if every hacker was cool, there wouldn't be a
     problem anymore.
135  Health care's easy.  Just shoot everyone.
136  Thousands of prophets have said the world is going to end in
     the year 2000, and it's backed up by scientific fact.  And I
     STILL CAN't get any chicks.
137  The academic art of chaotic humour is a science.
138  Chaosology is a science???  Who the hell decided that?
139  Stephen Hawking's books are good, but the movies are better.
140  The eastern European influence in China added what?
     A) better silverware
     B) communistic ideals
     C) a feeling of nationalism
     D) Bite me!
141  There's a sequel to Michael Jackson's "Bad" called "Even
     Worse".  And there's a sequel to his "Dangerous" too.  It's
     called, "Yet Still Even More Dangerous"
142  Bill's got 'da power!
142  I like japanese cartoon movies, but you'd think with those
     huge eyes they'd have better sight.
143  People suck!
144  Starting with Bill.
145  Well, i don't know Chaos, but I know what I like.
146  Well, I don't know rap, but I know when something sucks.
147  You can make anything out of plastic nowadays.  My glasses-
     plastic.  I got a plastic medal once.  Even my wood
     detailing is plastic.  I guess we should have known when
     they came out with plastic breasts...
148  Is there anything baking soda CAN'T do?
149  I would like to see a remake of To Kill A Mockingbird, with
     the same exact cast, same dialogue, and still in black and
     white, because remaking it just the same as it was would add
     something that wasn't there originally.
150  I think the first CD anyone ever buys is C + C Music
     Factory's Gonna Make You Sweat.
151  I wanna go to a witch party, for two reasons.  One, I like
     being skyclad.  Two, I like dragon's blood in my chex mix.
152  What do they mean, MENTOS is the freshmaker?
153  I really, really hope Spinal Tap goes through rehab, and
     soon.
154  Choosy perverts choose GIF!
155  Fetch-e la vache!
156  Ce la sonce de la vie!
157  Mo la da loo le LOOOOOOOOOOO, de man ee DOOOOOOO ga la BLOO
     de BLOO.
158  Famous last words: "Ooh lakalga, SOLO, desta falkagha
                         gaCHEWBACCA lo ti thinkjught
                         JEDIythelooooka hakkwe **URP**"
                         -Jabba the Hut
159  I like to play microgolf...I use my 4 pitch paramecia to hit
     the ball through the endless green of euglena.
     Occasionally, I run into an amoeba trap and have to pitch it
     out with my barricoccha.  I just yell, ".0004!" and I'm
     out.
160  Bring me the wookie!
161  Mr.  Data, warp factor nine.
162  Engage.
163  12 gauge.
164  Air guage.
165  Air Guitar.
165  Electric Guitar.
166  Electric Company.
167  GE
168  Brings life.
169  And death.
170  So they say.
171  On tuesday.
1711 When we go to the A&P for coffee.
172  And now for something completely...STUPID!
173  Love triangles are cool...but love trapezoids are
     better...not to mention love dodecahedrons.
174  What is value of pie to the eighth piece?
175  A funny thing happened to me today.  I saw a cow milking a
     goat.  Must've been one of those jungle fever things.
176  Still, what about Bob?
177  Surgeon General's warning:  Don't fire a gun in space.
178  Surgeon General's warning:  Never go cow pulling.
179  Surgeon General's warning:  Never by a used car from a
                                 rodent.
180  Surgeon General's warning:  Never eat a hamburger around a
                                 Hindu.
181  Surgeon General's warning:  Never piss on an electric fence.
182  Surgeon General's warning:  Smoking could cause a loss in
                                 friends.
183  How come women are so disgusted by gay men?  Maybe they
     should team up, you know?  I've gotta be careful; talking
     about this subject could make me spontaneously homophobic.
184  P
185  PE
185  PEN
186  PENI
187  PENIS
188  PENISILLIN.  There's nothing wrong with the word penisillin.
189  Would a chafing dish work in space?
190  Tom Swifty:  "I guess he's dead," Tom said, pulling out his
     axe from the man's back.
191  Ya' know, tofu really isn't that good.
192  black n blue n broken bones i lost myself im all alone
193  What's more fun then killing morning news idiots?
     I donnn *hawk!  tui.* nnn't no.
194  A man running in circles is faster than a man running up a
     hill, naked, through barbed wire, with a stick stuck up his
     rectum (hell it killed 'um)*, over hot coals whilst being
     shit on by the elephant he's carrying.
195  The only thing those library sensors pick up is people who
     had those little tags thrown into their bags...so get rid of
     'em!
196  "Hole in my head / looks like i'm dead / i'd rather live /
     then get shot in my bed."-Famous last words of Trent Reznor
197  How come John Candy, Sam Kinison and John Belushi are all
     dead but George Burns lives on?
198  I want to send a death threat to the IRA, just to see what
     they'd do.
199  For Bill Clinton's birthday, I'm gonna send him a alarm
     clock.  And I'm gonna wind it first.
200  Surgeon General's Warning:  Toad licking can give you warts
                                 on your tongue.
201  Surgeon General's Warning:  Nuclear warheads could be
                                 hazardous to your health.
202  Surgeon General's Warning:  Prolonged exposure of pregnant
                                 to Don Knots flicks could
                                 result in Fetal Bad Comedy
                                 Syndrome.
203  A note from Mad Hacker:  Thou shouldest not send death
                              threats to the president via E-
                              Mail, lest you get your ass kicked
                              by the Secret Cervix.
204  I feel sorry for any guy Lorena Bobbit ever goes out with
     ...He'll need to wear a fucking cup to bed every night.
205  I feel sorry for any girl John Wayne Bobbit ever goes out
     with, because she'll need to sleep with a Black and Decker
     Pecker every night.
206  I feel sorry for the Bobbit family dog, for no important
     reason but that he probably hasn't been fed in days.
     Except salami.
207  Jesus must not have been a very good carpenter; or else he
     wouldn't have gone into the less lucrative Savior business.
208  If women REALLY like sensitive men, how come they date jocks
     while the nerds have to hang around computer stores?
209  If I ever go to a congressional hearing, I'll have to tape
     it on C-SPAN to see if I can see me.
210  When the apocalypse comes, I bet it will be a hell of a lot
     better to get a tee time.
211  You know, we all try to justify our purchase of a bad CD by
     liking at least one song on it.  For example, take
     "Spoonman", by Soundgarden.  It's about a man who plays the
     spoons.  'Nuff said.
212  I think it might be more useful if all the sections of the
     paper were blank but the front page and the comics, 'cause
     that's all anyone ever reads, anyway.
213  You should never be allowed to get a black belt if you can't
     kick a white belt's ass every time.
214  How come a high belt in Tae Kwon Do is nothing compared to a
     black belt in Isshinryu?
215  I hate people who pretend to type fast, because they are
     usually really hunt-n-peckers.
216  Don't be sexist; the honies hate that.     Ŀ
217  Warning:  this paper will self destruct in  3  minutes.
     or if it comes in contact with urea.       
218  Lincoln, Lincoln, i've been thinking, artichokes are really
     stinkin'
219  Beavers would get more respect if they drove around in
     M1-A1s.
220  A1 steak sauce tastes good with everything...and I really
     mean EVERYTHING!  Boom chikem chickem WHEYYYO bow bow BOW
     bow.
221  What did Fred and Daphne REALLY do in the Mystery Machine?
     The world may never know.
222  I think Grampa Smurf was a little TOO affectionate with
     Casette...
223  The Snorks seemed a little too happy considering they had a
     penis growing out their forehead that blew bubbles.
224  The End.  Fin.  Finito.  Finito Santiago.  Where the HELL in
     the world in Finito Santiago?  Who cares?  This fucking
     thing is over, FINALLY!
225  We lied.


Should you print this up, and choose to staple it, only use it in
the upper 1/2 inch corner at 30 degrees, 20 minutes, or else
we'll firebomb Mirage's bathroom in protest.

(____)
 ()
 |oo|˻
 \<>/COW, NOT DEER
  ^^ ͹
                
The soon to be extinct up-state New York Holstien

Please try these excrement boards in the 518 area:

The BBS that Should Not Suck So Much              356-2010
Dragon's Lair, with Dirk the Daring               346-1427
Tidal Wake, the boringest bored around            869-uh, um...
                                                  uh...
Mirage's mom (well, she's like a board)           355-0198
The coolest BBS that ever wuz. (mine)             861-8863
Cowland                                           861-8718

                                Starring
Satan's Little Helper   as       Horse the flying chicken masacre
mr self destruct        as       Das the Megabyte
Don Knotts              as       himself
                        and
Jerry Mathers           as       the Beaver

Producer                        Frances Chevrolet Copenhagen
Director                        Arnold Schwatzeneggar
Best Boy                        Henry Fialkoff
Gaffer                          Bill Jerome
Filmed at the Hollis National Airport
Printed on an HP Laser Jet II
Written on SYNCerson, a 386/sx 20 with Word Perfect 5.1

We would like to thank:  Benny Hill, Monty Python, Chiquitta 
Bananas, Anarchy, MST3k, Mirage the incandescent (for being the butt of all
our jokes, even this one), Jimi Hendrix, walker, the Academy, the union of
flying chicken fishing yaksmen, Bloom County, the man that shot the man that
shot the man that shot Butt Wheat, 4th period math, Lord Buldeath, Pablo
Picasso, Monet, VanGogh (for his wonderful donation; I hear so much better
now), leaches, lichens, rubber gloves, the Ramses corporation, for making
Bill an only child; Lee Iacocca, George Burns, that guy in the corner with
the cigar in his ear and won't stop looking at the pencil sharpener,
Falameezar Azizzi Sulmonelaroni, the society of paper mills, the state of New
York, the state of New Jersey, the state of confusion, the little man in my
pants, the county of romania for making my boots, Zaphod Beeblebrox XVVIIXIX,
miracle grow, for helping my chia-pet; asphyxiation, Richard "Tricky Dick"
Nixon, Dan "Mr. Potatoe Head" Quayle, Jack "Poor Reflexes" Kennedy, Anthony
Zepruder's camera, Kathy Ireland (i want to come over and roll in your
clover...), Mr. Bua's mom, the author of the grecian epic "Achilles", Trenton
Reznor, prophets, The Big One, MENTOS, Beavis & Stimpy, the world's greatest
sidekicks; the Maharishi Baba Yaga, Power Wing Batman, with new Eco-action
suit; Emu Bartemelo, queen of the volley; our loving family & friends
(sheeyah, right), JG (who won't go out with me, but we thank her just the
same), Barney, but not his friends; The Star Hustler, Space Ghost and the
star patrol, coaxial cable, The US bureau of shadows & reflexions, Wakko
Warner, those guys who urinate on the 6th street subway system, the 76
trombones in the big parade, dogs with bad hair cuts, flag burners
everywhere, You Make Me Sick I Toss My Cookies Music, NOW (not!), the 110
cornets that paved the way, tofu: nature's perfect fruit; L.L. Bean, chicks
with tight asses and long hair, Kilts & Scottish Shit, ltd.; Hustler
magazine, Sea World, Aurora; rubber duckies, Liza Minelli, The Rockettes,
Alpo cat food, Bob Uecker, The Maytag Man, Hormel Academy of Spamnation, Gone
Walkabout Productions, Utopia, Lars, Alka Seltzer, Satan Claus (oops),
Holsteins, Jerseys, etc., Groucho, Harpo, Zeppo and Karl Marx; Every Bobbit
Ever, Phineas J. Whoopi, The rev. Al Sharpton, bullshit and the Unik Hackers
Union, local 128.

New versions of this list will be found on this board...so watch out!
                                             7/7/94-->DS the Mgat
