After leaving staff, I was very difficult to live with. I took a
break from Scientology, but could not settle into normal life. I was
irritable and aggressive, felt empty and purposeless. The intesity
was gone, and normal human life irritated and bored me. My ex was
much nicer to me - he was pleased that I had stepped out of the
"lime-light" - now HE could get some attention, and ironically, our
marriage improved a while. But, I was restless.

BEING "PUBLIC" AGAIN
I missed the Org, and Scientology, and so I signed up for two more
courses - the PTS/SP course and Level 2 Auditor Training. (Cost:
R3000, and a further loan from the Bank). I went back onto course,
and everything felt "right" again. The PTS/SP (Potential Trouble
Source/ Suppressive Person) course deals with Suppression, and
vulnerability to Suppression. It teaches the Scientologist how to
"handle" any criticism of Scientology or Hubbard, and includes the
policy on "How to handle Black PR" (Black propoganda is assumed to be
any criticism of Scientology). This is a very, very interesting
course, and VERY revealing as to how the cult responds to criticism.
Of course, there are deeper levels, and I have seen these (won't say
how or who) - deadly stuff, if used correctly.

I started my Level 2 course, and was almost finished, when something
happened that altered my life dramatically.

THE END OF MY MARRIAGE:
It was December 1993, when my ex was offered a job in Johannesburg.
Much more money, and closer to a much bigger Org. He accepted it, and
at the end of January, 1994, he left. Just like that.

He told everyone up there (I only found this out fairly recently)
that I hadn't gone with him, because I didn't love him anymore. In
fact, I hadn't joined him, because I didn't have time to find a job
up there, and I knew that he would NEVER support me financially while
I was looking. I had all these debts, and I couldn't just stop
working. So, I stayed on in Cape Town, but started to look for
employment in Johannesburg - not knowing, at this stage, what he had
told everyone.

By June, 1994, I had negotiated a job, and he flew down to discuss
the logistics of moving. It soon became apparent that he did not want
me to join him. I later found out that if I did, it would ruin the
new "image" he had built up for himself in the Scientology community -
the image that people had seen through in Cape Town. After some
predictable and protracted fights, we agreed to divorce. He didn't
want to do it - didn't have time, he said, so I instituted
proceedings, and the divorce went through, uncontested, in August
1994. He will NEVER be called to book for his actions within the
Church of Scientology, by the way - their so-called "justice" system
is flawed - because he makes (and gives them) a lot of money, they
will never make him answer for any of this. So much for their
"justice".

DISCOVERING ALT.RELIGION.SCIENTOLOGY
It was in August that I discovered a.r.s. I had been cyber-surfing
for months before, and stumbled on it by accident. I was fascinated,
amazed at how much people dared to say. I lurked for quite a while,
and then "boldly" started posting a few articles - on racism, sexism -
and a few minor disagreements that I had had. OSA Africa phoned me
shortly after that, and read back some of my articles to me. I
received quite a shock, I did not realise that they were aware of the
board. OSA Africa, by the way, does not have a connection to the
Internet, yet, so OSA International must have informed them.

MY "HANDLING"
Someone flew down from the Sea Org, in Johannesburg on a mission.
Part of the mission was to "handle" me. C did an "ethics" handling on
me. Something in me rebelled at the objection of the Church to my
postings, and I posted my annoyance to the net. Remember, although I
had posted a few critical articles, I had not, within myself, made a
break from Scientology. My criticism stemmed from the contradictions -
the racism isssue, many others, and the fact that my ex-husband had
behaved in a way that I couldn't reconcile with him being "Clear."

After I had posted my annoyance to the net, i.e had disobeyed their
order to "shut up", things got heavy. Now I KNOW everyone
wants to know about this part the most. I would ask everyone now, to
please respect my right to privacy on this one - there is a very,
very good reason that I don't post this - in that it enters the arena
of legal action - I am not going to sue, but I would like to have it
as a trump card if ever the harassment gets too much. Please respect
this right, and accept that it may be my only defence against them if
the need arises. It is sufficient to day that my "handling" was co-
ercive in nature, and that it succeeded in "snapping" me back into
the mind-set of a Scientologist. Which upset a great number of the
a.r.s. community.

More to follow in Part 9

Kim Baker                            Kim Baker
Cape Town, South Africa                 E-Mail: Kim@uctlib.uct.ac.za
______________________________________________________________________

"Thoughtcrime is a dreadful thing, old man. It's insiduous. It can get
 hold of you without you even knowing it."
          - From "Nineteen-eighty-four", George Orwell








