THE "DARLING" OF THE CULT
I continued with my auditor training - from Level 0 to Level 1. I
learnt how to audit people, and I spent a lot of time auditing. I
always had excellent results on my pcs : in metered sessions, I got a
lot of TA motion (Tone arm motion - a measurement on the meter of how
much "charge" is gotten off the person) - I always got "Very Well
Done" grades on my sessions and (guilt!) some people joined staff,
and even the Sea Org (when Johannesburg came down to recruit), after
I had audited. I never ONCE made an error with my auditing.

So, my sessions kept people "winning" and as a result, endeared them
to the cult. GUILT! I have SO much guilt over this - then, I enjoyed
the  "power" of being able to run sessions so well, of having
vulnerable people get deeper into Scientology because they got "wins"
from my application of Hubbard's auditing technology. This is not
easy for me to admit publically - but by sharing those parts of me
that I am deeply ashamed of, I am aiming to help people understand
how human failings DO play their part in this cult - the cult would
not be able to continue as it is without these human failings to
exploit.

A LUCKY ESCAPE
At this stage, a recruitment team came to Cape Town, from Flag. They
took one look at me, at the results on my pcs, even though I was
only auditing the lower levels, and they decided they wanted me, and
wanted me BAD. They put the pressure on - to join the Sea Org at Flag
and do the Class 8 Auditor Training program. I was so far gone, I
wanted it too - more than anything I had ever wanted.

Ironically, it was another human failing that saved me - (grin) my ex-
husband's ego! He just could not STAND the thought that I would
"progress" in Scientology  way ahead of him. He was already having
great difficulty in dealing with my "success" at the local Org, this
was just the end for him! Not that he would have minded going to the
States, or joining the Sea Org, but he was PEEVED that they
didn't offer it to him. He said that if I went, he would divorce me,
and make things VERY difficult for me financially.

I still loved him, even though our marriage was such a monumental
failure - I was not prepared to give up on the marriage yet. And so I
resisted the VERY professional pressure that Flag put on me to join.

LEAVING STAFF
The pressure I was under, the long hours, the discipline, the adverse
effect on my day job, my buried disagreeements slowly began to take
their toll - something deep, deep inside of me was beginning to
revolt at being on staff. I was like a shooting star that burnt out -
because despite my success on staff, the SPIRITUAL side of me had
virtually died. The reason I joined staff - to help people - had been
perverted into a fast-paced intensity of stats, power-hunger, ego-
stroking - in fact it had very little to do with my concept of help.

I had lost my ability to love and care (dirty words in Scientology
vocabulary), I lost my self-determinism, my ability to be analytical -
and I had become hard, cold, manipulative, charming, forceful,
aggressive, cruel and very, very impatient with slowness. My marriage
was in tatters, and I had treated my family and friends abominably.
Something deep, deep inside of me cried out - ENOUGH !!!!!!

And so, I routed off staff. They couldn't give me a security check,
because of the order that I could have no auditing (by the way, the
Jhb Case Supervisor, D. K. is now in the RPF - Rehabilitation Project
Force - I am VERY upset about this), and so they couldn't stop me
from leaving. The Cape Town Case Supervisor, J., who had been on
staff for 6 years before I joined, and was my senior, was shocked
that I wanted to leave. She wanted to know why - basically I told her
that the spiritual side of me was dying. She was affected in a MAJOR
way by this, and left 2 weeks after I did. She cited my leaving as
the reason for her leaving.

I was hit with a Freeloader Bill of R9500 for the courses I had
studied. Like an idiot, I took a loan out from the Bank, because I
still wanted to continue with Scientology. I had also taken out
another loan, while on staff, of R5600 for a life-time membership to
the International Association of Scientologists. This was a result of
an aggressive money-raising campaign by the IAS to combat the
"suppression" of Scientology in Germany.

The debts were getting deeper and deeper.


More to follow in Part 8
Kim Baker
                            Kim Baker
Cape Town, South Africa                 E-Mail: Kim@uctlib.uct.ac.za
______________________________________________________________________

"Thoughtcrime is a dreadful thing, old man. It's insiduous. It can get
 hold of you without you even knowing it."
          - From "Nineteen-eighty-four", George Orwell








