The following is a list of some real life test answers accumulated 
by several teachers over a period of years. (Who says we lack 
quality science and math education?)

1. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the 
   Spices.
2. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats 
   backwards.
3. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made     
   men think.
4. 3 types of blood vessels are arteries, veins, and caterpillars.
5. The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now. 
6. A thermometer is an instrument for raising temperance.
7. A litre is a nest of young baby animals.
8. A vacuum is a U-tube with a flask at the end of it.
9. The process of turning steam into water again is called 
   conversation.
10. A magnet is something you find in a bad apple.
11. Ammonium chloride is also silly maniac.
12. The school is ventilated by hot currents.
13. The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
14. The cuckoo does not lay it's own eggs.
15. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a 
    hot test tube.
16. Typhoid fever may be prevented by fascination.
17. Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
18. Algebra was the wife of Euclid.
19. Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are 
    talking about.
20. Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.
21. An axiom is something that is so visible that it is not 
    necessary to see it.
22. A circle is a line that meets its other end without ending.
23. Sound is a rapid series of osculations.
24. The moon is a planet just like the earth only deader.
25. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against 
    insects.
26. An example of breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that 
    gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
27. We believe that reptiles came from amphibians from spontaneous 
    generation and the study of rocks.
28. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmer's rain and soil 
    his corpse.
29. By self pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long hair      
    sheep.
30. If conditions are not favorable, bacteria will go into a 
    period of adolescence.  
31. Dew is formed on leaves the sun shines down on them and makes 
    them perspire.
32. Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual 
    manufactures another individual by accident.
33. A cerebrum is a cavity in the head.
34. The hydra gets it's food by descending upon its prey and 
    pushing it into its mouth with its testicles.
35. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
36. A person should take a bath once in the summertime and not 
   quite so often in the wintertime. 
37. A hookworm larva enters the human body through the soul.
38. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood, you get a  
    glacier. 
39. It is a well known fact that a deceased body warps the mind.
40. The human is more intelligent than the beasts because the 
    human brain has more convulsions.

              Here are some helpful first aid hints
1. For fainting: Rub a person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm 
   above the hand
2. For fractures: To see if the limb is broken, wriggle it gently 
   back and forth.
3. For dog bites: Put the do away for several days. If he has not 
   recovered, then kill it. 
4. For nose bleed: Put the nose lower than the body. 
5. To remove dust from the eye: Pull the eye over the nose.
6. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it 
   drops into your throat.
7. For snake bites: Bleed the wound, and rape the victim in a 
   blanket.
8. For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the 
   patient is dead. 

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