 Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.
 It's trying not to appear poor that keeps a lot of folks broke.
 A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
 When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
 Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
 Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for the benefit of rich people in poor countries.
 Even perfect people buy pencils with erasers.
 In politics stupidity is not a handicap. - Napoleon
 Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
 No, that switch is for the compu@*&^^^ NO CARRIER
 When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
 It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
 Look out for #1.  Don't step in #2 either.
 Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
 Car service:  If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
 Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
 Dain bramaged.
 Department of Redundancy Department
 What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull.
 Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
 Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
 Help Wanted: Telepath.  You know where to apply.
 It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
 Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
 "Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
 This is a day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
 I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
 Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
 Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
 Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
 An optimist is a guy who has never had much experience.
 Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
 "By 1960 work will be limited to three hours a day." John Langdon-Davies. A Short History of the Future, 1936
 Scientists are Peeping Toms at the keyhole of eternity.
 The weaker the argument, the stronger the words.
 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards
 My idea of an agreeable person, is a person who agrees with  me.
 We triumph without glory when we conquer without danger.
 A child educated only at school is an uneducated child.
 I wonder what happens if I touch these two wires toge@*&^^^ NO CARRIER
 To make your backup's faster set the tape device to /dev/null!
 Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes.
 He that leaveth nothing to Chance will do few things ill, but he will do very few things.
 We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears. - A. Lincoln
 Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
 Don't insult the alligator until after you have crossed the river.
 When you rest, you rust.
 God may give you seeds but he won't plant them for you.
 Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some
 Give him a fish, he eats today.  TEACH HIM TO FISH, HE EATS FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
 Failure teaches success.
 Yesterday is a dream, Tomorrow is a vision, Today is a bitch.
 Your not knowing a mans purpose does not mean he is confused.
 When I am right nobody remembers... When I am wrong nobody forgets!
 Quia Costodiet Ipsos Custodes.
 Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
 Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way
 Bankers will now lend you enough to get you "out of debt."
 Don't force it, just get a larger hammer.
 The Road to Enlightenment is Often Long and Difficult. Be sure to bring plenty of Snacks and a Laptop.
 Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
 The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
 History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
 I hear and I forget.  I see and I remember.  I do and I understand. - Confucius
 I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
 Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. -  CONFUCIUS
 Never tell a machine you are in a hurry.
 We are the people our parents warned us about.
 A man never listened himself out of a job.
 A man of few words is not often misquoted
 A man serves best, when he serves himself.
 A man's castle is his hassle.
 A man's home is his castle...but it shouldn't have to be a fortress.
 A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!
 A married man knows all his faults
 A minute's success pays for the failure of years.
 F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
 A miss is as good as 1.6 Kilometers
 A mistake is evidence someone has done something.
 A modest man is usually admired - if people ever hear of him.
 A money and it's fool, are soon parted.
 A neurotic woman puts condoms on her vibrator.
 A new mother soon becomes a chief cook and bottom washer.
 A niche in time saves slime.
 A nudist is one who suffers from clothestrophobia.
 One Beer gets me drunk. Usually it's the 27th one.
 A nudist wedding makes the best man easy to identify.
 A pen is mightier than a sword except it runs out of ink.
 A person's strongest dreams are about what he can't do.
 A pessimist is never disappointed.
 A phaser is the universal communicator.
 A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to him.
 A poet is a kind of liar who always speaks the truth.
 A politician thinks only of the next election.
 You are making progress if each mistake you make is a new one.
 A poor man is one who works for his money.
 A problem that does not cause difficulty is not a problem.
 Woman's virtue is man's greatest invention.
 A prune is a plum with experience!
 A rainy Monday makes everything else worse.
 A rose, by any other name, would still have thorns.
 A sale without profit is a donation.
 A small leak can sink a ship.
 A smile is God's cosmetic.
 A smurf immersed in water may last up to four months!
 A social life? From which BBS can I download that?
 A spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission.
 A steamroller, is the sincerest form of flattery.
 A stick gets round when you multiply by 3.14.
 A sword sometimes misses it's mark - a bouquet never.
 A tagline is nothing without opportunity.
 A throw of the dice will never eliminate Chance.
 A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket.
 A too-short mini skirt leaves a definitive end in view.
 A tribble a day keeps the Klingons away.
 Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
 A unicorn is nothing more, nor anything less, than a horny horse.
 Anything worth doing has already been done.
 A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one.
 AARRGHH!! A virus was chewing my FAT.
 AC Current: Alternating Current current.
 ACK and you shall receive!
 ACME Space and Explosives - We can put anything in orbit!
 AIBOHPHOBIA: The fear of palindromes.
 Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
 I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
 "Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes."
 Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
 The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
 C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.
 We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.
 Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
 The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
 Did anyone see my lost carrier?
 Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
 He who laughs last thinks slowest!
 Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
 Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
 "More hay, Trigger?"  "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
 A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
 Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
 Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
 If lawyers make the laws, the laws will benefit lawyers.
 Only bad musicians blame thier instruments.
 There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
 Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
 Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
 Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
 I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
 Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I.
 Double your drive space - delete Windows!
 What is a "free" gift ?  Aren't all gifts free?
 Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
 Oops.  My brain just hit a bad sector.
 I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
 Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
 I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.
 Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
 When there's a will, I want to be in it.
 Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
 We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
 All deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
 Buy a Pentium  586/133 so you can reboot faster.
 All generalizations are false, including this one.
 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
 "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
 We are the people our parents warned us about.
 I'm one of those people that can eat and eat... and get fat as hell.
 Best file compression utility around:  "DEL  *.* " = 100% compression
 I am Norm, of Borg. Bar tabs are futile, beer will be assimilated.
 The probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
 Famous Last Words:  Hey there ugly Borg dude! ^&*&*#$%!@ NO CARRIER
 The definition of an upgrade:  Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
 And all the Borg left was this darn Macintosh...
 Reality-ometer: E[\........]F. Hmmph! Thought so.
 Say a thousand pleasant things, but never say Adieu.
 Mary had a little RAM... about 16K or so.
 I've been caught cheating on taglines again.
 Hey, when someone asks if you're a good, say YES!
 Never put off until tomorrow, what you can forget about today.
 Antie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy!
 Bailiff! Whack his peepee!
 Cadet Reed. Better lower landing gear BEFORE we la..nd. crAAASH!
 Hey! I don't remember that GIF being in the file directory before.
 Hand me that dolphin burger & side of spotted owl fries.
 Hey, Rocky. Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!
 How many ways are there to painfully die on this planet?
 Lt. Reed, report to airlock 3, spacesuit optional.
 Officer I wasn't driving fast, just flying low!
 Suddenly and embarrassingly, his swash came unbuckled.
 (/\/\/\/\/\/\) - Tagline with real teeth.
 (A)bhor, (R)etch, (F)lail, (I)gnite.
 (A)bort (R)etry (S)cream your lungs out.
 (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (F)ail, (N)uke.
 (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)crew it?
 - FOR SYSOP USE ONLY - Do not write below this line.
 --=== BADA BING, BADA BOOM ===--
 1,000,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
 1996 - The Year of the Palindrome.
 1st we shoot all the lawyers, 2nd we strangle them, 3rd.
 4 out of 5 SysOps prefer doughnuts. The 5th demands pizza.
 42? 7 million years and all you can come up with is 42?!
 43% of all statistics are totally worthless!
 <CTRL> <ALT> <DEL> to see next message.
 <Shift><Return>? But I can't find the clutch!
 >>Tagline Deleted By Florida Censors<<.
 A Black Hole is God Dividing by Zero.
 A Cray a day to keep IBM away!
 A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is just a mythstake.
 A Macintosh is an EctaSketch you don't have to shake.
 A Mogwai is simply a highly evolved Tribble.
 A Programmer's Mind is a terrible thing to waste.
 A TRUE friend walks in when everyone else leaves.
 A Thoth is just one o shy of a tooth.
 A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite.
 A Warriors Drink -- Well that Explains a lot.
 A Windows user spends 1/3 his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.
 A bad day BBSing is better than a good day at work.
 A bigger castle means more junk can be stored in it.
 A bird in the hand's better than one overhead.
 A blind man teaching an android to paint?
 A bug is just an undocumented feature!
 A cheerful heart does good like medicine.
 A child of 5 could understand this! Bring me a child of 5!
 A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory.
 Ethernet (n).  something used to catch the Etherbunny.
 A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 A closed mouth maintains a happy mind.
 A committe is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
 A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
 A crowded elevator smells different to a midget
 A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket.
 A day without sunshine is like a night.
 A democrat's generosity is limited only by your income.
 A dollar's a bad boss, and dying's a bad fear.
 A double garage means twice as much junk can be stored.
 A drummer has to take any old girl, but a guitarist takes his pick.
 A fish by any other name would still smell.
 A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
 A fool and his modem are soon ported.
 A fool and his monitor are soon parted.
 A friend is like an eagle; you don't find them flying in flocks.
 A friend: Someone who likes you even after they know you.
 A good book is the purest essence of a human soul.
 A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
 A good organizer is the one who is careful to plan ahe
 A good preflight beats a parachute any day.
 A hard drive is the cleanest garbage can in the world.
 A heavy night snowstorm is God saying: Take today off.
 A hope beyond the shadow of a dream.
 A jail is arrest home.
 A journey of 1000 miles will be routed thru Atlanta.
 A journey of a thousand miles is a hell of a long journey.
 A language is a dialect with an army.
 A liberal and someone else's money are soon parted.
 A little greed can get you a lot of stuff
 A little's good, more would be better, so too much will be just Right!
 Label on a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker
 Label on Odor Eaters: Do not eat.
 Label on a Fax Machine: WARNING! never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks.
 Label on a Microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
 Label on a package of Fisherman's Freind(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
 Label on a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin.
 Every woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.
 Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
 People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
 . . . . every morning is the dawn of a new error.
 Cannot find REALITY.SYS . . . Universe halted.
 COFFEE.EXE  missing - Insert cup and press any key.
 Buy a Pentium  586/90 so you can reboot faster.
 2 + 2 + 5 for extremely large values of 2.
 My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
 C:\WINDOWS  C:\WINDOWS\GO  C:\PC\CRAWL
 C:\DOS  C:\DOS\RUN  RUN\DOS\RUN
 Best file compression utility around:  "DEL  *.* " = 100% compression
 The definition of an upgrade:  Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
 BREAKFAST.COM  halted. . .Cereal Port not Responding.
 The name is Baud. . . . James Baud.
 Buffers =20  Files = 15  2nd down, 5 yards to go, 4th quarter.
 Access denied -- nah, nah, nah, na, nah, nah.
 C:\ Bad command or file name;  Go stand in the corner
 Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename?"
 As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
 Backups?  We don't *NEED* no stinkin' backups!
 E Pluribus Modem
 . . . . File not found.  Should I fake it  (Y/N)
 Ethernet (n).  something used to catch the Etherbunny.
 A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
 An error?  Impossible!  My modem is error correcting.
 CONGRESS.SYS  Corrupted.  Re-boot Washington D.C.  (Y/N)
 Does fuzzy logic tickle?
 A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium
 SENILE.COM  found. . . . Out of Memory
 Who's General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?
 Ultimate office automation:  networked coffee
 RAM disk is "not" an installation procedure.
 Shell to DOS. . . .Come in DOS. . . . do you copy?  Shell to DOS
 All computers wait at the same speed
 Definition:  Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors
 Press <CTRL>  <ALT>  <DEL>  to continue
 ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
 E-Mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage
