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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \f1 \fs24 \b \cf9 Let It Ride\fs20 \b0 \cf0  is a full simulation of the game as it is played in Las Vegas. Use it just for fun or to sharpen your skill for the real thing.\par
\par
This unregistered version includes all program features, but the f
ollowing capabilities have significant limitations:\par
\li240\fi-240 	\b \cf12 Peeking\b0 \cf0  - If you can peek at the other player's cards, there is an advanced strategy that improves your winning chances.\par
	\b \cf12 Simulation\b0 \cf0  - You 
can quickly simulate the play of many 1000's of hands, using whatever betting and play strategy you choose.\par
	\b \cf12 Tournaments\b0 \cf0  - Compete in high-stakes, multi-round knockout tournaments against a variety of computer-generated opponents.
\par
	\b \cf12 Fantasy Play\b0 \cf0  - Try out dozens of game variations, like wild cards, insurance and surrender, side pots, card replacement, and more!\par
	\b \cf12 Ongoing Sessions\b0 \cf0  - You can automatically resume play when you restart th
e game, with all conditions restored.\par
\li0\fi0 Registration greatly extends these features and registered owners are fully licensed for all future upgrades.\par
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When you buy chips, a single click of the mouse buys $100. If you are a big spender, \b \cf2 click with the right-button\b0 \cf0  on your mouse instead. This buys $1000 at a time.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You can run the \b \cf2 Strategy Reminder\b0 \cf0  program while you are playing. This briefly describes the optimum strategies for betting and play as a "memory jog". This is particul
arly useful while you are learning to play. You can get detailed information on these strategies and on using the Strategy Reminder program by pressing the \b \cf2 Help\b0 \cf0  button.\par
\par
The Strategy Reminder program has another interesting fea
ture. \b \cf2 You can generate your own personal strategy!\b0 \cf0  It allows you to document this strategy and show it whenever you choose.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Are you tired of seeing these same old \b \cf2 Tips and Trivia\b0 \cf0 ? Well then, why not make some of your own? \b \cf9 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0  includes a \b \cf2 Tip Editor\b0 \cf0  w
hich you can use to change or add to the existing Tips and Trivia. You could even completely replace this with anything you devise.\par
\par
The Tip Editor is a "mini-wordprocessor" and is very easy to use. However, there are a few simple rules you sho
uld follow if you want to ensure the proper "look and feel". You can get the details by pressing the \b \cf2 Help\b0 \cf0  button in the Tip Editor.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
If you are new to \b \cf9 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0 , or you have just forgotten how to use one of its features, you can click the \b \cf2 Help button.\par
\b0 \cf0 \par
If you \b \cf2 cli
ck using the left-button of your mouse\b0 \cf0 , as you normally do, you will switch temporarily to the \b \cf2 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0  \b \cf2 Information Desk\b0 \cf0 . It should be able to answer any questions you might have.\par
\par
Alternatively, yo
u could \b \cf2 click using the right-button of your mouse\b0 \cf0 . This will activate brief explanations when the cursor moves over something of interest. You can turn this off by clicking \b \cf2 Help\b0 \cf0  again, once more using the right-button o
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When you win a \b \cf2 bonus award\b0 \cf0 , it is placed on the layout directly over the bonus betting circle. If you want to pick it up and put it in your bankroll, just click on it.
\par
\par
You don't actually have to do this, since it will be automatically picked up for you when you deal the next hand or exit play. But, isn't it nice to see your bankroll jump up?{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Any time your session is in progress, you can review its history by clicking the \b \cf2 History button\b0 \cf0 . This provides very interesting statistics and graphical records of all
 of your play up to that point.\par
\par
Don't forget that when you start a new session, the previous session's history is erased. If you are interested, you must review it before clicking the \b \cf2 New button\b0 \cf0 .{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
It's surprising how many players don't know this. When you make your bet decision after seeing one of the dealer's cards, \b \cf2 you can scratch your second bet even if you previously
 let the first one ride\b0 \cf0 . The two betting decisions are completely independent of one another.\par
\par
For example, using the best strategy, you would let your first bet ride if you have a "good enough" draw to a flush. (See the Help file for 
what is good enough.) But if the dealer then shows a card of a different suit that doesn't give you a high pair, you should scratch your second bet.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b \cf2 Bonus bets\b0 \cf0  are different from your regular bets. They are more like "entry fees" into a lottery. When you make a bonus bet, you are charged $1. This is not refunded ev
en if you win the bonus. Instead, it is used to support a \b \cf2 tournament fund\b0 \cf0 .\par
\par
The bonus awards are nice, but they are not the whole story. If your winning hand is good enough, you are eligible to play in a knockout tournament. Th
ese tournaments are great. Everyone wins and the big winner might walk off with $1 million or more!{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b \cf2 Peeking\b0 \cf0  at other player's hands before the hand is complete is frowned upon by the casino, but they don't seem to fuss about it so far. If you do peek, you can improve
 your chances of winning by employing an \b \cf2 advanced betting strategy\b0 \cf0 , as explained in the Help file.\par
\par
Just press the \b \cf2 Peek button\b0 \cf0  to see the cards of either player on your left or right. Press again to hide them.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You can see your best strategy on any bet by turning on the \b \cf2 hinting option\b0 \cf0 . Just press the \b \cf2 Hint button\b0 \cf0 . When you do so, the best play is flagged by a 
hand pointing to the button you should press, i.e. to let the bet ride or scratch it.This strategy also accounts for peeking, if you are doing so.\par
\par
The program will continue to give hints until you tell it to stop. To return to playing "on your
 own", just press the same button once more. (It will now read "End Hints".){\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When \b \cf2 hinting\b0 \cf0  is enabled, you can see a brief explanation of the program's strategy by \b \cf2 clicking on the pointing hand\b0 \cf0 .\par
\par
For a detailed explana
tion of the best playing strategies in general, you should consult the Help system by pressing the \b \cf2 Help button\b0 \cf0 .\par
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
To start \b \cf2 placing bonus bets\b0 \cf0 , just click on the betting circle above your hand. It will show "Yes" when bonus bets are in effect. Of course, you can't do this while a h
and is currently in progress. (You wouldn't want to cheat, would you?)\par
\par
You will continue to place bonus bets on succeeding hands until you terminate them by clicking on the bonus betting circle once again.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
If you want the program to play the hand for you, using the best playing strategy, press the \b \cf2 Auto button\b0 \cf0 . Then all you have to do is press the \b \cf2 Bet & Deal butto
n\b0 \cf0  and watch the play.This is a good way for you to learn how to play well. The program will continue to play for you until you tell it to stop, by pressing the Auto button once again. (It will now be labelled "Resume".)\par
\par
Since the actu
al betting steps might flash by too quickly, the decisions made for each bet are labelled on top of the betting circles above your hand.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When playing in \b \cf2 Auto mode\b0 \cf0 , you can control the rate of play by \b \cf2 moving the slider\b0 \cf0  in the middle of the layout. Slow speeds allow you to think along wit
h the program as it is reaching its decisions. Fast speeds can play the hand very rapidly, so that what you mainly see is the final outcome.\par
\par
You can adjust the rate of play any time. The best setting depends somewhat on the speed of your compu
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When playing in \b \cf2 Auto mode\b0 \cf0 , hinting is always enabled. However, if you are playing rapidly, the hints might flash by too fast for you to see and absorb them. For an exp
lanation of the specific strategy used by the program on your hand, just \b \cf2 click on your cards\b0 \cf0  when the play of each hand is complete.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When reviewing the session history, you can \b \cf2 print any page\b0 \cf0  by clicking on one of the \b \cf2 two Printer buttons\b0 \cf0  on the toolbar. One is for color print and th
e other is for monochrome print. If you press the monochrome button, and a graphics page is showing, it will be temporarily converted to a black-and-white format for printing.\par
\par
If you have a gray-scale printer, you should always use color print
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
The graphical records of lengthy sessions and almost any simulation session may require more than one page to display. You can see the number of pages required in a caption at the bott
om of the screen.\par
\par
To flip pages, use the two \b \cf2 Pointing Hand buttons\b0 \cf0  on the toolbar.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When reviewing your session history, you might want to click on the \b \cf2 Balloon Help button\b0 \cf0  on the toolbar. It is the second button from the right end.\par
\par
This tur
ns on balloon captions for the toolbar buttons, just in case you forget how to use them.\par
\par
More importantly, when the statistics page is showing, this also turns on brief explanations of the computed information whenever you move the cursor over
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Every \b \cf9 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0  game has a \b \cf2 table limit\b0 \cf0  for the payoff to each player on any single hand. Here the limit is always $50,000. Many casinos have lower l
imits, and a few have higher ones. Bonus payoffs are separate and not limited.\par
\par
Since the maximum bet for ordinary play is $50, the table limit really only comes into play when you get a royal flush, and then only if your bet is fairly large. (
Don't hold your breath!)\par
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
On your \b \cf2 first betting decision\b0 \cf0 , when you can't see either of the dealer's cards, you should \b \cf2 only let ride the following hands\b0 \cf0 :\par
\par
\li480\fi-240 	Three of a kind\par
	A high pair (10's or better)\par
	A possible flush\par
\li0\fi0 \par
You may be surprised to know that, in the third possibility, not all flushes are good enough to bet on! To see which ones are suitable, read the description
 of the \b \cf2 Basic Playing Strategy\b0 \cf0  by pressing the Help button.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
On your \b \cf2 second betting decision\b0 \cf0 , after you have seen one of the dealer's cards, you should \b \cf2 only let ride the following hands\b0 \cf0 :\par
\li480\fi-240 
\par
\li0\fi0        Any sure winner, i.e. at least a pair of 10's.\par
\li480\fi-240 	Any draw to a flush\par
	Any open-ended straight with at least one high card\par
\li0\fi0 \par
This is the \b \cf2 Basic Strategy\b0 \cf0 . If you are\b \cf2  peeki
ng\b0 \cf0 , there is an \b \cf2 Enhanced Strategy\b0 \cf0  that can change what you should do depending on what cards you see. Press the \b \cf2 Help button\b0 \cf0  for details about peeking and the Enhanced Strategy.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When you are \b \cf2 running a simulation\b0 \cf0 , you can get \b \cf2 snapshots\b0 \cf0  of the results as the simulation progresses. The program can play very rapidly, so snapshots 
more frequently than every few hundred hands may be hard to follow.\par
\par
For a detailed analysis of the simulation, press the \b \cf2 Review Simulation button\b0 \cf0 . This gives the same information as you can get for your ordinary sessions of pl
ay, but of course for many more hands than you could tolerate.\par
\par
You must \b \cf2 review the simulation before resuming play\b0 \cf0 , since its history is erased when you leave.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
When you win a hand, your winning bets remain on the layout. You can just leave them there for the next hand if you wish. Alternatively, you can pick each one up and place it into your
 bankroll by \b \cf2 clicking on the chip\b0 \cf0 .\par
\par
Keep in mind that the value displayed for your current bankroll does not include any chips or bonus awards still on the table.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
If you try to do something that isn't allowed, the dealer will let you know politely, at least the first time you do it. His face will appear and you will see his comment or warning in
 a \b \cf2 cartoon caption\b0 \cf0 .\par
\par
This comment disappears when you move the cursor from the button you pushed by mistake. Sometimes this happens too quickly for you to "hear what he said." When this happens, and you're not sure what you did
 wrong, just \b \cf2 press the button again\b0 \cf0 , leaving the cursor over it longer this time.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You may have wondered \b \cf2 how much of a stake you need\b0 \cf0 , depending on your bet amount, so that you can "ride out" loss streaks in order to benefit from the lucky periods.
\par
\par
\b \cf9 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0  is what is called a "high variance game". What this means is that fairly big swings in your bankroll are common. This is true even though the house percentage is only about 3.5% if you play well. In a session of a c
ouple of hours, you will probably play about 100 hands. At the minimum $5 bet, you can statistically expect to lose about $17.50. But for short sessions like that, at least half the time you could be up or down $50-$100 or more! Thus, you need a stake of
 at least $200 for this case. Higher bets and longer sessions need more.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
If you're curious, you can "\b \cf2 ask the dealer\b0 \cf0 " how many hands you have played. Just click on the word \b \cf2 DEALER\b0 \cf0  at the top of the layout. He will also let y
ou know what kind of streak you are on, i.e. the number of consecutive hands you have either won or lost.\par
\par
You might want to check this occasionally to gauge how your luck is running. If a losing streak gets too high, why not take a short break
?{\fonttbl
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{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You have probably noticed that the \b \cf2 display of your bankroll\b0 \cf0  "flashes" briefly whenever it changes. This signals that you have either won or lost money. You need to kee
p an eye on thisjust as you would in a real gameto make sure you quit your session when you have reached your preset limits.\par
\par
It's good practice to set goals for winning and stop points for losing. Don't try to break the bank and don't lose m
ore than you can afford! {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You don't have to be concerned about "losing your place" when you exit from \b \cf9 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0 . Your seat remains reserved for you and your session continues unaltered when y
ou next return.\par
\par
Your session history and all associated statistics are saved, so you can pick up where you left. Think of it like leaving your chips on the table as a marker, just as gamblers often do in Las Vegas.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
I am sure you never have trouble remembering which bet you are currently considering for a "let it ride" or "scratch" decision. But, just in case, you will see a \b \cf2 highlight arou
nd the betting chip\b0 \cf0  to flag which one is up for grabs.\par
\par
The highlight moves from the first to the second chip as the play progresses. The third, and final, chip is never highlighted as you are always committed to leaving this one in pl
ay.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
There is a wealth of interesting information about your play in the session history. Just press the \b \cf2 History button\b0 \cf0  for a review.\par
\par
You will see all kinds of s
tatistics and a number of graphs showing the progress of your bankroll, the number and types of winning hands, how your bonus play stacks up, etc. Check it out.\par
\par
You can also print any of this information so that you can compare sessions and ch
art your progress toward mastering the game.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You can check how you fared during the last 50 sessions by calling up the \b \cf2 Session Summary Window\b0 \cf0 . Just click on the History button using the right-button on your mouse
.\par
\par
This window lists sessions of all types, with the most recent one first. If you want to see just one kind of session, say tournaments only, press the Select button in the Session Summary Window and make that choice.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of the Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
You can influence what is offered in \b \cf2 future versions\b0 \cf0  of \b \cf9 Let It Ride\b0 \cf0 . Send me an e-mail or fax with your suggestions, using the numbers shown on the le
ft.\par
\par
Any suggestion that is incorporated will be prominently credited to the first person making it, assuming you want the credit of course.\par
\par
As an aside, if you invent betting or play "variations", as some already have done, try to m
ake sure that they are fair.There must be both risk and reward for it to be interesting!{\fonttbl
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{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Have you ever wondered?\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Have you ever wondered?\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in  the mornings?
\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Have you ever wondered?\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dro
pped it from a height, what would happen?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens  when you turn on the headlights?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why is that when the bad guy shoots at Super
man he sticks out his chest and lets the bullets bounce off, but when the bad guy throws the gun, Superman ducks?\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Have you ever wondered?\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?\par
\li0\fi0 
\par
\li240\fi-240 	Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You know that little indestructible black box that's used on 
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You ever cut your grass and found a car.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You own a home that is mobile and five cars that aren't.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You think the stock market has a fence around it.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You own a homemade fur coat.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Chiggers are inc
luded on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You burn your yard rather than mow it.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	The Salvation Army declines your mattress.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You'v
e ever raked leaves in your kitchen.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Birds are attracted to your beard.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You've ever given rat traps as gifts.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You clean your fingernails with a stick.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your coffee tabl
e used to be a cable spool.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	The taillight covers of your car are made of red t
ape.\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 You are a redneck if...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.\par
\li0\fi0 
\par
\li240\fi-240 	The primary color of your car is bondo.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."\par
\fi0 \b0 David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed 
to pay his taxes\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits."\par
\fi0 \b0 Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) at a press conference to answer questions about the House Bank scandal\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
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{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech."\par
\fi0 \b0 Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush wasn't follow
ing up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads i
n a nodding position."\par
\fi0 \b0 John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing spying."\par
\fi0 \b0 Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissa
nce pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes."\par
\fi0 \b0 President Richard Nixon\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate."\par
\fi0 \b0 Vice-President Dan Quayle
\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."\par
\fi0 \b0 Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."\par
\fi0 \b0 Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, o
n chlordane\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"\par
\fi0 \b0 Leon Wood, New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert, Nets TV commentator\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's history.... we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."\par
\fi0
 \b0 Dan Quayle, Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent..."\par
\fi0 \b0 John Connally, Secretary of Treasury under Richard Nixon, in an early seventies speech, as reported in a contemporary "American Scholar"\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."\par
\fi0 \b0 An editor of the Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "The 
streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."\par
\fi0 \b0 Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."\par
\fi0 \b0 Dizzy Dea
n explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."\par
\fi0 \b0 Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explain
ing why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijackiing an airlin
er; and murdering a government poultry inspector."\par
\fi0 \b0 Knight Ridder News Service dispatch\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Did he really say that...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued...Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976."\par
\fi0 \b0 Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid\par
\li0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	\b "After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the pos
t."\par
\fi0 \b0 Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 If you want to be really annoying...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Drum on
 every available surface.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Sing the Batman theme incessantly.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Staple papers in the middle of the page.\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 If you want to be really annoying...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Honk and wave to strangers.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Leave someone's printer in compressed, italic, cyrillic, landscape mode.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?"  "Never mind, it's gone now."\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 If you want to be
 really annoying...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 \fs20 	Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.\par
\li0\fi0 \fs20 \par
\li240\fi-240 \fs20 	Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.\par
\li0\fi0 \fs20 
\par
\li240\fi-240 \fs20 	Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.  When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.\par
\li0\fi0 \fs20 \par
\li240\fi-240 \fs20 	Reply to everything someone says wi
th "that's what YOU think."\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 If you want to be really annoying...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	While making presentations, occ
asionally bob your head like a parakeet.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the pho
ne book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Bumper Stickers\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Kill your television"\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	(On a wreck of a car) "Not an abandoned vehicle!"\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Hukt on fonix wurkd four me"
\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a duck."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"XEROX: Your bureaucracy is our business."\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Bumper Stickers\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Be realistic: Plan for a miracle."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Illiterate?  Write for free help."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Beware of quantum ducks, Quark
! Quark!"\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"IF U [heart] NY GO BACK!"\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
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\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Bumper Stickers\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Eat well, stay fit, die anyway."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"No matter where you go, there you are."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Eat american lamb.Ten milli
on coyotes can't be wrong."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"My Karma just ran over your Dogma."\par
\li0\fi0 \par
\li240\fi-240 	"Scixelsyd Etinu. [Read backwards]."\par
\li0\fi0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b In a Belgrade hotel elevator:\par
\li240 \b0 "To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of w
ishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."\par
\li0  \par
\b In a Paris hotel elevator:\par
\li240 \b0 "Please leave your values at the front desk."\par
\li0 \par
\b In a Japanese hotel:\par
\li240 \b0 "You are invited t
o take advantage of the chambermaid."\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b In a hotel in Athens:\par
\li240 \b0 "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."\par
\li0 \par
\b In a Yugoslavian hotel:
\par
\li240 \b0 "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the fob of the chambermaid."\par
\li0 \par
\b In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:\par
\li240 \b0 "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
\par
\li0  \par
{\fonttbl
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:\par
\li240 \b0 "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."\par
\li0  \par
\b On the menu of a Polish hotel:\par
\li240 \b0 "Salad a fi
rm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."\par
\li0  \par
\b Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:\par
\li240 \b0 "Ladies may have a fi
t upstairs."\par
\li0         {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:\par
\li240 \b0 "Drop your trousers here for best results."\par
\li0  \par
\b Outside a Paris dress shop:\par
\li240 \b0 "Dresses for street 
walking."\par
\li0  \par
\b In a Rhodes tailor shop:\par
\li240 \b0 "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."\par
\li0 \par
\b In and advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:\par
\li240 \b0 "Teeth ext
racted by the latest Methodists."\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:\par
\li240 \b0 "It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and wome
n, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."\par
\li0 \par
\b In a Zurich hotel:\par
\li240 \b0 "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the 
lobby be used for this purpose."\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b In a Rome laundry:\par
\li240 \b0 "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."\par
\li0  \par
\b In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
\par
\li240 \b0 "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages."\par
\li0  \par
\b Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:\par
\li240 \b0 "Would you like to ride on your own ass?"\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b In a Bangkok temple:\par
\li240 \b0 "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."\par
\li0  \par
\b In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
\par
\li240 \b0 "We take your bags and send them in all directions."\par
\li0  \par
\b On the door of a Moscow hotel room:\par
\li240 \b0 "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."\par
\li0  \par
\b In a Norwegian cocktail lounge
:\par
\li240 \b0 "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b In the office of a Roman doctor:\par
\li240 \b0 "Specialist in women and other diseases."\par
\li0  \par
\b In an Acapulco hotel:\par
\li240 \b0 "The manager has person
ally passed all the water served here."\par
\li0  \par
\b In a Tokyo shop:\par
\li240 \b0 "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."\par
\li0  {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:\par
\li240 \b0 "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
 yourself."\par
\li0  \par
\b From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:\par
\li240 \b0 "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."
\par
\li0 \par
\b Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:\par
\li240 \b0 "- English well talking."\par
"- Here speeching American."\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b It's on the menu...\par
\li240 \b0 China			Cold shredded children in spicy sauce\par
Hong Kong	Indonesian nazi goreng\par
Cairo			Muscles of marines/lobster thermos
\par
Cairo			French fried ships\par
Europe		Garlic coffee\par
Europe		Sweat from the trolley\par
China			Dreaded veal cutlet in cream\par
Nepal			Fried friendship\par
Japan			Strawberry crap\par
Vietnam		Pork with fresh garbage\par
Bali			Toes with bu
tter and jam\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
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{\colortbl
\red0\green0\blue0;\red0\green0\blue128;\red0\green128\blue0;\red0\green128\blue128;
\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 English is a Universal Language\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Product names (translation doesn't do them justice)...\par
\li240 \b0 Last Climax	-  Japanese tissues  \par
Ass Glue		-  Chinese glues\par
Swine				-  Chinese chocolates
\par
Libido				-  Chinese soda\par
Pocari Sweat	-  Japanese sport drink\par
Shocking		-  Japanese chewing gum\par
Superglans		-  Netherlands car wax\par
I'm Dripper		-  Japanese instant coffee\par
Zit					-  Greek soft drink\par
My Fanny		-  Japan
ese toilet paper\par
Colon Plus		-  Spanish detergent\par
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{\colortbl
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Speaking of light bulbs...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?\par
A: One to hold the light bulb, and 99 to turn the house.\par
\par
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change 
a light\par
	bulb?\par
A: One, but the light bulb has got to WANT to change.\par
\par
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?\par
A: Five. One to declare that the bulb has violated the socket,\par
	one to secretly wish she was th
e socket, one to secretly\par
	wish she was the bulb, one to do it ALL BY HERSELF,\par
	and one to say "that's not funny!"\par
\par
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Speaking of light bulbs...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Q. How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?\par
A. None. That's a hardware problem.\par
\par
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?\par
A:
 Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub\par
	with brightly colored power tools.\par
\par
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?\par
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate\par

	to the experience.\par
\par
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Speaking of light bulbs...\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light\par
	bulb?\par
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to\par
	write the light bulb insertion prog
ram, and one to act as a 	light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries 	to change the bulb at the same time.\par
\par
Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?\par
A: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.\par

\par
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.\par
\par
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.\par
\par
A supe
rb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.\par
\par
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.\par
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.\par
\par
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.\par
\par
Now is your chance to 
have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.\par
\par
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.\par
\par
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.\par
\par
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.\par
\par
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.\par
\par
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German She
pperd and an Alaskan Hussy.\par
\par
Great Dames for sale.\par
\par
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.\par
\par
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.\par
\par
The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortabl
e beds, and other athletic facilities.\par
\par
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.\par
\par
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.\par
\par
Stock up and save. Limit: one.\par
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.\par
\par
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.\par
\par
Man, honest. Will take any
thing.\par
\par
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.\par
\par
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.\par
\par
{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!\par
\par
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.\par
\par
Our experienced Mom will care of your 
child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.\par
\par
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.\par
\par
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.\par
{\fonttbl
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 Newspaper Advertisements\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.\par
\par
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping
 duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.\par
\par
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.\par
\par
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.\par
{\fonttbl
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Ettorre's Observation\par
\li240 \b0 "The other line moves faster. This applies to all linesbank, supermarket, tollbooth, customs, and so on. And don't try to change lines. The oth
er linethe one that you were in originallywill then move faster."\par
Barbara Ettorre, New York City, in \i Harper's\i0 , August 1974\par
\par
\li0 \b Einstein's Other Formula\par
\li240 \b0 "If A equals success, then A = X + Y + Z.  X is work. Y i
s play. Z is keep your mouth shut."\par
Albert Einstein, in \i Contemporary Quotations\i0 , Crowell, 1964{\fonttbl
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\red128\green0\blue0;\red128\green0\blue128;\red128\green128\blue0;\red192\green192\blue192;
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\red255\green0\blue0;\red255\green0\blue255;\red255\green255\blue0;\red255\green255\blue255;
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Algren's Precepts\par
\li240 \b0 "Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you."\par
N
elson Algren, on "What Every Young Man Should Know"\par
\li0 \par
\b Allison's Axiom\par
\li240 \b0 "The best simpleminded test of expertise in a particular area is an ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area."\par

Graham Allison, the JFK School of Government, Harvard{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Baldy's Law\par
\li240 \b0 "Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it"\par
Charles Wolf, Jr., of the RAND Corporation\par
\par
\li0 \b Benchley's Distinction\par
\li240 \b0 "T
here may be said to be two classes of people in the world: those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not."\par
Robert Benchley\par
\par
\li0 \b Pierson's Law\par
\li240 \b0 "If you're coasting, you're going
 downhill."\par
L. R. Pierson, from \i Rumsfeld's Rules{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b The original set: Murphy's Laws\par
\li480\fi-240 \b0 	"If anything can go wrong, it will."\par
	"Nothing is ever as simple as it seems."\par
	"Everything takes longer than you
 expect."\par
	"If there's a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong first will be the one that does the most damage."\par
	"Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse."\par
	"If you play with it long enough, 
you will break it."\par
	"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."\par
	"Mother Nature is a bitch."{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 SYSTEM;}
{\f1\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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\red128\green128\blue128;\red0\green0\blue255;\red0\green255\blue0;\red0\green255\blue255;
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}
\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Walinsky's Law of Political Campaigns\par
\li240 \b0 "If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle and start reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you'll ju
st be the thirteenth clown."\par
Adam Walinsky\par
\li0 \par
\b Taxi Principle\par
\li240 \b0 "Find out the cost before you get in."\par
Posted in the U.S. Department of Labor\par
\li0 \par
\b Nixon's Law\par
\li240 \b0 "If two wrongs don't make 
a right, try three."\par
Lawrence J. Peter\par
\li0 {\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \f1 \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Mencken's Meta-law\par
\li240 \b0 "For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution...and it is always wrong."\par
H. L. Mencken\par
\li0 \par
\b Gadarene Swine Law\par
\li240 \b0 "Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course."\par
Derived from the New Testament, Mark 5:11-13\par
\par
\li0 \b Allen's Distinction\par
\li240 \b0 "The lion and the calf shall lie down togeth
er, but the calf won't get much sleep."\par
Woody Allen, from Without Feathers, Random House, 1977{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the 
Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Navy Law\par
\li240 \b0 "If you can keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation."\par
\fs20 Traditional sign on U.S. Navy ships and offices\par
\li0 \fs20 \par
\b McCarthy's Law of Intelligence\par
\li240 \b0 "Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important."\par
\fs20 Eugene McCarthy, in Laws of Politics
\par
\li0 \fs20 \par
{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 The Rules of the 
Game\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\b Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics\par
\li480\fi-240 \b0 	"An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction."\par
\fs20 	"An object at rest will always be in the wrong place."\par
\fs20 	"The e
nergy required to change either of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible."\par
\li240\fi0 \fs20 David Gerrold, in Starlog magazine\par
\fs20 \par
\li0 \b Clark's Law\par
\li240 \b0 "It's always darkest just before the lights go out."\par
\fs20 Alex Clark, at a RAND Graduate Institute meeting{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 During fantasy play, do you sometimes notice the image of a light bulb in the bottom left corner of the table layout? This tells you that there has been a \b \cf9 lightning strike\b0 \cf0  on the current hand! If
 you let all 3 bets ride, the payoff odds are doubled for this hand. It might be worthwhile to take a little extra risk!\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 If you don't like this feature, just click on the bulb when it appears and there will be no further lightning 
strikes during the current session.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 Want to liven up the game a bit? Choose one the \b \cf9 animated card back\b0 \cf0  designs. Search for "cards" in the Let It Ride Information Desk for how to do this.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 When you use these de
cks, the dealer's first card is animated in amusing ways.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 If you get tired of animation, you can always turn it off -- and back on again -- by clicking on either of the dealer's cards.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 I am sure you play well, but have you ever wondered whether your strategy is as good as it could be? Actually, you are being constantly monitored and the dealer knows. If you press the Auto button, clicking with 
the right-button on your mouse, a live \b \cf9 strategy assessment\b0 \cf0  display appears in the center of the table layout.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 As you play each hand, this tells you exactly how much any variance from optimal strategy on either of y
our betting decisions has cost you so far.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 After you are reassured, you can turn the display off by pressing the Auto button again (now labelled "Resume".){\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 If you are getting pretty good at playing the Fantasy Play game variations, why not try \b \cf9 dealer's choice\b0 \cf0 ? This plays a different game on each hand, just like you probably do in your friendly Frida
y night poker sessions.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 Anyone who can play dealer's choice rapidly, without forgetting some rule of play and without getting taken to the cleaners, is a candidate for the big time!\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 Make it even a little toug
her...choose the option to play a randomly selected game each time!{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 If you ever forget the exact \b \cf9 rules of play\b0 \cf0  for a Fantasy Play game variation, just click on the little panel showing the name of the game. A brief explanation will pop up.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 
Of course, this is no substitute for the complete descriptions in the Let It Ride Information Desk, so you might want to click on the Help button instead.{\fonttbl
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}

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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 During tournament competition, you must be alert for circumstances when you might need to increase your bet if you are to have a chance to survive to the next round.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 You can get \b \cf9 war
ning signals\b0 \cf0  if you like. One tells you that there are relatively few hands remaining. You pick the number. Another signals you whenever you are trailing the lead player by an amount that you specify.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 This feature is a con
figuration option that you can choose by pressing the Options button in the startup window.{\fonttbl
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}

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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 During tournament play, you need to refer to the \b \cf9 Tournament Status\b0 \cf0  window frequently to see how you are doing. Thus, it is usually best to have it on display all the time.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 
When this window first comes up, it is normally at full size and centered on the screen. This obscures the table layout and you probably always move it elsewhere and shrink its size.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 An easier way is to configure it to come up at t
he size and position you prefer. You can pick among some reasonable alternatives by pressing the Options button in the startup window.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 Are you a little superstitious? Aren't all gamblers? Maybe the \b \cf9 luck index\b0 \cf0  can help you keep track of how the cards are running for you.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 Normally, this appears just below th
e dealer's cards on the table layout. It shows whether are are lucky or not, compared to statistical expectations.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 If you think this is nonsense, or you would just as soon not be distracted, just double-click on the index and it wi
ll disappear. You can make it come back at any time by double-clicking on the spot where it was.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
}

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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 Like some extra "action"? During a Fantasy Play session you can set up \b \cf9 side pots\b0 \cf0  with either or both of the other players at the table.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 The pots accumulate until one of you
 has a better winning hand and they can quickly get quite large. It's not unusual for a pot to have $50 or more in it even when you are only betting the minimum $5 per hand.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 For an even bigger pot, set up a super pot with all three
 of you participating. The pot grows faster, because you are all contributing, but of course your chances of winning are less.{\fonttbl
{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 ARIAL;}
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 The \b \cf9 card replacement\b0 \cf0  and \b \cf9 hand surrender\b0 \cf0  options during Fantasy Play offer new strategic challenges. It isn't clear when you should exercise the options and you might plausibly wo
nder how well you are using them.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 One of the plots in your session history might help answer this question. It gives a cumulative record of the net effect of using these options. It considers the fees and usage charges that you inc
urred and it estimates what would have happened if you had not used the options. If the results are mostly positive, then you have a good strategy going.{\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 Don't forget to set up Let It Ride to suit your needs. Press the Options button in the startup window to open the \b \cf9 Initial Settings\b0 \cf0  window.\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 There are dozens of settings you 
can make to configure the game as you please. Most can be selected during play, but why not set things up once and for all, so that you don't need to fuss around at the start of each new session?\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 There are also several options only
 available in the Initial Settings, like choosing a card back design, controlling how insurance bets are handled, and managing the size and position of the Tournament Status window. {\fonttbl
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\paperw5535 \margr0\margl0\ATXph0 \plain \fs20 \qc \fs24 \b \cf12 Today's Tip of th
e Day\par
\ql \fs20 \b0 \cf0 \par
\fs20 It's always nice to play in a friendly game, so why not say hello to the dealer?\par
\fs20 \par
\fs20 If you press the \b \cf9 Hello button\b0 \cf0  in the startup window, the dealer will greet you and ask your
 name. Thereafter, any time he speaks to you or gives you a message, he will address you by name.