So remember - 46 is the LAST issue. I fully expect someone to write an issue 47 and claim that we gave them permission to take it over but this won't happen. I also won't change my mind and start it up again so if you see any issues of PLA after this one (aside from PLA099), it's a fraud. And you know how testy we get about fraud. If I ever decide to write anything else, it'll be in another zine. A million thanks goes out to everyone who made the zine what it's become today. Without the support of the readers and contributers, we never woulda made it past issue 20.

Don't fret, though. PLA isn't dead, just the zine is. You'll continue to see PLA GIFs/JPGs occasionally, the web page will always exist and hopefully the supporting web pages will also. And I don't think I could ever grow up enough to quit pranking people until they cried so keep an eye out for a new PLA prank tape and new sound clips. NewKleer Wynter recently put together a PLA dance mix called Go Away PLA which can be found on the web page and Calimar is working on tracking a few PLA mixes of his own. So watch the web page and be on the lookout for vast improvements and new material. Anyone who contributes an article to me will have it forwarded to the appropriate e-zine.

And you can still contribute to PLA in other ways. Like the next time you set fire to a Bell South building, spray paint "PLA" all over the windows first and the next time you order a custom calling card for your principal, make the pin number say, "PLA1" and when your neighbors go out of town, mow the words "PLA" into their lawn and when that cop walks into the donut shop, slap magnetic cactii all over his patrol car and after class when the bell rings and students are running out the door like mad, drop PLA marbles all over the floor to cause a few concussions and don't forget always annoy the residents of Roy, New Mexico with silly phone calls and late night fax-backing.

Now, just because the zine's publication has ended doesn't mean PLA is 'dead,' or whatever you want to call it. The website is still up, and RBCP fully plans on continuing to maintain it (it will probably be moving to a new home soon, so keep your eyes open). The quarterly phone directory will still be updated (maybe now that RBCP has quit writing PLA, he'll finally make that 'quarterly' part mean something). I'm sure new PLA photos will appear every now and then, as well as new prank call WAVs (keep your eyes peeled for the PLA's new tape--'Operator Leaving Line'--coming soon). You'll still be able to find all of us PLA contributers and weirdos on EFnet and DALnet's #rock, so drop in and say hi every once in awhile.

And there's always the spiffy Aurora-Magellan: Last of the PLA BBSes (cal.dbstech.com) run by Calimar and myself (we need users dammit). PLA isn't gone--only the zine has been retired. As RBCP puts it, "better to end it now than to make it suck alot." If you want to keep contributing to PLA, then go out and make some calls, send in your stories, or get on IRC and harass some people. I'm sure RBCP will add some kind of regularly updated PLA newsletter or fan mail area to his site. RBCP has provided alot of us with many hours of laughter with his stuff, and will still continue to do so, so keep up the support, and remember--the PLA still owns you.

--Logic Box (logicbox@usa.net)

Telecon once told me that the whole reason he was drawn to PLA was the fact that it never took itself that seriously. Kind of tounge in cheek the whole ride. I also urge people instead of bothering RBCP asking if they can take it over, if you really want to have a zine, start your own. PLA is finished and that is that. I support RBCP and Colleen's decision to shut it down. If they want it that way, so be it. While I only wrote for this publication a few times, I doubt I write for another. So on that note, I bid you farewell. Transmition ends.

--Apok0lyps

Supposedly he's jumping into their phone conversations, switching channels on their TV set, calling the Canadian police to torment them, switching their power off and on and tormenting anyone who has any contact with the family. The guy's a true Phone Loser. If Mitnick weren't in jail they'd probably try to pin this one on him too. Sommy, I have only one thing to say to you - Chris Tomkinson's new phone number in Arizona is 602-736-9864.

When I began this article, they hadn't caught Sommy yet but now they've got him and if you haven't been following the story, you'll be surprised at who it was. Kind of a shitty ending to the whole story but interesting, nontheless. The following articles were taken from my local newspaper, from e-mail submissions and from web searches. Mostly they repeat themselves but I'm printing them all anyways. I tried to keep them as chronologically accurrate as possible.

Phone line intruder terrorizes family, baffles cops
Taken from the News of the Weird, March 15-17, 1997

WINDSOR, Ont. (CP) - He calls himself Sommy, and he was very busy on Thursday. After singing nonsense songs and mumbling gibberish into the telephone, Sommy said he slashed the tires of the police officer who's trying to catch him. But he denied being a vampire. "I just told Debbie I was a vampire for a joke," Sommy said. "It's not like I'm sick."

For more than three months, Debbie Tamai, her husband Dwayne and son Billy have been tormented by this unknown male who has infiltrated the phone system of their home in Emeryville, east of Windsor. His method has thus far baffled the provincial police, Bell Canada investigators and a private U.S. security firm.

He breaks in on private phone conversations at will to burp, utter silly phrases and drop chilling little hints of malice that keep the family constantly on edge. "Sommy told me the other day that he likes the vampire Web site on the Internet," Tamai said. "He told me he likes to drink blood." The family has no idea who the man who is making their life a living hell.

Sommy, or someone, has cut the family's outside phone lines at least six times, usually in broad daylight. Bell Canada has changed the home's phone wiring three times, to no avail. The last time the wiring was changed, Sommy was back on the line within 20 minutes. The house has been scoured for listening devices from top to bottom. Nothing was found.

Sommy has utter contempt for the police and phone security experts who are trying to stop him. When an investigating officer had his tires slashed, Sommy took credit for it. He openly gloats about how he has frustrated the police. "They won't catch me," Sommy said at one point. "I'm too smart."

Sgt. Ron Lane admits Sommy has them stumped. "We think he's talking through his computer, garbling his voice," Lane said. "He knows exactly what he's doing. Twenty-one years in the police service, and I've never had a case like this."

Billy is so used to Sommy that he completely ignores his interruptions during phone conversations, talking around the rambling metallic chatter. If Sommy swears while Billy is on the phone, Tamai will grab the receiver and scold him for using foul language around her son. She said Sommy usually apologizes.

"He's a definite presence here," Tamai said. "It's like having a ghost in the house. I used be comfortable walking around wearing a nightgown, but now I always have a jogging suit on. I feel like I'm being watched all the time."

Police have a sketchy profile of Sommy. He is believed to be between 17 and 24 years old and fresh from a bad relationship. He has a strong desire for control. Sommy has also revealed to Tamai that he is gay. Psychologist Dr. Barry Taub says the situation is dangerous. "He's a very powerful force in that house," he said. "He's likely brilliant and craves attention, control and maybe even an affectionate response. I wouldn't respond to him at all."

Tamai has asked Sommy when he is going to stop invading her phone line. "It's our phone line," he said.

EMERYVILLE, Ontario -- Authorities say they're baffled by a high-tech harasser who has been tormenting an Ontario family for months, tinkering with their electricity and disrupting their phone calls.

Since December, the Tamai family's phone has been tapped, calls have been interrupted by strange voices and power to the home is sometimes cut off. The electronic intruder, who distorts his voice with the help of a computer, calls himself Sommy and has even been able to switch channels on the family's television.

This week, Debbie and Dwayne Tamai and their 15-year-old son decided to make their plight public, hoping to produce new leads and put more pressure on investigators to solve the case. "It's probably falling in to what Sommy wants, but the only way to get the investigation going is to bring as much attention to it as possible," said the family's lawyer, Don Tait.

Ontario's attorney general, Bob Runciman, said he has been assured that police and telephone company officials are doing everything possible to catch Sommy. Debbie Tamai received 32 calls from the media Tuesday, including one from the TV tabloid show Inside Edition. "We wanted to go public so we could get some help for our problem, but we never expected this," she said.

The investigation has included extensive interviews with neighbors, friends and close scrutiny of the Tamai family. They've been cleared as suspects, and the house has been rewired three times. Sommy's identity and method of infiltration has frustrated police specialists. Experts from the phone company, electric company and Canada's industry ministry have joined in the investigation, but without success.

A telephone security expert said someone can invisibly access another Bell Canada line from a nearby site on the same "local loop." But if the intruder goes through one of the computerized switches that link neighborhoods, Bell Canada will trap their number "instantaneously," said the expert, who asked not to be named.

Dave Rider

This week's nail-biter about information age terrorism - a story of a Canadian family threatened by a "high-tech stalker" with the power to change channels on the family TV set, turn lights off and on, and eavesdrop on conversations - was spun out of verified incidents of prank phone calls and cut phone lines, a spokesperson for the Ontario Provincial Police says.

Though Reuters ran the story with the headline "Cyberpunk Terrorizes Canadian Family," the Net is not involved in the investigation at all, the OPP's Deb Mineau told Wired News. The tale of a disembodied prankster calling himself "Sommy" broke in a small-town newspaper called The Windsor Star over a month ago, but it captured the attention of the international wire services and the Canadian Broadcast Corporation after the Toronto Sun ran it on its front page on 9 April, terming "Sommy" a "cyber-stalker" and "high-tech bogeyman" who was "cyber-haunting" the family of Debbie and Dwayne Tamai.

The UK-based Fortean Times On-Line posted the story to alt.misc.forteana with the lead-in "If there was ever an Internet story, that can be solved by Internet users, this is it." The Tamai family claims that "Sommy" is able to listen to their conversations through telephones that are not in use, control electrical power to their house, and interrupt phone calls with threatening messages in a computer-generated voice.

John Peck of Bell Canada told Wired News that his company is "taking the problem very seriously," and has assigned telecom security experts to the case. Deb Mineau of the OPP says that though the story has received more attention than ever in the past two weeks, the Tamais haven't heard from "Sommy" since 31 March. Amid speculations by a retired Mountie of "an invisible device" implanted in the walls of the family home, Debbie Tamai told the The Toronto Sun, "My biggest fear is that he'll disappear without a trace .. (and) we'll never know how he did it."

Emeryville, Ontario The couple who claim their home has been haunted by a high-tech stalker who eavesdrops on their phone lines and changes the channel on their television have put their three-bedroom house on the market.

"We just want to get out of here and start over somewhere else," said Debbie Tamai, whose family has been troubled by a stalker called Sommy who taps into phone lines, turns power outlets off and on, and has threatened them.

After weeks of being courted by the media and having crowds drive by to gawk at their house, the family said they want to go back to living anonymously. Police, Bell Canada and Ontario Hydro investigators have failed to pinpoint the source of the trouble.

Emeryville, Ontaria - The trouble began in December when puzzled friends told Debbie and Dwayne Tamai their telephone calls to the couple were repeatedly being waylaid and cut off.

A month later, missed messages and strange clickings seemed minor when a disembodied voice, eerily distored by computer, first interrupted a call to make himself known. After burping repeatedly, the called told a startled Debbie, "I know who you are. I stole your voice mail."

Mocking, sometimes menacing, the high tech stalker has become a constant presence, eavesdropping on family conversations, switching TV channels, shutting off electricity and totally baffling the electronics experts trying to track his mischief.

He calls himself "Sommy." The Tamais' and the police don't have a clue who Sommy is, how he does it or why he has targeted this family. "He told me I can get the best people in the world to come in my home and they won't find anything," Debbie said...."I just want my life back."

Debbie thinks Sommy rigged their home while it was being built last year, intending to torment whoever moved in. Initally, Sommy's interference was mostly annoying. Then his harrassment turned sinister.

"He would threaten me," Debbie said, "It was frightening: 'I'm going to get you, I know where you live.' "I befriended him, because the police asked me to, and he calmed down and said he wasn't going to hurt me. The more I felt I was kissing his butt, the safer I felt."

But never completely safe, he has made clear he listens to family talks through household telephones, even when the recievers hung up. "When I want to have a private conversation, I unplug the phone, but we still whisper." She says. Police think Sommy lives in the area and is younger than 25. He bragged that police came and went from his house in a door to door sweep.

Some private experts have tried to uncover Sommy, including Doug Ralph, a retired electronci surveillance expert. he concluded Sommy was accessing the Tamais' house through either underground cables or the nearby Bell Canada wiring station.

Bell Canada has rewired the house several times. Each time, Sommy was able to get back on the line, once within 20 minutes. "I hope he gets caught, I hope they throw the book at him," Debbie Tamai said. "I'd like to look him in the eyes, and let him know what he has done to me and my family."

WINDSOR, Ontario -- The owner of a high-tech toy store in Detroit says he's close to catching a cyber spook haunting a Windsor, Ontario-area family.

Donald Dickson of "Dreams to Reality" says he has an idea who Sommy is, but he wants to eliminate all possibilities before revealing more. Debbie and Dwayne Tamai and their 15-year-old son Billy live in Emeryville.

Their phone calls have been interrupted by strange voices, the power to their home has been turned off and back on, and their T-V mysteriously changes channels. Sommy has also admitted to slashing the tires of an investigating officer's car.

Several experts have checked the home for hidden devices but have found none. Doug Ralph, a retired R-C-M-P officer, believes that during construction of the home someone put an invisible device into the walls.

Retired R-C-M-P officer Doug Ralph of Comsec Services is using high-tech equipment to sweep the Tamai (TAH-MY) home in Emeryville. Ralph believes " Sommy" planted devices inside the house while it was under construction.

In a written report to the O-P-P, Ralph has offered one solution which would prevent "Sommy" from controlling the hydro in the house. Ralph says if investigators can't find the source of the surveillance then they should consider having Hydro build-up a filter on the power lines.

This would electronically filter the signal to the ground so that control would be ended. Ralph says "Sommy" might be using the family to try to discredit the phone company, police and other authorities.

EMERYVILLE, Ont. (CP) _ After a week's reprieve, a Windsor-area family again finds itself at the mercy of a cyberspace stalker. Sommy, as the high-tech bogeyman calls himself, interrupted a phone conversation Tuesday to let the Tamai family know he had returned from a Florida vacation.

"We're living a nightmare," said Debbie Tamai-Smith, 36, of Emeryville, about 20 kilometres east of Windsor. "It's been a living hell." Sommy has terrorized the family since they moved into their home in November, turning lights on and off, interrupting telephone conversations, changing channels on their TV and listening in on family conversations. He distorts his voice and has confounded the experts by avoiding detection.

Bell Canada has changed the family's number, changed the phone lines in their home and changed the telephone cable in the family's subdivision. They even tried to fry Sommy's equipment with a 600-volt blast down the phone lines. Sommy just laughed. "We don't know who he is or how he's doing it," said Const. Rick Harold of the provincial police.

"If I could I'd move out tomorrow," said Dwayne, 34, Debbie's husband.

EMERYVILLE, Ont. (CP) _ A family haunted by a cyber-stalker is hoping the glare of the media spotlight will force the spook out of hiding. Since December, the Tamai family's phone has been tapped, calls have been interrupted by strange voices and power to the home has been cut off.

The electronic intruder, who alters his voice with the help of a computer, calls himself Sommy. And he's left police and the phone company stumped. Debbie and Dwayne Tamai and their 15-year-old son Billy hope going public will put pressure on investigators and produce new leads.

"It's probably falling in to what Sommy wants, but the only way to get the investigation going is to bring as much attention to it as possible," said lawyer Don Tait. Debbie Tamai received 32 calls from the media Tuesday, including one from the TV tabloid show Inside Edition. "We wanted to go public so we could get some help for our problem, but we never expected this," she said Wednesday.

The investigation has included extensive interviews with neighbors, friends and close scrutiny of the Tamai family. They've been cleared as suspects and the house has been rewired three times.

Sommy's identity and method of infiltration has frustrated provincial police specialists, Bell Canada, Ontario Hydro, Industry Canada and a series of private security experts involved in the investigation. The Essex detachment of provincial police says "none of these investigative tools have been able to identify the source of these harassing phone calls."

Police believe there is more than one Sommy and Debbie Tamai agrees. "There's a Sommy 1, a Sommy 2 and maybe a Sommy 3," she said. "He told me one is the (phone line) cutter, one is the hacker and the other is the lookout. I've noticed differences in their voices, too. One is a little meaner than the others."

She said the phone Sommy often cuts in on private conversations with burps and silly chatter. Ontario Solicitor General Bob Runciman said he has been assured that police and Bell Canada are doing everything possible to catch Sommy.

EMERYVILLE, Ont. -- A special team has been called in to root out a high-tech stalker who has electronically invaded a Windsor-area home. A seven-member crew hired by two television networks is doing an intensive sweep of the home of Dwayne and Debbie Tamai, which they say has been invaded by a stalker calling himself Sommy.

Since December, the electronic intruder has tapped the Tamais' phone lines at will, interrupting conversations with burps and babble while disguising his voice. He has overheard conversations in the house and seems to control the home's power, turning the entire system or individual appliances on or off at will.

The sweep is being paid for by Canada's Discovery Channel and Dateline NBC, a television newsmagazine based in New York. The team of electronic sweeping specialists is from Nepean Systems Inc., one of Canada's top private industrial security firms. Team co-ordinator Trevor Stewart, 41, is a former RCMP officer and Canadian Security Intelligence Service agent. He said the team is composed of intelligence and security experts from "a wide variety of backgrounds."

The house will be sealed for the duration of the sweep, which could take more than 16 hours. The investigation will be spread over two days, with results to be analysed on the spot.

"There's a buyer for everything," says an agent -- even a house that's been electronically invaded

For sale: three-bedroom brick ranch home in Emeryville, with 1.5 baths, finished family room and a two-car attached garage. Comes complete with unwelcome cyber-stalker.

Debbie and Dwayne Tamai, the Emeryville couple who say their house has been invaded by the bizarre electronic entity known as Sommy, have put their home on the market. Asking price: $184,900.

"We're listing the house now because we don't know how long it will take to sell it," Debbie said. "We just want to get out of here and start over somewhere else."

Jim Gammon, the Deerbrook Realty sales agent who sold the Tamais' the house for $160,000 last fall, said the family's dream home had turned into a nightmare. But the presence of Sommy may not necessarily deter potential buyers, he said.

"There's a buyer for everything," Gammon said. "Who knows, maybe some group will buy the home to see if they can find Sommy for themselves." Gammon said the timing is right to list the house while the family's peculiar problem continues to attract widespread attention.

Tamai said there has already been an inquiry about the home from a potential customer. While she is accepting all legitimate inquiries, Tamai said she has no intention of turning her home into a museum for curiosity seekers. "I am screening all inquires very carefully," she said. "I don't want people wandering through here because they saw the house on TV. One of those people might even turn out to be Sommy."

Tamai said that once the house is sold -- regardless of how long it takes -- the family intends to move out of Emeryville, but remain in the area. The family said they want to go back to living anonymously.

"We won't tell anyone where we're going," Debbie said. "And we're never moving into a custom-built home again. I want to find a house that a nice older couple have been living in for the past 50 years without any problems. That would be our dream house. But as it stands rights now, I'd live in a shack to get away from here."

Gammon said he has received about 50 phone calls from Sommy at his home since the house was sold last Fall. "He just jibber-jabbers, mostly." Gammon is aware of four or five other friends of the Tamais who have received phone calls from Sommy. "I've told him to get off the phone and get a life," Gammon said.

EMERYVILLE, Ont. (CP) -- An electronic stalker haunting a family home since December eluded an espionage team hired by two television networks. The team and its secretive, hi-tech gizmos couldn't locate the stalker, who calls himself Sommy, after a two-day sweep of the Windsor-area home of Dwayne and Debbie Tamai.

"Our position on this matter is that no further action by (our team) is warranted at this time," Trevor Stewart, lead member of the Nepean Systems Inc. crew, said yesterday. The company was brought in by the Discovery Channel, which plans to air its show on Sommy on Monday, and Dateline NBC, which aired its feature last night. "Nothing was found that would allow NSI to take this case to the next level," said Mike Cosentino, spokesman for the Discovery Channel.

"It was worth it for us because we're looking at the science behind electronic sweeping. The show still stands, the result is different." Cosentino said NSI had hoped to be able to trace Sommy or at least provide police with clues as to his whereabouts.

The electronic intruder -- who police believe may be more than one perpetrator -- has tapped the family's phone lines, interrupting conversations with burps and babble. He has overheard conversations in the house and seems to control the home's electrical power, turning the entire system or individual appliances on or off at will.

Stewart, 41, is a former RCMP officer and Canadian Security Intelligence Service agent. He said the team was composed of intelligence and security experts from "a wide variety of backgrounds," but so secretive is their work that further information about their experience is being kept under wraps. Stewart would also not reveal what equipment was used for the sweep.

Security experts say the Tamais' custom-built home probably included a few features the family did not bargain for, including devices to listen in on conversations and to control the electrical system. The family has put the house up for sale.

Debbie and Dwayne Tamai were in tears last night after learning that "Sommy", the electronic intruder who harassed the Windsor-area couple for months, was actually their son. Ontario Provincial Police say no charges will be laid against 15-year-old Billy, who lives in the Emeryville home with his mother and stepdad.

Charlene Tamai, Dwayne's mother, said Debbie and Dwayne "were both in tears" upon hearing the news. "I feel terrible for the two kids. They've just been absolutely baffled by this whole mess," Charlene said. She said Billy is "a normal teenager." Debbie Tamai issued a statement yesterday saying Billy made a full confession after police asked him to come in for questioning on the weekend. She also apologized for the actions of her son. "I don't understand," she said. "For him to let it go on so long. I feel so stupid, so sorry."

One family friend told the Sun the couple never suspected Billy as the cyber-stalker and were completely surprised by the revelation. The stalker, calling himself Sommy, attracted national attention after he began haunting the Tamais' home in December.

The intruder appeared to have tapped into the family's phone lines, interrupting conversations with burps and babble. He overheard conversations in the house and appeared to control the home's electrical power, turning individual appliances on and off at will. The family was so shaken by Sommy they put their house up for sale. Bell Canada has changed the family's number, changed the phone lines in their home and changed the cable in the family's new subdivision. They even tried to blow the bandit's equipment with a 600-volt blast down the phone lines, to no avail.

He was able to elude investigators, Bell Canada, Ontario Hydro and even an espionage team hired by two television networks. A two-day sweep by a team of intelligence and security experts -- brought in by Dateline NBC and the Discovery Channel -- failed to locate Sommy Friday. But it seems the hi-tech harasser was actually low-tech -- doing things like picking up extension phones and flicking switches, a source said. OPP will release more information on the case today.

Sgt. Doug Babbitt said a process of elimination led police to conclude no devices were ever planted in the home. They also ruled out an intrusion into the Bell Canada system. "We eliminated all external sources and interior sources," said Babbitt. "After going through the evidence gathered and the interviews, we concluded that charges would revictimize the family," said Babbitt. "We felt it would be better for (the family) to settle this themselves than to charge them."

Last night, the answering machine at the Tamai house had a message saying "That Sommy kid and his little minions, those stupid little kids with the funny voices that are not really modulating their voices but in fact talking in burp-speak ... we are quite dismayed at the fact the media is portraying them as phone freaks and hackers ... it gives us a bad rep when retards like this represent the scene. They don't have the skill to make it, believe me."

Electronics experts Donald and Ronald Dickson voluntarily went to the Tamai house near Windsor last week to test it with an object-finding robot. Finding nothing lurking in the walls, they listened to messages Sommy had left on the answering machine and concluded the whole thing was a hoax. "When we heard the tape, I said: 'I know what this sounds like. It's just a kid changing his voice,"' said Donald Dickson, from Michigan. "Then the story got so elaborate. The mother and father saw lights going on and off. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't ask: 'Hey Billy, where are you, are you OK?"'

It turns out Billy, 15, didn't use the fancy equipment the two security experts were seeking. And rewiring the house's phone and hydro system was a waste of time. Since December, he's simply been using a phone extension and altering his voice to break into conversations and babble. And when the lights went on and off, he was in the basement flipping the switch.

"I just want to say I'm sorry," he said Monday. "It wasn't supposed to go so far, but I was too afraid to tell anybody." Billy's mother Debbie Tamai said she took her son to a police station for a polygraph test Saturday to clear his name. "Instead I got a full confession. I don't know how I was so blind. When your son looks you in the eyes and says it's not him, you believe him."

Dickson said he and his twin brother just couldn't come out and tell Billy or police officers what they knew because they didn't have hard evidence. "We took Billy aside and said: 'Sommy's a very intelligent kid' and Billy said, 'I think you guys are smarter.' "We couldn't come right out and say, 'Billy you did it.'" Billy often denied he was the culprit and he'd even been in the room during a couple calls from Sommy, named after a dog on the TV show Home Improvements.

The Discovery Channel and Dateline NBC sent investigative teams from Ottawa's Nepean Systems Inc. to check the home for a technological genius that was plugging Sommy in. "Our first suspect was Billy," team leader Trevor Stewart said in a statement. Const. Debra Minot of provincial police, said the youth was never ruled out as a suspect, but authorities had to ensure there was nothing in the house before he took a lie detector test. Debbie apologized for her son's actions and said she'll get him professional help.

Family lawyer Don Tait said the Tamais are trying to put their lives back together. "There's a lot of confusion as far as emotions are concerned. They're angry one minute, the next they're more concerned about his welfare. It's just been a real rift in the family." Tait suspects Billy is covering up for a friend who helped him pull off telephone episodes, although he's told police he is solely responsible.

One doctor said Billy's actions could be a sign he's looking for attention. "He is probably competing for affection and it seems to me he is trying to be acknowledged by the family," said Dr. Anthony Lucifero of Family Counselling Centre in Toronto. Marshall Korenblum, a Toronto psychiatrist specializing in adolescent behavior, said Billy may be seeking attention but his actions are very extreme. " It's outside the realm of normal. There is probably some pre-existing communication problem with his parents. You often see this in bright kids."

15-year old Billy Tamai has confessed to being the hi-tech intruder who has harassed his family for months. In the end, it was the answer many had suspected and the Tamai family had dreaded: Sommy, the elusive hi-tech invader who grabbed international headlines, is one of them.

Debbie and Dwayne Tamai were expected to face the media outside their Emeryville home this morning to discuss what's being called a practical joke gone terribly wrong.

Fifteen-year-old Billy Tamai, Debbie's son from a previous marriage, confessed Saturday that he harassed his own family for months.

In a letter released Sunday the distraught mother wrote: ''You all are probably thinking, 'how did we not know?' When I asked my son numerous times if he knew anything about what's been happening around here and he replies: 'No, mom. I would never hurt you like this,' a mother's first instinct is to believe him. All the crying I heard from him at night I thought was caused by Sommy. We now realize it was him crying out for help because he wanted to end all this, but was afraid because of how many people were now involved.

"I don't consider my son a bad person for all of this, I just consider him a boy who needs professional help to deal with his emotions."

The letter concludes with a plea for forgiveness. "We would like to apologize to the world for any pain or harm that was caused by this whole situation." Tamai, a casino worker who took a leave of absence because of the ordeal, also thanked Bell Canada and the OPP for their efforts to help.

Her brother, Gary Smith of Windsor, emerged from the Emeryville house Sunday after a long chat with his nephew whom he described as "a good kid." The teen was "very remorseful" and insists he acted alone, he said. But Smith believes he is covering for friends who were also involved.

There was at least one time when the Tamais received a call from someone calling himself Sommy while Billy was in the room. "If you look at all the evidence, it's impossible for him to have worked by himself."

It's believed Billy simply cut in on the phone conversations using an extension in his bedroom, Smith explained, but could not say how the teen disguised his voice. There are four phones and two phone lines in the house, he said.

Billy is an average high school student and has never been in serious trouble before, Smith added. "It's a shock. It's a shock to everybody and they're taking it pretty rough in there."

Other bizarre and disturbing happenings in the house -- lights and appliances would randomly turn off and on -- were also manipulated from inside, said OPP Sgt. Doug Babbitt.

Sommy often reminded the family he could hear every noise they made, and he openly scoffed at investigators trying to find him. No charges will be laid against Billy Tamai to prevent "further victimization of the family," Babbitt said. "When the investigators sat down and looked at all the evidence....they felt charges were not warranted."

At no time were any family members cleared as suspects, he said. The investigation was complex but specialized and kept two officers busy since police were first called Jan. 20. Resources from various other agencies were also used as the costly probe wore on.

"It was important for us to systematically eliminate all the potential sources that could have been doing it and that takes time," Babbitt said. "As well, it seemed every time we set up a piece of equipment to eliminate how something could be done, suddenly Sommy never called for eight or 10 days." Babbitt said the family's calls were interrupted using simple, widely available technology.

He would not elaborate except to say there was never an intrusion into the Bell Canada system. No hidden devices were ever planted in the residence nor were any external devices used, he added.

It was unknown Sunday wether the Tamai family will be charged for any of the wiring or investigative work done by Bell, Ontario Hydro and others. Techno-wizards armed with all manner of scanning gizmos had scoured the home with no luck.

After weeks of interrupting phone conversations with belches and babble, Sommy announced in early April he was vacationing in Florida and hadn't been heard from since. That's when this paranoia-inciting story of It-Could-Happen-to-You proportions really caught the public's fancy. Media crews from across North America converged on the modest house in recent weeks.

Special segments on the case were filmed for Unsolved Mysteries, Dateline NBC, and the Discovery Channel. Producer for the Montel Williams talk show even faxed the Tamai family a contract.

Amid all the speculation surrounding the 100-week police investigation and media blitz, fingers were pointed at Billy Tamai, but his mother steadfastly defended him. She accompanied him to the Belle River OPP station on Saturday for a lie-detector test that was to clear his name for good. Instead, her son tearfully confessed to everything.

Public reaction to the news ranged from sympathy to anger. Emeryville resident Bernadette Renaud, 43, said the small town's image has been tarnished and those responsible should be punished. "I'm disgusted," she said Sunday at the news charges won't be laid.

Dennis Dumont, 26, moved in beside the Tamai family four weeks ago -- before he'd heard about the Sommy mystery. He's relieved the case has been cracked, and figures the whole thing will soon blow over. "I feel kind of sorry for the family, what they're going through."

The Tamais recently put their house up for sale in an effort to escape Sommy. Now they plan to move where they can leave this mess behind and start anew, Smith said.

Billy Tamai doesn't know -- or won't say -- why he terrorized his own family. But, the 15-year-old did offer an apology to the public on Monday. Some teens steal cars. Some abuse drugs. Some develop eating disorders.

Sommy the cyberstalker may just be a most unorthodox case of a troubled adolescent calling for help, says a Windsor psychologist with experience dealing with teens.

"We live in a cyber world. It's not surprising that a teenager would decide to convey his pain through this medium," said Dr. Antoon Leenaars.

"Adolescence is a time of trouble. I think adults tend to forget how difficult a time it can be," he said.

Fifteen-year-old Billy Tamai, who confessed on the weekend to being Sommy, is smack in the middle of the 14-to-16 age group that's most at risk to adolescent pressures, Leenaars said.

"It's like an iceberg. Sometimes all the adolescent, let alone the parents, is aware of is the very tip. Most of the trouble is submerged."

Unfortunately for the Tamais -- Billy, and parents Debbie and Dwayne -- a painful and tragic family problem unfolded under the unwavering eye of the media. Sommy never existed, but ironically it was his very non-existence that scraped away the Tamais' last vestige of privacy.

At a crowded news conference Monday morning Debbie Tamai explained how she'd taken Billy to the Belle River OPP detachment on Saturday to clear him from suspicion, once and for all.

"I took him there to clear his name through a lie detector test," she said, holding back tears as she read from a prepared statement. "Instead we got a full confession from my son."

Debbie said her son went to the police station knowing he would fail the polygraph. Too afraid to tell his parents himself, Billy wanted to be exposed by the police. "I looked at him and said, 'Are you doing this?' He said no. I looked at him again and he started crying. "I said, 'It's over. Tell me,' and he did."

Billy sat beside her as she spoke, his eyes lowered in contrition. It hadn't taken a technical whiz to perpetrate the hoax -- Billy had invaded phone calls from a downstairs extension and interrupted electrical power by throwing the circuit breaker.

He disguised his voice by holding his breath. The enigmatic name, Sommy, had been that of a dog on an episode of the sitcom Home Improvement.

Lawyer Don Tait, who suggested the family go public with the story when the police and Bell Canada seemed unable to solve the mystery, said at least one other person must have been involved in the hoax.

Several witnesses spoke to Sommy on the telephone in the presence of Billy. "Clearly there was another young person. I'm not interested in knowing his name and if (Billy) wants to protect him that's his business," Tait said.

Billy denied that the hoax involved anyone else. But while the "how" was easily answered, even Billy couldn't explain the "why." Why had he terrorized his own family? What did he hope to accomplish? Billy paused a long time before answering simply: "I don't know."

It's a question Debbie Tamai has also asked.

She acknowledged that Billy has had to deal with some tough problems, including the break-up of Debbie's first marriage, and his being afflicted with attention deficit disorder.

"He's had a lot of problems in the past," she said.

By confronting the hoax openly and honestly, the family hopes to begin to put life back in order. Billy will be referred for psychiatric care and the whole family will take part in the counselling.

Leenaars said that honesty is the best way to begin healing for anyone grappling with a harmful family problem. Unfortunately for the Tamais, the intense public interest in Sommy being honest and open means including the media in the process, at least initially.

"How could it not be public?" he said.

"But the worst thing to do is for a family to keep quiet about something like this. Sticking your head in the sand like an ostrich is not a solution."

Meeting reporters was also a way for the family to apologize for the trouble caused by the Sommy hoax. "I just want to say I'm sorry for everybody I hurt," Billy said. "It wasn't supposed to go this far. I was just too afraid to tell anybody."

Debbie Tamai accepts some of the responsibility for failing to see through her son's charade and realizing his underlying suffering. "I don't know how I was blind. When your son looks you in the eyes and says he's not doing it, you oversee everything else."

And though she's shaken by his deceit, she has already begun to forgive. "Of course (I'll forgive him,)" she said. "He's my son. We all make mistakes."

The mystery of Sommy's identity may be solved, but it's not the end of the story as far as the media are concerned. Already, there's talk of a movie-of- the-week.

The media hype of the last few weeks continued unabated Monday as news organizations pressed for more answers from the family of Billy Tamai. The 15-year-old admitted Sommy was an alter-ego he assumed as a practical joke.

Even as early as Monday morning, a lawyer representing the family said several organizations had asked him about rights for a TV movie. Requests to interview Billy were pouring in from the international news media.

"This has taken the family completely by surprise," said Dan Dietz, a Bloomfield Hills, Mich., lawyer who has co-ordinated media coverage. Some groups, such as talk shows, offered to pay the Tamais' expenses to go to New York. But none had actually paid the family, he said.

"I don't think they ever expected this much attention," said Dietz.

But Windsor lawyer Don Tait's office was packed with media from as far away as Toronto Monday and the focus now is on Billy and his relationship with his family.

Debbie Tamai pleaded with media to leave the family alone: "Do you think now we could have our house back, please?"

That seems unlikely, however, given that Billy took the name Sommy from an episode of Home Improvement. There were also revelations he suffers from attention deficit disorder and he has had trouble dealing with his parents' divorce. All of this is grist for the media.

"It's a much more involved story now," admitted Dietz. Print and electronic media from around the globe continue to call asking for interviews with Billy. "I think the family needs more than a day or two to get over this."

Among the organizations that have sought information about the family or made requests for exclusive rights to the story are 48 Hours, talk shows Montel Williams and Maury Povich, CBC News, the National Enquirer, Good Morning America, and Unsolved Mysteries.

Only Dateline NBC and Inside Edition actually got stories on the air. It's unclear what Billy's confession will mean about future stories or interest.

Monday night, Discovery Channel's @discovery.ca, a weeknight science program, aired a report on the findings of an Ottawa-based team of electronics surveillance experts, who were at the Tamais' Emeryville home last Friday.

Paul Lewis, Discovery Channel Canada's producer of in-house productions, said the confession didn't affect his decision to go with the story. "We knew going into it the potential risk," said Lewis. Discovery Channel and Dateline NBC paid Nepean Systems Inc. (NSI) $5,000. "But we feel we got the story we were after, which was a look at the leading-edge technology."

In a news release issued late Monday, NSI spokesman Trevor Stewart said his firm had concluded Sommy was a hoax. "Our team had formed the opinion that this was not a hi-tech assault, but rather a low-tech lie," said Stewart. "Our first suspect was Billy."

Reporters at Tait's office Monday peppered Billy with questions about his motives and the name of his accomplice. He steadfastly refused to reveal who helped him pull off the hoax.

Michael Bernacchi, a media analyst at University of Detroit Mercy, said the media's interest in the story arose from "the scent of a suggestion of the outrageousness" of Sommy.

"The media continues to play an activist's role in seeking, searching and solving," said Bernacchi. "Whatever happened to the old gatekeeper concept? I guess gatekeeping is a media function of the past."

He said the media seldom exercise balance in covering stories like this. "Just look at how they destroyed that poor guy's life in Atlanta," he said, referring to Richard Jewell, who was widely accused in the media of having planted a bomb during last July's Olympic Games in Atlanta.

"Everything I've seen in the way the story has been covered suggests there's a Son of Sommy on the way. Where have we heard that before?"

Tim Kiska, TV critic for The Detroit News, said Sommy has all the elements that appeal to the mass media.

"You've got a family's grief that can be trotted out for all to see. There's a certain X-Files spin to the story. And the best part is it's all there. Nobody has to dig for this story."

University of Windsor communications professor Stan Cunningham said it isn't surprising to see the media scrambling for answers from the Tamai family. "Journalists have been hoisted with their own petard on this and are looking for somebody to blame."

But the media only give the audience what it wants, he said.

"We deserve what we get. It's like a traffic accident, we're all gawkers. The media know that, they're part of us. So they give us these stories, the weird and the unusual, stories from the Twilight Zone."

In the Hunt

TV shows and media interested in the story: 48 Hours, The Montel Williams Show, The Maury Povich Show, Associated Press, Unsolved Mysteries, Range Universe (a U.S. cable show), Inside Edition, Extra!, Good Morning America, a San Francisco radio show, CBC News, The Globe and Mail, The National Enquirer.

Photographs requested by: The Sunday Mail in England, Time Magazine, The National Enquirer

Media at Monday's news conference were: CBET-Channel 9, CBEFT-Channel 54 (French), CHWI-Channel 16/60, CBC-Windsor (radio), CKLW-AM, The Windsor Star, CITY-TV (Toronto), WKBD-Channel 50, WJBK-Channel 2, WDIV-Channel 4, WXYZ-Channel 7, WJR-AM, WWJ-AM (News Radio)

"I have a toy called a Yak Bak which makes a noise that sounds like ibaibaiba. Me and Zak used to always play it at OCI operators and somehow everyone in #rock started saying it. I guess it's gotten a little out of hand like everything we do."

Last year I decided to go to DefCon in Las Vegas at the last minute. I had to drive from my hometown to San Antonio to catch a flight due to leave in 3 1/2 hours and I was 3 hours away! "OH SHIT!", thought I. So I quickly threw some various articles of clothing into a duffle bag and jumped in the car. Three hours fifteen minutes later I was at the terminal and boarded my plane just in time. "DAMN I'M SMOOTH!", I thought to myself as I dozed off on the plane. (Because of my tardiness I had to sit by a rather unattractive person on the plane so I didn't want to talk to them.) When I awoke we were on the ground. I got my bag and left the plane.

LAS VEGAS! YES! I love this place it's almost my most favorite place in the world! (Too bad it isn't in TEXAS.) I went to the FABULOUS Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino to meet the people I was to room with. Then it hit me... I HAVE NEVER MET OR SEEN THE PEOPLE I WAS ROOMING WITH!!! I knew the PLA types that I was staying with (El_Jefe and Apok)but I had NO IDEA who the guy that had the room was or which room he was in. I tried to get hold of El Jefe, but he had not heard from the guy with the room. Being the kinda guy I am I decided to walk around the wonderful city of Las Vegas and spend money.

It must have been at least 97 in the shade that day and I sweated quite a bit. After about 4 hours of walking and riding around I went back to the hotel and called El back. He gave me the room number and I went to meet my roommates. It was late and everyone wanted to go to a strip bar. I wasn't of age so I stayed behind to shower. After my shower to remove the heavy funk of my walk I got out and put on some new clothes only to find.... I HAD NO CLEAN SOCKS!!!!!!! (For those of you that think like me: Yes, I had clean underwear.) (Again for those of you that think like me: boxers and briefs)

Now normally this wouldn't be too bad for only 3 days, but I am special. I have an ability to sweat alot out of my feet. Where the average human sweats about a pint a day out of their feet I have the magical ability to end drought in the SAHARA! On top of that I like to wear zippered jack boots past my ankles. Needless to say the next day was coming soon we were not yet ready for the Evil's of Cal's socks!

Day 2 rolled around and I met numberous wonderful people. Lots of wonderful people and one fuckin asshole. This guy saw me talking to a girl he came with and threaten to "KICK (my) ASS!" and threw around a few unoriginal insults. She told me to ignore him because he wasn't even her boyfriend. But I couldn't do that! OH NO! He insulted me.. I looked at his name tag. BINGO! His room number on his badge. I memorized it and stored it for later use.

After the end of day two I snuck off to the room to air out my feet away from all the others. I let my socks air out for about 5 minutes. After awhile I got involved in a movie. Just then EVERYONE I knew at DEFCON cam to the room. One of them described it as like walking into an invisible wall of FUNK! EYES WATERED. FACES WINCED. I mean people fucking nearly puked... The rancid stench of my feet were just TOO MUCH! Every one in the room opened doors, broke windows whatever we could do to rid the incredible stench of my socks! I mean 30 FRIGGIN MINIUTES went by and when people walked NEAR the hallway they still smelled it. Pretty damn bad.

After shoving them in them in a Ziploc(tm) bag a realized I didn't want to take these damn things home. I quickly realized that the socks were not a damnation but a blessing in disguise. I took the bag with the funky socks and put them on so I could wear them for about 2 hours more running round town... AWWWWW YEAH! STINK!

Anyway, I threw them in a bag and took them to Floor 23. Remember the asshole from Day 2? I took a DEEP DEEP ( I MEAN FUCKING DEEP) breath and opened up the air conditioner vent on the hallway of my mark and put my socks in there. I ran back to the elevators and exhaled.. WHOA! As I inhaled again I caught a sniff that threw me back and the vent was more than 40 foot away!!! They stunk WHOLE FUCKING FLOOR UP! I stood around for awhile toughing it out too see peoples reactions. I mean EYES FUCKING WATERED! IT WAS GREAT! People got out of the elevators and nearly passed out! I LOVED IT! And that fucker had to sleep on that floor! It still stank 2 hours later when I checked it on my way out!!!

     The lessons to be learned:

    1. If you are going to take a trip plan it out.  Give
       yourself enough time to get organized so you don't
       forget shit.
    2. Although Zippered Boots are cool looking, they may
       not be the best item for walking in the desert!
    3. Deodorant is not a substitue for dirty socks.  Niether
       is cologne, Lysol, dangly car air freshners, Renuzit,
       hotel soaps, shaving cream, or Monte Carlo Red Lager
       (don't ask).
    4. Ziploc(tm) bags are DAMN handy items.
    5. Always pay attention to people that are pissing you off.
       If you watch them closely you'll pick up valuable info.
    6. Don't piss off Cal!  He will get you back in the MOST
        disgusting way possible.
        

However, I've Seen it, most of my friends have seen it, and you have probally seen it once or twice. What the problem is, is that the new school phreaks (most anyway) are all worthless pieces of shit, and dont think of anyone but them selves. I know alot of old school phreaks and i've seen alot of newbies, and you will notice on irc, via email and things such as that, if a newbie asks for help and has even the smallest question, most OSP's will give them an answer, or atleast refer them to a faq file or something.

You ask these NSP's a question, and depending on where you are, if its IRC, you are kickbanned for asking a question, for wanting to gain knowledge. If via email, the NSP's will retaliate with a god damned email flood (whoopie!). If in person, the NSP's will make up lies about a person, to make them hated by the whole phreaking community.

If anyone has read the mentors last words, you will notice him mentioning something about gaining knowledge, and how things should be free, and things such as that. The OSP's will give you the answers for nothing, the NSP's require you to sit around for a couple months, possibly pay them, or suck there dicks, which makes this knowledge NON-FREE. My message here is, is that ALL knowledge should be free, and distributed.

The New School fuckers will eventually become Old School Bastards, giving us, the already Old School phreaks, a bad name, or maybe we will be called Grandparent phreaks, but I doubt it. And as for the newbies, try not to ask stupid questions, but if it is really something you dont know, and cant find on the web, ask away. Phreaking isn't getting any easier, the Telco comes up with newer and newer shit everyday. Such as 5ess-2000, we are going to have to find new ways of doing shit once this is setup all over, and with the new school phreaks not teaching anyone the newbies will never learn, and there arent enough OSP's to teach all the newbies.

Here is a couple words you should all get carved into your forheads "Learn, Teach". If everyone does that, the scene will only get better. Those are my thoughts on this subject, any hate mail regarding this subject can be sent to me directly at devnull@dimensional.com

OK, first you need to know a little bit of info on Brian. Find out his name, address, phone number, Social Security number, etc. Also, it is important that you have the info of the person the phone line of Brian so that you can disconnect it (outlined later on).

Call up the place of work of this asshole and say that you are Brian Ebersole, and I am giving you notice that I am quitting this job. Tell them that they can take this job and shove it, because you're moving out of town and never will live there again. Here is a sample conversation between you and their place of employment:

 You: Hello, this is Brian Ebersole.
Them: Yeah, how may I help you Brian?
 You: Hi,  I am moving out of town next week and I am going to
      have to help pack, so I am quitting from your restaurant.
Them: OK, Brian, I hope you have had a good time working here,
      Where whould we send the final check?
 You: Send the final check to 32 Avenue of the Americas, New York,
      New York,  10019.
Them: OK Brian, hope you have enjoyed your experience working with
      us.
 You: Yeah Whatever.

The reason that you need to disconnect his phone service, is that it does not give the place of work to call back and verify that he wants to quit. They simply think that he is moving, and never think about it again.

He will eventually get his job back, most likely, but the reaction of them when someone that said that they were quitting and have them come in is priceless. If for some reason, this does not work, make sure that you have FULL info, because you need it to disconnect the line. Oh yeah, if he asks questions about who called there and quit his job for him and who disconnected his phone line, just say that Heaven's Gate made you do it. I have personally done this, but without the phone line cancellation. It worked, except that they called him back the next day to ask to verify it, that is why I included the part of disconnecting his phone service.

Also, a friend of mine did this to one of his friends when the friend said that his job sucked, so he called and quit his job for him. The kid really didn't like that job anyway, so it didn't really have any effect on him.

Oh yeah, any questions related to this insanity can be relayed to me. Just go onto #rock (on dalnet) and look for the nick Spanish_Prince or S_P.

RBCP has always taken the stance that PLA is just his 'zine and that's fine. However, over the years, PLA *has* grown into much more. Now granted, we didn't always keep people in the group updated as to who was in it, and that was a problem that finally reared it's ugly head the day of the release of PLA 045. The organization is loosely put together at best. So here's how I see it:

Phone Losers of America, the 'zine: This zine was the idea of RBCP. Many people have written things for it, but the bulk of the work is done by him. Just because you wrote/write for the 'zine does NOT make you a member!

PLA, the group: This kind of evolved over the past 3 or 4 years. el_jefe just kind of decided that there could be a group. Well, not really. It was just born one day. While he takes quite the active role as far as who is in and not, the things we do, the calls we make, the people we bother, etc, we have always recognized RBCP *and* Colleen Card as the heads of the group. When people ask me who is in PLA, they are always at the top of the list! RBCP and Colleen expressed a concern to me that they didn't always feel like they were part of the group, and that's is our fault. We're lazy and don't call them alot. As of late we try to keep in touch with all the PLA members frequently.

The PLA website (www.bright.net/~bac/pla/): This is *not* the group's site! It is for the 'zine, as kcochran stated in his article. RBCP and Colleen maintain the site and quite well I might add. They do a bangup job, and with the addition of netmask doing loads of cool stuff it just gets better and better. It's also the place to order the cool t-shirt, prank call tapes and other stuff (like hats!) Go check it out.

#rock: It *is* the home of the PLA on EFNet. Case closed. The real story is long ago and far away, [z3ns] (now called dazen) used to hang out in there. One fine day, el_jefe came in and [z3ns] opped him. Someone said something fruity to el, and he took over. We all started going in there and the rest is history. Not just PLA members hang out there, and I will admit that over the past year or so, politics have taken over. It used to be fun to sit on there and give idiots who wanted to talk about rock music a load of shit then boot them off. Now it seems people just get booted before they can say anything. Perhaps it will go back to the way it was.

PLA state sites: Look, RBCP thought it was gonna be a good idea, and it could still be. All you kids with the state sites, here's some free advice. Don't just rip the main site. That's lame as hell. Create an original site. Don't write your own PLA issues and think it's legit. Don't call yourselves the "Phone Losers of (insert state here)", as that makes you look stupid. Last but not least, if you have a state site, YOU ARE NOT AUTOMATICLY IN PLA!

The prank call tapes: No, everyone on the tapes making the calls are not all PLA members. Most of them are friends of RBCP and Colleen. Keep your eye out for the new tape, coming soon on Big Beef Bueno records. (plug)

Now for the beef! This is gonna make people mad, but here is the *REAL* and *ONLY* PLA members list:

RedBoxChiliPeper
Colleen Card
el_jefe
dhate
Novastorm
Calimar Rasputin
Telecon
Acr0nym (he just don't know it yet)
Apok0lyps

If you're not on the list, your not in. Membership is by invite only. Don't email us or join #rock and ask. It just makes you look dumb. Who the hell would want to be in PLA anyway? Nuff said! Greets to: all members, #rock regulars, tacd, TNo, africa, r0y, girls with big thingies, girls with small thingies, the bartender at 1082, all the 303 crowd, etc. If I missed you, tough.

[You wouldn't expect me to just let someone write an article without me, RBCP, butting in and expressing MY views, would you? Goodness, no. Just a few minor things I'd like to say. First, this is about the most idiotic argument I've ever heard. Who cares if there's a PLA? Again, what's the benefit of having a group? There is now a PLA group so how's this going to change anything? I personally am not a member of the PLA group nor a member of any group. I can't remember a time in my life when I was ever a part of any kind of group. Ever. I don't even know who the hell Telecon or Acr0nym are but I do know that people who say they're a part of PLA on IRC are usually the ones who kickban the real PLA contributors from #rock because they "didn't know who they were." People who've made graphics for PLA, contributed articles, written letters, answered questions, helped us with so many things over that past few years and made PLA what it is (or was) are getting kicked from #rock everyday so I really can't see how this could be considered a home of PLA when the people doing the kicking usually people we've never even heard of. Futhermore, the state PLA sites is a great idea and it's really turned out some positive results so far. The point of state sites is not to worship the almighty PLA, but to document the underground half of your city and show other H/Pers how's it's done where you live. Not everyone is following these guidelines but it's getting better and state sites are welcome to call their pages whatever the hell they want or to create their own group and call it Phone Losers of xxx, then that's totally fine with me. If a group of people in 303 can do it then why can't anyone else in the world?]

RedBoxChiliPepper pulled into the gas station, a long line of cars behind him desperate for gas. Thinking it would be pretty funny and annoy everybody, he pulled up to one of the gas oumps, shut his engine off, and went into the convenience store. He hung out n the store for awhile, and managed to drive off most of the customers by begging them to buy some of his cool PLA t-shirts.

After noticing that he had overly annoyed the clerk by driving most of his business away, RBCP began picking random items from the store, including a ton of pez, a jumbo Slurpee, and a large quantity of beer things. He paid for these items one by one, taking one item up, paying for it, going back and getting another item, paying for it, ad nauseum. This annoyed the clerk even further, which RBCP thought was pretty funny.

Next, he deicded to play the generic kung-fu-type video game in the store. He pushed all the stupid kids out of the way and started playing. After playing the game for awhile, WHOOPS, he knocked his jumbo Slurpee into the vent on the game and created a lovely show of sparks and short-circuitry. Now bored, RBCP left the convenience store.

Suddenly remembering that his car was still parked at the gas pump (and a few inches short of the pump's reach), RBCP called one of the gas station attendants over to fill up his car with gas. He had fun watching the attendant struggle with the gas pump for awhile, then he suddenly decided to call his girlfriend Colleen Card. He rushed over to the payphone outside the convenience store. Deciding to be sneaky, RBCP tried to third-party bill the call to a random person out of the phone book, then to the clerk inside. These attempts failed, but his stolen calling card number went through just fine and he talked to Colleen for awhile.

After making plans to go out and abuse illegal substances with her that evening, RBCP happened upon a ladder that led to the convenience store's roof. He climbed up and walked around for awhile, and found the store's air conditioner. Deciding to be cool, RBCP turned off the air conditioner and the hurried back down the ladder. A few minutes later, the convenience store clerk came running out, jabbering in some foreign tongue and obviously very angry for some reason. Thinking it would be a good time to loot the store since the clerk wasn't inside, RBCP ran inside, found the circuit breaker, and shut off all the power, and the gas pumps as well. He began grabbing random things, including all the bags of Cheetos, three more jumbo Slurpees (he also wedged the handle on the Slurpee machine down so a lovely mess was created), and all the prepaid calling cards he could find. After grabbing all the stuff that he could hold, RBCP jumped in his car and left, accidentally hitting the convenience store clerk on his way out. How rude!

Get some really gross pictures of people with skin cancers. Plaster the wall in the tanning room with them. Distribute brochures telling of the horrors of ultraviolet radiation all over the waiting area.

Leave behind a medical bracelet that reads, "I AM HIV POSITIVE".

Take an extra set of clothes (possibly a police uniform) and leave them on the chair. They will be looking all over for a naked person.

Tanning is mostly a woman's area. Women don't like their turf invaded. I plan to take advantage of this. I AM NOT SEXIST. I am an opportunist. If there is humor in it, I work with what I have.

If a man is running the place, post large pictures of naked women lying in tanning beds all over the room.

Also, if there is a TV and VCR in the waiting room, take a video camera, go to your designated tanning room. Instead of tanning, put the camera in the corner of the room and video the empty tanning bed the whole time. When you leave, if the owner asks why you didn't use your time, tell him that your claustrophobia is acting up and you could not lay in the bed today. While his back is turned, plug in your video tape and hit "play". Everybody will think the pervert is watching them while they are tanning!

Swipe some of those small security cameras. This may be tricky since they are supposed to PREVENT theft. Start mounting them on the walls in different rooms. This should cause an immediate uproar!

Get one of those full sized inflatable dolls. Take the doll and an extra set of clothes to your room. Inflate the doll and leave it in the bed. Leave her "clothes" on the chair to complete the picture. Time how long it takes them to actually lift the top of the bed!

Get some of that iridescent paint that lights up when hit with UV light. Paint the words, "DEATH RAY" just above the victim's face. Make sure it can be read with those stupid little tanning goggles. That should scare the hell out of the next person who uses the bed.

Use a chocolate candy bar to make "skid marks" under your butt. This will gross out the person who has to clean the bed. As an alternative, leave a pair of underwear behind with chocolate all over the crotch.

Take a box of KFC. Eat it and leave crumbs and grease all over the bed.

Get an empty bottle of tanning oil. Fill it up with sun block. Victim will think she has found a free bottle. The block will prevent any tanning at all, wasting her tanning time.

Connect a timer to the fan so it stops after about a minute or so leaving the tanner sweating.

Attach a fake urinal (Spencer’s Gifts has these) to the wall in the room and put some orange juice in it.

Chew a whole box of gum and stick wads to the top of the bed.

Leave some of those huge plastic roaches around the room. They will never find all of them when they clean the bed.

Crush up some fart rock (aromatic insulation stone) and fan the fumes into the next room.

Go out at night and catch a whole bunch of moths. Release them in the salon. When a tanning bed is lit up, they will be attracted to it and buzz the occupant.

Find a couple of stray cats, take them to the room with you and drop one into each of the rooms on either side of you. While you are tanning, listen for the screams as the cats attempt to get into the bed with the naked tanners.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not the great, almighty founder of the PLA. Zak is. In September & October of 1994 I started getting really bored so I would take my laptop computer to the Portland, Oregon airport every day and do alot of bbsing all morning while Colleen Card was at school. Zak, posting alot of nonsense everywhere, as usual, wrote somewhere, "Well, I'm going to start a really cool hacker group and I'm going to call us the Phone Losers of America."

A few months later, around November 28th, I left Colleen and moved to Austin, Texas to get an apartment and a job and go to HoHoCon. (I bet I was the only one there that actually moved to Austin just to attend HoHoCon.) I had some extra money and I was bored so I went to a printshop on Third Street and had them print up 1000 business cards that said, "Phone Losers of America" on them. When Zak arrived in Austin, we had a lot of fun handing these cards to complete strangers, throwing them around restaurants, licking them and slapping them on storefront windows in downtown and leaving them sitting everywhere around the Ramada Inn during HoHoCon.

After HoHoCon, I didn't have anything better to do so I decided that since I hadn't visited my parents in about two years, I'd book a flight to Illinois and go see them. I stayed there a month and just about went insane out of boredom. During that time I took alot of my old text files that I'd written back in high school and put new Phone Losers headers and footers on them and released them all as PLA files and uploaded them to a few bbses. This is where PLA001 through PLA013 all came from.

Just a day or two after that, the whole Dino Allsman incident happened and the next day I wrote PLA014 which details all the Dino events. Finally, I left Illinois and took an Amtrack back to Austin. I ended up spending the next night in Austin's airport and since I'd slept in Austin's airport for many days in the previous month, the security lady said if I fell asleep in the airport that night, she'd throw me out. So I whipped out the laptop to stay awake and that's when PLA015 (the one about beige boxing) was written.

The next day I took a smelly Greyhound Bus to Corpus Christi, Texas, got an apartment and started running a bbs called Whombat Communications. This is where the rest of the PLA issues 016 - 034 were written. By issue 021, Colleen Card had moved to Corpus Christi with me and we ended up meeting Nova Storm/Monster Magnet, H00ters and Calimar. Everyone in that town who didn't know us seemed to fear the PLA and the local internet provider hired an investigator on us and told everyone he met that it would be his personal mission to bring us down. What a weirdo.

During our last 6 months there, I really got into bbsing and started calling BBSes all over the world, uploading PLA issues everywhere and begging the sysops to create a directory for my stuff. After living there for almost a year, we decided Corpus sucked so we took a vacation to Illinois and stayed for a week. Zak & Company were nice enough to rent out a hotel room and throw a party for us. I shudder at the memory of meeting Nekid Amy in person. (Important Note: Cheap motel Bible pages do not make good rolling papers.

While spending our week in Illinois, the Belleville News Democrat did two front page stories on the PLA and one editorial. After the first front page story came out, I copied it and released PLA035. The day we left Illinois, the police and Madison County authorities came with my arrest warrant. After finding they'd missed me, they went to the St. Louis airport hoping to find me there. Hehe, suckers.

We flew to Portland, Oregon and got a ride down to Albany, Oregon to live. Big mistake. Albany is like a Jeff Foxworthy theme park. Big shiney belt buckles, monster trucks and CB Radios prevail. Some of our roommates passed their weekends by taking their monster truck to a mud pit and driving around with the other trucks. They also liked to play CB tag where you drive around town and figure out where the guy who's "it" is broadcasting from.

When we arrived there I set up the Whombat Communications BBS again and released PLA036 just so I could advertise the BBS. About a month later, I got an account on a local internet provider called blitzinfo.com, set up a web page called Whombat Communications and took the BBS down forever.

About this time, Zak and Apok0lyps had pooled their money to start a new business in Granite City, Illinois called RoyCo. They rented out a building and started selling computer systems and eventually set up an internet provider called spiff.net. Since blitzinfo.com was only up about 10 hours a day (a bunch of idiot teenagers ran it) I moved Whombat Communications to spiff.net and creatively named it the Phone Losers of America Web Page.

Months later Zak, Apok0lyps and Dazen moved to Corpus Christi, Texas, shutting down RoyCo and leaving spiff.net in the hands of a guy who doesn't know a fucking thing about computers. Eventually he terminated my account and I moved the PLA web page to peak.org. During our stay in Albany, we released PLA037 - PLA041.

We lasted in Albany for over a year, then packed up the car, rented a U-Haul and drove to Celina, Ohio making a short pitstop in Illinois as usual. Most of PLA042 was written during our stop in Illinois and the rest of it was released in Celina along with PLA043 through PLA046.

Around the end of April 1997 I made the decision to stop running the zine. It's something I'd thought about doing for awhile but just never got around to doing. Originally I was going to simply quit writing and delete PLA046 which was in progress but Colleen convinced me it'd be best to finish 46 to give everyone an explanation and to ensure that nobody would take over without our permission.

PLA002: How To Build A Red Box. I'd been red boxing for about a year, using a portable tape recorder. One night some friends took me to some guy's house in Belleville, IL and this guy was impressed to see that red boxing still worked. He showed me an issue of 2600 that had the article on how to turn a tone dialer into a red box and asked me if I could build one for him. I did, and so I copied the 2600 article into PLA002. Over the years, I've added new techniques as I've learned about them

PLA003: Getting Revenge. Originally, the name of the person being tortured in this file was Darin McCall, someone me & Chris Tomkinson used to pick on for being lame. By the time this became a PLA file, Chris had pissed me off so I redid the whole thing using Chris's name.

PLA004 - PLA006: These three files were written in the 24 hour computer lab at IUPUI, the local college in Indianapolis, Indiana. I usually spent every night there because I was homeless and it was cold outside.

PLA007: Numbers to Call When You're Bored. This originally was titled FUNNUMBS.TXT. I uploaded it to Ripco BBS, accidentally lost my copy and forgot I wrote it. Almost a year later, I logged on to Ripco and saw it there, downloaded it, updated it and turned it into a PLA file. Since numbers change all the time and new ones turn up, I created the PLA Phone Directory, which is the same thing only bigger and released quarterly. (or yearly)

PLA008: Ruining The Life Of A 7-Eleven Employee. Most of this was actually written while working at a 7-Eleven in Portland, Oregon. Having nothing better to do at night (hell, I'm not going to do any actual work!), I would bring my laptop and one night started compiling a list of things customers did to piss me off. Then I started adding things that they could do. Then I just started making things up. (You'll see the pattern there.)

PLA009: The Jim Bayless Playwrite. Colleen Card wrote this around October 1994 for a school project. The whole thing was acted out in front of a class by her and some classmates.

PLA010: Scanner Frequencies. I was trying to compile a list of scanner frequencies and in hopes that maybe someone would mail me some more interesting ones, I published this. It didn't work, dammit.

PLA011: Phone Losers Fone Call Transcripts. Most of these transcripts are transcribed directly from cassette tape and the others are done from memory. Originally I was going to update this file every few months with new transcripts but I never did.

PLA012: Converting Your 2400 Baud Modem To 14.4. After successfully pulling off this scam twice at a local Wal-Mart, I had to brag about it to everyone so I wrote this file. This was written while in high school and originally titled, "Upgrading your 1200 baud modem into a 2400."

PLA013: Fone Tricks & Petty Scams. This is another one written in the IUPUI computer lab over a period of a few weeks. I was trying to compile a big phreak guide out of all the cool texts files I could find and I wrote this section as a part of the guide. Later I scrapped the whole idea but kept this file and turned it into this PLA file a few years later.

PLA014: Cordless Phone Hell. This all happened while visiting my parents. Every word of it is true. The day after the whole event happened and I was sure that Dino wasn't going to come over and blow my head off with his 12 gauge, I wrote this file from the tapes I had recorded, from memory and with Zak's help over the phone.

PLA015: Taking Beige Boxing To The Ultimate Limit. I wrote this one in the Austin, Texas airport one night when I couldn't sleep. (I lived there for a few days after visiting my parents.) Of course nothing in the story is true other than the fact that I really did live in Celina, Ohio for a few months.

PLA016: Deaf Fones, Phone Books & Phone Bills. I kept bugging the hell out of Zak to write something for PLA. After weeks of pestering him, he finally e-mailed this issue to me and told me to leave him the hell alone.

PLA017: Letters From The Phone Company. I was going through all my papers and found a shitload of phone company letters addressed to me, mostly demanding their money. At the time it seemed funny so I typed 'em all out and released them. All of them are real except for the one obvious one.

PLA018: Kevin Mitnick Articles. I'd been a big Mitnick fan since I read Cyberpunk so I started collecting all the newpaper articles and text files I could find on him. I had intended to update this issue as things developed but never got around to it.

PLA019: Fun With Call Forwarding. This was rewritten in Corpus Christi. It's an old file of mine (written in high school, I think) that I found so I updated it and released it.

PLA020: Alternatives To CN/A. This is another old file I wrote during high school. I actually made this list for myself so when I was looking for somebody's info, I could go down this list to make sure I didn't forget anything.

PLA021: I started getting really annoyed with e-mail asking me how they could join the PLA so I wrote out this bogus application form in hopes of sending the message, "Hello? It's a zine, not a club?" Unfortunately, that didn't work and I still get a few e-mails per week like that.

PLA022: BBS Back Doors & Flaws. This one was written by Pestilence, my first actual contributor. The only problem with it is that he kept mixing all the facts with jokes so I have no idea what's real and what's bullshit.

PLA023: Long Distance Access Codes. This file has got to be the most useless one yet, but I spent so long scanning out all those access codes that I couldn't just let it sit around in a file forever. Even if you live in Corpus Christi, this is probably mostly outdated by now.

PLA024: Dabbling in Credit Card Fraud. I happened to be writing this file and finishing it up right around the time I got busted for credit card fraud in Corpus Christi. After I was released and awaiting trial, I thought that maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to publish something like this and I erased the whole thing. Then, a month later, all charges against me were dropped so I figured what the hell and re-wrote it. Don't you love this country?

PLA025: Taking Over Fred Meyers From The Comfort of Your Own Home. This was written from the experience of taking over the Fred Meyers paging systems all over Portland, Oregon. I decided to wait to release it until I moved outta Portland.

PLA026: Detailed Information On Various Phone Offices Around The Universe. This one shouldn't have been released but I accidentally made it available for download on my bbs, so I just left it like it was. Surprisingly, nobody complained and told me how stupid it was.

PLA027: Nursery Rhymes For Baby Phreaks & Other Perverts. Colleen Card wrote all of these while she was living in Oregon and I was in Corpus Christi, Texas on a crappy IBM typewritter and mailed them to me to turn them into a PLA file.

PLA028: Ordering Telephone Calling Cards. This was written in response to some guy on a local bbs asking me how to order calling cards for people.

PLA029: Stealing TCI Pay Channels. This one is really dumb but hey, I was a sucker for article submissions and printed it anyway.

PLA030: This one was the first to be in a "magazine issue" format and I guess was the beginning of our transition from a text file group to an e-zine. By the time it was written, the zine had become quite popular so I began explaining why the issue was late, one thing led into another and I ended up spending a few hours writing that intro about us chasing some guy across the country.

PLA031: Acidflux's Story Time Hour. I thought this was rather amusing so I published it. This story also appears in one of the issues of Delirium's zine.

PLA032: I had intended to publish a large list of current CN/A numbers. Then, realizing how in all the old CN/A text files I had, none of the numbers really worked, I decided to instead explain how to get your own CN/A numbers and codes. The RiGHT BRiGADE article had nothinig to do with phones but for some reason I liked it.

PLA033: After recieving my Roy, New Mexico phone book, I couldn't resist publishing all six pages of it. By the the whole Roy, New Mexico was sort of a private joke between all the PLAers.

PLA034: Most people hated this issue which is understandable. It was written after I'd had three slightly amusing experiences with the bbses in Illinois and I'd captured most of the posts surrounding the events. Now that I look back on it, only the Greg Carson story was even worth publishing.

PLA037: I'd learned about FACS in Corpus and wanted to keep the information all to myself so nobody would abuse them but by the time we'd moved to Oregon I figured what the hell and wrote a FACS article anyway.

PLA038: BustCon was written almost 8 months earlier but I could never get around to finishing it. Finally I did and released it in this issue. This was also written in my OCI prime when I just couldn't leave those operators alone so I wrote the OCI article hoping to get more people to call them just so I could see how they dealt with it.

PLA040: Colleen's Extremely Useful Isue. People were actually pissed that this issue was written. I got e-mail from people telling me how stupid PLA had become and that they were never going to read PLA again. These people probably assumed we were being serious or something.

PLA044: I wrote the 900 Profiting article after Gwonk had asked me how it could be done.

PLA045: The cordless phone scene article was supposed to be an entire issue to itself but I ran out of ideas and felt it was only worthly of an article.

PLA099: DHate's Unauthorized PLA. I was actually one of the last people to get this issue. Everyone had gotten a copy of it except for me when dhate disappeared so I think it was out a year before I finally got to read it.

[Yes, I know I left a few issues out. I'm lazy.]

Anyway, here's the first piece of email I got (I blanked out his name because he said he didn't want any credit, but I'll give you a hint: his first name is Kevin):

From xxxxxxxx@andrew.cmu.eduSun Mar 16 15:11:35 1997
Date: Sun, 16 Mar 1997 17:56:39 -0500 (EST)
From: Kevin P xxxxxxxx
To: pneyz@armory.com
Cc: Kevin P xxxxxxxx
Subject: ..

Re: your article on harassing people by ordering phone services:

Ameritech still has a line that you can call to check someone's bill, but you need the last 4 of their SSN. It's 800-873-5501. Before I left for school last August, I remember using the service with only a phone number. But if you're really trying to make someone miserable, you're going to need their SSN anyway.

Having access to many "public" computers at a university, I've "heard" that an effective way to obtain one's SSN is to use a combination of Hotmail or Netaddress and one of the private eye services on RBCP's PI page. (Unless, of course, you're going to use your own credit card to do the SSN lookup.)

Over here in Bell Atlantic territory, I've found that ordering services is usually a bitch and a half. Observations:

1) You can get somebody's account number by going to the "question about your bill" service, asking some stupid billing question, and then asking for the "number to write on my check". This service will also give you their balance.

2) Every time you call about an account, it's logged. My *guess* is that they know when they've given out the account number, so it won't be worth anything as a form of verification afterwards. (Do I see a chicken and an egg here?)

3) To order UltraForward (tm), which is just remote-access call forwarding, you need the following (at the very least - I've never tried it knowing the victim's SSN) :

Residence: SSN, or (account number + last payment amount + DOB?)

Business: They insist on calling the business back to confirm, or getting confirmation on business letterhead. My (albiet lame and limited) attempts at SEing my way out of this one have failed, especially when they read their caller ID display and say "you're at a payphone". Go figure. I haven't had time to try op-diverting and SEing them. One time, they gave me the business owner's name and I "didn't recognize it". They then told me I was at a payphone, and inserted a memo in the account saying that they now require a note on company letterhead to active UltraForward. Whoops.. (They were also able to tell me that I had called 3 times previously in the same day, trying to order the service.)

Hope this helps.. oh and if you want to use this info in a future article, I don't want/need any credit.

The next guy was quite a bit more brief. I replied and asked him for the number but so far, he hasn't replied.

From coaxial@nac.netMon Mar 17 16:08:15 1997
Date: Mon, 17 Mar 1997 03:37:11 -0500 (EST)
From: coaxial coaxial@nac.net
To: pneyz@armory.com

In regards to your QuickService article in the recent PLA mag... NYNEX has offered an automated pin-based service exactly like that for many years.

-coaxial

Just before you learn how to do this, let me clear up MY ASS, I haven't gotten caught yet doing this, and this doesn't work on every Coke Machine. This is really wrong and it's against my moral and religious standards to steal from a machine, which hard working people designed so people like yourself can get free drinks from them.

Here's how you do it... But again I have to expand on how this doesn't work on all Coke machines. The best ones are the really old ones. When I went to Ocean City, New Jersey, I must of came out with $80.00 in quarters!!! I heard that this works on some change machines but I've personally tried it around the city and I can't get it to work. So you if you come across one, YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME!!! Syke, I don't give a shit.

Preparing The Dollar :

Get a new-crisp one dollar bill (No rips or anything because you want to be sure the dollar will go in. Go out to F&M or People's Drug and buy some packaging tape (I've tried this with other kinds of tape but this is the strongest.) Now if you examine a Coke machine (Hopefully not to long because people will think you're some kind of Stupid Fuck) Now remember the direction of the dollar. Now place the dollar on the table or some place and make it so it looks as if you were putting it into the dollar thing on the machine. Take the tape and place it on the end of the tape (right over the border of the dollar.

Make the tape real long, then fold it over so both sides of the dollar's border are taped. (There cannot be any air pockets or bubbles in the tape but if you're not retarted, you just might be able to handle such a task. Make sure the tape is about 6 to 8 inches so you can pull it out without have the dollar be sucked in (6 to 8 inches only works with Coke machines). Making it really long like about (15 to 20 inches) will allow you to do it on any machine.

Making It Work :

Go to a Coke machine (I guess it has to be one with a dollar thing.) Now put the dollar in, but hold onto the tape. Some machines have real strong grip and it might tear your dollar if you try to pull it back out. SO HOLD ON TIGHT! As the machine sucks in the dollar, be ready to pull it out. Pull it out (Kind of like sex) when the dollar is almost completly sucked in, but if you pull the dollar out too fast it either won't work or it will ripp your dollar. So you have to pull it out nice and slow, but not too slow because it won't work. Just nice and easy.

If you did it right you should hear several clicks, if you don't than you're stupid because you didn't do it right. But if you aren't stupid and you hear the clicks than that means it works!!! Wow!!! Neato Burrito!!! Now choose a drink, and get your change. It's not that hard but for those exceptionally stupid asses that can't get it, they will have to try again. I do this over and over again until dimes and nickels start to come out. When that happens, you know you cleaned that machine out!!!

Is It Me Or Am I Just Stupid?:

Unfortunally, it just might not be you (but I say it probably is.) Anyway, on some of the newer Coke and Most Pepsi machine it doesn't work with such a short piece of tape. THE SOLUTION though is... LONGER TAPE!!! Here's how... Instead of making the tape just 6 to 8 inches make it 15 to 20 inches! The other change is when you put the dollar in, you have to LET the machine suck it in ALL THE WAY, and when it stops, then you get a good grip on that tape and pull like shit until that dollar comes back out. This method works on every machine that takes dollars known by myself and my co-anarchists.

DANGER!!! DANGER!!! DANGER!!!:

A kid I knew got caught doing this up at the community colege. He got caught because there were HIDDEN cameras and he was doing it in the middle of the day, it's really not that great of an idea also to do it in the middle of the night, I mean, Cops that drive by like at midnight and they see you and your friends hanging around a Coke machine (That looks very suspicious) You think your all bad think'N the cops don't care, YOU'RE FUCKED because Cops know all the tricks and ways to scam things like this and they know what to look for (So you're Wrong, & not cool any more, because your letting something that you read, scare you!!!)

HELL, for all you know, I could be shitting bricks about all this crap, But am I? And don't tell all of your friends because that's what messed everything up at my school. I mean, since everything or alot of people knew about it, they did it, and that's like taking your money and your drinks ("HOLY SHIT!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!") The best time to do it is about 2:00pm to 4:00pm because school gets out at 2:00 and so people will just think your getting a few drinks. And if you do it near 4:00 people will think you just getting a Coke.

If that school catches on about the scamming, then STOP IMEDIATELY! And for sure, they'll change the Old Coke machine with a New One. But that's why you understand "Is It Me Or Am I Just Stupid" Because that works on practically ALL Coke machines. It doesn't take a little Practice.

Precautions:

It's not that hard to carry around a taped dollar, but when you find the right machine and get around 20 Cokes and $10.00 in change, I mean, you gotta have a back pack or something to carry all them Cokes. Or I used to drive to elementry or middle schools and sell them for like a quarter or something like that. It's just a quick way to get more profit. BUT -[ D O N 'T ]- sell them around where you got them, BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKED! Remeber, people aren't stupid, so you just gotta use some common sense and don't become MONEY HUNGRY because those are the people that get caught.

ME: "Hello?"

Now the person on the other end starts shouting some foreign language gibberish at me.

ME: "Uhm, what was that?"

Then he hung up on me! God damn him. So, I have a shower, eat some spinach, stroke my beard, and finally decide to phone him back.

REIS: Hallo?
  ME: Yeah, you phoned me earlier and hung up, why?
REIS: Haha, no english
  ME: Thats very intersting, now why the hell did
      you wake me up at 10 in the morning!@#$
REIS: I'm sorry, no english
  ME: SO FUCKING LEARN
REIS: Ok, no english, good bye.

REIS: Hallo
  ME: HI! Is Dave there?
REIS: No english, bye now
  ME: I didn't ask if you speak english, now,
      is Dave there?
REIS: No english! (sounding frustrated) No Dave!
      (More frustrated)
  ME: Dave? Is that you, oh Dave, you're a crazy guy.
REIS: NO DAVE!

  ME: DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE!
REIS: YOU! PHONE PHONE PHONE LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH! WHY YOU DO THIS!
  ME: Listen up Dave, Dave Dave Dave, and Dave Dave Dave
REIS: THATS IS IT! YOU CALL AGAIN I CALL COPS
  ME: Please, anything but that! I'll touch you anywhere you
      want, but dont call the cops.
REIS: NO MORE! (Then he started yelling at us in what I
      assume to be his native language.)
  ME: Pardon me sir, I didn't quite catch that last sentence
REIS: NO MORE! I CALL COPS!
  ME: MAYBE I SHOULD CALL THE COPS ON YOU MOTHER FUCKER!

REIS: Hallo? (sounding agitated)
  ME: Will you be my friend Dave? Please
REIS: YOU VERY FUNNY! LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH
      (Then he started yelling again.)
  ME: Hey, that wasnt nice you ungrateful fucker,
      I want my pizzas back
REIS: You phone, you send things, why? What did I do?
  ME: YOU WOKE ME UP

    WOMAN: Hello?
MY FRIEND: Hello, is my pal Dave there?
    WOMAN: No, but Officer Smith is, would
           you like to speak to him? (you
           can hear Mr. Reis yelling in the
           background, he's really not happy)
MY FRIEND: That depends, is it officer Dave Smith?
    WOMAN: Smartass
MY FRIEND: Bitch

HER: Hello?
 ME: Hi! Is Dave there? (I can hear Mr. Reis yelling
     in the background. He sure yells alot, doesn't he?)
HER: Uhm, no.
 ME: You're a god damn liar! I can hear him!
HER: That not Dave, thats my granpa.
 ME: Why is he yelling so loud?
HER: I don't know.
 ME: I do, it's because you are a very big disappointment
     to him, and he doesn't like you.
HER: Who is this?
 ME: Did you know your grandpa is a Dave?

/echo r0y.irc, a cheap ripoff of [SlAcK.aCt]
assign ex [r0y]
assign pk [ph34r th3 PLA!]

alias beat {me beats the living fuck outta $0}
alias point {me points at $0}
alias spit {me spits on $0}
alias nuts {me kicks $0 in the testies}
alias nod {me nods in agreement}
alias hate {me HATES $0 with a passion}
alias blow {me blows $0's fuckin head off with his Glock}
alias slap {me pimp slaps $0}
alias punch {me punches $0 in the fucking ribs}
alias beer {me slams a beer}
alias keg {me jumps up, and does a 45 second kegstand;wait;say BURP!!!}
alias flip {me flips $0 the middle finger;wait;say FUCK YOU $0!!!!}
alias dumb {me thinks $0 is a dumbass}
alias tired {me is tired}
alias hmm say hmmmmmmmmmm...
alias clap me applauds
alias evilgrin {me grins evilly}
alias wiz me has to take a piss. Be right back.
alias cactus me beans $0 with a cactus.
alias enema {
     me looks at $0 and decides he could use an enema.
     me rummages through his garage and finds a chainsaw.
     me pulls the cord and jams it up $0's ass.
     eval kick $C $0 *BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!*
}
alias porno {
     say dazen shows $0 his dick and some KY.
     say Suddenly some cheap 70's porno film music comes on.
     say $0 decides he'd prefer not to take chances and runs like fuck.
     eval kick $C $0  Don't let the door hit ya on the way out!
}
alias rambo {
  @old_nick=[$N]
  nick Rambo
  WAIT
  me sees that $0 is a real fucking faggot
  say I hate faggots
  me pulls up in his M-1 tank and $0 starts running like a fuck
  me fires his 150mm tank round up his flapping faggoty asshole
  EVAL kick $C $0
  WAIT
  me leaps out of his tank and lights up a Marlboro
  EVAL msg $0 Nuff Said!
  nick $old_nick
}
alias wolv {
  @old_nick=[$N]
  nick Wolverine
  WAIT
  me stumbles into $C after going on one of his drinking binges.
  me pops his adamantium claws and accidentally trips slashing $0 in half.
  me looks at $0's bloody corpse.
  say Too bad you don't have a healing factor huh, bub?
  EVAL kick $C $0
  WAIT
  me orders another beer!
  EVAL msg $0 I'm the best at what I do.  Don't mess with me, bub!
  nick $old_nick
}
alias lamer {
  me *** LAMER PROTECTION ENGAGED ***
  me Weeeeeeep! Weeeeeeep! Weeeeeeeeep!
  me Lamer spotted!! Lowering targets on the lamer!
  EVAL msg $0 Tag, your it!
  EVAL kick $C $0 $pk
}
alias behead {
     me puts on his black hood.
     me escorts $0 to the guillotine.
     say Any final requests before the blade drops?
     say No ? Good!
     /kick $C $0 $pk
     say -CHOP!-
}
alias nirvana {
  me suggests that $0 do his Kurt Cobain impression.
  me watches as $0 props a shotgun to his mouth and blows his brains out.
  me waits for three days before an electrician finds $0 and throws him out.
  /kick $C $0
  That's not teen spirit you smell...
}
alias suckoff {
  me looks over and sees $0 desperately trying to bend far enough to suck himself off.
  me wonders why no one else has kicked him for such pathetic behavior.
  me notices that no one else is paying attention to him.
  /kick $C $0 Try #jack-off!
}
alias god {
  @old_nick=[$N]
  nick I_am_g0d
  WAIT
  me steps out of the shadows and places his hand on $0.
  say Alas for you my poor child, there can be no redemption.
  me sucks the life out of $0 as they fall into a lifeless heap.
  mode $C +b $0
  EVAL kick $C $0
  WAIT
  me steps back into the shadows.
  EVAL msg $0 Don't fuck with God!
  nick $old_nick
}
ALIAS HYPER {
  @old_nick=[$N]
  me grabs $0 and starts to pour can's of Jolt down his throat.
  me watches as $0 starts to quiver.
  say And We Have Lift Off
  eval kick $C $0  Go calm down!!!
}
alias fart {
  me lets out a long rip roaring fart.
  say blurp...thip thip thip...blurp
  say ahhhhhhhhhh....much better...
  say Run for your lifes!!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
}
alias jolt me slams a Jolt.
alias acthelp {
  echo          .            Action Help
  echo          .       =====================
  echo          .  /actions    - For General Actions
  echo          .  /khelp      - For General Kicks
  echo          .  /m8help     - For Mystical Orb
  echo          .
}
alias actions {
  echo Actions you can use...
  echo ======================
  echo beat, point, spit, nuts, nod, hate, blow, slap, punch, beer, keg,
  echo flip, dumb, tired, hmm, clap, evilgrin, wiz, cactus, fart, jolt,
  echo pr0ncow
}
alias khelp {
  echo Misc. Kicks
  echo ===========
  echo enema, porno, rambo, wolv, lamer, behead, nirvana, suckoff, god, hyper
}
alias pr0ncow {
   /msg $0
   /msg $0            (___)
   /msg $0            (o o)  <===== dazen
   /msg $0      /------\\ /   (__)
   /msg $0     /    ____O    (oo)   <===== el_jefe
   /msg $0    |   / /----\\----\\/
   /msg $0    /\\oo===|  /    ||
   /msg $0   | ||   *||^-----||
   /msg $0   *  ^^   ^^      ^^
}

assign rv  E-=R=-

^assign m8resp[1] AS I SEE IT YES
^assign m8resp[2] ASK AGAIN LATER
^assign m8resp[3] BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW
^assign m8resp[4] CANNOT PREDICT NOW
^assign m8resp[5] CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN
^assign m8resp[6] DON'T COUNT ON IT
^assign m8resp[7] IT IS CERTAIN
^assign m8resp[8] IT IS DECIDEDLY SO
^assign m8resp[9] MOST LIKELY
^assign m8resp[10] MY REPLY IS NO
^assign m8resp[11] MY SOURCES SAY NO
^assign m8resp[12] OUTLOOK GOOD
^assign m8resp[13] OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD
^assign m8resp[14] REPLY HAZY TRY AGAIN
^assign m8resp[15] SIGNS POINT TO YES
^assign m8resp[16] VERY DOUBTFUL
^assign m8resp[17] WITHOUT A DOUBT
^assign m8resp[18] YES
^assign m8resp[19] YES DEFINATELY
^assign m8resp[20] YOU MAY RELY ON IT
^assign m8resp[21] YEAH, SURE, WHY NOT?

^assign m8ans_num 21

alias m8desc1
{
  /say r0y slowly rotates the cactus of many answers...;
  /say r0y gently strokes the cactus, like dazen on a cat...;
  /say r0y stops the cactus' rotation and peers into it's depths...;
  /say r0y looks up, and utters the words:;
}

alias m8desc2
{
  /say r0y reaches into the nether void...;
  /say r0y withdraws his hand, which now grasps the cactus.;
  /say r0y considers the cactus...;
  /say r0y looks startled... and gulps...;
  /say r0y utters a spell of protection... and says:;
}

alias m8desc3
{
  /say r0y extends his hand and mumbles an incantation...;
  /say r0y stares at you as the cactus forms in his palm.;
  /say r0y appears visibly shaken as he studies it for a couple of seconds...;
  /say r0y lifts his head and breathlessly states:;
}

alias m8desc4
{
  /say r0y waves his staff in the air... leaving a dark mist in it's wake.;
  /say r0y cackles evilly as you watch the mist congeal into the legendary cactus.;
  /say r0y considers the cactus of telling as it hovers in the air... and states:;
}

alias m8desc5
{
  /say r0y claps his hands together...;
  /say r0y grins as the cactus appears, spinning in the air before you.;
  /say r0y grabs the cactus from the air & peers into it's depths...;
  /say Listen carefully, to the words of the r0y:;
}

alias m8desc6
{
  /say r0y extends his arm before you, and closes his hand around empty air...;
  /say r0y slowly opens his fist... you see the cactus of telling grow in his palm;
  /say r0y considers the cactus for a time... you squirm in your seat.;
  /say r0y lifts his head, meets your eyes, and says:;
}

alias m8desc7
{
  /say r0y shows you his empty hands and frowns.;
  /say hmmmmmmmm... 'syzygy'... ahhhhhh....;
  /say r0y chuckles evilly... you glance down and see the cactus in his hand.;
  /say r0y glances and the cactus... blinks... and stares at you;
  /say Beware!! The answer may not be what ye seek, but 'tis truth:;
}

alias m8desc8
{
  /say r0y ponders the if dazen is really a queer...;
  /say r0y runs his fingers through the scraggly growth on his chin...;
  /say r0y raises the cactus of telling in his gnarled hand...;
  /say r0y considers the cactus... for quite some time...;
  /say Ahhh.... the orb of r0y speaks:;
}

alias m8desc9
{
  /say r0y appears enlightened;
  /say r0y picks up the cactus, and considers it...;
  /say r0y clears his throat, and states:;
}

alias m8desc10
{
  /say r0y utters a dwarven curse... "GO AWAY PLA!!!";
  /say r0y morphs into a nude Colleen Card!
  /say A cactus is in her hands.;
  /say She chuckles... you look at the cactus, and see:;
}

^assign m8read_num 10

alias r0y
{
  /me reaches into his cloak.... and withdraws a midget...;
  /me holds the midget before you... He introduces himself as r0y;
  /say r0y shows you the cactus of telling!;
  /say r0y whispers, "Behold the cactus of telling"  You cover your eyes in Ph34r.;
  /say  r0y stares at you with one beady eye and chuckles evilly...;
  /say The cactus will answer aye/nay questions...;
  /say ask a question... and ph34r it's power!!!; }

alias cactus
{
  ^assign m8read $rand($m8read_num)
  @ m8read = m8read + 1
  ^assign m8ans $rand($m8ans_num)
  @ m8ans = m8ans + 1
  /m8desc$m8read
  /say       $m8resp[$m8ans]
}

alias M8HELP {
  /echo r0y ver1.0b: Designed for the PLA by B187
  /echo =========================================
  /echo /cactus  "show" the cactus of telling
  /echo /r0y     answer a question
  /echo
}

#================================done

^eval echo $ex r0y.irc loading complete...
^eval echo $ex You're on your own shithead...

Gary Bianchi, agent in charge of the Secret Service office in Toledo, said the youth was taken into custody Friday in New Haven, Indiana after he and two companions passed a phony $20 bill at a McDonald's restaurant. A store clerk alerted a manager, who called police with a description of the car over in a nearby neighborhood a short time later.

Secret Service agents contacted the boy's parents in Fort Shawnee and were given permission to search the home Friday night. They found a computer belonging to one of the parents allegedly used to make the fake bills, Bianchi said. Hidden in the youth's bedroom were several sheets of paper, each with two $20 counterfeit notes.

The boy, charged with a delinquency count of fraud, was being held in the Wood Youth Center in Fort Wayne, Indiana. A 16-year-old girl and a 19-year-old woman from the Lina area who were in the car with the youth were questioned and released pending further investigation, Bianchi said.

"I know that 'gwonk' did the homework hotline thing, we just need to find more evidence." -according to a teacher's son.

"Hey, 'gwonk', how's it going?" -high school Principal to Gwonk.

China: The army of the People's Republic of China completed its first-ever exercise in cyber-warfare in January, according to the Wall St Journal Red terrorists practising for the forthcoming Third World War attacked the SkyTel paging network, disrupting the sleep of thousands and bringing sections of the US communications network to a grinding halt. What particularly delighted the Chinese was that their victims did their work for them.

At about 5am West Coast time, the SkyTel system sent out erroneous call-me-back messages to more than 100,000 unwitting pager-owners. Thousands reached into their handbags or bedside tables and dutifully tried to call the mystery number. Most treated the call as a local number. Some reached the San Francisco Theological Seminary. Another three dozen realised the number wasn't a telephone number at all, but a pager code-number for another SkyTel customer.

They then sent their telephone number to SkyTel, to be passed on to whoever it was they thought was calling them. By that stage, the terrorists were back home in their safe house, celebrating with a warming bowl of chow mein and boiled rice. But the self-powering attack was still only in what militarists like to call the 'softening up' stage.

The telephone numbers of the three dozen beeper addicts were broadcast by SkyTel back to the original 100,000 pager owners. By now fully awake, thousands of these people tried to call these three dozen. Communications lines were snarled for 26 minutes. One victim received 625 voicemail messages from all over the US. Another was relieved that he was fielding only 40 calls an hour towards the end of the day, rather than the 300 he was getting at the beginning of the day. SkyTel thought it was responsible for the mess, and apologized to its customers via their pagers.

After that happened, CG's ISP - Advanced Computer Connection - suspended his account and eventally deleted it entirely. At one point CG didn't realize he was talking to one of the owners of his ISP and called him a bitch and told him the PLA ownz him. Whoops. They also claimed they were getting lots of complaints about him and didn't approve very much of his web page, which was actually quite innocent-looking.

C'mon, it's almost 1995. Can't we let this crap drop? I bet you really think you are getting to me, but I'm really indifferent to the whole thing. I've got plenty of freinds, so I don't have to sit and worry why you're not one of them. I'd like to be on peaceful terms with you (I really do mean this) but you seem to insist on doing this.

You insult me. Do you actually think that I _pay_ for calls to your voice mail box? I know we did this to Darin McCall, but it got pretty boring after two years or so. We were also 17 year old punks with nothing else to do. Do you still have nothing else to do? Is your life still based around being a pain in the ass? If you don't want to discuss this reasonably, I'll see you in hell or jail, whichever comes first.

I can't believe that you sit around and do that stuff all day. do you think it really affects me? You seem to think that by trashing me all the time when I'm nowhere around that it actually brings me down. Big fuckin deal.

You must really really hate me. You wouldn't be going this far for this long if it was just some minor grudge. You must think that I totally fucked up your life. Quite frankly your life was in the shitter by the time you first went to Texas. You can't blame me for all your fuckups.

Maybe if you treated people as people and not as toys to play around with you won't have this superficial Redboxchilipepper life. Go ahead and leave your thought provoking messages on my machine this weekend. I won't be around that much, as I have a few parties and engagements to attend. I'm so jealous of you. Go ahead and mess with my credit cards. That's something i can really get you nailed for.

Chris Tomkinson

[That was actually a compilation of e-mail he wrote to me in 1994 on a bbs.]

Ryan: Hello?
 GAF: Hi, I'm with AdultFone.  May I speak with
      Mr. Ryan J. Cheney?
Ryan: (kinda scared) May I ask why you're calling?
 GAF: We want to offer him some free consultation and
      sampling.
Ryan: This is Ryan.
 GAF: Hi.  We at AdultFone realize the tenderness of
      the male needs.  I want to offer you a sample
      of our most basic phone sex services.
Ryan: Sorry man, I'm underage.
 GAF: We at AdultFone realize that, too.  That's why
      we're prepared to connect you to similairly
      nonadult females, who will perform excellently,
      as you will see.
Ryan: Hey man, that's kinda messed up.  Where'd you
      say you was from?
 GAF: AdultFone.  The South's first Adult Telephone
      Network.
Ryan: And you're not like, just joking are you?
 GAF: No.  I could patch you into a live conversation
      if you'd like.
Ryan: (a little pause) Sure.

Ashley: And then what will you do?
 Kevin: I'll stick my big hot dick up into your ass
        so far that you'll taste it in your mouth.
        And then I'll pump you so full of cum it'll
        come out your nose.  And then...

 GAF: That's a small sample.
Ryan: How old were they?
 GAF: I'm not allowed to disclose that, sir.
Ryan: And how much does this cost?
 GAF: Free sample of ten minutes, sir.
Ryan: Ten minutes?  Tell me.... (pause)
 GAF: Tell you what, sir?
Ryan: Tell me a little more, man.
 GAF: Very well... we employ women and men of the
      ages eight to eighteen, both African American
      and Caucasian, along with an occassional Asian,
      whom I might add are very good at what they do.
Ryan: Could you... like, customize who I talk to?
 GAF: Certainly, sir.  Just tell me the details and
      I'll patch you right in.
Ryan: Well, I want a younger girl.. like maybe eleven
      or twelve.  No, make
      it thirteen, if you've got one.  And I want...
      special stuff.
 GAF: Like?
Ryan: (pause) (bold) Surprise me.

 Jen: (husky voice) You want a surprise, big boy?
Ryan: Oh yeah.  Tell me what you want.
 Jen: I want you to know... that you've been
      GROUNDED BY THE FREAK SQUAD!
 GAF: Tell him what he's won, Jen!
 Jen: (really getting into it)  Public humiliation!
 GAF: That's right Ryan, you little prick!  Everyone
      will know!
Ryan: **** you!  You sons of ****es!  I hate you!
 GAF: But you sure do love those eleven and twelve
      year olds!

Hope you enjoyed,
Mountain King

P.S. In PLA034.txt specifically on lines 1304-1307 it says something about you daring the reader to find an even lamer BBS than that TWiSTED REALiTY crap. Well, I think I found a much worst BBS. Its called Magic-Tek BBS. I can't really describe it well but I think the SysOp Gary Miller would very easily make the loser list. The number is (714)633-1195.

Thanks,
Auslyn G Nieto

You probably know some of this info. When you hear the tone, you can punch in the (ACN)XXX-XXXX of the calling from number. Then you punch in the (ACN)XXX-XXXX of the number your calling too. This can save some time. But more lame than anything.

If you call a person with Caller ID, whatever number you punched in or whatever number you told the bitch will show on the receivers caller ID. This was tested in Chicago IL. with Ameritech number. This is programmable Caller ID!!!!! But if the person you are calling has strong ANI, your real number will go through. Caller ID is ok, but real secure places will get the number through ONCOR's system somehow. I had an agent call me one time and he got my number with ANI through ONCOR.

They used to have a password system within ONCOR to tell who is really a lineman-employee and who is not. Here are some of the old passwords. SNOWFLAKE, ROSE, RAINBOW. I used to call, say I was a lineman, give her the password, and then tell the bitch to kick the computer or take a break.

ONCOR has a very very limited ANI system. When you piss them off enough they transfer to a guy in the computer department. I had this happen 2 times in one night. Now normally I would think no big deal but somehow the guy can tell what state-area code your calling from and if you keep talking to him he gets the city too. Maybe he's psychic maybe he has the hardware to trace, who knows. I just hang up and stop calling for the next week or so whenever I talk to him. He's real cocky, a little too sure of himself and he's not faking it. I think that he's with some other line provider company and he's helping them out. He sure got my city right. But I almost never get transferred to him.

I used to be in a group called Abuse. Back 92-93' We were running Alliances all night every night and we found a way to collapse ONCOR once. The person with conference control would call a PBX first, then divert over to ONCOR's 800-288-2880 number. When it would start to ring, we'd throw em in the conference and immediately and call ONCOR again, throw them in too. Repeat.. So anyway we had like 20-30 lines all ringing at once all connected to our alliance. Some would disconnect eventually, but because ONCOR is so polite, they would transfer the call then try and talk to us, then disconnect. This gave us enough time to add at least 2-3 more lines in the meantime. Anyway the noise in the conference from all the ringing lines made it one solid ring. So we keep doing it for a few min and all of a sudden we hear. Beedoop, Beedoop, Beedoop, BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBeedoop. All of ONCOR's lines disconnected from the conference. "Bedoop is the leaving the conference noise" Almost at once they all just disappear. Now we're like, What the fuck happened" I call back ONCOR on my 3 way and now ONCOR is BUSY.. ONCOR is busy!!! So we keep checking back and for the rest of the night ONCOR is shut down!!! They came back up the next day but they were never the same after that. If you threaten to fill all the lines and crash them, they get paranoid and transfer you to some real high up people in the company. This is when you run into the ANI, tracing dude. So watch it.

So there you have it. How to shut down ONCOR 101.
Later,
bomr

Thanks,
Peachey

P.S. It's el_jefe! Please don't tell him or print this letter!!

[Peachey - I understand your lust for el_jefe as I also find him very desireable. I suggest DCCing him tons of aldut GIFs and dead animal pics as this is his major turn on. Also he has a fetish about baking cookies with women so ask him about that. I promise I will not let anyone know that you wrote me concerning these matters. Best of luck!]

See, my problem is, I want to harass this poor bastard, but I don't know enogh information on him. I mean, I don't even have the basics, like his last name or phone number. I do know his first name is Richard, and his e-mail address is RichPDenn@aol.com, and he's going out with Aubrie Adams, whose e-mail address is CowGrl8018@aol.com. Her phone number is 307-634-8848. Any information you can gather is greatly appreciated, and if not, telling me how to get this info would be cool too. This guy is in dire need of some harassment, and bugging his online isn't cutting it anymore. Thanks for your time. Any one who reads this, please bug Dick's ass, but leave Aubrie alone. Destroy Dick.

EasyGenie

[Hopefully publishing the above info will assist you in your quest for Richard's anialation. Remember - he can kick your ass but that's nothing compared to the ruin to can create of his life. In 5 years when you're still harassing him everyday, he'll wish he hadn't done it.]

[Report me to the "AOL people"?? Oooooooo, scary. I hate to break this to you, but I have nothing to do with AOL as you should have been able to figure out from the e-mail address. Everyone who has wanted off the list has replied with, "REMOVE" so apparently you're the only idiot who hasn't grasped this.

By the way, I maintain a mailing list and the only people on it are people who've asked to be on it so if you didn't subscribe to PLA, then someone else subscribed you meaning I'm not the only one who thinks you're an idiot. Have a nice day!

NOTE: This guy's letter was written to me after I'd released PLA045 and stated that anyone wishing to be taken off the mailing list would have to e-mail me the following paragraph: "I suck. I no longer wish to remain on your mailing list because I've turned into a spincter boy and wear women's undergarments. I'll never read another issue of PLA for as long as I live. I am the scum of the earth. Remove me now." What a moron.]

Anyways, that is just my 2 cents.
Whitey. whitey@mindless.com

Keith

[Damn, that's such an simple idea I feel like an idiot for not thinking that up myself. Almost every hotel I've stayed at has free breaskfast in the lobby, too.]

i used to rent games everyday but at $4 a pop i kept running into a cash flow problem. i started thinkin of ways i could get games for cheap. then i had an idea, buy a game, play it, re wrap it and bring it back for a refund. then i said fuck that! buy a game, take it out, re wrap it and get a refund.

so what i did was got a game from kay bee and took out the cd. i then took the box it came in and wrapped it once in siran wrap. i looked for my sisters hair dryer but i forgot i busted it. so, i had to find another way to heat shrink it. first tho i needed to make it airtight so what i did was took a knife and heated it on my stove, then i carefully cut down the sides of the wrap and voila. i left the stove on unintentionally and then i noticed the wrap started to shrink. there was my answer. so i grabbed the game and held it over the stove. it looked great except for the fingerprints that were left on. i even fooled some friends of mine. i decided to take the game back on a busy day. i had a friend go with me in case they caught on and grabbed me.

i proceeded with the plan. i acted like i got it for my cousin but he already had the game. they asked if i wanted a refund or trade, of course i said refund. the cashierkept looking at the box but then opened the cash drawer. she handed me a sheet to fill out and as i was scrawling a fake name i looked up and saw a manager opening the game. i was thinking of what i could do. i decided to just walk out the door. as i walked out, an employee wished me a good evening. i walked down the stairs and blended in with the crowd. i was sure to take off my hat and as i was walking quickly through the mall i managed to knock down a few yoboy's. it was kinda funny listening to them yell at me acting like they where black og pimp muthafucka's.

as my friend (who was incognito) walked out the kay bee door, he noticed a manager looking around for me, as if i might be close tothe store or something. it failed but it was pretty funny! i'll have to try again sometime....

later
takahashi@webtv.net

Another recent happening, an AT&T operator told me that there was a man behind me when I was redboxing and that he was going to sneak up and arrest me. To this day, I still havn't found this man following me. If you have any information, please let me know as I'm desperate to find out who this phantom is! (okay, so I don't actually beleive her. What do you expect?)

wiretapp