REASONS Everyone does everything for reasons. Sometimes they are not apparent. Sometimes they are obvious . . . to ourselves, sometimes to others. It has been said that everything we do from the Cradle to the Grave is because we want something. Let's assume that you are on a diet right now because we want to lose weight...but what are the reasons for that? Try to think of several really valid reasons...beyond the obvious ones. After you have thought of several....what were they? Did they run something like... "Because I want to look and feel better . . .I want to be happier with myself . . .My husband really wants me to . . .I just want to be thin . . I want to have more energy . . .I want to get into those attractive slim clothes that you can buy off the rack in stores . . .etc." OK . . .now, let's look deep. Lets especially examine external reasons such as "my husband wants me to" which means " he will love me more when I get thin," and even obvious ones like . . ."I want to look better, which says "I want others to like the way I look more than they do now." OK . . .now that we have a lot of reasons why people want to lose weight, what will happen if you get to goal and your husband doesn't love you more . . .or the way other people treat you is not any better . . .possibly worse . . .and none of those good things you had been expecting seem to be happening to you? (You , will gain the weight back, right?) So, if you are going to keep it off, or even get to goal in the first place, you may have to modify your thinking and your REASONS for losing weight. Now this may happen automatically to a degree as you lose weight and like yourself more . . .for, as you like yourself more, it becomes less important what others think of you. Fat people often build up a shell of the HAPPY FAT JOLLY PERSON, when, in fact, they are sensitive, insecure, hurting people inside and the more they hurt . . the more they eat, which makes them hurt more. If you bake someone a really delicious, wonderful cake and give it to them, are they supposed to appreciate it? Are they supposed to thank you for it? Are they supposed to think a little more of you for it? Are they supposed to like you a little more because of it? Are they supposed to be a LITTLE kinder to you for it? Are they supposed to do you a tiny little favor when you really need it? USUALLY, YES! Then maybe you are giving for the WRONG REASONS. When you give anything, what should you expect? Thanks? Return favors? Nothing? Nothing at a11? Let me tell you a little ZEN story. Zen is a form of Chinese religion or philosophy. From the book compiled by Paul Reps, called ZEN FLESH, ZEN BONES: "While Seisetsu was the Master of Engaku in Kamakura he required larger quarters, since those in which he was teaching were overcrowded. Umezu Seibei, a merchant of Edo, decided to donate five hundred pieces of gold, called Ryo, toward the construction of a more commodious school. This money he brought to the teacher. Seisetsu said: "All right, I will take it." Umezu gave Siesetsu the sack of gold, but he was dissatisfied with the attitude of the teacher. One might live a whole year on three Ryo, and the merchant had not been thanked for five hundred. "In that sack are five hundred Ryo," hinted Umezu. "You told me that before," replied Seisetsu. "Even if I am a wealthy merchant, five hundred Ryo is a lot of money," said Umezu. "Do you want me to thank you for it?.. asked Siesetsu. "You ought to." replied Umezu. "Why should I?" inquired Seisetsu. "The giver should be thankful." The moral of this story is that the giver should give only for the sake of wanting to give with no ulterior motives of being thanked, rewarded, or receiving any tangible or intangible receipt from the gift. This is unselfish giving. If we give in any other way, WE are often disappointed later . . . because we gave for reasons other than the obvious one. Losing weight is the same way; if we lose weight for a lot of ulterior motives, such as unexpected results about the way others will feel about us, treat us, or in some way they will cause our life to change for the better, we will be, and often are . . . sorely disappointed. We should all carefully examine why we are losing weight. Let me quote from the book, ACTUALIZATIONS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REHEARSE TO BE YOURSELF by Stewart Emery. . . "We absolutely do not know what we really want, because we have been conditioned to want what everybody else except us tells us to want. It started out when our mother told us what she wanted us to want; our father told us what he wanted us to want; our Grandmother and Grandfather did the same thing. The Sunday- school teacher told us what God wanted us to want, and the teacher told us what the principal wanted us to want. Madison Avenue told us to want everything. Society itself told us what to want. When I was growing up, it was a wife, two and a half children, two cars, and a home in the suburbs. Everyone was telling us what to want and telling us that if we wanted and acquired the right things, we would be happy. Happiness was a function of wanting the right things. And when that did not make us happy, there was always someone who told us that we were unhappy because we wanted the wrong things and that if we would JUST want what he wanted us to want, we would be happy. So we end up completely disillusioned with what we thought we wanted and with the people who told us to want it. Now we are feeling like a pawn in a chess game over which we have no control. We absolutely look like a victim; it seems as if there is no way out. But, take heart, there is an answer." . . . . . .You can transform. If you make an apple become an orange, that is not a transformation. But if you make an apple still look like an apple and TASTE like an orange, that is a transformation. Transformation means housing a different essence in the same form. To a Person who has undergone a transformation. The world is exactly the same as it was before. When you are transformed, the immediate circumstances of your existence are the same. What is altered is how you feel about it. What is altered is your RELATIONSHIP to the things in your life, not THE THINGS in your life. The absence of fear is not an option that is available to most people. The difference in people who are making it in the world and those who are not is simple: The people who are making it in the world are making it AND they have fear. Those who are not making it just have fear. So we have to transform the RELATIONSHIP we have with fear, not seek to get rid of it. GUILT: We must transform the way we react to guilt (often an eating binge) not initially get rid of the guilt (although in the long run we may get rid of a lot of it.) If we look at losing weight as a means to an end, which is to say. if we believe that getting thin will MAKE us a happy person forever and ever . . .you are in for a sad surprise. First it will not MAKE You happy; it might contribute to some temporary happiness. Continuous "HAPPY EVER AFTER" is not only NOT possible, it is not desirable. Life is full of ups and downs. If we COULD eliminate the downs, there would be no UPS (what could we compare it to?) If losing weight is simply something you have decided to do that you want to do with your life and your body.....Good! Do it for that reason. Let the ups and downs, the good and bad, the happy and the sad, stress and calm, all be parts of a complete and full life that you embrace fully . . . and NOW. Don't wait until . . .someday, for someday never comes. Do what you want to do. Make decisions. They will not all be perfect. or even good. That's the way it should be. LIVE LIFE. Start living it right now . . .ALL OF IT. BE YOURSELF. And when you are dead and gone . . .let it be like the song that Frank Sinatra sings that says . . ."I DID IT MY WAY! ".... For my own reasons and NOT for the reasons, desires, wants, and wills of other people.