
                                                               
                                
                                        
                                        
 
 Each month we visit another BBS and give you a critique on what it looks
 like, what they are doing there, and a BBS RATING. When we visit, we do not
 tell the sysop who we are or why we are calling so that we get the same
 treatment that you will get when you call.

 This months BBS Spotlight shines on the SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES BBS.

                  ͻ
                                                          
                                 WELCOME TO               
                                                          
                         SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES     
                                                          
                           300/1200/2400/9600 Baud        
                                                          
                  ͹
                            Paul Busby, Sysop             
                          David Conroy, Co-sysop          
                           John Leone, Co-Sysop           
                  ͼ
                                (212) 598-4984

 Paul Busby, or the Reverend Paul Busby as he prefers to be called, is a
 recovering alcoholic, drug abuser, incest survivor and god knows what else.
 Some of you probably know of this guy from all of the conferences he is
 involved in on INTELEC. Paul has lots of time on his hands.

 Now we don't know if Busby is a real Reverend or just some guy who one day
 decided to turn his collar ass-ways backwards and pretend that he is a
 Reverend. FWIW though, we could give a shit less.

 Let's talk about the BBS.

 The SEWERCIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES BBS sucks!

 Did we say sucks? We really meant that it bites the big bone.

 Busby and his band of psycho-social misfits send each other messages about
 their change of medication, helping each other to hold on, and electronic
 hugs (what the fuck does this mean?).

 Speaking of messages, they use a little known network called PathNET to join
 all of these Lithium Lords together. Here is a sample of the conferences they
 carry.

 [ Conference Listings ]ͻ
                                                                           
                              0) Main Board                                
                                                                           
 [PathNET]͹
                                                                           
   20) S_Parent       21) AIDS_Fun      22) Events       23) Animal_Sex    
   24) Jack_Handey    25) Intimacy      26) EatDisorder  26) Prozac        
   28) Smokeless      29) Depression    30) Spiritual    31) 12_Step       
   32) Self_Abuse     33) Resources     34) Youthline    35) 24_Step       
   36) Pederasto      37) Drug_Chat     38) Devil_Love   39) Step_n_Fetch  
   40) Gerbil_Luv     41) Kevorkian     42) Ask_Asshole  43) Whoam_I       
   60) Aggression     61) Regression    62) Obsession    63) Wheream_I     
 ͼ

              You say you want more.. here is the File Section.

                       Ŀ
  ͵ Suicide Prevention Resources ͻ
                                          
    1)  Suicide Prevention Files        7)  Kevorkian Hall of Fame        
    2)  Dr. Jacks Home .GIFs            8)  I'm OK - Fuck You             
    3)  Alliance for the Mentally Ill   9)  Pagan Chant Files             
    4)  Alien Abduction - Sex          10)  BBS Lists                     
    5)  Suicide Songs                  11)  Utilities                     
    6)  Drug Recipes (Prozac/Lithium)  12)  Recent Uploads                
                                                                          
      Get a complete file listing by downloading PCBFiles.zip             
  ͼ

 We are sure that Rev. Buzzsaw, or  Buzzard, or whatever the fuck he likes to
 call himself will read this magazine so we decided to add our little
 informational on SUICIDE for him (and you). We think it's informative and
 know that you will think so too.

       "SUICIDE IS PAINLESS" or "The EVERYMANS guide to CHEAP SUICIDE"

 1. PENCILS UP YOUR NOSE, BANG DOWN ONTO TABLE (urban legend?)
 Time:      Seconds or never
 Available: All you need is a couple of sharp pencils and a table
 Certainty: Very uncertain
 Notes:     This is a myth, I think, since the pencils would go into your
    frontal lobes, which are basically optional. This is the legendary "exam
    suicide". Fine if you want a DIY frontal- lobotomy rather than death!

 2. GETTING SOMEONE TO MURDER YOU
 Time:      Depends on method used
 Available: Know any murderous psychopaths? No, not the tax people...
 Certainty: Depends on method used, & dedication of murderer
 Notes:     Forget it. Unless you contract someone to do it, the chances are
    that you are going to wake up in hospital without your wallet. If you do
    contract someone, how are you going to pay them? Can't take them to court
    for running off with your money and not doing the job.

 3. MAKE YOURSELF INTO AN H-BOMB (another silly one)
 Time:      Speed of light over 1/2 metre (couple of nanoseconds)
 Available: Nuke (fission OR fusion), 10 litres of heavy water
 Certainty: 100%
 Notes:     Drink the heavy water for several days, strap yourself to the
    nuke, and press the button. If you retained a couple of litres of the
    heavy water, the additional yield should be 6 megajoules (give or take a
    few orders of magnitude). Note that heavy water is a poison, so you might
    not survive that long anyway.

 4. MICROMACHINES/NANOCOMPUTERS (science fiction)
 Time:      years or a fraction of a second - depends how you look at it
 Available: in 50 -> 1000 years time?
 Certainty: Good assuming that the technology is developed
 Notes:     Basically, this involves a 'replicator' panel. You program it to
    replicate yourself, simplifying very slightly, with the exception of the
    urge to use this technique. After a while, you turn into a mindless
    zombie, trudging around from the exit of the machine to the entrance, for
    eternity. Strange philosophical implications.

 5. SCUBA-DIVING (various fatal 'accidents')
 Time:      see notes -most are minutes/hours
 Available: scuba diving gear, nobody around
 Certainty: see notes
 Notes:     The first method is to rise 30 metres or so without releasing your
    breath. Assuming that you can do it, it should cause your lungs to burst.
    The second is the bends - stay under long enough for the nitrogen to
    dissolve (30 metres for 30 minutes). go up rapidly without decompression
    time. This is unreliable, and may cause brain / joint damage. The third
    way is Carbon Monoxide poisoning - fill your tank with it, and stay away
    from other divers. You will fall asleep fairly quickly. See CO in poisons
    section. The final way is oxygen poisoning - however, this means that you
    have to go very deep with an oxygen-rich mix, and there are problems
    associated with that. The advantage of these methods is that insurance
    companies / relatives will assume that it was an accident
    ('misadventure'), with the possible exception of the CO poisoning. The
    source of this follows: (from the net) "Rising 30m without exhaling will
    usually result in an over pressured lung, possible subcuteaneous
    emphysema, collapsed lung, death usually from drowning in your own blood.
    Rather painful and usually curable if you are rescued, but fair chance of
    dying if you aren't. Building up a high residual nitrogen time (say 30m
    for 30 min) then coming up without decompressing will get you bent fairly
    nicely. You don't feel much, but your joints tend to start stiffening up
    after half an hour. Death is very uncertain, coming from a stroke. Brain
    damage, joint damage etc are most likely. Probably can be rsecued but some
    damage certain. Oxygen poisoning, going down 50+m until the partial
    pressure of the oxygen reaches a toxic level. Difficult to accomplish,
    very painful to get down that deep, cold pressure etc, possibility of
    nitrogen narcosis and forgetting what you are doing. Probably get bent,
    good chance of rescue. CO poisoning, mix a healthy batch of carbon
    monoxide in your tank as you dive, you tend to go to sleep under water,
    when combined with the above methods you have a pretty good winner, don't
    forget to forget your BCD."

 6. SUCKING YOUR BRAINS OUT (silly)
 Time:      Minutes
 Available: You'd need a Puma (TM) robot, & some other bits
 Certainty: certain, given proper programming
 Notes:     You would need an industrial robot to do this properly. Give it a
    saw attachment, a sucking tube attachment, and program it. Make a head
    restraint. When you are fixed securely into the restraint, start the
    robot's program. It will drill a hole in your head, and stick the tube
    into the hole. Program it to wiggle the tube back and forth so that it
    doesn't miss anything. This might work better if you put a stream of water
    into the hole as well, so that the sucking attachment doesn't just suck
    air all the time. Debugging the program could be amusing.

 7. MICROWAVES
 Time:      ?
 Available: Source of strong microwave emissions
 Certainty: ?
 Notes:     Cooking yourself. Point is to raise your core body temperature to
    fatal levels.

 8. DEHYDRATION
 Time:      a week or so?
 Available: you need to be able to stop medical help.
 Certainty: certain if your will-power stands up to it.
 Notes:     Don't eat or drink. Remember that food contains a high proportion
    of water. Avoiding medical help can be difficult. See 'starving to death'.

 9. SKYDIVING 'ACCIDENT'
 Time:      pretty damn quick.
 Available: need to join a skydiving club. Takes much time and money.
 Certainty: Fairly certain. People have fallen from extreme heights and
     survived. The resulting injuries are not fun.
 Notes:     Join a skydiving club, continue to practise it for a while to
    clear off all suspicions and then once pack your parachute in a real mess
    (preferably knotted up, but not too clearly) and then jump. The para will
    not open and you will reach a terminal velocity of 220 km/h (160 mph/120
    kn). Death is instant in the impact with the Planet Earth. This has the
    advantages of being 'accidental', and your family/ friends do not have the
    additional pain and guilt associated with suicides.

 10. DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS; MODERN VERSION (silly)
  Time:      variable
  Available: a heck of a lot of razor-wire.. maybe a high-voltage supply
  Certainty: not very good
  Notes:     This is a modern variant of the Arabic 'Death of a thousand
     cuts'. Basically, jump onto a stack of unravelled razor wire, and roll
     around till you die.. it may help to connect a high- voltage, low current
     power supply to the wire, so that you have spasms, which should keep you
     getting cut even when you are unconscious. Also, you should make sure
     that you can't roll off the wire.

 11. CRUSHING
  Time:      seconds to minutes, depends on car press
  Available: a car press.. any good junkyard
  Certainty: certain as long as you can't escape
  Notes:     This is an elegantly simple one.. get into a car, in a car press,
     and shortly afterwards be squashed to death as your body is converted
     into a red pulp. It may be tricky getting the press to trigger, but if
     you hide in the car someone may come along and activate it. There are
     other ways of getting crushed, this just happens to be the most effective
     I can think up on the spur of the moment. Getting yourself run over by a
     fully loaded articulated lorry is quite good. You should remember that
     people quite often survive the actual crushing; they die when the weight
     is taken OFF them.

 12. WORLD WAR THREE
  Time:      moments if you are near a militarily significant site
  Available: happen to be one of the 'key-holders'? president maybe?
  Certainty: pretty certain
  Notes:     All you have to do is trigger world war three. Fire an ICBM or
     three at the Chinese and the Russians... This method has the advantage
     that you take everyone else with you! Trouble is, the number of people
     with the requisite access is minimal, and I sort of doubt that any
     readers of ASH can do this.

 13. HEATSTROKE
  Time:      4 hours or more
  Available: Very hot day; no disturbance from neighbors etc
  Certainty: depends on the weather
  Notes:     Basically, the point is to give yourself extreme heatstroke. You
     should pass out after a few hours. Use some aluminium foil to direct the
     sun's heat onto you, to speed up the process a bit. Try to reduce the
     chance of being interrupted, take off the phone etc. Obviously, start in
     the morning! Helps if the outside temperature is >100F.

 14. ACID BATH
  Time:      depends on acid
  Available: a lot of a very strong acid
  Certainty: fairly good
  Notes:     [from alt.suicide.holiday] "summer heat got you down? Try the new
     and improved neighborhood acid bath. Most metal working plants and some
     auto-repair shops will have a nice soothing acid bath. This, of course,
     is for those of you who enjoy extreme pain and don't want to make a mess
     for others to clean up. If you don't leave a note chances are they will
     never know what happened, aside from the shop / plant being broken into."

 15. FAKE CAR BOMB
  Time:      milliseconds
  Available: explosive
  Certainty: fairly good if enough explosive
  Notes:     This is a modification of the basic use-explosives method. What
     you do, is make a homemade car bomb, and drive off happily after chatting
     with your neighbour about how well your life is going, apart from a few
     minor death-threats from an Iraqi death-squad.. To confuse the
     authorities even more, have a note in your pocket listing the telephone
     numbers of all the eastern foreign embassies in your pocket, together
     with a little line of random "code numbers" next to each.., and a random
     but large amount of cash listed against each code number. :-) Oh yes, and
     a heavily annotated copy of Jane's Defence Weekly - Xhosa edition.

 16. BEING EATEN ALIVE
  Time:      depends, but probably a couple of minutes
  Available: zoo, or live in Africa/wherever
  Certainty: not brilliant.. what if they're not hungry and don't finish?
  Notes:     basically, find one or more hungry carnivores... tigers are nice.
     Also, sharks, lions, any of the big cats..

 17. BEING BURNED UP IN UNPROTECTED RE-ENTRY (silly)
  Time:      probably a few minutes
  Available: if you happen to be able to get into orbit
  Certainty: about as certain as you can get!
  Notes:     Just go for a spacewalk in a low earth orbit, and decelerate
     enough to enter the atmosphere. You'll get a great view...

 18. AUTO-DECAPITATION BY CAR (added by Calle)
  Time:      Real quick
  Available: You need access to a car and a rope
  Certainty: I wouldn't trust it
  Notes:     Comes from alt.suicide.holiday. Basic idea is to tie one end of
     the rope around your neck, tie the other end to a real solid object, get
     into the car and accelerate away as fast as the car can manage. When you
     reach the end of the rope, your head gets torn off. Be sure to use enough
     rope and fasten your seat belt.

 19. DEATH BY PAINTING YOUR BODY (very silly, and wrong)
  Dosage : Less than 1 can of paint depending on your body type
  Time   : ? Probably less than 8 hours
  Availability : Very available ! You have a choice of greasepaint or House
     paint. You need a type of paint that will not allow your pores to breath
     in order to be successful at this. You also have a smashing selection of
     colors you can choose to die in ! Nile Green ? Blood Red ? Basic Black ?
     Or any combo you desire.. If you couldn't decide before what to wear to
     die in, this method will cause you considerable angst.
  Certainty : This is a sure method, provided you have a paint that will block
     your pores from breathing. Don't forget the bottom of your feet. You must
     paint every last bit of available skin. If your pores can breathe, you
     won't die.
  Notes : I read this in some theater journal 5 or so years ago, saying when
     you you do full body makeup, you must insure that parts of the body are
     left naked to breathe or the actor will die. Usually for full body
     makeup, they leave the bottoms of feet, and some patterns on the body,
     like lines so the actor doesn't suffocate.

       The Below Is Dedicated to Reverend Buzzoff from the NETSPY Staff

                            "Suicide is Painless"
                             Words by Mike Altman
                            Music by Johnny Mandel

                   Through early morning fog I see
                   Visions of the things to be
                   The pains that are withheld for me
                   I realize and I can see that

                   Chorus: Suicide is painless
                           It brings on many changes
                           And I can take or leave it if I please.

                   I try to find a way to make
                   All our little joys relate
                   Without that ever-present hate
                   But now I know that it's too late, and

                   (chorus)

                   The game of life is hard to play
                   I'm going to lose it anyway
                   The losing card I'll someday lay
                   And this is all I have to say, that

                   (chorus)

                   The only way to win is cheat
                   And lay it down before I'm beat
                   And to another give a seat
                   For that's the only painless feat, cause

                   (chorus)

                   The sword of time will pierce our skins
                   It doesn't hurt when it begins
                   But as it works its way on in
                   The pain grows stronger - watch it grin

                   (chorus)

                   A brave man once requested me
                   To answer questions that are key
                   Is it to be or not to be?
                   And I replied, "Oh why ask me?", cause

                   (chorus)

                   And you can do the same thing if you please.

