THE SIMPSONS EPISODE SUMMARIES:  2ND SEASON

(complete through July 11, 1991)

This is a listing of the second season episodes for "The Simpsons".  Episodes
are listed in the order of their airing -- airdate, production code, and
episode title (thanks to Sondra Roy for the codes and titles).

1.   Oct 11 1990  7F03 - Bart Gets an "F" (2nd season premiere)

Board:  I will not encourage others to fly.
Couch:  Nobody pops out, but couch falls through floor.
Bart is in danger of failing the 4th grade -- he gets help from the class
brain, he prays for divine intervention (and gets it), but it doesn't seem to
help -- or does it?  It did, and our hero passes (but just barely)

2.   Oct 18 1990  7F02 - Simpson and Delilah

Board:  Tar is not a plaything.
Couch:  They all walk like Egyptians and slide in.
Homer tries a new drug that promotes hair growth (paying for it with a
questionable health insurance claim), and it works wonders for him and his
career -- becoming a junior executive at the power plant, getting a
secretary/benefactor (voiced by Harvey Fierstein), and getting more respect --
until Bart spills the drug.

3.   Oct 25 1990  7F04 - Treehouse of Horror (The Simpsons Halloween Special)

Board, Couch do not appear this week
Three tales of terror:  the haunted house (shades of Amityville here), the
abduction by a UFO (featuring "How to Cook Humans" -- or was it "How to Cook
for Forty Humans"?), and a splendid retelling of Poe's "The Raven", with the
immortal line, "Quoth the Raven, 'Eat my shorts!'"

4.   Nov 1 1990  7F01 - Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish

Board:  I will not Xerox my butt.
Couch:  Couch turns into a sofa bed, and they all lay down.
Bart catches a 3-eyed fish downstream from the nuclear plant.  The resulting
pressure causes Mr. Burns to run for governor, and he nearly succeeds -- until
Marge serves up a special dish for him.

5.   Nov 8 1990  7F05 - Dancin' Homer

Board:  I will not trade pants with others.
Couch:  Maggie ends up in Marge's hair.
Homer becomes a baseball mascot, "Dancing Homer", for the local minor league
team.  He gets a chance to do his thing in the big leagues in Capital City.

6.   Nov 15 1990  7F08 - Deat Putting Society

Board:  I am not a 32 year old woman.
     [ASIDE:  No, but Bart's voice, Nancy Cartwright, is]
Couch:  All of them make it, even the dog and cat.
As a result of their fathers' feud, Bart and the neighbor boy battle it out for
the miniature golf championship -- the loser's father has to mow the lawn in
his wife's Sunday best!

7.   Nov 22 1990  7F07 - Bart vs. Thanksgiving (The Simpsons Thanksgiving Show)

Board:  I will not do that thing with my tongue.
Couch:  They wake up Grandpa Simpson, who was sleeping on the couch.
Another Thanksgiving at the Simpson household, with the whole family together
to see Bart ruin Lisa's centerpiece, after which he's sent to his room. 
Refusing to apologize to Lisa, he sneaks out the window and eventually ends up
on the "other side of the tracks" at a rescue mission.  He returns home, has
second thoughts, and eventually apologizes to Lisa.

8.   Dec 6 1990  7F06 - Bart the Daredevil

Board:    Did not appear this week
Couch:    Tips to left, Maggie is flung off and lands on the right end of the
couch, which had broken off.
An examination of our culture's fascination with pro wrestling, monster truck
shows and daredevils.  Bart sees a daredevil show and decides to become a
skateboard jumper.  His goal:  to leap over Springfield Gorge.  Not even a trip
to the hospital can dissuade Bart from his goal.  As he prepares to jump, Homer
arrives and begs him not to do it, threatening to jump it himself.  Bart comes
to his senses and decides not to jump.  Unfortunately for Homer, he
accidentally jumps -- with painful results.

After the show, the "Do the Bartman" video was aired for the first time. Catchy
song, and the video's pretty decent too.  You'll have fun seeing what you can
pick out (look for several old favorites).  Full credits ran after the video --
they did NOT air when MTV aired it a half-hour later.

NOTE:  A longer version of the episode aired in Canada the week of Feb. 25 to
March 1.  There are several additions to the episode, including the blackboard
message, "I will not drive the principal's car" and a scene where we meet "Ms.
Monster," a woman monster truck driver ("Another barrier broken," says Lisa).

9.   Dec 20 1990  7F09 - Itchy & Scratchy & Marge

Board:  I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
Couch:  The couch is missing, everyone looks confused.
Is Maggie getting bad ideas from watching Itchy & Scratchy?  Marge thinks so
after Homer gets bopped on the head, and she organizes a protest against the
cartoons.  The movement gathers strength -- they disrupt Krusty the Clown's
show (and not even Sideshow Mel and Corporal Punishment can stop them) -- and
ultimately succeeds.  The new cartoons are full of caring and sharing, and in
Bart's opinion, they s***.  All around town, TV's are turned off as the
children discover there are other things to do.  BUT -- when Michaelangelo's
"David" comes to town, there is a movement to ban it, which Marge does not
support.  She admits that, although one person can make a difference, he or she
probably shouldn't.  (long summary, but it was a good show)

10.  Jan 10 1991  7F10 - Episode 23:  Bart Gets Hit By A Car
          (title appears on screen)
Board:  I will not sell school property.
Couch:  Homer squeezes everybody else out.
     While skateboarding, Bart is hit by Mr. Burns's car and has a near-death
experience (featuring both heaven and hell).  He's not hurt too badly, but an
ambulance chasing lawyer persuades Homer to sue Burns for a million dollars
(bending some facts in the process).  The trial starts off well for our heroes,
so Burns offers to settle for $500,000, which Homer refuses.  While out of the
room, Burns and Smithers overhear Marge mention the deception.  They make her
testify the next day -- Burns wins the case.  Homer's love for Marge is tested,
but fear not:  he loves her more than ever.  (NOTE:  This show was frequently
referred to internally as "Bart Goes to Hell.")

11.  Jan 24 1991  7F11 - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Bluefish

Board:  I will not cut corners.  (the opening sequence WAS shortened slightly)
Couch:  They all get in, it tips over backwards, Maggie peeps over.
Tired of the same old stuff, the family goes to the Happy Sumo sushi
restaurant.  Homer is reluctant at first, but he really goes for the sushi. In
the karaoke bar, Bart and Lisa belt out the theme from "Shaft" (and earlier,
"Richie Sakai" does "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" -- an in-joke). Homer asks
for the blowfish, which is poisonous if not cut properly.  The junior chef cuts
it -- apparently improperly.  Homer is told he has 24 hours to live, so he
makes a list of things to do (a man-to-man with Bart, listening to Lisa's sax,
making a video for Maggie).  He spends the afternoon with his father, but on
the way home he's pulled over and jailed.  Friend Barney bails him out; they go
to the bar for one last round.  At last Homer returns home for a final evening
with his family.  He pulls out the tapes of "The Good Book" (as read by Larry
King) and falls asleep.  In the morning, Marge discovers him -- he's alive!

12.  Jan 31 1991  7F12  The Way We Was

Board:  I will not get very far with this attitude
Couch:  They all make it, but the couch falls through the floor.
When the TV quits on them (during a "Siskel & Ebert"-type movie show), Marge
remembers the good old days when she and Homer first began to go out.  But
first, when did Homer propose?  When the doctor told them Marge was pregnant
(with Bart).  We flashback to 1974 and Springfield High:  Marge Bouvier is
active in women's lib protests and debate, and Homer is -- Homer.  They both
get detention one afternoon, which is where they meet.  It's love at first
sight for Homer, who tries to win her over.  He joins the debate team (where
his rebuttal argument is a moon shot) -- no luck.  He asks for French tutoring
from her, she accepts, and things seem to go well.  But he reveals that he
faked his interest in French, so Marge gets upset and leaves.  The next day,
she does poorly at the debate tournament.  Artie (the winner) asks her to go
with him to the prom, and she accepts.  It's a heck of a scene at the Bouvier
household when both Homer and Artie show up for Marge; Homer leaves in
disgrace.  Marge and Artie are crowned King and Queen of the prom.  Off to
Inspiration Point, where Artie tries to take advantage of Marge; he is rewarded
with a slap in the face.  Returning home, they pass Homer who is walking home
(he discharged the limo driver).  Later, she returns for him -- the start of a
long relationship.  Bart's last word:  Gag!

13.  Feb 7 1991   7F13  Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment

Board:  I will not make flatulent noises in class.
Couch:  They walk like Egyptians and slide in
Homer pirates cable TV -- Lisa has a big problem with that.  She sees the
entire family going to hell for it.  In the meantime, Homer invites his buddies
over to watch the big fight.  Bart charges admission for the neighborhood kids
to watch the adult Top Hat channel (but he's caught).  On the night of the
fight, Lisa continues her silent protest.  All this eventually gets to Homer,
so he leaves and joins the family outside.  After the fight, he cuts the cable,
but not before blacking out the neighborhood.

14.  Feb 14 1991  7F15  Principal Charming

Board:  I will not belch the National Anthem.
Couch:  turns into sofa bed, and they all lay down.
Marge's sister Selma is tired of being single (she had celibacy thrust upon
her), so Marge enlists Homer's help to find Selma a man, and he reluctantly
agrees.  After Bart burns his name into the schoolyard grass, he is ordered by
Principal Skinner to have Homer come down for a talk.  During the talk, Homer
decides to fix Selma up with Skinner, so he invites Skinner to dinner one
evening.  However, Skinner falls in love with Selma's twin sister Patty (the
feeling is not immediately mutual).  Things gradually begin to happen between
them, which makes Selma even more unhappy but pleases Bart; he can get away
with anything at school now. Selma goes out with Homer's friend Barney out of
desparation.  Skinner proposes to Patty, but she turns him down, not wanting to
abandon her sister.  Dejected, Skinner realizes what Bart has been doing --
next day, Bart is resodding the entire schoolyard.

15.  Feb 21 1991  7F16  Oh Brother, Where Are Thou?

Board:  I will not sell land in Florida.
Couch:  Maggie gets into Marge's hair.
After watching a bad McBain movie, Grandpa Simpson has a mild heart attack. 
While at the hospital, he tells Homer about the half-brother he never knew (the
mother was a carnival girl).  Homer discovers that his half-brother is really
Detroit auto tycoon Herb Powell, who invites the Simpson clan to his estate. 
Turns out they look very much alike (which explains the odd treatment Homer got
on the drive in).  They all get along very well.  Powell Motors is in trouble,
so Herb asks Homer to help design a car for the average person.  His
suggestions are rebuffed at first, but after Herb gives him some confidence,
there's no holding back Homer (although the engineering team wishes he would
hold back).  The grand unveiling of the new Homer ($82,000 sticker) is a
disaster; Powell Motors is sold to the Japanese, and Herb is bankrupt.  As far
as he's concerned, he has no brother.

16.  Mar 7 1991  7F14  Bart's Dog Gets an 'F'

Board:  Did not appear.
Couch:  All of them make it, even the animals.
Santa's Little Helper is being a VERY bad dog.  He rips up Homer's paper; he
breaks his collar and cavorts around the neighborhood, taking a dip in a
neighbor's pool; he eats Homer's meal off the table; he destroys Homer's new
$125 Assassin shoes.  Something must be done, so they enroll him in an
obediance school run by Emily Wintrhop (voiced by Tracey Ullman), who says the
most important words in training dogs are "choke chain."  Meanwhile, Lisa has
come down with the mumps.  To pass the time, Marge takes out the Bouvier family
quilt.  All the women have added one panel to it -- Marge's was "Keep On
Truckin'", and Lisa's is a tribute to her musical mentors.  Unfortunately,
"Satan's Little Helper" is not learning much in class; he goes after Homer's
cookie and destroys the quilt.  This is the last straw for Homer, who threatens
to give the dog away.  Bart doesn't want this to happen, so he works even
harder to train the dog.  Cut to the night before the dog must go: Bart plays
with him for one last time, then has an emotional farewell scene -- fortunately
for the dog, he finally understands basic commands!  At graduation, all Ms.
Winthrop can say is "Son of a b****!"

The video for "Deep Deep Trouble" premiered after the episode, living up to the
standards of "Do The Bartman."  The episode ran short tonight to allow for the
video; presumable a longer version will air in the future.

17.  Mar 28 1991   7F17   Old Money

Board:  I will not grease the monkey bars.
Couch:  They startle Grandpa Simpson.

This show focuses on Abraham J. "Grandpa" Simpson, who finds true love late in
life -- as a result of mixed up medications.  He meets Bea Simmons, and
together they find true love and happiness.  He gets her a shawl for her
birthday, which also is the day Homer and family come for their monthly outing.
Grandpa doesn't want to go, but is dragged along to Discount Lion Safari. 
Homergets off the path and stuck in the mud, and the car is surrounded by
several ferocious lions.  They're stuck until daybreak.  When Grandpa returns
home, he gets bad news:  Bea died last night of a broken heart (literally). 
Turns out she was wealthy, and she left him $106,000.  He won't give any to
Homer, but he doesn't know what to do with it.  So, he decides to give it away
to the person with the best idea.  And what ideas -- Grandpa hates them all,
except for Lisa's idea to give it to the less fortunate.  But $106,000 isn't
enough, so he decides to build it up at Plato's Republic casino.  Homer catches
up with Grandpa and prevents him from betting it all on one number.  Good
thing, because he would have lost.  In the end, the money is spent on the
nursing home -- it's a nice place now, where the dining hall has been named for
Bea Simmons.  A nice episode.

Something new in the credits this week:  after each actor's name was a list of
the voices he/she did in the episode.

18.  Apr 11 1991  7F18  Brush With Greatness
Board:  I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
Couch:  It tips, end falls off, Maggie lands on it.

As a result of Krusty the Clown doing his show at Mt. Splashmore, Bart and Lisa
pester Homer to take them there.  The non-stop nagging works, and the family
spends an afternoon there.  While Marge watches Maggie in the wading pool (big
life jacket), Bart, Lisa and Homer ride the "H2-WHOA!" slide, using devious
ways to jump the line.  Homer gets stuck on the way down; rescuers must cut him
out of the tube.  This embarrassment convinces him to go on a diet.  While in
the attic looking for his old weights, he and Bart find Marge's paintings of
Ringo Starr, done while she was in school.  As Marge recalls, her art teacher
didn't care for her work, so to prove him wrong, she sent one of the paintings
to Ringo (no response).  She decides to take an art class at the community
college.  The instructor is impressed with her "Bald Adonis" (Homer in
underwear passed out on couch); she enters it in a local competition and wins. 
This catches Burns's attention, as he's looking for someone to paint his
portrait and has run out of artists in town.  Meanwhile, Homer's making
progress in his diet; the donuts are really piling up at work now!  Meanwhile,
over in England, Ringo is answering fan mail -- from 1966!!  He picks up a
package -- it's Marge's painting.  Back in Springfield, Homer celebrates the
loss of more pounds.  Unfortunately, Burns ridicules him, so Marge asks him to
leave, then destroys the painting.  She stops Homer from breaking his diet. 
Themail comes -- it's a letter from Ringo!  He likes the painting and thinks
she's good.  Inspired, she finishes the Burns painting, which is unveiled at
the dedication of the Burns Wing at the museum.  The painting shows Burns
naked.  As Marge explains, she's showing that beneath his gruff personality
lies a frail old man.  The painting is well received -- Burns doesn't hate it.

19.  Apr 25 1991  7F19  Lisa's Substitute

Board:    Did not appear.
Couch:    It was missing.

Lisa's teacher, Ms. Hoover, comes down with Lyme disease, so she's replaced by
a substitute, Mr. Bergstrom (voiced by Dustin Hoffman, who is credited as "Sam
Etic").  His teaching methods are unorthodox, but they get through to Lisa, who
develops a big-time crush on him.  It's a near-perfect teacher-student
relationship.  Meanwhile, Bart (who's been showing video of Snowball giving
birth and doing a blowfish on the door) runs for class president against
Martin.  The campaign seems to be going very well for Bart.  Later, Lisa goes
to the museum with a reluctant Homer.  They meet Mr. Bergstrom there; Lisa is
embarrassed by her father.  When she goes to invite Mr. Bergstrom to dinner,
she is startled:  Ms. Hoover is back!  And she wasn't too happy with
Bergstrom's methods.  Lisa runs out of the classroom to look for him.  She
meets up with him at the train station, where they have an emotional farewell. 
She calls him the best teacher she'll ever have.  He gives her a note, which
she reads after the train leaves.  It says, "You are Lisa Simpson."  Meanwhile,
the day of the election, Bart seems to have the election in hand.  BUT . . .
turns out only 2 people bother to vote, and they vote for Martin!  At dinner
that evening, Lisa gets very upset with her father, calling him a baboon
several times over.  At Marge's insistence, Homer goes to console Lisa; before
long, her faith in him is restored.  He cheers up Bart, and he puts Maggie's
pacifier back in her mouth.  Now it's time to go to bed, he tells Marge; he's
on the biggest roll of his life.

20.  May 2 1991  7F20  War of the Simpsons

Board:  I will not do anything bad ever again.
Couch:  Homer pops everyone else out.

Homer and Marge throw a party for the neighbors.  Homer has too much to drink
and makes a fool of himself (wearing a lampshade, leering down Maude Flanders'
dress, etc.); Marge is very upset.  She goes to church alone the next morning,
though Homer eventually shows up.  Turns out the church is sponsoring a
marriage retreat up at the lake, and Marge signs up Homer and herself.  The
babysitter for the kids arrives, but flees in terror when she recalls Bart
trying to run her down as a toddler -- in a car!  Grandpa Simpson is left to do
the babysitting honors, and the kids take advantage of him (Bart with gusto,
Lisa with misgivings).  They eventually hold a wild party at the house. 
Meanwhile, up at the marriage retreat, the participants discuss the faults of
their partners (Marge takes up most of the day talking about Homer).  The next
morning, Homer goes fishing (against Marge's wishes), hoping to catch Gen.
Sherman, the biggest catfish in the lake.  After a 6 hour struggle, he does! 
But he throws it back in order to save his marriage.  They return home to find
a mostly spotless house.  Up at the lake, they still talk about Homer, who
almost got the big one.

21.  May 9 1991  7F21  Three Men And A Comic Book

Board:    I will not show off (written in Old English script)
Couch:    Tips backwards, Maggie peeps over.

Bart and Lisa go to the comic book convention.  Bart tries to get in for a
discount as "Bartman", without success.  Inside, the guest of honor is Buddy
"Fallout Boy" Hodges, who doesn't really want to talk about the old
"Radioactive Man" TV show.  Later, Bart, Martin and Milhouse pass a dealer
who's selling Radioactive Man #1 for $100.  Unfortunately for Bart, he only has
$30.  Bugging Homer for the money doesn't work, so he decides to do some odd
jobs (bottle collecting, lemonade, nickel beer -- till the cops come).  He does
some chores for Mrs. Glyph (voiced by Cloris Leachman), an elderly neighbor.
Battered and bruised, scarred by iodine, his reward is 50 cents.  At the comic
store, Bart meets Martin and Milhouse; they decide to pool their money and buy
Radioactive Man #1.  Only one problem: who's going to keep it?  Unable to agree
on this, they spend the night in Bart's treehouse guarding it.  Bart has become
paranoid about the comic; he ties up Martin and fights with Milhouse.  The
fight ends with Milhouse in danger of falling from the treehouse and the comic
in danger of blowing away.  What does Bart choose?  He saves Milhouse, and the
comic falls to the ground, where Santa's Little Helper makes short order of it.
All that money -- wasted.  NOTE:  Also appearing tonight was Daniel Stern, who
does a "Wonder Years"-type commentary in the scene where Bart bugs Homer.

22.  Jul 11 1991  7F22 Blood Feud

Board:  I will not sleep through my education
Couch:  All of them make it, but it falls through the floor

At the dedication of the new warning system for the nuclear plant (with
messages like "Core Explosion:  Repent Sins"), Mr. Burns becomes seriously ill
and is diagnosed with "lack of blood."  His blood type is double-O positive,
which is quite rare.  A blood drive is organized at work; response is
underwhelming.  It turns out Bart has the proper blood type, but he is
reluctant to give until Homer promises him that Burns will reward them quite
generously.  Bart does donate his blood, which revitalizes Burns (full of pep
and vinegar).  He decides to thank the Simpsons with a thank-you card.  Homer
is incensed at this; he wanted more.  So he dictates a very nasty reply to
Burns, but Marge persuades him not to mail it until the morning, after he's
cooled off.  The next morning, his anger is gone -- and so is the letter! 
Turns out Bart mailed it.  They try and fail to retrieve it.  Homer breaks into
Burns' office to get the letter, but Burns is there and reads the letter. 
Incensed, Homer is physically ejected from the grounds.  Burns wants Homer
beaten to a pulp, but Smithers can't make the arrangements; after all, Homer
(through Bart) did save Burns' life.  He does get the Simpsons a present:  a
big ugly Olmec head.  The moral?  Was there one?

There were two more episodes that could have aired, but they have been pushed
back into the third season.  They'll be listed in the third season episode
guide.

If anybody has any additions, comments or suggestions, please let me know. 
Hopeyou enjoy this list as much as I've enjoyed creating it.

Roger Reini/76116,1436 in Detroit

