THE SIMPSONS -- FIRST SEASON EPISODE GUIDE

This is an episode guide to the first season of "The Simpsons".  It is arranged
just like the guides I've compiled for the second and third seasons:  Episodes
are listed in order of original air date, with titles, Fox production codes,
what happens at the blackboard and on the couch, and a summary of the episode. 
Thanks to the compilers of an earlier 1st season episode guide (available on
Compuserve as SMPSON.TXT); you inspired me to compile the 2nd season guide.

NOTE:  In compiling this guide, I referred to my personal tapes of the
episodes, which were made during the first rerun of each episode.  It is
possible that the board and couch scenes may have changed between first airing
and subsequent broadcasts.  If this is true, please let me know and I'll amend
the guide.

1.   Dec 17 1989   7G08  Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
     Board, Couch do not appear

This is the first 30 minute episode (but not the official premiere).  Homer &
Marge go to Springfield Elementary's Christmas pageant.  Lisa, as a South Seas
Santa, does an island fire dance.  Bart, as part of the 4th grade choir,
improvises a Batman spiel during "Jingle Bells" and is thrown out.  At the
house, it's time to hang the decorations.  Marge writes a State of the Family
letter; Bart and Lisa write to Santa (Lisa wants a pony, Bart wants a tattoo). 
Homer hangs the outdoor lights, which pale into insignificance next to the
Flanders' display.  The next day, Marge and the kids go shopping for gifts. 
Bart gets most of the tattoo "Mother"; he also gets it surgically removed,
which blows the Christmas fund.  Meanwhile, Homer does not receive a bonus this
year at work.  Desparate, Homer shops for gifts at a real El Cheapo store.  He
also gets a job as Santa at the mall and chops down a tree illegally for the
family Christmas tree.  At the mall, Bart harasses "Santa" and discovers it's
Homer, who swears him to secrecy.  All that effort results in a $13 paycheck,
which he decides to bet on a dog at the race track.  They pick Santa's Little
Helper at 99-1 odds, hoping for a miracle.  It doesn't happen; SLH comes in
dead last.  In the parking lot, SLH is turned loose by his disgusted owner, and
the dog runs straight into Homer's arms.  This is the true miracle tonight;
Marge says the dog is the best gift of all. (NOTE: she'll question her judgment
in the 2nd season episode "Bart's Dog Gets an 'F'.")

2.   Jan 14 1990   7G02  Bart the Genius

Board:    I will not waste chalk.
Couch:    Bart pops up, comes down several seconds later.

The family is playing Scrabble one evening -- Bart's not too thrilled about
that, even though it's to help him for his IQ test tomorrow.  At school the
next morning, he paints a picture of Principal Skinner on the wall but is
caught red-handed, thanks to Martin.  Bart gets his revenge on Martin during
the test, as he swaps his test with that of Martin's.  The test results come
back:  Bart has a 216 IQ!  He is put into a special school for gifted children,
but he soon discovers that he's way out of his league (and so do the other
children).  Still, he's getting a lot more attention at home, especially from
Homer.  They go to see "Carmen" one evening (big mistake).  After an accident
in the lab, Bart is sent to the principal's office.  There, he finally reveals
his deception and asks to be sent back to his old school.  He also confesses to
Homer later that day; unfortunately for Bart, Homer is not particularly
understanding.  As Lisa puts it, "I guess Bart is dumb again."

3.   Jan 21 1990   7G03  Homer's Odyssey

Board:    I will not skateboard in the halls.
Couch:    The ends pop off, and it collapses.

Today's the day for Bart's class to go on their field trip to the nuclear power
plant.  On the way, Bart is provoked into misbehaving and must sing "John
Henry".  At the plant, the class watches a film on Nuclear Energy:  Our
Misunderstood Friend, starring Smilin' Joe Fission (love his solution to
radioactive waste).  When they actually tour the plant, Homer drives by, is
distracted by Bart saying hello, and runs into a pipe, causing a plant alert. 
Unfortunately for Homer, he's fired on the spot.  Finding another job proves to
be VERY difficult; Marge has to return to her old job as roller-skating car hop
to make ends meet.  It all proves to be too much for Homer to handle, and he
decides to commit suicide.  He leaves a note, ties himself to a large rock, and
heads for the bridge.  Upon discovering the note, the family rushes to stop
him, and they escape serious injury from a speeding vehicle after Homer pushes
them out of the way.  Thoughts of suicide are gone:  now Homer's on a quest for
safety.  He gets a stop sign for that street -- he gets several more signs for
other hazards -- finally, he takes on the power plant itself!  At this point,
owner Burns intervenes and offers Homer a new job:  Chief Safety Inspector. 
After some soul-searching, he takes the job.

4.   Jan 28 1990   7G04  There's No Disgrace Like Home

Board:    I will not burp in class.
Couch:    Homer is squeezed out.

Today's the day for the big company picnic, and Homer is very uptight.  He
wants the family to act normal for a change (as if they ever could be normal). 
Marge drinks too much punch and gets a little tipsy; Bart and Lisa act like (in
Homer's words) young hellions.  Why, Bart even tries to win the father/son sack
race, but Homer stops him, allowing Mr. Burns to win as usual.  No, Homer's not
too happy with his family, the family from Hell.  After peeping on other
neighborhood families and getting into a fight with best friend Barney, Homer
decides the family should go to therapy with Dr. Marvin Monroe, who offers a
double your money back guarantee.  The session costs $250, which they raise by
hocking the TV set (the supreme sacrifice).  Dr. Monroe has them draw out their
anxieties (mostly pictures of Homer) -- he has them use the aggression mallets
-- then he tries shock aversion therapy.  Nothing works; in fact, they shock
each other so much, lights are dimming all over town!  The therapy is a
failure, says Dr. Monroe; he gives them $500 and tells them not to mention a
word of it.  And how will they spend their fortune?  On a new TV, that's how!

5.   Feb 04 1990   7G05  Bart the General (by John Swartzwelder)

Board, couch do not appear.

Lisa's making cupcakes to bring to Mrs. Hoover, her teacher (it's her
birthday).  Bart accuses her of being, among other things, a butt-kisser. 
Homer tries to explain to Bart that there's nothing wrong with buttering up
your superiors.  The school bus arrives to pick up Bart and Lisa.  Bart tries
to get a cupcake from Lisa, but she won't give him one unless he apologizes. 
He does, and she gives him one (but not before it lands on the floor).  At
school, the cupcakes are stolen by a friend of Nelson, the school bully.  Bart
fights the boy for the cupcakes, but Nelson breaks up the fight.  Turns out
Bart drew some blood, so Nelson's going to beat him up after school.  All day,
Bart daydreams about the coming confrontation; he fears he'll be badly beaten
up.  That is precisely what happens.  Bart asks for advice from his parents. 
Marge suggests trying to understand Nelson and going to Principal Skinner;
Homer gives him tips on fighting dirty.  When Bart tries those tips the next
day, they're ineffective.  Once again, Bart rolls home in a trashcan.  Taking
Lisa's advice, he goes to see Grandpa Simpson at the retirement home.  They go
see Herman, who owns a military antique store.  Together, they plan the attack.
Bart raises an army of his schoolmates and puts them through grueling training.
Finally, all is in place.  Bart confronts Nelson and company on the street,
telling him to stop the fighting.  When Nelson declines, the army comes out of
hiding and starts saturation bombing with water balloons.  In short order, the
battle is over and Nelson is captured and tied up.  Later, a formal peace
treaty is signed, allowing Nelson to be freed.  Everyone celebrates by eating
cupcakes.  In a tag sequence, Bart says that war is not fun and that there are
no good wars, with three exceptions:  the American Revolution, World War II,
and the "Star Wars" trilogy.

6.   Feb 11 1990  7F06  Moaning Lisa (by Al Jean & Mike Reiss)

Board:    I will not instigate revolution.
Couch:    Maggie pops out into Marge's arms

Lisa is feeling glum (just like her toothpaste).  She passes up a chance at a
cupcake; she plays crazy be-bop during "My Country 'Tis of Thee"; she refuses
to get involved in a food fight (started by brother Bart), and she won't dodge
the ball in dodge ball.  Why?  She's too sad, according to the note she had to
bring home.  A family crisis is looming; Homer's response, after trying to
comfort Lisa, is to make Bart vacuum the floor ("gotta go with what you know",
says he).  Later, he tells Lisa to not play the sax so loud (but fingering is
OK).  She then hears the sound of another saxman from across town.  She climbs
out her window to find out who it is.  It's Bleeding Gums Murphy who's blowing
his horn, and he and Lisa do some midnight jamming -- that is, until an upset
Marge drags Lisa home.  Meanwhile, Bart has been soundly thrashing Homer in
Super Slugfest video boxing.  After having nightmares about it, Homer resolves
to improve his skills.  He seeks out the champion at the local arcade, who
teaches him a few tricks.  The next morning, Marge drives Lisa to school.  She
tells Lisa to smile, as her mother always told her what shows on the surface is
what counts.  Lisa follows her advice -- advice which is suddenly retracted! 
It's OK to be sad, says Marge; just be yourself.  Oddly enough, this makes Lisa
genuinely happy.  That evening, Homer is using his new-found skills to pummel
Bart.  But just as he's ready to KO, Marge pulls the plug!  Lisa has an idea
for the family:  to go and see Bleeding Gums Murphy at the club where he's
performing.

7.   Feb 18 1990  7G09  Call of the Simpsons (by John Swartzwelder)

Board:    I will not draw naked ladies in class.
Couch:    Everyone makes it without anything unusual happening.

Bart's cutting the grass with an old hand mower, envying the Flanders' riding
mower.  Homer is envying the Flanders' new RV (complete with satellite dish). 
He takes the family to Bob's RV Round-Up, where Bob (voiced by Albert Brooks)
shows them the Ultimate Behemoth (complete with satellite).  Unfortunately, it
costs too much for Homer.  The only RV they can afford is a rundown used RV,
which Homer takes (and the family regrets).  They go off on a camping trip. 
Homer takes the RV off the road and drives through the forest at breakneck
speed, fording streams where necessary.  When he puts on the brakes, the RV is
perched on the edge of a cliff -- and it could fall at any moment!  They all
get out quickly, just before the RV falls over the edge, exploding on impact. 
They are lost in the woods with no food or shelter, and vultures are circling
overhead.  After building a "shelter", the men leave to find help (Maggie tags
along).  Marge and Lisa do well for themselves at the campsite and are
eventually rescued by rangers.  Maggie gets separated from the men and is found
by a bear.  She makes contact with him via pacifier, and he brings her home to
his cave and his pack.  They care for her, getting food and toys and providing
warmth.  Meanwhile, Homer and Bart are having trouble.  They fall off a cliff
into the river, then go over the falls, losing their clothes in the process. 
They proceed onward in fig leaves, trying to find food and help.  The attempts
at capturing small game fail miserably.  Homer spots a beehive and reaches in
for some honey.  He's also eaten a handful of bees, and they sting his mouth
and tongue.  Looking for water, he falls into a mudhole and is covered in mud. 
A local naturalist captures this on video and thinks Homer is Bigfoot.  It
becomes a major news story around Springfield and the nation.  Later, Bart and
Homer find the cave where Maggie has been staying, and they get her back from
the bears,  When they arrive at the main campground, Homer is captured with a
tranquilizer dart.  The scientific tests performed on him are inconclusive; is
he a dumb man or a brilliant beast?  Marge doesn't care.

8.   Feb 25 1990   7G07  The Tell-Tale Head (shown on screen)

Board:    I did not see Elvis.
Couch:    Bart pops up, doesn't come down.

As the episode opens, Homer and Bart are walking down a dark street carrying
something:  the head from the statue of town founder Jebediah Springfield. 
They are confronted by an angry mob looking for blood.  Bart pleads for mercy
and asks to tell his story (which takes 23 minutes, 5 seconds) . . . . One
Sunday morning, the Simpsons go to church.  Homer is upset because he'll miss
the big football game, on which he has a $50 bet.  Bart tries to sneak a
Walkman into Sunday school, but Marge catches him; Homer sneaks it in to catch
the game.  Today's topic in Sunday school:  a discussion of Heaven and who or
what can get in.  Today's sermon:  the evils of gambling.  At one point, Homer
stands up and proclaims "It's Good!"; unfortunately, he's not talking about the
sermon but a field goal.  Returning home, they drive by the theater.  Bart
wants to see SPACE MUTANTS 4, but Marge says no.  No problem; Bart hits up
Homer later on and goes.  He runs into some of the bad kids from school, Jimbo
and Kearny.  They sneak into the theater but are eventually caught and ejected.
They go to Apu's store, where Bart unknowingly acts as a decoy while the others
use their "5 finger discount" (shoplifting).  They throw rocks at the statue of
old Jeb; they lay in the park and look at the clouds.  Jimbo wishes someone
would cut off the head of the statue.  Bart objects, and the kids ridicule him.
To get back in their favor, he decides to cut off the head -- which he does,
under cover of darkness.  The next morning, the town is in shock and mourning;
how could anyone do such a thing?  Even Jimbo is mad about it.  The whole thing
has backfired badly on Bart; after some prodding from the head, Bart confesses
to the family.  Homer realizes he's partly to blame because he told Bart being
popular was the most important thing.  They decide to replace the head . . .
and that's the end of the story, which has quieted the mob.  The head is
replaced, and Bart's head is saved.

9.   Mar 18 1990  7G11  Jacques to be Wild (by John Swartzwelder)

Board, couch do not appear.

It's Marge's birthday, and Bart and Lisa make a birthday breakfast in bed for
her.  Homer thinks it's for him at first.  When he learns otherwise, he
realizes he's forgotten her birthday -- again.  He runs out to get a gift for
her.  Later, Patty & Selma invite the family to birthday dinner at the Singing
Sirloin, the home of ballads & salads.  They point out that Homer usually gets
her gifts that HE wants.  They are proven correct at dinner, when Homer gives
Marge her gift:  a bowling ball, with HOMER engraved on it, and sized for
Homer's hands.  Marge is upset, so much so that she's going to learn how to
bowl.  At the alley, she bumps into Jacques, a bowling instructor (voiced by
Albert Brooks), who offers to teach her how to bowl.  She's becoming pretty
good at it; in fact, she wants to continue.  Things are getting serious;
Jacques buys Marge a bowling glove.  He's falling in love with her, and she --
is confused.  Jacques invites her to brunch, then to his apartment.  Meanwhile,
Homer is feeling neglected.  When he discovers the bowling glove, he fears the
worst:  is their marriage falling apart?  The kids seem to think so, especially
Lisa.  And what does Marge think?  As she drives to Jacques' apartment, she
comes upon a fork in the road.  To the left is the power plant and Homer; to
the right is Jacques' apartment.  After some soul searching, she goes left --
to Homer.  The final scene is straight out of "An Officer and a Gentleman": 
Homer's going to the back of his car with the woman he loves.

NOTE:  The episode was to have been called Bjorn to be Wild, and the bowling
instructor was to have been Swedish.  However, Albert Brooks couldn't do a very
good Swedish voice, so the part was rewritten to make the man French.

10.  Mar 25 1990  7G10  Homer's Night Out (by Jon Vitti)

Board:    I will not call my teacher Hot Cakes.
Couch:    Ends pop off, couch collapses.

One fine day, Homer decides it's time for him to exercise to lose some weight,
and Bart sends off for a super-small spy camera.  Six months later, Homer
decides again it's time for him to exercise, and Bart's camera finally arrives.
Naturally, he does a lot of spy photography around the house (even an aborted
attempt at photographing his butt).  He carries it everywhere, even to the
Rusty Barnacle restaurant, where most of the family is eating dinner.  Homer is
attending a bachelor party that evening.  After ordering a squid for dinner
(and being nauseated by it), Bart happens to come upon a commotion in the
banquet room.  It's the bachelor party that Homer's attending, and Bart snaps a
picture of Homer cavorting with a belly dancer.  Before long, the photo spreads
all across school.  Then it makes its way into the community.  It's everywhere,
and Homer's being recognized (though he doesn't know why).  When Marge finds
out about it, she is so upset that she throws Homer out of the house.  He is
forced to stay with best friend Barney.  He's chewed out publicly by his boss,
Mr. Burns; later, though, Burns asks him what are his secrets.  After a few
days, Homer gets up enough courage to come home and apologize to Marge.  But
she makes him do one more thing:  take Bart to meet the belly dancer and see
that she's a real human being, not a sex object.  After checking out every club
in town, they find her about to go on stage at the Sapphire Lounge.  She's in a
cage high above the stage, and so is Homer.  He falls to the stage,
interrupting the big musical number by Gulliver Dark (voiced by Sam McMurray). 
Fortunately, he recognizes Homer and makes him an honored guest.  But Homer
realizes why he's there and gives an impassioned speech about women.  Marge is
there, and she hears the speech.  They make up, and all is well.

11.  Apr 5 1990   7G13  The Crepes of Wrath (by Meyer, Simon, Swartzwelder,
Vitti)

Board:    Garlic Gum is not funny.
Couch:    All make it, but Homer is squeezed out and lands on the floor.

Like many little boys, Bart has poor cleaning habits.  His room's a mess, and
he leaves things laying around.  Homer trips on the skateboard Bart left at the
top of the stairs, falls down the stairs, and hurts his back.  He's stuck there
until Marge and Lisa come home.  Forced to clean up his room, Bart discovers a
cherry bomb.  He plans to use it at school the next day.  And he does use it: 
he lights it, then flushes it down the toilet.  Instant geysers! 
Unfortunately, Principal Skinner's mother is caught by an eruption, and Skinner
drags Bart to his home by his ear.  Expulsion won't do, says Skinner; Bart
should be sent someplace far away -- like France, as a foreign exchange
student.  In return, the Simpsons would host an Albanian exchange student. 
Homer's very receptive to the idea, and so is Bart.  So off he goes to France
for 3 months -- and in comes little Adil Hoxha from Albania.  He receives a
very warm welcome at school and at home. In time, he asks to visit Homer at
work at the nuclear plant -- which he does, camera in hand.  Turns out Adil is
actually spying for the Albanian government; every night, as "Sparrow", he
transmits the photos by radio to Albania.  Meanwhile, Bart has ended up on a
very rundown Chateau Maison, run by Cesar and his nephew.  No schoolwork here,
just hard work in the fields caring for the grapes.  He gets little food; he's
forced to sleep on the floor at night.  One day, he discovers that Cesar plans
to spike the wine with anti-freeze so he can get it to market sooner.  If too
much is put in, the wine is poisonous.  After being forced to sample the
doctored bottle (no ill effects), he is sent into town for more anti-freeze. 
Bart finds a police officer and tries to explain the situation, but to no
avail:  the officer understands only French.  Saddened, Bart walks away talking
to himself, first in English, then -- in French!  He can speak French!  He runs
back to the officer and tells him what's happened.  In short order, the chateau
is busted, and Bart is a hero.  Back in Springfield, Adil is busted also; the
Feds discovered his spying operation.  He's exchanged for one of our spies
caught by the Albanians and returns home.  Bart arrives, too, and everyone is
happy.

12.  Apr 29 1990  7G12  Krusty Gets Busted (by Jay Kogen and Wallace
Wolodarsky)

Board:    They are laughing at me, not with me.
Couch:    Maggie pops into Marge's arms

The kids are spending the afternoon watching the Krusty the Clown show.  Today,
Sideshow Bob is blasted out of a cannon as a treat for the Birthday Girl. 
Later, Marge calls Homer and tells him to go to the Kwik-E-Mart and get some
ice cream -- Patty and Selma are coming over with slides from their Mexican
odyssey.  While at the Kwik-E-Mart, Homer is caught in a robbery attempt.  The
robber looks like Krusty the Clown, Homer tells the police.  They arrest
Krusty, and Homer picks him out of a lineup.  Homer arrives home in time for
the evening news.  The lead story:  Krusty is busted.  Bart is devastated.  How
can his hero Krusty be a common criminal?  The anti-Krusty backlash starts
immediately; Rev. Lovejoy plans a bonfire to burn all Krusty merchandise.  As
Krusty is taken into court on the day of the trial, Bart's holding a vigil
outside.  He notices Krusty's real feet are small; normally, he wears large
shoes.  The trial does not go well for Krusty; Homer is called as a witness,
and he identifies the clown as the robber.  Later, Krusty is called as a
witness, and he is forced to reveal that he is illiterate; he can't read or
write (yet he sponsors a childrens' literacy effort on his show).  The verdict
is handed down -- GUILTY!!  Now that Krusty's gone, Sideshow Bob (voiced by
Kelsey Grammer) takes over the show; now he can speak for himself.  The show
will be totally revamped, says Bob; the new "Cavalcade of Whimsy" will be more
"uptown" in taste.  Most of the kids don't mind -- but Bart does.  He's still
convinced of Krusty's innocence, and he asks Lisa to help him in some detective
work.  They recall that the robber used the microwave oven and was reading the
Springfield Review of Books.  They also recall that Krusty has a pacemaker
(installed after a heart attack) and that he can't read.  They go see Sideshow
Bob, but he can't listen to them right now; it's showtime.  He gives them
tickets, and they stay for the show.  Later, Bob invites Bart onto the stage to
discuss the situation.  He refutes Bart's contentions about the robber, then
goes into a long speech about Krusty.  During the speech, Bart realizes that
Bob, like the robber, has real big feet.  He announces that Bob IS the robber,
then proceeds to hit him in the feet.  Bob is arrested and taken to jail, and
Krusty is freed.  He's grateful to Bart for keeping the faith.

NOTE:  See the third season episode "Black Widower" for what happens when
Sideshow Bob is released from prison.

13.  May 1990?      7G01  Some Enchanted Evening (by Matt Groening, Sam Simon)

Board:    I will not yell FIRE in a crowded classroom.
Couch:    Nobody pops out.  Amazing!

Marge is feeling unloved and unappreciated by Homer.  She calls up Dr. Marvin
Monroe on his radio show, and he advises her to be tough with her husband --
shape up or ship out!  Homer hears the broadcast at work, realizes he's in
serious trouble, and goes to Moe's for comforting.  Moe advises taking Marge
out on a romantic evening (dinner & dancing), capped by an overnight motel
stay.  Excellent idea, thinks Homer -- but he's reluctant to go home and face
her.  And with good reason:  she's in a REAL bad mood!  But he does come home,
and they do make up.  But before they can go out, they need a baby sitter. 
After calling the baby sitter service under an assumed name (they won't sit for
the Simpsons), they get a baby sitter, Ms. Botz (voiced by Penny Marshall). 
She has a menacing aura around her which the kids pick up on right away.  As
Homer and Marge enjoy their dinner and dancing, the kids are watching a Happy
Little Elves tape.  Bart ends it early and turns on "America's Most Armed and 
Dangerous."  This week, the show profiles the Babysitter Bandit, who is none
other than -- Ms. Botz!! (real name: Lucille Botzcovski).  Bart and Lisa run,
but she eventually catches them and ties them up.  Then she starts to loot the
house.  Maggie gets out of her crib and comes downstairs.  Lisa asks Maggie to
untie her, which she does (smart kid!).  They formulate a plan and put it into
action.  Before long, they've knocked Botz unconscious and tied her up, escaped
from the house, and called the TV show to say they've captured the bandit. 
However, Marge tries to call home during this time.  When nobody answers, they
rush right home and find the babysitter all tied up.  Not realizing she's a
burglar, Homer unties her and sends her away -- just before the police arrive. 
Looks like "local boob" Homer's screwed up again, but Marge doesn't care --
everyone's safe and sound.

If anybody has any additions, comments or suggestions, please let me know. 
Hope you enjoy this list as much as I've enjoyed creating it.

Roger Reini/76116,1436 in Detroit

