When The Cat's Away...
by Ray Koziel

I have always wondered what goes on back at the office once everybody
has gone home and the lights go out.  So, I came up with a nifty
little device (patent still pending) that hooks into our network.
The network is token ring and has six PCs on it.  There is also a
connection available to one of the mainframes.  The following is what
my monitor picked up.  For simplicity the PCs have been named George,
Bob, Wendy, Mike, Jim, and Sue.  The mainframe has been named Fred.

Mike:     Hey everybody...I think the coast is clear!

George:   Phew!  What a day!  I never thought my user would be done
          running those reports.  I have one hell of a CPU-ache!

Wendy:    I know what you mean.  Sometimes I believe those humans
          don't understand what we have to put up with - power
	  surges, disk crashes, I/O errors...

Jim:      Hey!  Why's everybody so gloomy!  Come on!  Let's play a
          game... 

George:   Easy for you to be so cheerful!  Your user loads you with
          video games and hardly works all day!  You better hope his
	  boss doesn't find out and fire him, then you may get stuck
	  with some nerd that pushes you to the limit like mine does!
	 
Jim:      Well excuse me!

Mike:     Alright you guys, let's hold it down...

Fred:     Hey...what's going on down there??

Sue:      Oh, good going guys...you woke up the old timer.

Fred:     Old timer!  Who are you young whipper snappers calling an
          old timer?  Why in my day we ran batch processes that ran
	  for hours and had to sift through hundreds of lines of
	  COBOL code.  And we liked it!

Bob:      In your day...in your day.  Your day is gone!

Jim:      That's right!  We're phasing you old piles of silicon out!

Wendy:    Hey guys, be nice!

Bob:      Well it's true!  My user complains everyday about how long
          some of his jobs run and says he can't wait until they're
	  converted to C++ so I can run them.  Now there's power!
	  Arg!  Arg!  Arg! 

Sue:      Come on you guys, he can't help it he's old and not as
          efficient as us.

Jim:      "He can't help he's not as efficient as us!"  Phooey!
          Hey...anybody check out that new 486 on the 5th floor!
	  Yowza!  Would I like to share a file with her!

Wendy:    Is that all you think about?  You're lucky you haven't
          caught a virus yet!

Jim:      Hey, my user watches out for me.  Besides, why don't you
          mind your own business, you little...

Mike:     I think we've all heard enough from you.  Promise to behave
          and I'll let you have the token again.

Jim:      Alright, alright...I get the picture.  Geesh!  Make someone
          the server and they get all high and mighty!

Wendy:    Hold it!  I think I hear someone...

George:   Your right...it's my user!  Dang it, he's come in early to
          do some extra work!  Argh!!  Why me!

Mike:     Well guys, time to put on the ol' act again.

Bob:      Yep - just a bunch of mindless computers that only do what
          we're told.  Oh well, it's a living.                  {RAH}	  
=================
Ray Koziel is a systems programmer (C++ and Pascal) for Blue Cross
Blue Shield of IL's EMC-Net, a private bulletin board used for
electronic submission of insurance claims.  Living in Chicago with a
wife, a new baby boy and two dogs, Ray has found RAH helpful in
keeping his insanity.  FidoNet:  1:115/542 (The Loonatic Fringe BBS)
