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                        Ode to a Mammogram                                
                                                                          
                  For years 'n years they told me,                        
                    "Be careful of your breasts.                          
                  Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,                      
                    And give them monthly tests."                         
                                                                          
                  So I heeded all their warnings                          
                    And protected them by law....                         
                  Guarded them very carefully,                            
                    And always wore a bra.                                
                                                                          
                  After thirty years of careful care,                     
                    The doctor found a lump.                              
                  He ordered up a mammogram                               
                    To look inside that clump.                            
                                                                          
                  "Stand up very close," she said,                        
                     As she put my tit in line,                           
                  "And tell me when it hurts," she said,                  
                    "Ah yes!  There that's fine."                         
                                                                          
                  She stepped on a pedal....                              
                    I could not believe my eyes!                          
                  A plastic plate was pressing down....                   
                    My boob was in a vise!!                               
                                                                          
                  My skin was being strained and stretched                
                    From way up by my chin.                               
                  And my poor tit was being squashed                      
                    To Swedish pancake thin.                              
                                                                          
                  Excruciating pain I felt,                               
                    Within its' vise-like grip.                           
                  An prisoner in this vicious thing,                      
                    My poor defenseless tit!!                             
                                                                          
                  "Take a deep breath," she said to me.                   
                     Who does she think she's kidding?                    
                  My chest is smashed in here machine,                    
                    I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.               
                                                                          
                  "There, that was good," I hear her say                  
                     As the room was slowly swaying.                      
                  "Now let's get the other one.                           
                     "Lord, have mercy," I was praying.                   
                                                                          
                  It squeezed me from the up and down.                    
                    It squeezed me from both sides.                       
                  I'll bet she's never had this done,                     
                    To her tender little hide!                            
                                                                          
                  If I had no problem when I came in,                     
                    I surely have one now...                              
                  If there had been a cyst in there,                      
                    It would have popped...Ker-Pow!!                      
                                                                          
                  This machine was made by man,                           
                    Of this I have not doubt....                          
                  I'd like to get his balls in there,                     
                    For months he'd go "without"!                         
                                                                          
                             Anonymous                                    
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