


     One Cut Above

                                             By Gary Bryant

          Any time now you're going to see your mailboxes and  
     daily newspapers stuffed with  color ads and flyers telling 
     us that autumn is just  around the corner.  Time to stock 
     up on pre-made  tool sheds, home insulation and chain saws.
      
          Many  people are afraid of chain saws. I know I am.  
     Every time  I've gone to use one I was soon confronted with 
     a terrifying stack of wood I'd sooner or later have to  
     split and stack.  Yes, I'm afraid of chain saws.

          Nobody borrows chain saws either. You have to buy your
     own, even if you have only a single tree to cut down.  I had 
     one friend who was more than willing to loan me  just about 
     anything.

          "If your car ever breaks  down, feel free to come 
     over and take my Mercedes,"  he would say.  He was a generous 
     guy.

           Somehow chain saws  were different. One Saturday I was 
     eyeing my lone tree, scarred by years of abuse and disease.  
     I longed to put it out of its misery. My neighbor was washing 
     his  Mercedes.  I casually walked over to him.  
       
     "Hi ya,  guy!" I said. 
      
     "Yo," came the friendly reply, "Need  to borrow my car?"
       
     "Naaaw" I said, "but you could  do me a big favor by letting 
     me use your chain saw for a  few minutes."
          
          There was dead silence.  My friend slowly put his wet 
     rag down, walked over and with his  piercing blue eyes said,
     "There's only two things I  don't lend out, my wife and my 
     chain saw."  

          I  looked down at my untied shoes and said, "Oh." 

          I walked by to my house and starting looking through
     the classified ads for a chain saw.  I already had a  wife.

  


