AURORA DISTURBANCES ON H. F. PROPAGATION III by Billy Capers, AL7BB After much consideration of what I have been able to uncover what this strange thing we call the AURORA BOREALIS is. I am conviced that what we are really having to tolerate is not a natural thing, it is a prehistoric bird that thrives off electromagnetic radiation much the same way that a normal bird thrives off seed and little creatures that crawl around. I think this bird must normally live in the frozen wastelands somewhere above the Arctic Circle, and only appears when it get hungary. I would not be surprised if the thing actually hibernates much like many members of the animal world, only to be disturbed at unpredictable times. Now that we have determined that such a beast does in fact exist, I find that a proper name should be placed on that creatyure, so in order to simplify reference to the thing, I have named it the Great Alaskan Signal Sucker, or GASS Bird. When the GASS Bird swoops down from the North, it litterly sucks up all the RF in the area, and stores it in his great rear end, to be consumed as required to sustain his activity. I have also surmised that actually, there is no such thing as a true Aurora, for what we are actually seeing is the great tail feathers with all their brilliant colors glowing as the bird swoops across the sky. This could well explain the dancing of these lights through the skys in a ballet like pattern that tends to soothe the savage beast, however awakens the ire in ham operators. I have also surmised that as the bird lives in the vicinity of the North Pole, and remembering that everything is South of there, I believe that the bird is bi-directional, and must fly forward toward the South, and backward when returning to his resting place. With the size of the thing, he would have a very rough time trying to turn around anyway. I surmise that if he tried to turn around, he would have to take up most of the Milky Way, and would then be completely visible. This being against the secretive nature of the GASS Bird, he would rather only have a forward and a reverse direction. Now, armed with the information that I have given you, the Ham can be equipped with the knowledge of what to expect once he sees the brilliant display of the GASS Birds tail feathers, and I would recommend that the Ham who has plans of long duration in the community of communicators, not climb his tower and shake his fist in the snout of the bird, for as there has been no recorded cases of the bird actually harming anyone, I am sure the possibility does exist. There are also indications that some of the other disturbances we hear on the Ham bands could be a direct result of the GASS Bird, and we of the brotherhood have been blaming some of our neighbors unjustly, but that is another story.