 @.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$

 DESPERADO, Has Been Recalled By Dong-A-Food

 @.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$

CONTRIBUTIONS TO CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
[t_parmenter@closet.enet.dec.com]
SUBSCRIPTION REQUESTS TO COVERT::DESPERADO-REQUEST
[desperado-request@covert.enet.dec.com]

1065 sparkling lines

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Powerful enough to suck prairie dogs from their holes, but gentle all the same.
Not an official publication.  Forward with daring and whimsy.  Circle the earth.
Should you rip something off from here,  be a sport and rip this header off too.
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        I put a lot of stock in the names of things.  There's a Latin
        expression, "Nomen est omen" that pretty well sums up my attidude,
        meaning "the name sure does tell a lot" or something like that.
        Anyway, here are three naming tragedies, missed opportunities for
        laying a real good omen on the world.

        1 - When the trick skiers organized, they voted down the name
        International Hotdog Skiing Association in favor of the bland,
        Repbliican, International Freestyle Skiing Association.  They have
        since been merged into the gloomy grey (French-run) Federation
        Internationale de Ski, where they are just one more bureau and
        their event has turned into "the moguls".  If they'd gone the
        Hotdog route, who knows how wild it would have gotten?

        2 - The characters in the Chas. Addams cartoons mostly didn't
        have names, so when the TV show came along, they had to make them
        up.  They did pretty well:  Morticia, Gomez, Lurch, Tuesday,
        Puggsley, but it's something of a tragic loss that they didn't use
        Chas. Addams's name for Puggsley, the teenage boy, which was Pubert.

        3 - Worst of all, when Errol Flynn wrote his autobiography, the
        publisher forced him to use the moralistic and insipid title, "My
        Wicked Wicked Ways".  Errol had to forget his own title, which was
        inexpressibly truer and more autobiographical, "In Like Me".

                                    =*=

        Speaking of the Rock&Roll Hall o' Fame, I forgot to mention that
        Johnny Cash also said he thought there should be gospel
        musicicians in there too.  Here!  Here!  And Hallelujah! while
        you're at it.

                                    =*=

        So, having summarily fired the E Street Band, Springsteen releases
        two albums recorded with Toto.  That makes it two Hollywood dogs:

                Toto and Old Yeller.

                                    =*=

        Horrible as it is to contemplate, much less to say it, Dan Quayle
        is pushing two policies that I like.  No, that can't be true.
        Anyway, he has brought two issues onto the table that hadn't been
        on the table before, and I'm glad to see them there.  They are,
        the space program, which Quayle, in his ignorance, believes should
        be trying to get to Mars, not just running a bus service between
        here and halfway to the moon, and he's gotten all the lawyers mad
        at him because he thinks, in his ignorance, that there are too
        many lawyers making too much money off too many dubious suits.  I
        like the idea that the losing side should be vulnerable for costs
        in lawsuits, or, quibbling with myself, I like the idea that
        people should be discussing it.  I still think Quayle is a
        trust-fund ninny and an insult to us all, but as some noted
        Washington columnist said, "Quayle isn't as dumb as you think, not
        quite."  Since the average vice president never does one damn
        thing worth anyone's attention, I am forced to conclude that
        Qauayle *may* be an above average vice president.

        And when he runs for President I'll do everything I can to keep
        him out.

                                    =*=

        OmniPage, software that soups up a scanner, or rationalizes
        scanner output, or something, boasts on the box that it is "a
        modern tool with Etruscan cultural roots especially applicable for
        Desktop Publishing (DTP) and  designed to eliminate EKS (Excessive
        Key Strokes)."

                                    =*=

        If you watch one of the three things on MTV worth watching, Just
        Say Julie, Liquid TV, or 120 Minutes (Setting aside for the moment
        the question of whether Club Butts Dance Party is worth watching),
        you may catch a station break showing the Survival Research
        Laborotories machines flaming and bashing away at each other.
        Latter-day trebuchets!

        I wrote Reader Raymond Drewry of SRL asking whther there
        were any video tapes.  Not yet, he reported, and ridiculous
        regulations were getting in the way.

From:   DECWRL::"drewry@cayenne.cayenne.com"
To:     vaxuum::t_parmenter
Subj:   misc

        videotapes on the way as soon as there are some.  srl
has been slightly dysfunctional of late, what with money shortages,
cancelled shows, and such.  sigh.  things are better now,
though a show in texas was nixed y the fire marshall, not
for flame throwers or lasers or telerobotic cannons, but
because 'new law says ya can't run a gasoline engine
inside; diesel's ok, but no gas.'  grumble.
        maybe a show in april for the groundbreaking
of the new museum of modern art here.
        cheers.
        --r

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

                              PROBABLY RIGHT, STEVE

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   HELIX::RUZICH       "From dust to dessert... - R. Serling"
To:     CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
Subj:   Verbal archaeology

Tom,

Some months ago, I cut an item out of Desperado and posted it on my wall.
It goes like so:

        From: schwartz_m@wmois.enet.dec.com
        Subject: Quote of the Day

        Only two significant things came out of Berkeley: LSD and
        UNIX.  We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

One of my co-workers, Brian Harrigan, took at look at this and noticed that
it is wrong: UNIX didn't come from Berkeley, only the BSD variant of UNIX did.
Brian suggested that the line should really say "LSD and BSD".

It seems to me that the phrase "LSD and BSD" is not only more accurate but has
a real ring to it.  This suggests that perhaps "LSD and BSD" is the original
phrase, and was modified to "LSD and UNIX" as it was retold, over the years.

-Steve

                                    =*=

        This may be a myth, but apparently DEC announced a grammar checker
        in its Sales Update with the headline

                "VAX GRAMMAR -- First in it's field"

                                    =*=

        This is from a memo from "U.S. Digital Services":

        "As you're aware we have been moving toward a consolidated and
        fully integrated Digital Services organization for the last several
        months. One of the outcomes of this structural change is work
        consolidation and elimination of redundant jobs."

        <signed>
        Bud Mumble,
        U.S. Digital Services Vice President

        Ray Mutter
        U.S. Digital Services Vice President

                                    =*=

From: guy@odi.com
To: sawyer, jo
Subject: good .sig

"Noun cluster pileup terseness advantage may not overcome resulting
reader confusion."

                                    =*=

From:   HANNAH::DEVRIES     "No man is an island, entire of itself."
To:     tomp,genek
Subj:   FYI - a slight untruth

In VTX ESCOURSES, under "Trademark Acknowledgements", the first line says:

  BASIC, C, COBOL, MS-DOS, MULTIPLAN, and Pascal are
  registered trademarks of Microsoft Corporation

Guess Bill Gates has been even busier than we thought.  (I sent the ESCOURSES
folks mail.)

-md


                                    =*=

From:   DECPA::"wos@oxford.com" "Olin Sibert"
To:     closet::t_parmenter
CC:     stoll@ocf.berkeley.edu
Subj:   Desperado contribution(?)

The following posting, from Cliff Stoll, well-known author and famous
yoyoist, crossed my meta-desk this morning, and it seemed like your
kind of item.

Probably I'm not the first to pass it on, but if I am, and if Cliff
approves (say yes, please, Cliff) of its redistribution to Desperadoes
everywhere, here 'tis.

Cheers -- Olin Sibert

   ----------------------------------------------------------------

From: stoll@ocf.berkeley.edu (Cliff Stoll)
Newsgroups: alt.security
Subject: Re: non-computer computer viruses
Organization: U.C. Berkeley Open Computing Facility

For example...

Ever notice that the second or third time you read a book,
you discover all sorts of typos and misprints?  The more
often you read a book, the more typos you find.

These typos are read-errors; mistakes introduced by reading
the text. To preserve accuracy, you should purchase a new
edition each time you wish to read a book.  Most of all,
avoid used books, pirated editions, and books from unknown
sources.

Public libraries are especially dangerous!  Library books are
read many times, introducing uncounted read-errors.  Worse,
borrowers (and some unscrupulous authors) can infect books
with literary viruses (analogous to computer viruses) which
can be transmitted to other readers.

You can avoid these problems by only reading from new books,
and purchasing fresh shrinkwrapped volumes at your local
bookstore.  Hardback editions are most resistant to typos and
literary viruses; get these whenever possible.

A public service message brought to you by a disinterested party
     -Cliff Stoll

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        If anyone knows how to track down network miscreants, it's Cliff
        Stoll.  I'm running this without further permission.  Buy Cliff's
        book, "The Cuckoo's Egg", which tells how he caught the East
        German hacker-spies.

        A couple of points from the book:

        He wasn't neck-deep in hardware the way we tend to be in computer
        companies; he had to do a lot of scrounging to monitor the lines
        these hackers were using.

        He didn't do anything "brilliant" to track these guys down, no
        hashing, decrypting, creating data structures, inventing tools, or
        whatever.  He just noticed a discrepancy in the billing and
        followed up on it. Most of the reviews cast him as some kind of
        wizard, but technically speaking, what he did was basically
        system-manager stuff.  The important, rare, and amazing thing he
        did was follow it through, stick with it, figure it out.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   DECPA::"jym@remarque.berkeley.edu" "Jym Dyer"
To:     closet::t_parmenter
Subj:   Bravo for Life's Little Ironies

=#= So there I was, trapped in one of those newfangled
automobiles in San Francisco's own newfangled automobile
Hell (a.k.a. Route 101), along with billions of fellow
cheap petroleum enthusiasts.  And I noticed an elaborate
bumper sticker right on the newfangled bumper in front
of me.

=#= A gem, it was, one of those lovingly-crafted odes to
patriotism that sold so well last January and February
(thanks mostly to the huge marketing campaign on the
nightly news).  It said, of course, "Support Operation
Desert Storm."  And it had an American Flag on it.  It
also (presumbly for good measure) said, "These Colors
Don't Run."

=#= Except that they had.  The flag itself was washed
out, and the bumper sticker (and bumper) was festooned
with blotches of red and blue dye.
    <_Jym_>

                                    =*=

From:   LJOHUB::WESSELS      "How many DEC VPs can dance on the head of a pin?"
To:     CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
Subj:   For the .SIG file - this made me laugh

         ~ deej ~              | (If I were expressing Cadence's opinions, )
Jim Howard -- deej@cadence.com | (they'd probably make me wear a tie...    )
                        Flames cheerfully ignored.
"Pardon me, is that Grey Poupon those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"

                                    =*=

From:   DECWRL::"steveo@Think.COM" "Steve Anthony"
To:     closet::t_parmenter
Subj:   [traveler@Think.COM: How to Make Pi Equal to Three]

They probably *do* know about these scientific methods, and apply the
formulae to balancing the budget.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: William R. Swanson <traveler@Think.COM>
To: science@Think.COM, fun@Think.COM
Subject: How to Make Pi Equal to Three


>From the pages of the "American Mathematical Monthly", Feb. 1992,
comes a recipe that involves neither pseudoscientific trickery nor
legislative hairsplitting--just a simple solution that is merely
technologically infeasible at the present time...

                How to Make Pi Equal to Three

                        Rick Norwood

  Pi is equal to the quotient obtained when the distance around a
circle is divided by the distance across. For most circles, pi is
a little bit bigger than three. But, for spinning circles, the
Lorentz-Fitzgerald contraction must be taken into account. Since
the circumference of a rotating circle lies in the direction of
motion, its length decreases as the rate of rotation increases.
Since the radius of a rotating circle lies perpendicular to the
direction of motion, its length remains constant. Therefore, as
the rate at which a circle rotates increases, pi decreases. A simple
calculation shows that, for a circle one meter in radius, rotation
at roughly ten million revolutions per second will bring about the
desired value for pi.

                                        Department of Mathematics
                                  East Tennessee State University
                                           Johnson City, TN 37614


P.S. Just imagine what would happen if some of those overambitious
legislators way down South got hold of this, and as a result made
the proclamation that all circular objects must be kept rotating
at such a speed as to keep reality in accordance with human law... ;-)

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        All right!  Listen up, Yankees!  The legislature that passed a law
        declaring pi=3 was a Yankee legislature, that of Indiana, which
        was also the only state legislature ever owned and operated by the
        Ku Klux Klan.  They don't call 'em Hoosiers for nothing.  I speak
        as a Purdue grad.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   DECWRL::"jo@odi.com"
To:     closet::t_parmenter, guy@odi.com, swm@symbolics.com
Subj:   Pass the grits, Maw

"You know, the South is really not dependent on the Coca-Cola Company
financially; it's just that without Coke a lot of us wouldn't know
what to drink with breakfast."  -- Nathalie Dupree, "Cooking of the
South"

------------------------------------------

The above is quoted in a book each of you absolutely must have, "True
Grits: The Southern Foods Mail-Order Catalog", compiled by Joni Miller
and published in 1990 by Workman.

                                    =*=

From:   HANNAH::xxxxx
To:     @MY.DIS
CC:     MARY
Subj:   I will be gone until the 15th

I'm off to Arizona, California, Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois,
Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York.  I'll be back on the 15th.

George C6o can sign for me in my absence but I believe that he
is even tighter than I am so it's probably a waste of time to ask
him to buy anything.  However, if you need advice or escalation, he
the guy to go to.

Work hard,
Gary

                                    =*=

From:   ISOISA::HAKKARAINEN "Where are the tools?"
To:     RAGMOP::T_PARMENTER
Subj:   Auto Reply from Watch_Mail for 31-JAN-1992 12:00 to 10-FEB-1992 00:00

    Looking out the back window you see snow and ice covering the stubble
    of a rye field. Looking out front you see ice and snow covering the
    mussel bouys in the river and then the ocean ice not far beyond. You
    look at the thermometer that reads -190C as it sits in the sun that's
    just cleared the trees (and it's already 8 a.m.) You take all that in
    and say, ``Sure, that's my idea of a vacation spot.''

    I'll be away from my office until 10-Feb.

                                    =*=

From: dlw@odi.com
Subject: [hal@altdorf.ai.mit.edu: finally, an appropriate name]

[Forwarded from Hal Abelson at MIT]

I see (from reading this august list) that Sun has chosen the name
"Solaris" for their new opeating system.

In Stanislaw Lem's novel of the same name, Solaris was an alien
planet/intelligence that human explorers found to be utterly
incomprehensible and psychologically devastating.  Encounters with
Solaris drove them to madness and death.

I'm glad that someone at Sun is finally getting it right.

-Hal

                                    =*=

From: hoey@aic.nrl.navy.mil
To: Post-NetNews@ucbvax.berkeley.edu, Feature-Entenmanns@mc.lcs.mit.edu

jn11+@andrew.cmu.edu (Joseph M. Newcomer) writes:

> After the gross injustices done to Blaise Pascal and Ada Lovelace in
> the name of "languages", I think the best way to honor Adm. Grace
> Hopper is to vow to /not/ name any language after her.

Good idea, but fortunately unnecessary.  She is not subject to such
mistreatment, having already given her name to a device for handling
punched cards.

Dan

                                    =*=

From:   GAUCHE::jnelson "Jeff E. Nelson"
To:     closet::t_parmenter, creatures@vtopus.cs.vt.edu
Subj:   Now's the time to make that career move!  :-)

From: angeleno@well.sf.ca.us (Howard Arthur Faye)
Newsgroups: rec.video.cable-tv
Subject: Jeopardy! Research Position Open
Sender: angeleno@well.sf.ca.us
Organization: Whole Earth 'Lectronic Link, Sausalito, CA

A position for a full-time researcher at the Merv Griffin/King World
syndicated game show 'Jeopardy!' is now open. The job involves verifying
question material written by the writing staff using the on premises
library.

The job qualifications include:
        -taking the Jeopardy! contestants test;
        -locating in LA;
        -having a wide general knowledge base and a research background.

Salary is negotiable and benefits include medical and dental coverage, etc.

Resumes should be sent as soon as possible to:

        Jeopardy! Research Department
        Hollywood Center Studios
        1040 N. Las Palmas
        Hollywood, CA   90028

If you have any questions regarding this position feel free to send me
e-mail.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

                                       SIC

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   DECWRL::"moon@cambridge.apple.com" "David A. Moon"
To:     jo@odi.com, rom@osf.org, closet::t_parmenter, swm@Symbolics.com
Subj:   Frosty the Snowman, or, Duke had better watch his ass in NH

My nominee for typo of the month is this sentence in David Nyhan's op-ed
piece in the Boston Globe:

"Not until later in the year, and later in the schedule, will the
Bush ice-prick brigade turn its tools in the direction of David Duke."

Sick.

                                    =*=

From:   HANNAH::DEVRIES      "No man is an island, entire of itself."
To:     DONATA::T_PARMENTER
Subj:   RE: thanks for that wysiwyg piece!  more courses

Tom,

This one sounds particularly painful:

> 1) Value-Based Pricking in a High-Tech Environment:           January  6-8

Or is that a comment on the recalcitrant personality one finds too often
these days?  :-)

                                    =*=

From:   HAN::PAULSON "Bob Paulson @HAO"
To:     CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
Subj:   A view from Vienna...

(copied without permission from the International Herald Tribune,
Feb. 11, 1992 - Letters to the Editor:)

The Connection, Please?

"Economically, socially and politically, the United States is facing
some of the greatest challenges in its history.  But the American
electorate seems to be looking for a president who has been faithful
to his wife.  The connection is not immediately clear to all of us."
- Peter Kyriakeas Kirk, Vienna

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        O Gee, that makes us sound so shallow.  We also apparently *may*
        want to retain a president who has such dynamic programs as
        slapping his own wrist silly by putting a moratorium on government
        regulations (and just who was the president and vice president
        during the last 12 years?), giving us $30 each in "free money" by
        cutting our tas *deductions* for a while (not our taxes, mind you,
        just the deductions, meaning that all he's doing is interfering
        with the People's Program for Prudent Preparedness, otherwise
        known as the tax refund).

        The New Republic notes that the Bush administration wants nothing
        do do with Yeltsin because "he hasn't accomplished enough".  That
        is, being the first democratically elected leader of Russia in a
        thousand years, risking his life in the coup, dissolving the
        Soviet Union, and allowing prices to rise by twenty or thirty
        times just to get a capitalist economy going just aren't very
        impressive to a guy who's so bold he reduces our tax deductions
        without even being asked.

        Paul Tsongas, on the other had, wants us to take our medicine.  It
        will be good for us.  He seems to be the latter-day Milton Shapp,
        who ran for President (not very far) on the entirely sensible
        principle that he was better-qualified than anyone in the race
        (which Reagan won), or maybe Bruce Babbitt, who thought ideas
        could win the presidency, when in fact, *not* being named a dopey
        name like Babbitt could be much more important than any ideas he
        might have.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

>From Jym Dyer:
Subj:   Trouble in Triplicate

From: Vicki Streiff <vyxter@ftp.com>
From: todd@ftp.com  (Todd Prior)

I was bored last week and a thought occured to me.  Why is it that there is a
government bureau which oversees alcohol, tobacco, and firearms?  I was bored
enough to call up the regional office of said bureau...  I asked the man who
answered the phone "What wine goes best with an M-16?"  He did his best to be
helpful, however.  "That depends.  What are you smoking?"

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

                        NOTES PERFECTION ACHIEVED AT DEC

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   VISUAL::SHIMKIN
To:     CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
Subj:   Perhaps some desperado readers would like to subscribe

         <<< TAKEA::FLYING_LEAP:[INTHEMUD]WRITE_LOCKED.NOTE;1 >>>
================================================================================
Note 1.0                          Introduction                       No replies
TAKEA::HIKE "Inspiring Message"                    19 lines   31-JUN-1991 24:49
                                -< Bug off! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Welcome to the WRITE_LOCKED conference.  Nothing is inappropriate for this
    conference, it's write locked.  Every note is write locked, every reply is
    hidden, the conference is write locked.

    Finally, you don't have to be tolerant, value differences, or be a team
    player.  Just be yourself.  And be paid for your performance.

    All conferences have rules, and this one is no exception.  We simply ask:

    1.  Be kind; rewind.

    2.  Close cover before striking.

    3.  Although this conference is write locked, we ask that you use mixed
        case.  Using all capital letters is annoying, even if it's an intention.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        I don't often have this information, but the above is an original
        by the sender, Brian Shimkin.  Non-DEC readers may not know that
        the free flow of information in DEC notes files is frequently
        interrupted by the tweet-tweet-tweet of the self-appointed notes
        police, who prefer that no one say anything that could be
        interpreted as being rude, off-the-subject, or even above-average
        interesting.

                                    =*=

        Frequent contributor JO, the original Desperado and quondam member
        of the 70s Preservation Society, a man who knows the words to
        "Brother Louie" and all the Rick Springfield hits, was moved to
        write about rock&roll by the Hall o' Fame reports last time
        around.

        (Now where did I read recently that the 70s Preservation Society is
        not simply a marketing ploy, but is an actual organization created
        by two 70s freaks?  That's as may be, but they DO NOT offer 8-track
        tapes, which seems a flaw.)

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   DECWRL::"jo@odi.com"
To:     t_parmenter%closet.DEC@inet-gw-1.pa.dec.com
Subj:   music

Don't forget to single out truly terrible R&R anthems: "God Gave Rock
and Roll to You", to name the only one I haven't blocked out entirely.

And what about a "Songs That Couldn't Have Been Written by a White
Person" wing?  "She Was Checking Out as I Was Checking In", "Wang Dang
Doodle", and thousands of others.  Next door is the "Songs That No
Self-Respecting Black Person Would Have Written" complex, including
the complete works of Gilbert O'Sullivan and tens of thousands of
other drippy ditties.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        Terrible anthem:  "We Built This City".

        Nonwhite songs:  Don Byas's tenor sax solo on "Harvard Blues"

        Whitebread songs:  "Rikki don't lose that number", "Hooray for
        Hazel"

        The complete works of Gilbert O'Sullivan may build white bodies
        twelve ways, but the Gil One successfully sued some rapper for
        sampling "Alone Again (Naturally)".  Someone else pointed out that
        Gilbert O'Sullivan himself had sampled his entire name from other
        performers.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From:   DECWRL::"jo@odi.com"
To:     t_parmenter%closet.DEC@inet-gw-1.pa.dec.com
Subj:   R&R critic needs R&R

One of the boys at the Globe -- Jim Sullivan, I think -- must be going
through male menopause.  First he whined about the presenters being
better than the inductees at this year's HOF ceremonies, then he took
the "con" position in the all-important "Nirvana: Threat or Menace?"
print debate that ran a couple of Sundays ago.  His argument was that
not only are the band's lyrics trite, but the singer mumbles so's you
can't even understand what he's saying!  (Like the old joke about the
woman reporting on her stay in the Catskills: "The food was terrible
-- pure poison -- and even worse, the portions were so small!")

I like the Nirvana songs they play on my radio.  What's wrong with
dumb lyrics you can't understand?  One of Elvis Costello's 80s albums
had reviewers falling all over themselves to compare E. C. to Cole
Porter, for crying out loud, but no one ever plays the songs, because
the tunes aren't red hot and blue.

The idea of a debate over whether Nirvana deserves its lofty status on
the charts is pretty silly, too.  The last big debate I remember was
in the 70s, when someone said everybody had to decide if "The Sultans
of Swing" was going to save R&R or not.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

        Yes, right, the Globe is insufferable.  If Jim Sullivan actually
        thinks U2 is better than the least entry in the HOF (which is Bobby
        Darin, as you'll recall), why then, who cares what he thinks about
        anything?

        Nirvana's okay, but I think they're a great example of the
        lottery-winner.  One of those Seattle bands was going to break
        through sometime and somenow Nirvana  got picked.  Why not
        Mudhoney?  We'll never know.

        It's cool that trite lyrics and mumbling singers ain't out of
        style.  My brother Jim says rock&roll is like Europa, that figure
        of mythology who was borne away by a heavenly white bull and who
        must, in order to retain her existence and meaning, touch solid
        earth from time to time.  This means too much U2 and your brain
        turns to mush, so keep it loud, rude and rowdy.

        As for SOS, it saved many a 4-minute slot that might otherwise have
        been occupied by something far worse.  Two songs I could listen to
        over and over, I'm surprised to say:  "Sultans of Swing" and "Walk
        of Life".  I'm not even tired of "Money for Nothing" (also known as
        Sting's greatest hit, and he is also known, by me, as Stink.)

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

From: adams@twinkies.berkeley.edu (Jeffrey P. Adams)
Newsgroups: rec.music.misc,alt.rock-n-roll,rec.arts.tv
Subject: TV theme songs, again
Sender: usenet@agate.berkeley.edu (USENET Administrator;;;;ZU44)
Organization: University of California, Berkeley

Here's the current TV theme song list.  Any additions, corrections, or
comments, please email me.  I'll do another summary if there's enough
response to warrant it.


Andy Griffith                         (Richie Cole, Henry Kaiser, Silvertones,
                                       R. Stevie Moore)
Banana Splits                         (Dickies)
Batman                                (Kinks, Who, Jam, Larry Norman)
Beverly Hillbillies                   (Flatt & Scruggs)
Beverly Hillbillies [tune: Money for  (Weird Al Yankovic)
                      Nothing]
Bonanza                               (The Who [in concert], Lorne Green)
Brady Bunch [tune: Safety Dance]      (Weird Al Yankovic)
Brady Bunch                           (Scott Shaw)
Dragnet                               (Art of Noise)
Flintstones                           (Bruce Springstone, Clark Terry,
                                       Monty Alexander/Herb Ellis/Ray Brown)
George of the Jungle                  (Weird Al Yankovic, Scott Shaw)
Gigantor the Teenage Robot            (Dickies)
Gilligan's Island [tune: Stairway     (Roger & the Goosebumps)
                   to Heaven]
Gilligan's Island [tune: Born to Run] (Spot 1019)
Green Acres [tune: Purple Haze]       (Elvis Hitler)
Green Acres                           (Eddie Albert, PTL Klub(?)[on Mystic
                                       Sampler album], Tempest)
Hawaii 5-0                            (23 Skidoo)
Hee Haw                               (Hickoids)
Jetsons                               (One Bad Pig)
Love is All Around [Mary Tyler Moore] (Husker Du)
Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman            (Ornette Coleman & Charlie Haden)
Maverick                              (George Thorogood & Destroyers)
Mickey Mouse Club                     (from _Stay Awake_)
Mr. Ed                                (They Might Be Giants [adapted on
                                       Mr. Klaw])
Munsters                              (Comateens, Believer)
Perry Mason                           (Mahavishnu Orchestra (?),
                                       Del-Byzantines [on My World is
                                       Empty Without You])
Peter Gunn                            (Art of Noise, Blues Brothers, Roy
                                       Buchanan, Fairport Convention, ELP,
                                       Pogues [on Metropolis], Jimi Hendrix,
                                       Dave Brubeck, Silencers)
Petticoat Junction                    (Flatt & Scruggs)
Popeye [older version]                (Keith Emerson)
Rawhide                               (Blues Brothers, The Men They Couldn't
                                       Hang, Dead Kennedys, The Meteors)
Rocky & Bullwinkle                    (Birdsongs of the Mesozoic)
Secret Agent Man                      (Devo, Johnny Rivers, Agent Orange,
                                       Plugz [El Hombre Secreto])
Sesame Street                         (Oscar Peterson & Joe Pass)
Speed Racer                           (Spot 1019)
Star Trek                             (Maynard Ferguson)
Syncopated Clock [from (?)]           (Tomita)
Twilight Zone                         (Manhattan Transfer)
Medley: Maverick, Rawhide, Bonanza,   (Guy Van Duser)
        Rifleman, Sugarfoot, Have Gun
        Will Travel, [2 others]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
          Jeff Adams                 adams@math.berkeley.edu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                    =*=

From:   DECWRL::"apache!fgk@uu.psi.com" "Frank Krausz"
To:     closet::t_parmenter
Subj:   Food Notes From All Over

Verbatim, from a Boston Globe article detailing product recalls
announced by the FDA:

        Dong-A-Food Corp. in Brooklyn, N.Y., recalled Salted
        Uneviscerated Yellow Croaker, a product of Korea.  The
        firm estimates that 71 cartons remain on the market in
        New York and New Jersey.  The croaker was recalled due
        to potential Clostridium botulinum.

Good thing that they found out quickly -- I'll bet that stuff just
flies off the shelves.

                                    =*=

Another Usenet trailer:

% From: /amqueue <amq@paul.rutgers.edu>



X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
 Another file downloaded from:                                NIRVANAnet(tm)

 &TOTSE                510/935-5845   Walnut Creek, CA         Taipan Enigma
 Burn This Flag        408/363-9766       San Jose, CA                Zardoz
 realitycheck          415/666-0339  San Francisco, CA    Poindexter Fortran
 Governed Anarchy      510/226-6656        Fremont, CA             Eightball
 New Dork Sublime      805/823-1346      Tehachapi, CA               Biffnix
 Lies Unlimited        801/278-2699 Salt Lake City, UT            Mick Freen
 Atomic Books          410/669-4179      Baltimore, MD               Baywolf
 Sea of Noise          203/886-1441        Norwich, CT             Mr. Noise
 The Dojo              713/997-6351       Pearland, TX               Yojimbo
 Frayed Ends of Sanity 503/965-6747     Cloverdale, OR              Flatline
 The Ether Room        510/228-1146       Martinez, CA Tiny Little Super Guy
 Hacker Heaven         860/456-9266        Lebanon, CT         The Visionary
 The Shaven Yak        510/672-6570        Clayton, CA             Magic Man
 El Observador         408/372-9054        Salinas, CA         El Observador
 Cool Beans!           415/648-7865  San Francisco, CA        G.A. Ellsworth
 DUSK Til Dawn         604/746-5383   Cowichan Bay, BC         Cyber Trollis
 The Great Abyss       510/482-5813        Oakland, CA             Keymaster

                          "Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
