DE solution FER Kings Quest I remake by Atomic Punk Same basics of all Sierra adventures: Read, touch, eat, fuck, take, and look at anything you run accross for maximum points. Hell, even eating the damn witch's house gives you 2 points. You's at the castle. Go east, then north, then west. You'z in the garden. pick a carrot, and go west to the other side of the garden (screen will scroll). Go south (you should be on the left side of the castle) and then west. There's a forest there with a couple of rocks in the middle. Stand behind the rocks and say "move da rock". There's a hole there now. Reach in and grab the dagger. Go west and swim west across a lake that covers two screens. Out of the pond, head north to the well, then west where there's a corral with a goat in it. Go in the corral. Show the carrot to the goat, and the lil fucker'll follow you anywhere. Go outta the corral again, and go west two screens. If you keep going back to the screen that looks like a meadow with a slight slope on it, your fairy fucking god mother will eventually show up and cast some useless spell on you (well, it's not useless if you're retarded and don't know how to play the game, in which case it helps you get the mirror, but...) Go north to the clover patch. Check out the four-leafer and grab it. The Leper-chauns won't fuck with you. Head north again to the wooden bridge. Go across the bridge. Hah! Damn troll stopped ya, didn't he? Helps to know all these stupid fairy tales - Your goat'll kick his butt off of there just like in the old fairy tale. Bye bye, troll. Your goat takes a hike. Go north across the bridge. There's an old fart-gnome sitting here, and he'll give you some magic beans if you can guess what his name is. Here they've changed it from the original. In the original, you had to use a reverse-alphabet cryptogram to reverse Rumplestilskin and spell it backwards. In this remake, just spell it backwards - nikslitselpmur (and you thought Mzxypltk's name was weird). Go east and go across the wooden bridge. Go eat to the flower bed. stick the beans in the ground and stand back to listen to your Adlib rumble. Fuck the beanstalk - Go east and swim the lake. Get outta the lake, and continue east. Get down and look in that little hole in the rocks where there's a greenish glow. Head south (I think) until you find this beach where there's some pebbles at the bottom of the screen. Grab a few, they're worth some points. If you don't wanna waste time, don't bother. (Note: This has changed from the original - the screens were in a different order) Go back to the beanstalk and "CLIMB STALK". Save your game about every 2 inches unless you like wasting a lot of time climbing. When you get to the top (three screens), head DIRECTLY east - Do not fuck around in any other direction unless you like skydiving without a parachute. When you get to some trees, go south, then east twice. There's a slingshot in that hole. I never used it, but hey. Maybe it'll work on Schwarzenegger the giant up there. Go north. IGNORE THE CAVE. You want to go west toward the bottom part of the screen. The giant's here. Sit right on the south side of the tree on the right side of the giant's screen. He can't find you. Sit tight, and he'll eventually fall asleep. Grab the chest. Now you have two options. You can go to the cave and wind around these rickety wooden stairs, or take the stalk. I'd suggest the stalk, it's faster and easier - but if you like excitement, go for the stairs. Remember to save your game, bright one. Go back to the well (hah, I'll make you work on this one). Stand on the north side of the well and cut the rope. You have the bucket now. Lower the rope and climb down it. Jump off the end and swim. type "DIVE" and swim down. Ignore the chest at the bottom, it's nothing. Also, don't get tangled up in the weeds unless you have gills. Swim to the west and up the hole. Fill the bucket. Get out. Save Game. Head west. WHOA! A dragon. Hah, go into the screen til he picks his head up and looks at you. Then nail him with the water in the bucket. He'll put his tail between his legs and take off. Grab the mirror. Bitchin, two out of three treasures! Go west 'til you're out of the cave. If the condor's there swooping around, just ignore him. Head south twice, and look in the stump for the pouch full of diamonds. Go east and swim east across the lake twice. Go east where to the dagger screen and north to the tree. If you look at the tree, it'll give you a Sierra suttle hint "GEE, THE TREE SURE LOOKS LIKE IT COULD SUPPORT YOUR WEIGHT". Climb the tree, go out on the branch, and grab the gold egg sittin' in the nest. After you climb down, go north a couple of times until you see the walnut tree with walnuts on the ground. Forget the squirrel and grab a walnut. When you open the walnut, you'll have a solid gold nut on the inside. Here's another deviation from the original. In the original, you would just head east (I think) to get the bowl. No such luck. I found the bowl two screens north of the west side of the castle's garden. Go for it, it's sitting on the ground. Run around for a while until you see an elf (maybe south of the bowl) going ape-shit. Talk to him. He'll give you a ring that'll make you invisible. So what, you don't need it unless you happen to get it before you go up the beanstalk, but hiding from the giant is just as easy. Go to the woodcutter's place. You can't miss it. Run down shack sitting in the woods with a big axe in a tree stump outside. Go in. He'll give you a sob story. Say "FILL" and give him the now-filled magical bowl. He'll go bonkers and give you his fiddle. Keep heading south from this dudes house until you get to the gingerbread house (sound fairy tale-familiar?). Save your game. If she's inside, go off the screen and come back - or try knocking. If you knock, usually nobody's home. Go in, go east to the bedroom, and save game. When she comes home, she'll know you're there, but she won't do anything. *SNEAK* up behind her and push her ass in the pot - the rest of her will follow. She'll see you about 50% of the time, so restore your game. Get the cheese out of the cabinet on the wall, then go for those extra 2 points by getting the note off of her dresser in the bedroom. Go back to the cave where you came out from dealing with the dragon, and twiddle your thumbs until the condor comes by. (You won't miss him). When he does, keep jumping (F6) until he grabs you. He'll carry you off and dump you in the island in the moat. There's a hole here. Don't go in it unless you like getting stuck. Go west, and pick the 'shroom. Now, go back and fall in the hole. Go south, then west til you meet the rat. Hi, rat. Get fairly close to him and give him the cheese, and he'll piss off. Go through the door. On the other side, a few leprechaun's attack you. Woops, you've got a four leaf clover - think again leprechauns. Go south. In the original, the King would sit there while you played the fiddle for him. In this, they fuckin' disappear when you walk in, so who knows. The king takes his sceptre with him (in the original he left it after you played the fiddle). The game tells you this, so there must be some way of getting it. Maybe not having the clover. Grab the shield. You've got the three. Go west up the stairs, and keep going til you see the tiny hole. That's the hole you looked in before and saw the faint "Greenish glow". Eat the 'shroom and you'll shrink so you can leave the hole. Head for the mountains, head for busch beer...woops, no head for the castle. Go in, and you're done. You give the King the stuff, he croaks, and you win the game with about 150 of 158 points.