The Lazy Human's Guide to Wealth 

Typed from Bong Bong Issue 13 

 One day, I got this letter. It had no return address or name butjust said:
"I don't have any psychic powers, but I appear to be right about thefuture
a whole lot of the time. I am going to tell you who I think is going towin
the ball game next Monday between the XXX and the YYY. Watch the game,read
the papers. Next week I will send you another letter with another
prediction"

 The letter was right. A few days later I got another correct prediction: 

 "As you see I was right. This week, just for the fun of it,in the second
game of the double header between the AAa and the BBB, BBB will win."

 Soon, I got more correct predictions until it was four games in arow. This
was immpresive. The next letter was different.

"This is your last free prediction. I hope you make good use of it.You are
a fool if you do not use it properly. Impress your friends. Whatever.
Anyway, CCC will beat DDD in Cinicinnati this week. There's never any
guaranteethat I will be right but I have been rigth four times in a row.
THERE WAS NOLUCK INVOLVED ON MY PART. I know exactly what I am doing. Some
would say it's occult powers, that I am in touch with the darkness. But it
is no suchthing.

 The system I have discovered works with mathematical certainty. Hasanybody
ever given you such a string of readily checked, specific short-term
predictions? If you want one more prediction made by teh same methods,send
$1000, cash, by U.S Mail to Box 5126, before August 12th ... You can figure
out how to get your money back quickly!"

 I've told this as if I received the letters, actually, I'd rathersend
them. I love this scam, since a lot of your victims actually make money on
thedeal and you can come back for more later. And you do it while on
vacation fora month or so, you can play this racket with ball games,
whether the stock market will go up or down, or any other events with
simple outcomes anybody can looks up. Playoffs and World series time (if
you can work fast: trythis stunt with home fax numbers) are good. hockey
fans are more gullible than most.

 Here's how it works. Go on vaction somewhere far from where you live,get
someone you meet at a bar to rent you a post office box. Give them twiceas
much as the box costs and tell them it's for love-letters and you don'twant
your live in partner to know. Send out 1000 letters, half of which predict
one team to win, half the other. Choose names and addresses from the phone
book, from areas that have likely marks living there. This is the closest
thing to hard work in the whole deal cause you have to keep a record ofwho
you sent what to. I cost you maybe $400 for the paper, stamps and stuff.

 And you have to wear gloves to keep the fingerprints off and usea sponge
to lick the stamps so they can't get any mouth cells and trace your DNA.
Iuse a computer, but don't ever save any of the files on the hard disk -
use floppies. These I erase with a tape demagnetiser and reformat them.
Nobody can read them after that. I also use an ink-jet printer, if it's got
some oddies which can be traced, they disappear when you change the ink
cartridge. You want nothing to link you to the letters. An ounce of
prevention andall that.

 You keep track of the ones you sent the correct prediction to. They'llbe
about 500 of them. These suckers get a second letter, and your down another
$200. Half of them are going to get the right prediction. Now you get the
whole picture. 250 people get the third letter, you're out another
100bucks, and for a last $50, you send 125 people a fourth prediction and
you'vegot 75 marks who think you're Nostradamus. You're down $750 plus the
cost of thebox and you invest another $25 to send out the 75 letters asking
for $1000.You get one sucker and you're even dollarwise, get two and you're
ahead. Fouror five is a good haul. It's up to you to send otu another $75
letters witha fifth prediction, but I like to. you said you would and you
have'nt liedyet. Keep a record of only the final winners on a floppy hidden
somewhere awayfrom you're abode. Half of the marks, if they play their
cards right, will wina bundle and if you do get caugth, will be great
witnesses in court. I mean,the goverment may be able to find one or two
people besides the guy who complained who sent you $1000. Maybe not, even
you don't know who they are anymore! But you can find a bunch of guys
who'll swear by you!

 Exterminate All Rational Thought