shoplifting-- throughtout my life i have been one of the many who dont quite have enough money to buy all the shit that they want (and i mean MANY). for about 8 years i have shoplifted and although i have quit, here are some of the teqniques i used THE OLD IN THE POCKET MANUEVER-not very creative, but mostlikly the most popular one ive seen. ive seen some people stash 6 chocolate bars in their pockets in a matter of seconds without even the slightest irregular or ackward motion. unfortunatly this method is risky unless you have perfected it DOWN THE PANTS IN A HURRY- you heard me, just take the stuff and stuff it down your pants. make sure you arent stealing anything very cold or something that is too obvious (dont wanna frighten an old lady on the way out). this method, mostlikly themost effective, i have stopped doing because a) i wear boxers now and b) it takes too much time. you have a good 2 or 3 seconds that it takes to get the stuff down there and in position. LIVING IN THE STORE- by far the riskiest of all tactics. go into some store at 10 oclock at night and just grab a magazine and some food and snack on it as you walk through the store. chances are the Joe Dicksucker they have working the regester is the only one on duty, and could give a fuck about you stealing a chocolate bar. this method is the most entertaining as i have seen my friend down a snapple in about 6 or 7 seconds. THE GRAB AND RUN- this method is the only thing that takes more time than the "down the pants" manuever. you have to wait in a store with one employee (7-elevn is the best) and wait til Abu Asshole goes in the back to smoke, then grab as much shit as you can and haul ass. THE CREATIVE RIP OFF- any container that hs a top that cannot be seen through is a shoplifters paradise. our old safeway used to have this old deal where you could cram as much brach's candy as you could in a 10 ounce cup and fit the lid on fot about one buck. well well, who is to say you cant just fill it almost to the rim with razor blades (about 10 bucks a pack) or your lunch, my favorite is order a deli sandwich and cram it in the cup, sprinkle some of the brachs candy on top (in case they DO ever check it, which is rare, but hey) and exit the store with 15-20 worth of shit for 1 dollar. another big winner is the super big slurpee seven eleven. that fucker is 64 ounces big with a cap that you cant see through. be creative, see how many hagen-dazs you can fit in one of those then put a little slurpee on top (some flavor with a dark color) give Abu Asshole the dollar and there you have about 6 or 7 hagen dazs that normally cost 2 dollars each. anyway, have fun and dont get caught!