ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CARS ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ This one's really kiddie Halloween time, but it does work. A bunch of old nuts and bolts placed into the wheel well behind the hubcap will make the mark think his/her car is falling apart. It's worth some minor harassment, of course, and works outstandingly well with high-strung nonmechanical typed who absolutely panic at car noises. You can get a little heavier than Halloween by removing a hubcap from your mark's car wheel and loosening or removing the lug bolts. Sooner or not much later, the wheel will simply roll off the car. Moving up the escalator of nastiness, you could probably fill your mark's whole body with adrenaline if you placed a split shot sinker, of the type used by fishermen, on the accelerator cable of his/her vehicle. Willy Seamore, a top mechanic, suggests you extend the cable, then place the lead weight on the extended portion, which effectively blocks it from returning. This means the vehicle's throttle will run wide open. It's a nasty version of the jack-rabbit start. From choking up to locking up is hardly a quantum experience. The new miracle glues are impregnable when squirted into car door keyholes. Nothing short of a locksmith can repair this low-risk attack. If you hit just before the mark's family vacation, leave the car door locks alone and hit the trunk lock. With any luck, they'll never notice until they're miles from home. A refinement of simply putting a super glue or epoxy into the car's various locks is to take any old key that will vaguely locks is to take any old key that will vaguely fit into the lock cavity, insert it, then twist it rapidly back and forth until the key breaks off, stuck in the lock. Now is the time to squirt glue into the lock. The job is more permanent and more costly to repair. If you tire of fooling with the locks, you can look elsewhere. Marshall Tanner, inventor of muffler bearings, says you can prop some large-headed nails against the tires of your mark's car, especially if it's parked so it will have to be backed up to get out of a parking stall in a lot. The car moves back and the wheels roll over the nails, puncturing tires. If your mark's married, you can have all sorts of sport with his ride. A male mark deserves that you slip sexy undergarments usually worn by a sexy lady under his car's front seat or wedge them carefully into the back seat. You could tear them a bit. More than a hint of perfume or flavored douche will always hype suspicion. You can escalate this stunt somewhat if you buy male underwear--get the sexy style in white--and place some lipstick smears around the fly area. You can help the campaign along by having a very trusted lady friend call and ask nervously for the mark. The younger she sounds, the better. Have her call several times. Use your and the mark's wife's imagination. If the mark is a woman, a pack of condoms carelessly hidden in the car is always a sure-grow plant. Several daint handkerchiefs of the type favored by milady and heavily impregnated with semen can also be stuffed in the car. As with the male, a series of appropriately timed telephone calls from a nervous male will add to the marital festivities between mark and spouse. In less carnal surroundings, if you can get to the distributor cap, remove it and use graphite from a pencil to contact the rotor brushes. The charge will run along the graphite, causing the engine to misfire. This could cause the mark to dash into his local car butcher and get charged an outrageous price for an unnecessary tuneup. A quick way to disable a car battery is to slip a couple of Alka-Seltzer tablets or a teaspoonful of baking soda into each battery compartment. The antacid will kill the battery's power before you can say "Plop, plop, fizz, fizz." Another camhead nasty is to take a pushpin and jab a few tiny holes through spark-plug wires. According to Lee H. Santana, a real straight shooter in the dirty-tricks department, the pin pricks cause a hellishly rumpety noise when the car is driven. Don't forget additives when working on a mark's car. The nice thing about additives is that you don't have to be odd or even to use them. Many experts, including some of Uncle Sam's khaki-clad nephews, suggest light materials, such as crushed cork, as a great additive to the gasoline tanks of vehicles belonging to people or institutions you don't like. One former professional trickster said, "It isn't to exotic, but a handful of old leaves in the gas tank will bind the damn engine up too." Sand is not recommended because of its weight, especially when wet. It would sink to the bottom of the tank and not much would be introduced into the engine, he explained. The idea is to get the additive to the bearing surfaces, where the coarse little buggers can kick and scratch up a mechanical breakdown. Silicone carbide, emery powder, and fine metal filings will work. During World War II, our OSS used a mixture of finely ground cork, resins, carborundums, and metal alloys to muck up an engine. Another method that could possibly send a driver off to a service station would be to pour a gallon of shellac thinner into your targeted vehicle's gasoline tank. The alcohol will gather up all the water in the fuel trap, and when this mixture goes through the fuel line it will cause the vehicle to snort, stammer, and act as if it has big carb troubles. By the time the driver gets the vehicle to a mechanic, the problem has usually departed out the exhaust pipe. Done enough times, this one can redline the frustration and credibility levels of both the driver and the mechanic. If you want to use additives in your mark's gasoline tank, yet are concerned about arousing suspicion in daylight or in an otherwise high-visibility area, simply adopt a cover prop. "Put the harmful additive in a metal gasoline can like they sell in stores," advises Joey MacJohns, a veteran trickster. "That way, any potential witnesses will never really pay attention to what's happening; they'll simply infer because you have a gas can that you're putting gas in the car." And don't forget oil additives. Styrene, a colorless, oily liquid, is an organic compound that is one of the two chemicals mixed together to make hardened fiberglass. Boat-supply stores and marinas have styrene available for patching fiberglass boats. It is also used in body shops and upholstery-repair places. There are substitutes compounds that will do the same job as styrene, so read the label when purchasing the stuff to make sure you're actually getting styrene. Styrene is the only sufficiently effective, commonly available material that can be put into a car's crankcase to completely break down the oil and ruin the engine. Styrene in the crankcase is far better that sugar in the gas tank because it can't be seen after being introduced and because only a little does a thorough job. If it's used at the rate of one per four quarts of oil, the treated vehicle will run about a hundred miles before the engine locks up tight. This is a fairly high-risk stunt, but it could be fun if you don't get nailed doing it, according to Bill Rally. If you find that your mark is going alone to a movie you have an hour or so to have some fun with his automobile. If you're motivated enough to carry off this stunt, no one has to tell you how to start the mark's car without a key. After you start it, drive to some very nice homes with pretty lawns. But stay fairly near the theater, so you can get back there in a hurry. Do donuts, dig out, and otherwise use the car to make a shambles of lawns, shrubbery, flower beds, etc. Run over lawn furniture, hit mailboxes, and try to frighten some old people by coming really close to them with the car. This is a real hit-and-run mission. Do your dirty driving fast and get the car back to the theater parking area even faster. Park it and leave. If you've done enough damage, all sorts of police reports will be out on the car. The second or third question the police will ask the mark is whether he or she has any witnesses for the movie alibi. That can be a real blast. But if you want another sort of pop, dig deeply into the potato bin for this one. My thanks here go to all those great truck farmers who say a potato jammed into a vehicle's exhaust pipe is not explosive, but it will cause all sorts of nasty problems. In one case, the mark parked his car with the rear end towards his home. His tormentor jammed a fresh, hard spud tightly inot the car's exhaust pipe. The mark started the car on a cold evening and waited a few moments for the engine to warm. Meanwhile, the hot gases, unable to escape, built up dangerously behind the potato....Woom!...KABLOOM!... With an explosive roar, the gases fired that big, hot, hard potato right into the metal siding of the mark's home, just fifteen feet away from the exhaust pipe, which acted as a cannon barrel. The holing and denting of the siding cost $150 and a day to repair. There are all sorts of other devices that make good muffler bombs. A firecracker may be shoved into the vehicle's exhaust pipe, pushing it along with a stiff wire until the explosive device falls into the muffler. It takes only a few moments of driving with today's hot exhaust gases to explode the firecracker. Even a fairly small firecracker will cause panic, escpecially if the driver is paranoid to start with. If you want to destroy the muffler and drive the mark's panic into the fantasy of having his/her car really bombed, substitute an M80 or a shotgun shell for the prankish finger-sized firecracker. If the violence and property destruction of this bothers you or causes you to grimace, consider this next happy face. Most mail-order and novelty stores sell very realistic rubber-faced masks, resembling everything from an ape man, through a drooling idiot, on down to a Ronald Reagan mask. Select one that looks especially gross--like an old man, or the idiot, or Richard Nixon. Position is so it looks realistic on the back of your head. This leaves your vision unobstructed. Head for the road in your car. Just as another motorist overtakes your vehicle to pass you, lean out the window. The effect on the approaching motorist would be interesting to observe, as that other driver will see a drooling goon looking back, directly at him, with no apparent concern for the road ahead. I bet very few cars actually pass you with this stunt in operation. Taking the license plate off a mark's car can be a good shot, even you don't want to steal the thing for other nefarious purposes. How many times do you look to see if the plate is on your car? A cop has only to look once. I bet it would be fun to hear the mark's explanation of where his license plate has gone. Don't you get really happy when some defective excuse for a human suddenly pulls his/her vehicle out directly in front of yours or cuts you off? Marty Mullin has a solution in hand. A delightful person, Mullin reveals, "I bought a top-quality pellet pistol, one of those compressed-air guns, which I keep in my car. You can use either the cartridge or the pump type--just to be sure you get one with enough power to penetrate metal. Get a supply of the .177-caliber pellets, too. Then, next time some dip pulls out in front of you, pull up behind the dip's vehicle and get in his/her blind spot. With a truck or van that's easy enough. Then you bring your pellet gun into action. "Plunk a shot into the mark's vehicle, the trunk for a car, or the back of a van or rig. If it's a big truck you can get in quite a few shots, because the driver is not likely to hear them. A van or car will make a helluva TWHUNK when that pellet hits, so be cautious. "There's no discharge noise, because you're not using a firearm. After your attack, back off and proceed your business as if nothing has happened. You probably have not taught the mark a lesson, but you feel better for what you just did--I guarantee that." I asked Mullin about the posibility of hitting a passenger who is riding in the back of the mark's vehicle. He replied, "Then, that passenger also has every right to be furious with the dippy mark for pulling out in front of you." ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CB RADIOS ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ Want to send your neighborhood CB nut a message? This nut is the CB addict who refuses to filter his/her equipment and thus disrupts TV, stereo, AM/FM, and other normal communication for blocks. Usually, these idiots are about as sensitive to other people's feelings as Idi Amin was to the plight of the poor. In both cases a lesson is called for. To do this effectively, heed the lesson of Sterling Orco, who says you must personally interdict the mark's CB antenna. It would be well to do this when the mark is away from the home area. Unfasten the CB coax line from the mark's antenna. Then clip two leads of a regular 110-volt line to the CB coax--one lead to the center conductor, the other lead to the shield. Small alligator clips will do nicely. Then, hop down from your perch near the antenna and plug the other end of the 110-volt wire into your mark's nearest outdoor socket. Next time he/she turns on the CB and hits the transmit button...well, words fail to describe the results adequately. One comment--even the repair people will shake their heads. A bit less destructive, but no less nasty, is the old pin-in-the-coax trick. You prick a tiny pin through the plastic outer cable and through the shield. Be sure it touches the center conductor. Then cut the head off the pin and push it in some more--out of sight. The plastic should close behind the pin, making the wound invisible. Just make sure that the pin short-circuits the center conductor to the metal outer shield. Do a couple of these along the coax between the antenna and the CB set. It does stuttering wonders for the transmission. ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CHARITY ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ Charity begins at the home of your mark. You simply volunteer his/her services to the charity's recruiting chairperson, giving the name and address of your mark. These charity drives are so happy to get volunteers these days that they will rarely verify your call. That means the first contact the mark has is when another volunteer shows up at the door with all sorts of campaign and collection materials. In many cases, the mark is too embarrassed to refuse, and you've added to his/her workload. If you think that's a dirty trick to pull on a charity, ask them how many cents out of each dollar go directly to the victims and other people who are at the bottom of the line for help. Besides, your mark might turn out to be a great charity worker. You can call in generous pledges in your mark's name during telethons and other charity drives. You can also call in pledges to bothersome telethons, using double-entendre names. For example, when one public-TV station held another of its semiweekly fundraisers, several contributors announced over the air as pledging financial support included Clint Toris, Seymour Kunt, Connie Lingus. Margie Kowalski used to work for the Salvation Army. She suggests that you call the local Salvation Army, Goodwill, or whatever charity and report youp mark for stealing out of the organization's pickup boxes. Report the mark by his auto license number. Say you work at one of the stores near the collection box and you've seen the mark rob the box several times. You can also report this "crime" to the police. ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CHEESE ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ It's tried and true, but I bet you haven't heard of it since you were a kid. This one came from Alabama, the old Limburger-cheese-on-the-muffler-of-a -new-car trick. The exhaust manifold works well, too, as a surface for a cheese spread. Or you can simply place som of the same substance behind a radiator in a home or office. Once it's burned on, the smelly sour effect can last for weeks, despite robust cleaning efforts. ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CHILD ABUSE ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ I heard a real horror story recently where a truly evilminded teenager [Hmmm...] swore to child-abuse officers in her county that her parents beat her. They hadn't and didn't. Never mind; the bureaucrats came bouncing out of the woodwork, and the harried parents had to appear in court to defend themselves against the lies of a teenager with mental problems [Hmmm II...]. The parents were looked upon as villians, even though the judge dismissed the charges as unfounded. Their attorney (yes, they had to hire one to fight government persecution) advised them against a jury trial because they'd lose on the emotionalism of the issue, regardless of the facts. Nice. All this leads up to the fact that you can report your mark as a child-abuse offender. Acting as a "concerned neighbor," you can tell the authorities. The hassle is unreal. After you've done this, a few anonymous letters to the mark's employer about the "child-abuse thing" will help out. ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CIA ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ Your mark might have sneaky points you never thought about. For example, maybe your mark would make a good CIA employee. You could easily find out. Write a letter of application to the agency using your mark's name. The agency get hundreds of letters from would-be action agents, such as unemployed gangsters, karate freaks, ex-soldiers, Walter Mitty types, etc. I doubt that they take many of these seriously, but they might be interested in talking with a highly qualified technical person, such as an analyst, area expert, journalist with oodles of foreign experience, language expert, or economist. Advanced college degrees and military service abroad as an officer are fine credentials for your mark. Make up a good solid background. It is probably illegal for you to make a false application in your mark's name using phony credentials. Send resumes to: Personnel Representative Central Intelligence Agency Washington, D.C. 20505 You can also send in an application in your mark's name for a CIA job at the field office in the nearest city. Yes, they are listed in the telephone book. ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º º ³ CLASSIFIED ADS ³ º º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ Classified advertisements in your local newspaper are inexpensive little bullets that can cause major wounds to the mark's psyche if properly aimed. For instance, suppose you had a score to settle with some bitchy neighbors. You could insert a classified ad to "sell" their automobile. Price it five hundred dollars less than market value, instruct callers to call after midnight (shift work is the explanation you can offer), and explain in the ad that quick cash is needed for an emergency. That will bring in the phone calls. You can also put your mark's house up for sale. Again, ask potential customers to either call or visit at hours that will be very inconvenient to the mark. The "personals" in newspapers can provide even more fun. Maybe your mark ought to advertise for "young boy and girl models to pose for 'art' pictures." You should use his/her home or business telephone here for return calls, whichever would cause more difficulty for the mark. Placing ads is a snap. Most newspapers let you do it right over the phone, and most of the ad people I've talked to say they rarely verify a classified ad. Take a tip from that and don't make it outlandish. As with any practical joke, there has to be a credible amount of reality to the premise for the sting to work. While you're thinking of newspapers, don't foget those sexy tabloids and their really gross cousins that let readers advertise all sorts of weird sex things. I don't know whether any of that is on the level, but it's worth finding out--in your mark's name, of course. Maybe you'll be doing him/her a favor. But somehow I doubt it--there's no such thing as a free lunch. You might help the mark share his new friends' sexual talents. Place an ad in one of the target audience magazines--the publication that runs very explicit and very honest classifieds. If you're not sure, contact a local sympathizer and ask him/her for help. You might write you ad copy like this: "Soft white male aged 35 wants to play with black lady with large buttocks. Bi-couples welcomed for Greek and French culture." You can really make bondage and S/M optional, depending upon reality, the publication, its audience, and your mark. You really ought to study the target publication before you word the ad. The kicker is that you will register the mark as the sponsor of the classified ad. Read a section of this book that tells you about using a neighbor's address and the mark's name before you get started. If you decide to run kinky classified ads for your mark in SCREW, BALL, and whatever, be sure you get some copies of the issue in which the ad runs. That way you can send originals or Xerox copies to the mark's neighbors, relatives, business associates, and friends. Enclose a brief note asking how they can even admit knowing such a perverted person. Offer to pray for them. You could use the name and address of another friend, neighbor, or business associate as the return address for this note. Help your mark out of the closet by running a classified announcement ad in homosexual publications. Have her/him grandly and proudly announce that he or she is gay and has dated and/or married only for cover. Now, he/she is coming out and telling the world she/he has taken a lover--and name a friend, neighbor, or business associate as that lover. Libelous? Yes, it is. Don't get caught. Using classified advertising, Bill Colbeley had an auction for one of his many marks. He followed the usual auction format to prepare the newspaper ad, then ran it when the mark and his family were away for a weekend. The ad was one of those "Job transfer--everything must go--fanstastic bargains" types so normal to an industrial community. But let Sweet Old Bill tell the rest of his story: "I set the time of the auction for 7:00 A.M., so that just as the sleepy mark was rolling out of the sack about that hour, he looks out on his yard and sees about three hundred salesgoers out there trampling all over his lawn, garden, and flowers. It took an hour for the mark and the police he called to get the crowd out of there." Although it's not strictly a classified advertisement, the little index-card notices that people place on bulletin boards in bars, supermarkets, laundromats, and other public places are great ways to harass your mark. Just about anything you can use in a newspaper can be used on these more personal notices. But the advantages are, they don't cost anything but the time required to prepare and post them, and you can be a lot more wordy, descriptive, and personal than you can with a newspaper advertisement. Folks seem to read these very regularly too, as I know from my personal use of this community advertising medium with legitimate messages. Downloaded From P-80 International Information Systems 304-744-2253 12yrs+